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Starting Over, My Independance Day

Friday, July 04, 2014

So I actually reached my goal weight about 24 months ago and have been gaining steadily for the past 18 months. Some of it was a new medication that made me very hungry, but the other part of it was that when my body got used to the medication, I continued to eat...got stuck in old patterns and decreased my exercise regime. So now I am back at the beginning.
I don't know what to do. I am so exasperated with myself that I want to scream. Just a few minutes ago I ate several chocolate chip cookies. Now I feel horrible. I feel bad physically and emotionally. I just can't keep going on like this. I deserve better than the food that I have been putting into my body for fuel. To be honest, I've been eating to comfort myself from life's stresses and a big change in my life. I need support. I need someone to keep me honest with myself. I need for this stupid advertisement to the right of my screen to stop making the lady in the photo look like she is kissing me.
I don't want to be negative. Negative Nellie's are a drag and I don't want to be that person who cries and complains all of the time. But, right now I really want to get it all out and make the remainder of today and tomorrow count. Count for something positive, count for change and count for a healthy me.
I can't do this alone. This time the transformation has to take place in my head. I am seeking renewal and grace. Lord be my strength.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHATNOMO11 7/4/2014 7:14PM

  Starting over can be difficult. Believe me I know how hard it can be to reach your weight loss goal and have life happen. You've acknowledged that you want to do something different and that you need God's strength to see you through. He can and He will help you. I have asthma and from time to time I have to take steroids which causes me to eat like ten pregnant women. This past spring was very difficult with high pollen levels my breathing became quite challenged. I gained about 15 lbs in less than 2 months. Yes it was extremely discouraging but like you I pray everyday for strength to make good food choices and for motivation to get moving. If you need to to go ahead and get all the frustration out, then pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start again. You can do it one decision at a time, one day at a time. I'll be praying for you and cheering you on emoticon
Be encouraged!!

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A step forward

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

So today I awoke and was a bit down. My daughter has left for a 10 trip to Germany,Austria, and the Czech Republic singing tour with her choir. I am so excited for her, but I was worried for her safe arrival and she was anxious about flying and I felt anxious for her since I couldn't be there to comfort her. Yesterday was a bust eating wise. I did revert to my old habits of eating ice cream to comfort myself. It did work in the short term, but this morning I was regretful and still anxious about my daughter. Didn't get me very far did it? So I dragged by butt to the gym and had an amazing workout. The exercise has helped with lowering my stress level and has given me hope that I can and will do this. I will reach my fitness goals. I can do this. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICKEYMAX 7/3/2013 2:12PM

    Way to turn it around! I will pray for your daughter's safety. I love the flower background on your page!

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Stuck

Monday, July 01, 2013

Well I began my 90 days to a new me with gusto, but got side tracked in a big way. I became sick for a week and that set me back, but then I began a new medication that really through me for a loop. It made me tired all of the time and very moody. Fortunately those side effects were only temporary and 4 weeks later I am feeling much better. I think I may have gained a pound in the process, not lost, but here I go again. No need for a photo, I look pretty much the same.

Here's to Day 1 all over again. So far so good. Today's goals is to get 30 minutes of cardio exercise and track my food here on SP. Happy Sparking!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLETEALOVER 7/1/2013 12:49PM

    Glad to hear you are feeling better.

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DOROTHYBERO 7/1/2013 12:02PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PATJOONWW 7/1/2013 9:55AM

    emoticon Set backs happen, sounds like you are right back on track.

emoticonMuch success on your journey! emoticon
emoticon~Pat


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Moving Forward

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I have been on this journey for quite some time now, my life, and each time I move forward I seem to take a few or many steps back. The big difference is each time I take fewer steps back before I start to go forward. I consider that a positive and growth. I regained 10 pounds of my mini goal weight. I had decided to reach 160 pounds and maintain that weight. It has crept up over the past 6 months and so now I have decided it is time to reach my life goal of 148 pounds.

I am embarking on a 90 day journey to reach my goal and to finally deal with the issues that keep me from reaching that goal. Today began a day of self discovery and preparation and that will continue for a few days until I have my plan fully mapped.

