ILOVEROSES   190,003
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
ILOVEROSES's Recent Blog Entries

Condom Factory Fire!

Friday, June 17, 2011

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."




Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico ."




Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock.. What about Canada ?"




Obama: "Okay, I'll call Stephen Harper and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way, they'll continue to respect us as Americans."




Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches thick, exactly as requested... all colored with red maple leaves with small writing on each one:












MADE IN CANADA - SIZE: SMALL







Forward this if you're proud to be Canadian!
emoticon
P.S. My firstborn is.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*MADHU* 6/19/2011 1:18PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLOWERDALEJEWEL 6/19/2011 5:05AM

   

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WENDYJM4 6/18/2011 9:50PM

    lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
NANT406 6/18/2011 4:14AM

    emoticon good one! LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRYINGHARD1948 6/18/2011 2:24AM

    LOL.

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMNENA23 6/18/2011 12:08AM

    Thanks for sharing! lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEOFROG 6/17/2011 11:54PM

    This was great!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 6/17/2011 11:49PM

    Hilarious!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TLCOVERT1 6/17/2011 11:16PM

    Great!

(He's been screwing all of us without one, too!)
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TAMIK1964 6/17/2011 10:42PM

    That's hilarious!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Lemons and Cancer

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Eating a Lemon is lot Healthier than eating an Orange ........ LEMON will clean all your INTESTINES which oranges don't ..

LISTEN UP FOLKS:
This is something that we should all take seriously. Even doctors are now saying that there in value in trying "LEMON"

A must-read-
The surprising benefits of lemon!

I remain perplexed!
================================
Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street Baltimore , MD 1201.
This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer!
Read carefully & you be the judge.

Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy.

Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits. You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. It's taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy. How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations?
As you know, lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors.
This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.

The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that it destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas ...
The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. And what is even more astonishing, this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.


Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street , Baltimore , MD1201

What do you think about that? Let me know.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEYSARAH 6/17/2011 4:39PM

    Lemons are great for a lot of stuff and who knows???

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 6/10/2011 8:54AM

    When I was growing up in Greece,we used to eat
the thick skinned lemons straight off the tree
and we'd put salt on them. Now I just use it for
my salads and tea. It is a staple in my house.
I am not sure about this but in the 1970's "The Master
Cleanser" was very popular as a detox and has now
resurfaced again. Maybe people want to start a new
trend again. I do believe that lemons are good for you.

Have a great weekend and I hope it's not too cold for you.
It's really been cold in the Sunshine State and I am just now
enjoying a hot cuppa and lemon juice. Cheers. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 6/9/2011 10:45PM

    Wow!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRYINGHARD1948 6/9/2011 7:58PM

    I do wish they would find something simple like lemons to help those with cancer. Lemons are so versatile it doesn't hurt to include them in a health giving diet.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 6/9/2011 9:30AM

    For more info:

http://www.snopes.com/
medical/disease/lemons.asp

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILOVEROSES 6/9/2011 8:00AM

    Sorry if I misled anyone. It appears that it might not be true, but as everyone said, it can't hurt to put a slice of lemon in a glass of water or tea, in my gin and tonic or a slice of lime in my rum and coke. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 6/9/2011 7:45AM

    whether it is a hoax or not it is still very good for you.........
i have some everyday.......
blessings and hugs............lita

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDLADY48 6/9/2011 7:16AM

    I love lemons, but think they belong in my water, limes, now, in my rum and coke!

http://www.snopes.com/
medical/disease/lemons.asp


Report Inappropriate Comment
DOOBRIE 6/9/2011 6:59AM

    Yes, it does appear to be a hoax, but it can't hurt to put a slice of lemon in my gin and tonic, can it?
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAROLINAMUSED 6/9/2011 6:41AM

    I think this is a misleading hoax and don't like to see it spread. http://www.hoax-slayer.com/lemon-ca
ncer-cells.shtml

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Perfect Husband.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me.. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the store now and I found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Then make an offer of $900,000.. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.


He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MINNA72 6/17/2011 5:26PM

    Oh my... I really needed the laugh today! You're sending me to bed with a smile on my face! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
SEYSARAH 6/7/2011 10:21AM

    I was tracking this morning and realized I hadn't come by to see if you had a giggles blog..sure enough..and thank you..fun stuff and loads of laughter!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LE7_1234 6/4/2011 11:16AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAREN_BLUEJEANS 6/4/2011 9:16AM

    That is great! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 6/3/2011 5:54PM

    emoticonWhat a great way to start my day.

Comment edited on: 6/6/2011 4:27:27 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
FEISTY1949 6/3/2011 5:29PM

    Hehe LOL


Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 6/3/2011 1:17PM

    ROFL!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOANN562 6/3/2011 11:53AM

    LOL, I needed a chuckle...
Thanks for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 6/3/2011 10:50AM

    too too funny.... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZARAH140 6/3/2011 9:58AM

    Humor is a great way to start the day! Thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
MILLISMA 6/3/2011 9:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FIREFLY1967 6/3/2011 8:24AM

    Very funny! Needed a laugh this morning!


emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


A bit of humour to start your day!!

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Marriage Humour

Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
Husband: ‘Nothing.’
Wife: ‘Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
-------------------------------

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
----------------------------------------
----------------
Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------


A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
----------------------------------------
--------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'


Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'. The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEYSARAH 6/7/2011 10:27AM

    Ania..too funny, read these to Dennis who had a great laugh and said to tell you thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 6/2/2011 4:11PM

    Whack!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 6/2/2011 12:58PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROCKYCPA 6/2/2011 12:38PM

    Very funny - thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AIDELADE27 6/2/2011 11:12AM

    Can't wait to get married, lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 6/2/2011 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILOVEROSES 6/2/2011 10:02AM

    Glad to oblige. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CLIMBERS_ROCK 6/2/2011 9:37AM

    Thanks. I needed that today.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 6/2/2011 9:37AM

    Thanks for the laughs Ania emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people!
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*MADHU* 6/7/2011 11:02AM

    Thanks for the laugh emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SEYSARAH 6/7/2011 10:32AM

    So funny and I bet it is true...and I know why..most of my contemporaries grew up with more expected of them both personally and professionally and if a parent said to do something or an employer said to do something, there was not much debate..it was done promptly...and that's why the older generation has no problem expecting certain things..it was and is expected of them.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 6/2/2011 9:43AM

    Thanks. Now I know what to do... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATJ7084 5/31/2011 6:02PM

    lol as usual, thanks friend x

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 5/31/2011 12:43PM

    YAY for old people!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRATEFULADY 5/31/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonThanks for the laugh and the advice.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAREN951 5/31/2011 11:21AM

    Thanks for the chuckle!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLONDEJESS1988 5/31/2011 10:31AM

    lol! That is so funny. I work with geriatric patients at a hospital therapy pool, and they always are giving me trouble! When they want something done they want it done NOW, and they always want to prove a point that their ticker still works and nothing can get by them lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TERRI289 5/31/2011 9:23AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARLENE_MOVES 5/31/2011 8:09AM

    Thanks for my chuckle this morning!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYLLYNNE 5/31/2011 7:00AM

    Hahahahaha!!! Love it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L*I*T*A* 5/31/2011 6:49AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRAMPIAN 5/31/2011 6:31AM

  Love this story! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHRINKINGSHERI 5/31/2011 6:14AM

    LOL - that was wonderful.

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 Last Page