Tuesday, July 12, 2011
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.'s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '
An old Master Sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '
When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'
'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'
'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member, 'We No Longer Call It "The Cockpit". It's "The Box Office".'
Quote of the Day.
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So... if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t.'
Monday, July 11, 2011
Remember this word: "sulforaphane".
It's what helps give vegetables such as cauliflower, broccoli and cabbage their, er, "distinctive" smell when cooked, but it's also the chemical that has been shown to target and kill cancer cells, leaving normal cells unaffected.
Clinical trials have begun on its potential use in cancer prevention and treatment, particularly for prostate and breast cancer.
But consuming sulforaphane-rich foods on a regular basis is a simple, safe and affordable way you can reduce your cancer risk.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up...
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mummy to Mum to Mother.....
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mummy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn’t know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn’t have a clue.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mum? She's so five minutes ago.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mum would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mum.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Friday, July 08, 2011
This is Priceless .
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of TAMPONS and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
Thursday, July 07, 2011
(1) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
(2) It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
(3) Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
(4) Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
(5) Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
(6) If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
(7) Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
(8) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
(9) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
(10) If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
(11) If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
(12) Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
(13) Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
(14) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
(15) A closed mouth gathers no foot.
(16) There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
(17) Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
(18) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
(19) Never miss a good chance to shut up.
(20) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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