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I’ve Fallen and I CAN Get Up!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

OK – here I am, brushing off my wounded ego…

It has taken quite a while, but I am back – and this time, it feels a bit different. Everything has gotten back to square one – gained back the weight, stopped working out, injured body parts, using excuses, blah blah… So what has changed? I think I have. I am not ‘gung-ho’ this time…not filled with new excitement and new motivation. Not a whoo hoo, yipppeeee nor a hurray in me. Just a calm realization that today is going to be the best shape my health and body are ever going to be unless I make some changes and make them consistently and make them now.

I am not going to tell anyone I am on another eating program, health kick or exercise routine. (except my Spark family, of course). I am going to make teeennnnnnnny changes.

I ‘got’ that had I stayed with ‘it’, by now I would be energized, healthy and able to wear anything I want (including sleeveless!). So, no huge announcements, no impossible promises or zillions of items on a to-do list. No going crazy beating myself up every time I don’t do it perfectly. No due dates. None of that.

I am going to be gentle, take baby steps, do the best I can, watch what I eat without making drastic changes I can’t stick with. I will record the minor adjustments I make and how I feel. I will keep my improvements ‘close to the chest’, as it were. I will check my Spark information – but no specific schedule on which days I will do so. I will not do anything that will make me feel bad about not doing something...ya know?

So this time, there will be no marching bands, no fireworks, nothing ‘loud’ – no one will know about my getting healthy. This time I will let my body speak for itself, let the world see my results without me telling them about it. If someone tells me I look thinner, I will not go into a lecture on how I did it. I will just smile and say ‘thank you’. I will see this weight loss journey as something precious and will only share about it when I reach my goal – which will be the first time in years. Then, get ready – ‘cause the band will be amazing, the fireworks awe inspiring the Whoo Hoos and Yipppeeesss nice and loud.

But for now, I will take it slow and quietly take it one step at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CELEST 2/21/2014 7:13AM

    You sound like you have finally decided not to diet but to make a life change. That is the best one because it works. Good for you getting up and dusting yourself off. No one person or business went from the bottom to the top in one direction...non stop up. Check any chart and you will see some ups and some downs. As long as ultimately the ups are more than the downs. Keep at it, you will succeed, this is just a bump in the road.

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MARYANN2323 2/21/2014 12:39AM

    You sound like you know what you want, and how to get it. Being realistic is the #1 thing most people seem to overlook. Slow & steady ALWAYS wins the race. Your pace, your way.

I've always avoided telling people in my "real" world about any weight loss plans. They wouldn't understand anyways. And if, and when, I screw up, I don't have to listen to them drone on. My SP friends get it, and that's good enough for me.
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F70176555 2/20/2014 7:35PM

    Oh how I can relate to your blog!!! I started because I had some health issues. I didn't really want to slack off on my eating but it was a must. Now I feel very motivated to go all the way and like you I am not proclaiming to the roof tops to everyone I know. But some have made comments and I told them the reason why I have started eating healthy now. More so for my health than looks. Don't get me wrong I can't wait to look better!

You can do this! I wish you success and we can make it to goal! emoticon

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FRUM_SCRATCH 2/20/2014 7:02PM

    Hope you don't mind I added you as I friend. I am EXACTLY where you are right now. I'm starting over after gaining some weight back and I'm *just* doing it this time. I don't want the attention. I don't want all the "I'm super motivated!!" "THIS time I'm gonna do it right!!" stuff. Sometimes all the "You GO girl!" and these things : emoticon can get annoying and tend to ring false after a while. I'm not saying people don't mean well or trying to be negative, it's just not what everyone needs. Sometimes you fail at this and you want to be realistic about it. That said, emoticon :)

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LUANN7 2/20/2014 5:56PM

    your goal is great and u can do it-keep up the good work

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RHOOK20047 2/20/2014 4:27PM

    Make sure you make attainable goals. Don't set your goals so high that you are doomed to fail. Small attained goals lead to big goals met!

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CROSE24 2/20/2014 3:36PM

  I totally relate to your post. I've sort of taken on that attitude myself. I also think that not telling people can help to ease the pressure. It's like if you tell someone your on a diet, you feel like they are watching your every move and judging how you look everytime they see you. I think doing it privately, and slowly, is the best and most effective way! Good luck to you!

