Sunday, November 24, 2013
A Drug Enforcement Administration agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher.
He told the rancher: "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said: "OK, but don't go into the field over there..." as he pointed out the location.
The DEA agent verbally exploded: "Look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"
Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I can go wherever I want. On any land! No question asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?"
The rancher kindly nodded, apologised, and went about his chores.
Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the rancher's huge Santa Gertrudis bull and with every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.
The officer was clearly terrified.
The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs: "YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
Saturday, November 23, 2013
"Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul"...
"Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy," she says.
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
Followed by a longer pause.
And then an even longer pause...
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? is this 486-5731?"
Thursday, November 21, 2013
This is a testimony to true friendship...
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife screams at him as his friend listens in.
"my hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
A good argument why newspapers are absolutely necessary....
A regular reader was visiting his daughter recently and asked if she had a copy of the 'Mildura Weekly' handy.
"This is the 21st century" the daughter replied. "We don't waste time on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
It was an expensive exercise, but we can now report that the fly never knew what hit him!
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