Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Are an utter life saver.
I'm on my feet all day and they were really starting to kill me, feet still throbbing when I'd go to bed, tender when I got up in the morning. I stumbled on the shape ups, just wondering what they felt like. HEAVEN :D I have a pair for work and ordered a pair for the gym and everyday, i'm so excited for them to arrive!!
I had a two mile walk this weekend in the work shoes... felt great. And the kicker is that I haven't walked further then a parking lot distance in weeks :P
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Apparently I don't deal with stress well, and I don't know how to stop the main thing in my life that stresses me out. It's like this giant oncoming train and all I know to do, is run and stay ahead of it.
Everyday it's this dread of going to work, I really think that nearly all of my headaches are related to work. I had thought they were associated with the lighting over my workstation, and in part they are-- however when I was taking the Celexa (and feeling all sorts of happy) I had about 1 headache at work in 3 weeks. Really? I had to stop taking it, and I am back to daily headaches, within 1/2 hour of getting there I get one, take some Excedrin... and then promptly 4.5 hours later my head it killing me again and it's another round of Excedrin. I hate that my job gets me that stressed out. It's not a hard job, my coworkers are fairly good only one of them is hit or miss. My boss is great. Customers? Well... 3/4 of them are fine, no big deal... the other quarter of them serisouly make me hate my life.
And this is what it all boils down to... I am a nice girl.. I have an almost terrible desire to be self sufficient and work as hard as I need to to support myself and excel in my life.. If it is to be it is up to me.. I was raised to look at both sides of a situation and consider how others feel... I will go out of my way to help someone(if I can) and be more than happy to do so.
I see so much greed and lack of personal responsibility from these people... it's eating me alive. Laws set up by OUR government allow people to immigrate to our country, share our resources, and live with us. Great. Welcome to America.
PS. It is not okay to leech of our social security system, hoard food stamp benefits, and refuse to learn basic english words to completely daily errands(after being here for more then 3 years). Not having a job, and engaging in no programs to enable you to be able to hold a job to support yourself in the future is not an option. Better yet it is not okay to work under the table(to not have to claim it for tax return purposes or paying taxes on the income) and claim unemployment benefits on top of that untaxed cash. It is furthermore not acceptable to descend upon charities in the area and take more then you need. Leaving your coat (that already keeps you warm and cozy) in the car to pick up another coat EVERY SINGLE week is not okay!! ) Yes we want to help you but you make it so difficult to make sure everyone gets what they NEED. It is FREEZING here, and so so so many people ride public transit and walk, they need coats. Do you not comprehend that if YOU keep taking more there is less or even NONE for OTHERS?
I feel bombarded by all of this and it just enrages me. I understand our cultures are vastly different, but there is right and there is wrong. I am young and working my tail off to work my hours and learn skills to move up in the corporate ladder. I work and pay into the systems they take from. My mom, who has done the same for 40 years cannot get near the benefits even when she is disabled, and they scream at me in their language. F my life.
The company I work for does not support their employees in the slightest, I'm asked to take on more and more responsibility with no additional training(even when I point blank request it) no title change and no compensation other then being part of a "team" I 'work six days a week and haven't seen a salary change at all in nearly 3 years... I need a new job ... the want is not even a part of it, I NEED one. The job market stinks and the opportunities that would allow me to pursue school and continue making progress in the career world are few and far between. I have a position in mind that should be coming up very soon and I keep waiting biding my time.
I'm having a heck of a time balancing all this out with my spark. All of this life crap gets me so frustrated and plain angry that I just cannot deal with one more thing. All I need is for something to go right for me and at every turn there is yet another thing I have to deal with. I'm so exhausted.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I made good decisions!! Yaaaaaaayy!
So today at work the world pretty much came to a screeching halt-- system was down!! Can't say UGH loud enough to describe the situation. Not to mention... these lil emo teens come in with a pizza, crazy bread and pop and are just piggin out-- oh it looked so good, smelled delish!(even though I know in reality that it will taste like cardboard-- still coveted their pizza) Sooo I thought about it, coworker wanted to split pizza.... thought about it for a second and thought... NO. No.... I have gone to the gym 3 days in a row and I plan on going to night. I made my lunch for today.. there is no reason to let my stressfull day at work dictate my determination and success. So instead I caved and got a diet coke and enjoyed the moment of compromise and had my yummy healthly lunch instead.
Driving home I was talking myself out of going to the gym... afterall I'd gone 3 days in a row and I didn't show a loss on the scale at all... sooo what was one day? One day is breaking my streak!! One day is letting my lazyness get the better of me.... one day is telling myself I'm not worth the effort.
Sooo... I came home and had the dinner I'd planned and sparked a while. Read through some of my own blogs and vision collage. I went to the gym. Yep that got me motivated and you know what... I did double the time on the elliptical that I had planned... AND I came come for some squats and extra streching.
Pretty dang proud of myself! Hope that I'll read this sometime later and it will get my butt moving again. ( Which after tonight my hiney is kinda sore!! lol)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Yay! so it was Dr day : ) Talked to him about the effects of the celexa and why I stopped taking it, he just kinda laughed when I told him it was a lot like being drunk. Drunk at work was grreat. So anyways it was a good appointment... seems my vit was low (24, and they like to see 25-30) so not by much. I'll keep taking the supplements and the multivitamin. And he gave me a new script for prozak, hopefully that goes over well. Mom was on it for several years and she said it worked well for her *fingers crossed*
I keep telling myself that I can do this.. that I with sheer determination and will power can keep healthy habits and create everything I want in life. But you know what... I felt so much better when I was taking the celexa, I didn't have to tell myself that I was doing this, everything just Was. So here is too the new prescription, letting myself be who I used to be and to letting myself make progress and succeed.
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