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TEDDIEBEAR1209 2/20/2014 3:35PM

    Doing it for you! You go! emoticon

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NANFACEMIRE1 2/20/2014 3:34PM

    I think that is great............ emoticon emoticon emoticon Just gog at your own pace and what makes you feel good.

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Who's Responsible Anyway?

Sunday, August 25, 2013

To be honest, I have gone off my healthy path for the past 3 weeks. Oh, I have about a zillion reasons why...all of them reasonable:
Stress of cleaning out the last 38 years of stuff in my apt.
Stress of lack of funds
Stress at work
Stress with aches and pains
Worry concerning family members and friends
Too tired
And Blah Blah Blah

Well, ya get the picture.

Then I thought, who is ultimately responsible for my work out, eating patterns and choice of foods? And regarding that above list, what on that list can I control? And even more important, what stresses am I allowing in my life that I cannot control?

I went to a seminar many years ago, and was introduced to the idea that when presented with choices, we tend to do the one that, at least at the moment, seems to be less painful in some way. So, when faced with time to exercise or eat,and if I am not truly mindful, I tend to pick the eating, since it seems to be less of a pain in the butt...for that moment. Later, my body lets me know that it is more painful not to exercise, then it is to move through the laziness, lack of motivation, etc...

And even with aches and pains, Spark offers dozen of exercises most anyone can do, no matter what the issue. When I was letting go of excess fat, up to 3 weeks ago, I still found it challenging to do some of the short 7 minutes workouts. 7 minutes is totally doable, and at times I actually found another short exercise video, and I have to admit, I felt really great after doing the workout(s), a sense of accomplishment and an overall good feeling about taking care of me.

So, no matter how much I want to blame things outside of me, for my very reasonable reasons for not working out and eating healthy, it still boils down to lil ol' me. The embarrassment of getting back in the swing of things, is far less painful than not getting back to being healthy.

So, here I am, taking full responsibility for my health, and getting back to basics. I have made a decision to do one thing, just one thing a day that I will do for myself, and every few days add to it, create new habits again, and feel so much better in my own skin. Like the saying goes, 'if your body falls apart, where ya gonna live?'.

Good to be back, not excited at the moment (keeping it real), but I want to feel good and place my energy with what I actually have control over...my exercise and my food choices.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CELEST 8/26/2013 8:04AM

    You are right, we are ultimately responsible. Good thing that you caught this only 3 weeks into it...that's great. Thing is the path to a healthy lifestyle is not straight, its hills and valleys....but it is forward. Congrats on getting up and getting going again. You will win and benefits will be great.

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OOLALA53 8/26/2013 12:17AM

    Wow, this reminds me of hearing Ricki Lake when she first lost weight saying that no matter what, she was ultimately responsible for what she put in her mouth. At the time, I could not accept that message. But now that I've changed how I eat for over three years, I see that it's true. Only I can bring the food to my mouth and only I can NOT do that. The body will do whatever it does. I can't guarantee that it will lose weight on a certain number of calories. And I don't even say that I will choose the number of calories that will force it to lose fat. But I can choose mostly smart food in smart amounts and turn my attention to the rest of life. I don't expect any more of myself than that.

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MARYANN2323 8/25/2013 9:00PM

    You said it, Girlfriend! No one can do it for us. If we don't take the bull by the horns and do what needs to be done, we will still be in this same place next year. Time marches on, stops for no one. If we want it, we need to work for it. And we can do this. No ifs, ands, or buts! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FIFIFRIZZLE 8/25/2013 4:18PM

    It is when you are stressed that you most need to take care of healthy eating an despecially exercise to cope with the stress. So when I have a tough time ahead, my first thought is, when will my exercise be? Then, what will I be eating?
It really helps.

