Saturday, May 28, 2011
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious.
When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private.
They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you.
She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.
President Obama then said, "so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant" , to which Michelle responded, "no, if I had married him, He would now be the President".
Friday, May 20, 2011
At the regular Sunday morning service, father George announced that he was
planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.
Costa, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims "If father George stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year, and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Dimitri, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If father George will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education for his children!"
More sighs and loud applause
Maria, age 68, stands and announces with a smile, "If father George stays, I will give him sex!"
There is total silence.
Father George, blushing, asks her: "Maria, you're a wonderful and holy lady.
Whatever possessed you to say that?"
Maria's 70-year old husband, Vasillis, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied,
"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "F*ck him."
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.'
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
You have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Green, Pink and Yellow.'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar....'
Mujibar now works at a call centre.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Something to brag about if you're older.
In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that she should
bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren't good for the
The woman apologized to him and explained,
"We didn't have the green thing back in my day."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today.
The former generation did not care enough to save our environment."
He was right, that generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, they returned their milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store.
The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled,
so it could use the same bottles over and over.
So they really were recycled.
But they didn't have the green thing back in that customer's day.
In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building.
They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks.
But she was right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.
Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts - wind and solar power really did dry the clothes.
Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day.
Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house - not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief, not a screen the size of the state of Montana .
In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you.
When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power.
They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right, they didn't have the green thing back then.
They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water.
They refilled their writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen,
and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But they didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances.
And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad that the current generation laments how wasteful the old folks
Just because they didn't have the green thing back then?
H O W T R U E ! ! !
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