Saturday, January 23, 2010
I made plans to get a bite to eat with a fellow dancer the other day. We hadn't arranged a time, so I texted him when I was done with my run , telling him I was done working out.
When we sat down to dinner, he asked me what my workout consisted of. So I explained. He seemed baffled and asked why I felt I had to work out. Again I explained, and he said 'but you have the body of a 20-year old'. A bit over the top, but hey, I enjoyed it.
But this got me thinking during my jog/walk today (W5D1 of C25K), particularly since I've been wondering why I don't enjoy the running yet. I say yet because I still have great hopes.
I tried to figure out how I could dance all evening, burning 800-1000 calories, full of energy from beginning to end, yet have trouble with jogging more than 5 minutes at a time.
Well, Israeli folk dance is done to popular tunes, most lasting 3-4 minutes at the most. Since the melody repeats several times during one song, the step sequences do as well. There's usually an intro to the song, so that acts as a sort of rest time, where you pretty much stand in place for maybe 5-10 seconds or at least bounce around a little. So every 3 minutes you have an automatic slow down period. If you dance in Israel where they get a little impatient, they've cut the songs to no more than two times through, and then you're on to the next one. So even more frequent mini-breaks.
The endurance I've built up with dancing is vastly different from the endurance I will need to run. (Yes, I use the term run loosely.) And so in these terms, I'm not fit.
But I will be.
Friday, January 22, 2010
All in all, yesterday was a lousy day. I don't have it in me to pour it all out right now, but this is what's roiling around inside being processed.
- I broke it off with the SO after a lot of soul-searching. The negatives far outweighed the positives, and were dragging me down. And yet I feel totally bereft.
- I got into trouble at work for something I didn't do, and for something I could have done differently. I pushed back on the part I didn't do, and accepted responsibility for those things I could have done differently. The fact that it's a matter of style as much as content is irrelevant, there's a lesson to be learned. I still don't feel fierce, but I don't think that's showing through. I'm acting fierce.
- My daughter forgot her/our therapy appointment. This is the person who wants me to spend a fortune on her education, after dropping out of school twice without consulting me, or telling me, and lied about it. She came when called - albeit very late, and we have another appointment scheduled for Monday. She's been depressed since she was very young, but is profoundly depressed at the moment. The challenge right now is to get her to own her feelings and be willing to work on her issues rather than blame the world.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
And I didn't even have to struggle for this one.....
Main Entry: 2de·lib·er·ate
Pronunciation: \di-ˈli-bə-rət, -ˈlib-rətFunction: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin deliberatus, past participle of deliberare to consider carefully, perhaps alteration of *delibrare, from de- + libra scale, pound
Date: 15th century
1 : characterized by or resulting from careful and thorough consideration - a deliberate decision-
2 : characterized by awareness of the consequences -deliberate falsehood-
3 : slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved -a deliberate pace-
My daughter presented me with a zinger last night. Yes, I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I felt pain, I felt hurt, I felt disrespected. Oh, and furious, enraged, desperate, and devastated.
But I was deliberate. In very short order I had a plan in mind. When she calmed down some, I presented her with the plan. It was rejected, of course.
Today, that plan will be discussed again with her, and with her therapist if we can get in. I have a course of action in mind, I'm willing to listen to the therapist's input, I've heard my daughter's input, I'll hear it again. Between the three of us, we will have a course of action we can agree to. If not today, then tomorrow.
I think the positive trait of the day for tomorrow is resolute.
Monday, January 18, 2010
My apologies - I've just discovered that my daughter lied to me about something that significantly impacts my willingness to pay for her education. What I had written about establishing house rules is now a moot point - we have far more serious issues to deal with.
Friday, January 15, 2010
I have to confess that I am a person who needs cheerleaders in her life. I've been very fortunate to have found a couple of good ones in my life.
I know my mother was there to cheer me on when I started to walk around 11 months. I've heard the story quite a few times about how I managed to navigate the room by taking my socks off and holding them for support. Hey, we all need something to hang onto!
I think this was a few months later.....I was definitely a beach babe!
Early in my professional life, I was lucky to find a mentor, one of the instructors in an insurance class I took for a professional certification. He became a good friend and never stopped telling me how intelligent I was. You know, I eventually started to believe him.
What brought this to mind was an experience last night at my dance class. One of the dancers came up to tell me what a great job I've done running the session, and how impressed he is that I never gave up, even when the session was very small. He wasn't around in those days (eight years ago) but another dancer would tell me almost weekly what a great job I was doing. Come to think of it, several experienced dancers regularly cheered me on. This made all the difference to someone who didn't know how to teach, but knew that what was happening in the other session in town wasn't fun. Together we muddled through and I really grew into the role. I'm not able to say this about a lot of things, but I will say that I'm an effective teacher of Israeli folk dance. Wow, even now that's hard to put out there, but I believe it to be true.
I've found some great cheerleaders here, too, once I let them in. I resisted getting involved in teams, really resisted. This was just a place to record information and maybe learn a few things. But eventually I allowed myself to be drawn in, and that's when the magic started to happen.
My current project - becoming fierce - casts me as the cheerleader. For fifteen days now, I've written down a positive trait about myself, maybe made a few comments about the trait, but definitely thought about it a lot. Naturally I want the changes to happen instantly, I want to feel fierce RIGHT NOW and I'm more than a little frustrated that it's very slow going. Some mornings I have to do a lot of soul-searching to find a trait to write down. Writing helps, reading what I wrote helps. But I'm wondering if I need to start cheering myself on out loud......
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