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LAINYC 8/25/2013 3:47PM


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GREG32572 8/25/2013 3:43PM

    I understand where you are coming from. I have to do stuff everyday I don't want to do. Doesn't matter if I want to, if I like it or not it still needs to be done. that does make things tough, but not impossible. Great job on recognizing the need to be honest and taking responsibility for yourself. No matter what we have been through, no matter what other people have done to us, ultimately we are responsible for ourselves. I was all kinds of abused when I was a kid, for the better part of 17 years. I used food, sex, drugs, alcohol all to numb out my pain. Its been almost 20 years since my abused passed away. Despite the horrible things he did, no matter how far down he beat my self-esteem, no matter what. I am the one who used whatever substance and put it into my body. I am responsible for the state of my life today. That;s a tough pill to swallow, once I got past the bitter taste and realized that the best medicine always tastes bad, I was able to more forward. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of this.

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TINY67 8/25/2013 3:03PM

    emoticon emoticon

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This List is for Me ( but you can peek if you want to...)

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Things to Do Instead of Eating (especially at night)

2. Take 10 deep breaths
3. Call a friend
4. Email someone
5. Answer an email
6. Balance my checkbook
7. Clean out my purse
8. Play an App game
9. Clean something!
10. Go to a different room and put something away
11. Do a one minute exercise
12. Stretch
13. Go outside and take a walk
14. Organize something
15. Write 'the kitchen is closed' 25 times
16. Take a picture of myself
17. Look at me naked. OMG!
18. Brush and floss
19. Brush and floss again!
20. Journal my feelings
21. Write a gratitude list
22. Read over my lists of why I am eating healthy (remember sleeveless!)
23. Read over my lists of what I never want to experience again (remember those tiny airplane seats!)
24. Try on my skinny jeans
25. Blog
26. Hang around SP
27. Dance
28. Drink a huge glass of water
29. Tell myself that just for the next 10 minutes I won't eat anything (repeat as needed)
30. Make a card
31. Organize something...a drawer, the trunk of my car, my art supplies...
32. Write a lesson plan (oh wait, that will probably make me want to eat something...LOL)
33. Take a shower or bubble bath
34. Polish my nails
35. Pray

I am sure I will add to this list...but for now it will do just fine!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONNIEHUEY 7/4/2013 1:00PM

    Love the list!I can just see cleaning out the trunk of the car with a flashlight ,or me by the light of the moon(no flashlight).

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ALAINEBUG 6/17/2013 1:25AM

    You are so prepared. That is the way to win this battle.

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KANOE10 5/27/2013 10:53AM

    Great list. You can do it.

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DWSCHUYLER 5/23/2013 9:10PM

    Love #32! emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 5/23/2013 7:42PM

    Pretty great list - many are on my list too. Thanks for sharing it - there were a few I hadn't thought of too.

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SPARKLISE 5/23/2013 1:13PM

    Love it!!!!


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NEWHEARTSTART 5/23/2013 1:06PM

    Nice list. I made one of those myself to keep me from getting bored (which is when I start foraging).

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JOHGLO2011 5/23/2013 12:53PM

    Great list! Think I will borrow it! Thanks!

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LJBKENT 5/23/2013 12:35PM

    That's a great list. emoticon for sharing.

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MARYANN2323 5/23/2013 12:28PM

    It will do, indeed. A busy mind and body, stays out of the kitchen! WTG!

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PEG2584 5/23/2013 12:28PM

    Great list...and definitely gave me ideas of what to do when the Snack Monster is sitting on my shoulder in the evenings!

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    Nice list.

Yes - I peeked. You should never say "DON'T READ THIS" and expect me to listen. Oh, you said I could peek - good, now I can stop feeling guilty for getting caught red-handed!


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Reverse Psychology!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I thought I would make a list of all the things my weight has prevented me from doing. I am going to hang this list on my refrigerator, in my car, in my bathroom, and keep a copy in my purse. Whenever I feel like 'quitting, having an extra serving, not working out, not logging in my food, etc...I will read this list and take a deep breath and keep on keepin' on track.