I am thinking of changing my SparkPeople name to reflect my new resolve. I just want to set the restart button and more forward. Recently I had a birthday and I must say the lovely friends from the Done Girl team showered me with Happy Birthday wishes. Those posts and gifts brought me back to SP. I hadn't been on site for a long time. I've lost touch with all my SP friends and feel a bit out of the loop. But I think that gift of acknowledgement on my Birthday was a trigger to come back and reach goal. So here I go forward, only looking back to understand why and where I am.


Here are some new beginnings before pictures:

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLETEALOVER 5/29/2013 6:33AM

    I think sometimes we need to take a few steps back so we can appreciate all the hard work we've done and find the energy to keep on going. Progress is still progress, no matter how long it takes!
emoticon emoticon

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Put Down the Pancake

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

I have been movin' and grovin' a lot lately. School is out for me and I have committed myself to getting to the gym as usual; no excuses. Since I do have more free time, I have been working out for 60 minutes 3 days a week. Initially the scale wasn't moving, but I must say that I wasn't tracking as well as I had been. But now I have been being honest with my tracker and making wise food choices.

This evening my family is out at Youth Group and I was home alone for dinner. I secretly couldn't wait for them to leave so I could make some yummy pumpkin pancakes and fruit for dinner. All I could think of was the sweet and creamy taste of those pancakes. I found it comforting to just think about them. However, standing alone in the kitchen, frozen and steeped in thought, it occurred to me to ask myself why I wanted pancakes for dinner. That meal would cause me to go over my WW points for the day. I did earn 12 points working out today, but that isn't the point. Why did I really want pancakes for dinner? I realized that I wanted to be comforted and I find pancakes to be a rather comforting food, especially eaten by myself.

At the time I didn't realize why I wanted to be comforted and I am not so sure I have figured it out yet, but I decided that it would be better for me to make a different meal for dinner. In the end I opted for a Lean Cuisine entree with extra veggies and unsweetened apple sauce. After all, the purpose of eating is to nourish my body, right?

Although I was being compliant to my goal, I wasn't so happy about it. I took one a look at the frozen meal and it didn't look so appetizing. "Oh well, sacrifices must be made to reach my goals," I thought. But do they? I then decided to re-frame my thinking and told myself that I was really going to enjoy my meal. I really like snap peas and that was the vegetable I cooked to supplement the entree. I really like unsweetened apple sauce too. I wasn't making a compromise in taste, I was making a non emotional choice for a meal. My meal would be satisfying because it would do what a meal was supposed to do, nourish my body and give it strength to get through the evening.

Well I was satisfied by my dinner and making that choice has given me the resolve to continue to make it a banner day. My workout this morning will really make a difference on the scale this week because of my wise choices. I can do this.

I suppose my next step is to figure out why I felt I needed to be comforted. I will spend some time in prayer and in the Word to figure that out. I think I know, but time with the Lord is never a bad thing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEFARMMOMMA 6/12/2012 12:48PM

    Great blog, my friend! I am so glad you listened to the wisdom from that wise woman in your mind! Great job of taking care of yourself! Maybe there wasn't a reason you needed to be comforted... sometimes, we just need to realize our need to really care for ourselves. I think you did that! emoticon

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2BE-MY-BEST 6/8/2012 3:21PM

    You are right exercise is great for burning calories , but we get no where if we take in too many calories on the day we exercise. That is great how you reflected on it and made a U turn. Keep at you and one day you will find yourself at your goal! Woo Hoo!

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MICKEYMAX 6/8/2012 3:19PM

    Brilliant! Hats off for such excellent insight!

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MISSLISA1973 6/7/2012 1:36AM

    Wow. That's amazing. I'm not sure I would have been satisfied with the Lean Cuisine for dinner, but what a great idea to add supplemental veggies to make it more filling. I'm so impressed! I hope you figure out your need for comfortable and find satisfaction in your soul so you don't feel a need to eat pumpkin pancakes alone. emoticon

emoticonLisa

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MKELLY72 6/6/2012 11:42PM

    Nicely done! I could see myself really looking forward to your pancakes too...I really enjoy them, but I have to treat them like a treat, unless I make my whole grain, no fat, almond milk version which are lower in points and really satisfying- then I still consider them a treat.
Good luck examining yourself for the origin of your need for comfort. Sometimes that can be a real challenge.
Michelle

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