Thursday, February 20, 2014
OK – here I am, brushing off my wounded ego…
It has taken quite a while, but I am back – and this time, it feels a bit different. Everything has gotten back to square one – gained back the weight, stopped working out, injured body parts, using excuses, blah blah… So what has changed? I think I have. I am not ‘gung-ho’ this time…not filled with new excitement and new motivation. Not a whoo hoo, yipppeeee nor a hurray in me. Just a calm realization that today is going to be the best shape my health and body are ever going to be unless I make some changes and make them consistently and make them now.
I am not going to tell anyone I am on another eating program, health kick or exercise routine. (except my Spark family, of course). I am going to make teeennnnnnnny changes.
I ‘got’ that had I stayed with ‘it’, by now I would be energized, healthy and able to wear anything I want (including sleeveless!). So, no huge announcements, no impossible promises or zillions of items on a to-do list. No going crazy beating myself up every time I don’t do it perfectly. No due dates. None of that.
I am going to be gentle, take baby steps, do the best I can, watch what I eat without making drastic changes I can’t stick with. I will record the minor adjustments I make and how I feel. I will keep my improvements ‘close to the chest’, as it were. I will check my Spark information – but no specific schedule on which days I will do so. I will not do anything that will make me feel bad about not doing something...ya know?
So this time, there will be no marching bands, no fireworks, nothing ‘loud’ – no one will know about my getting healthy. This time I will let my body speak for itself, let the world see my results without me telling them about it. If someone tells me I look thinner, I will not go into a lecture on how I did it. I will just smile and say ‘thank you’. I will see this weight loss journey as something precious and will only share about it when I reach my goal – which will be the first time in years. Then, get ready – ‘cause the band will be amazing, the fireworks awe inspiring the Whoo Hoos and Yipppeeesss nice and loud.
But for now, I will take it slow and quietly take it one step at a time.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
To be honest, I have gone off my healthy path for the past 3 weeks. Oh, I have about a zillion reasons why...all of them reasonable:
Stress of cleaning out the last 38 years of stuff in my apt.
Stress of lack of funds
Stress at work
Stress with aches and pains
Worry concerning family members and friends
And Blah Blah Blah
Well, ya get the picture.
Then I thought, who is ultimately responsible for my work out, eating patterns and choice of foods? And regarding that above list, what on that list can I control? And even more important, what stresses am I allowing in my life that I cannot control?
I went to a seminar many years ago, and was introduced to the idea that when presented with choices, we tend to do the one that, at least at the moment, seems to be less painful in some way. So, when faced with time to exercise or eat,and if I am not truly mindful, I tend to pick the eating, since it seems to be less of a pain in the butt...for that moment. Later, my body lets me know that it is more painful not to exercise, then it is to move through the laziness, lack of motivation, etc...
And even with aches and pains, Spark offers dozen of exercises most anyone can do, no matter what the issue. When I was letting go of excess fat, up to 3 weeks ago, I still found it challenging to do some of the short 7 minutes workouts. 7 minutes is totally doable, and at times I actually found another short exercise video, and I have to admit, I felt really great after doing the workout(s), a sense of accomplishment and an overall good feeling about taking care of me.
So, no matter how much I want to blame things outside of me, for my very reasonable reasons for not working out and eating healthy, it still boils down to lil ol' me. The embarrassment of getting back in the swing of things, is far less painful than not getting back to being healthy.
So, here I am, taking full responsibility for my health, and getting back to basics. I have made a decision to do one thing, just one thing a day that I will do for myself, and every few days add to it, create new habits again, and feel so much better in my own skin. Like the saying goes, 'if your body falls apart, where ya gonna live?'.
Good to be back, not excited at the moment (keeping it real), but I want to feel good and place my energy with what I actually have control over...my exercise and my food choices.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I thought I would make a list of all the things my weight has prevented me from doing. I am going to hang this list on my refrigerator, in my car, in my bathroom, and keep a copy in my purse. Whenever I feel like 'quitting, having an extra serving, not working out, not logging in my food, etc...I will read this list and take a deep breath and keep on keepin' on track.
My extra weight has prevented me from:
Feeing my feelings
Voicing my opinion
Wearing sleeveless tops (in 100 degree weather)
Feeling comfortable at the gym
Sitting comfortably in an airplane seat
Feeling secure enough to start dating again (ouch)
Wearing skinny jeans
Fitting into my clothes comfortably
Wearing the latest fashions
Having more energy
Feeling confident within my own skin
Being whistled at (OK, I am old fashioned LOL)
Feeling comfortable when walking into a room
Going to pool parties and Bar-B-Qs
Going horseback riding (I would like to try)
Not feeling embarrassed
Not feeling invisible
'Being picked first'
Wearing sexy lingerie (at least things that match and are frilly)
Looking and feeling younger
Getting up off the floor (from exercising) without grunting
Feeling healthy and strong and filled with vitality
I am sure I will add to this list as I go about my day and realize more things my excess fat is preventing me from doing, feeling, experiencing.
I am so grateful to have found SP and all the wonderful supportive people here. It is the first time in years and years that I have actually been able to stick with this, and make health the number one priority in my life. I remember being lean, strong and healthy years ago, and am looking forward to feeling that way again. I have come to believe it is a slow process, slower than it was when I was younger, but it takes what it takes. Every day in every way I am feeling healthier and stronger. That in itself is a miracle.
Sunday, May 05, 2013
OK...I am sooooooooooo excited. You would have thought I won the lottery..well, almost. I won feeling proud of me. I stepped on that unmovable scale ( actually 3 times to make sure!) and I let go of another pound of fat! That makes 5 so far, 10 percent of what I need to let go of. The amazing thing is that I stuck with the program, even when that darn scale didn't budge. In the past I would have given up, figuring nothing was working. This time I had all of my Spark friends, Teams, FB, and Spark People tools to keep me focused. I kept on using the site, logging in food, workouts, and steps. I kept active in the Teams. I read Spark articles and checked out recipes and exercise videos. I read blogs from others, found people my age who understand, and found people not my age who became a support team. I celebrated the success of others and became a cheerleader for those who struggled. I used other ways to measure success, measured myself and drank my water. I offered advice, took the trivia quizzes, and blogged ( for the first time). I took direction from others who have gotten healthy and asked lots of questions. I found the most amazing Spark buddy in the entire universe, and we email each other every day. She has become a friend, a confident, a cheerleader. We share ideas, accomplishments and set backs.
So, although it may not seem like much, just 5 pounds, it's so much more....I have proved to myself that I can do this, no matter what. and even though it may take longer than I initially anticipated, it is still working. It takes what it takes, a day at a time. I am not a believer!
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