My extra weight has prevented me from:

Feeing my feelings
Voicing my opinion
Wearing sleeveless tops (in 100 degree weather)
Going swimming
Going dancing
Feeling comfortable at the gym
Sitting comfortably in an airplane seat
Feeling secure enough to start dating again (ouch)
Wearing skinny jeans
Fitting into my clothes comfortably
Wearing the latest fashions
Having more energy
Feeling confident within my own skin
Laughing more
Being whistled at (OK, I am old fashioned LOL)
Feeling comfortable when walking into a room
Going to pool parties and Bar-B-Qs
Going horseback riding (I would like to try)
Not feeling embarrassed
Fitting in
Not feeling invisible
'Being picked first'
Feeling pretty
Wearing sexy lingerie (at least things that match and are frilly)
Looking and feeling younger
Getting up off the floor (from exercising) without grunting
Feeling healthy and strong and filled with vitality
Being healthy
Being healthy
Being healthy

I am sure I will add to this list as I go about my day and realize more things my excess fat is preventing me from doing, feeling, experiencing.

I am so grateful to have found SP and all the wonderful supportive people here. It is the first time in years and years that I have actually been able to stick with this, and make health the number one priority in my life. I remember being lean, strong and healthy years ago, and am looking forward to feeling that way again. I have come to believe it is a slow process, slower than it was when I was younger, but it takes what it takes. Every day in every way I am feeling healthier and stronger. That in itself is a miracle.

Hugs emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NIXIEWILLOW 5/16/2013 9:56AM

    What a great idea! I think my list would look very similar to yours - good to remind ourselves of all these things when nothing seems more desirable than that chocolate cookie. emoticon emoticon

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DEBORAH2180 5/15/2013 7:12PM

    oooh! I like your list! I created a similar list but it is more of a Bucket List of things that I want to do. I checked off "full body massage" yesterday! Thank goodness I was mostly under a sheet and the lights were real low! LOL I wanted to accomplish not feeling embarrassed over my body and what better way than to have a stranger put her hands all over me (giggle) What helped was that I kept saying to myself that she is a professional and has touched many bodies before me!

Good luck!

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KITT52 5/15/2013 2:23PM


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Whoo Hoo

Sunday, May 05, 2013

OK...I am sooooooooooo excited. You would have thought I won the lottery..well, almost. I won feeling proud of me. I stepped on that unmovable scale ( actually 3 times to make sure!) and I let go of another pound of fat! That makes 5 so far, 10 percent of what I need to let go of. The amazing thing is that I stuck with the program, even when that darn scale didn't budge. In the past I would have given up, figuring nothing was working. This time I had all of my Spark friends, Teams, FB, and Spark People tools to keep me focused. I kept on using the site, logging in food, workouts, and steps. I kept active in the Teams. I read Spark articles and checked out recipes and exercise videos. I read blogs from others, found people my age who understand, and found people not my age who became a support team. I celebrated the success of others and became a cheerleader for those who struggled. I used other ways to measure success, measured myself and drank my water. I offered advice, took the trivia quizzes, and blogged ( for the first time). I took direction from others who have gotten healthy and asked lots of questions. I found the most amazing Spark buddy in the entire universe, and we email each other every day. She has become a friend, a confident, a cheerleader. We share ideas, accomplishments and set backs.

So, although it may not seem like much, just 5 pounds, it's so much more....I have proved to myself that I can do this, no matter what. and even though it may take longer than I initially anticipated, it is still working. It takes what it takes, a day at a time. I am not a believer!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PIXIE-LICIOUS 5/6/2013 11:06AM

    That is GREAT! Congratulations on your weight loss, but especially for sticking to it even when the scale wasn't moving. You are awesome!

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CHESAKAT41 5/5/2013 11:04PM

    I am so happy for your my Spark Buddy! You deserve this "UP" to continue you on your journey to this lifestyle change - that is what it is and it takes time. You just keep on keep'in on and your whole mindset will change and become second nature to you. I feel so blessed to know you. I send hugs from Long Island...
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    Just five pounds - just isn't - five pounds. It is awesome! Seriously - it is nothing to make a small deal of. You accomplished a lot - and despite the scale didn't always comply - you kept at it anyway.

It is so easy to give up - but you are strong and have the courage needed to be successful!

Keep up the great work - and don't forget to pat yourself on the back - you deserve it!


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LINWASH23 5/5/2013 7:38PM

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