Thursday, June 28, 2007
Well, here it is the end of June almost. Hard to believe it's gone so fast. I wish my weight would leave as fast as time!!!
I did a quick review of my nutrition and find I get far too much salt/sodium even though I don't touch the salt shaker. I'm going to have to read labels for sodium a little closer. When you read the label and it shows the sodium, sometimes it doesn't seem like a lot, but when it adds up at the end of the day, I'm really upset that so much is hidden in food. I wonder why they started adding salt to everything. Some things just don't need salt, but the companies pour it in. It's really aggravating. Does anyone know where I can buy no salt food?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Today I have to go to the funeral of my exhusband. He died 6-5 but was creamated and will be buried later today. I have very mixed feelings about this and don't know which ones to hold and which one to throw away. I loved him at one time and had my youngest daughter to him. He took my daughter from my first marriage and treated her like his own. He had a son from his first marriage, but he didn't live with us.
My X was an alcoholic. He told me before we married that he was a drinker and always would be. I didn't think he meant it, but for 20 years I put up with all the drinking, the blackouts, the cops, the all night drinking, the other woman and all the heartache just so my kids would have a home and a sense of togetherness. So I thought. I was afraid to leave him and take 2 small kids with me. I covered for him when he couldn't get up to go to work because he'd just gotten home from drinking all night. Over the years, I started attending Alanon and learned to stop enabling him to drink. That made it worse, but I was determined not to be involved like that.
We had some good times, but the bad outweighed them by far. He ended up telling me I would be doing them all a favor if I left. So I left. I got an appartment of my own and lived there with our daughter until she decided she wanted to go back home to live with him. I let her go, but didn't really like the idea. Turns out there was a boy who lived in back of us that she was getting drugs from, but neither of us knew it at the time. She was 15. My oldest had graduated from high school and was happy to flop in front of the TV all day watching soaps. She finally did get a job, but didn't like it when we told her she had to pay $25/mo rent. She had a fit. We asked her where else could she live so cheap?
Anyway, the drinking continued so I left. I was happy to be free but missed him terribly. Part of it was dependency. I had never been on my own, but I was getting adjusted to it. The divorce was a difficult one in that he wouldn't let the realtors in to show the house. I had to have him evicted. What a nightmare. I was relieved when it was all over finally.
He stopped drinking after a while, but it was too late, I didn't want to go back and take a chance. I had told the kids it would take me leaving for him to stop drinking. I was right. He took some kind of medicine to help him quit. But he knew if he ever took another drink it would kill him. The weekend before he died he started drinking. No one knows why, but he had a stroke and never was able to be recusitated. I can still hear my daughter screaming in the phone when I had to tell her her father had just died. That was the worst day of my life. So far anyway. So today, we go see him buried. I am very concerned about her--beyond words. God grant her peace.
Monday, June 25, 2007
I went to our church picnic yesterday. I was afraid to go because I didn't know how I would handle the food situation. You know they have everything at a picnic like that.
I was very proud of myself. I didn't overeat! I only had a hamburger with tomatoes, some kind of pasta salad, very little and a few potatoe chips. I took my own water because I think all they have is soda.
I had my grandson down for the weekend so when we took him home to Pennsylvania, which is a very long drive, I took Cherry Coke Zero with me so I wouldn't be tempted to stop for junk! It turns out I lost another 1/2 pound! Good for me!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
It really pays to read labels and compare. For example, I had been buying the Quaker mini delights chocolate drizzle for a chocolate-craving snack. Saturday when I went to the store, I saw a bag of Quaker chocolate rice cakes (mini) on sale. I read the label and compared it to the mini delights. Lo and behold, I found that 1 serving of the rice chocolate cakes had only 60 calories compared to 90; only 1 gm of fat, half the salt, less carbs, less sugar.
I never used to read labels as good as I do now. I know I need to learn more, but I am on my way to a healthier life.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
I am more determined than ever to get rid of this weight and fat. I just finished a 19 min. stint on the eliptical and burned over 200 calories--this included a4 minute cool down. But while I was going to the beat of VanHalen, I realized I was angry that my X-husband died and never had a close relationship with his own daughter, who is now shattered and heartbroken to say the least. I kept putting up the resistance and the incline and just elipted all that anger away! I hated him for saying she'd never have anything.
Fathers--take some good advise--be close to your daughters. It is the most important relationship you can form in her early years and into her teens she will need you even more. She will either respect you or resent you. She will either accept what you say or reject everything about you. It's your choice and it's all in how you relate to her. Don't know how? Tell her that you don't know how but want to learn.
Sons grow up being taught to hold everything inside and not express those especially warm feelings you have for family members. I could never use the word Father and Friend together in the same sentence. My daughter couldn't either and now it's too late. And be very careful what you speak over her and about her. Her father always said she'd never have anything and to this day, she doesn't. She used crack cocaine for I don't knw how long--long enough to act like she's brain damaged. But she did get his furniture when he died. I guess that is a little better than nothing.
So dads, remember, your daughter has feelings that when she is young, she doesn't know what to call them. If she is overwhelmed by shame and guilt or rejection, she will carry that with her to adulthood and she will yearn for your love and look for it in another man.
With Father's Day just around the corner, remember who gives you a homemade card or a handmade gift. Remember it was made with you, the center of her world, in mind and it comes from her heart. Don't ever break that precious heart of hers as she will never be able to heal properly. If you see you've upset her, don't shrug it off as a bother. Go to her and tell her you are sorry. Pride is the worst thing in humans. Men can be very proud and stubborn when it comes to emotions. Don't let these things ruin your daughter like mine was ruined and my daughter's was ruined. Love should be unconditional.
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