Friday, June 24, 2011
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly
decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the big city stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back
at him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn.
Every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked in the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin'
Thursday, June 23, 2011
In this day and age of online mischief, please take a lesson from Congressman Weiner, and remember this cautionary advice from your Mom:
If you don't want people to think you're a yutz
Nobody has to see pics of your putz
He who doesn't want people to heckle
Shouldn't send twitter pics of their schmeckle!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Friday, June 17, 2011
The largest condom factory in the States burned down.
President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."
Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico ."
Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock.. What about Canada ?"
Obama: "Okay, I'll call Stephen Harper and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way, they'll continue to respect us as Americans."
Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches thick, exactly as requested... all colored with red maple leaves with small writing on each one:
MADE IN CANADA - SIZE: SMALL
Forward this if you're proud to be Canadian!
P.S. My firstborn is.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Eating a Lemon is lot Healthier than eating an Orange ........ LEMON will clean all your INTESTINES which oranges don't ..
LISTEN UP FOLKS:
This is something that we should all take seriously. Even doctors are now saying that there in value in trying "LEMON"
The surprising benefits of lemon!
I remain perplexed!
Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street Baltimore , MD 1201.
This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer!
Read carefully & you be the judge.
Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy.
Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits. You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. It's taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy. How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations?
As you know, lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors.
This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.
The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that it destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas ...
The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. And what is even more astonishing, this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.
Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street , Baltimore , MD1201
What do you think about that? Let me know.
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