Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I got an email saying that a newspaper photographer would be taking pictures of my kick boxing class tomorrow night. I thought this was pretty cool so I shared it with a friend and told her that I was pretty happy that my 'following' has been giving me some amazingly positive feed back lately as well.
She responded by telling me that I was conceited and that all I talked about was fitness. We've been friends since we were 6 years old, you think she would realize that this is my career and of course I want to share accomplishments with my friends.
I realize my life sometimes revolves around fitness, but when you work 70ish hours a week there's not a whole lot of free time to do other things worth talking about... It's never my intention to be conceited or stuck on myself (and I apologize if I've ever come off as so). Fitness is my passion and doesn't it only makes sense for me to be happy about good things that happen in my fitness life? I feel like people keep trying to drag me down and I won't have it.
That being said, I would like to apologize if I have ever sounded conceited about the compliments or good things that have happened in my instructor life. Like I said, it's never my intention to come off that way.
The truth of it is yes, I sometimes have some very flattering things said about me and the work I do. Yes, it is nice to hear those things, that doesn't make me less of a person. I'm sure you guys like to hear you did a good job or for someone to tell you your pretty. Just because someone gives you a compliment doesn't mean it automatically goes to your head. I get excited when I get such good feed back because I have worked my way from being 180 pounds, obese, to be a fitness 'diva' (as my boss calls me) and being a person people can approach for work out and fitness advice. it is very exciting to be lucky enough to come so far and I am very humbled by my journey. Instructing was a thing I only dreamed I would be able to succeed at so seeing myself move forward in the fitness world is so exciting.
I've come a long way, I didn't think being excited about the good things was as terrible as she made it out to be.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Yesterday I took some measurements for the first time in about a year. I've gained an inch on my arms, an inch on my waist, an inch and a half on my quads, as well as about 3 inches on my butt. My first reaction was 'isn't this the opposite of what was supposed to happen? did I do something wrong?'
Let me put this in another perspective... I know it will probably sound like I'm making excuses for myself, but I guess for me it makes more sense to realize I have gained ALOT of muscle. which is part of the reason for the gains.
First of all, my arms, Let me flex for you and show you how awesome my lady guns look now. Definition is so there now. The quads, well when I ran for the team my trainer was always on my butt about how weak my quads were. Lifting has really improved my quad strength and as a result there is alot of new muscle there as well. Same story with the glutes. Even in my abs. My obliques have really filled out so of course there is going to be a bit of a gain, but you know what? even with an extra inch here and there I look a lot better than I ever did before. I am athletic and toned and I think that's way better. beating myself up and making myself feel bad over it would not be helpful. at the end of the day numbers are just numbers.
In addition to that, I've been realizing some things lately. I don't want any of you guys to feel like I'm putting anyone down or feel like I'm trying to say I'm better than anyone else. I'm not. These are just my personal realizations.
a year ago I would have been sobbing over the inches I've gained. I would have taken it as 'I'm a failure' and 'I'm a fat ass'. A few weeks ago when I went to visit my dad he remarked on how big and toned my quads got. A year ago I would have just heard 'your quads are huge' and translated that into 'I got fat, I'm a failure'. and as a result I would have started pushing my work outs harder and eating less to 'correct the problem'.
I was thinking about this and I realized my mindset has changed so much since then. I don't necessarily see these inches as a bad thing. I know some of you guys are probably thinking 'but your bigger, isn't that the opposite of what you want?' But, it's not all about size. I could not do half the things I do with toothpick legs. I feel like alot of people care so much about size they don't look past it to see the other side of the fitness world. As a society we are obsessed with numbers and size, I think I've finally moved past that and realized there is alot more to my fitness life than that.
I told my boss about the change in measurements and her first reaction was 'I'm so proud of you, you've come such a long way with your lifting and the changes are so glorious.' My coworker emily has a similar reaction.
To me fitness is no longer about vanity. It's not just about looking good, having abs, loosing weight, ect. Your size should not determine your self worth and your work outs should be about more than just losing weight.
I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing by any means. These are more or less the thoughts I've come across and the changes in my own mindset that I've realized.
in summery, I may not have a flat stomach, I may not be a size 2, or 110 pounds, but I am fit, I am athletic, My body can withstand marathon work outs and it can do amazing things! I am proud of it, I am happy with the things I can do. So, yes, I am bigger than I was, but how exactly is gaining a bit of muscle a terrible thing? I worked hard to gain these inches and I don't see any reason to be embarrassed, be ashamed, or feel like a failure. Today I squatted a new high weight of 105 pounds and I am dam proud of it.
I apologize for such a long post, I just wanted to share these thoughts with you guys =]
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