Sunday, May 05, 2013
Francis turns 18 today. A fact he's not too thrilled about, but I'm looking at today as the beginning of a huge adventure for my son. Francis is actually my stepson, but I've been in his life since he was 7 years old and since he lives with me and my husband I feel I've raised him and he is in fact my son. I think he knows how lucky he is to have 3 parents who love him to death. I think I can speak for all 3 of the 'rents when I say I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. I'm so proud of him. He's such a gentle, accepting and caring young man although at this juncture in his life I feel he's a little lost. He's graduating in a few weeks, but he didn't apply to any colleges and he has no plans for a job. After graduation he'll go on vacation with us and when he returns he'll go visit his mom and help her get ready for her move and her upcoming wedding. I'm concerned about his mom forcing a relationship with her fiancÚ on Francis. She's so eager for Francis to like the man (whom he's really never met) that she's bound to...well, I'm not sure what she's going to do, but I think Francis has a tough couple of months coming. When all the stuff with his mom comes to pass I hope he's ready to commit to college or to a job. I've already set the record straight that he'll need to do something because sleeping, eating and playing Xbox doesn't prepare you for life. You need to get out and live life no matter how scary or uncertain it is. I just want to help him without adding to the stress I'm sure he's already feeling, but like most men, won't talk about. Anyway, today is about celebrating the beginning of the adventures of life. I'm so excited for him. I hope he gets excited too!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Bad meal choices lead to bad eating days that compound to bad eating weeks, months etc. We've all been there. All your hard work seems to go out the window when you fall back into bad habits. So far 2013 has been one hell of a hot mess for me. I've watched good habits not only fly out the window, but get flushed down the toilet! Stress in my personal life and at work has sent me into binge eating mode like I haven't seen in years. My days start out pretty good, but something will set me off and my resolve disappears. Maybe my follies this week thus far will make some of you feel better about yourself.
Monday, March 11th: Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with Laughing Cow Cream Cheese to breakfast, Turkey sandwich/mustard and baby carrots for lunch. Great!! Stood in line at post office for 1 hour and 10 minutes. Bought 3 cupcakes on way back to the office for family. Ate all 3 cupcakes with milk at desk. Two slices of pizza and tortellini with sausage, 2 oreos, more milk and potato chips after I get home. Disaster!!!! I could kill myself. Resolve to be "good" on Tuesday.
Tuesday, March 12th: Good girl! Weight Control Oatmeal and Coffee for breakfast. Vitapizza with baby carrots for lunch. One cup of Alpha Bits Cereal, one 100 calorie chocolate bar, one 50 calorie vitacake for a snack. After work I go to the gym for some extra cardio. Go home to make dinner and eat two slices of leftover pizza while making dinner. Eat pulled pork, sugar snap peas, and four slices of corn break with butter for supper. Two oreos and milk for dessert. UGH!!! Not again!!!
So here it's Wednesday. Starting off eating well and trying to figure out why I binge like I do. It's like eating to oblivion just blocks reality out and for a few minutes nothing matters. On Monday when I ate all three (big) cupcakes I felt happy! It was fun to eat the cupcakes! I didn't feel sick either. In fact, if I bought more than three, I would have eaten more than three and I would have been fine. Do I feel guilty? I guess, but it doesn't matter to me. I'll beat myself up for about 5 minutes then forget about it. If I don't feel guilty about overeating how am I going to stop?
I know it's not good for me to put junk into my body. I tell myself I should be nourishing my body and my soul with healthy, nutritious foods. Then I'll reason that I'm not a model, I'm not an actress, I'm never going to look like that, I don't have to look like that, so if I want to eat junk I can eat junk because it just doesn't matter. Talk about self destructive behavior!!! It does matter! Your health always matters and we're worth it no matter who we are or what we do for a living. We deserve to be the best we can be. I don't know why after all these years I still talk myself down the way I do. Why don't I think I matter? Why don't I think I'm worth it?
I really thought I was over all this self destructive stuff. Just goes to show that none of us are safe from our demons. We can all fall into depression, we can all fall into bad habits. Recognize it, acknowledge it, pick yourself up and start over. Today is yet another chance to be fabulous! Don't let a few bad days derail the rest of your life and never give up striving to be the best you that you can be.
Keep fighting everyone!!
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