H_ANNE_NOTES   10,430
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H_ANNE_NOTES's Recent Blog Entries

Starting point for 2011!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Greetings from the Sticks! :)

I've had success on and off through the years with so many different "programs" I'd like to be ill. This cycle has left me in a horrid position of becoming a horrid emotional eater because life would happen and I'd throw it all out the window to deal with the latest crisis at hand. After hopping from crisis to crisis for the past (Oh, I so don't want to say this) 6 years, I have managed to gain my way through ridiculous emotional eating to nearly 300 pounds last summer.

I've taken off 10 slowly since October (truthfully 15 with a 5 pound gain over the holidays when my husband had surgery). I've managed to maintain that 10 and am claiming that as a victory as I maintained it while my husband had surgery, company was here, and the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's season.

On Christmas Day, I hit rock bottom. Before lunch I was crying in my room to the point that the whole family could hear me sobbing because I felt worthless and alone. It came to me as I lay there that I felt I was an inconvenience...first to my parents who had forgotten to call, then to my husband for making him help decorate the house the day before, and so on. I sobbed that out and then came to the conclusion that I was not only inconvenient to them, I was even inconvenient to myself. I couldn't stop the tears as I realized I couldn't put myself on the list of important things to accomplish simply because I was even an inconvenience to myself.

After I cried that out, I got to thinking how incredibly ridiculous this pattern of behavior is. I have so much more to conquer than just the extra weight. I have some SERIOUS bigger problems at hand.

I vowed when I got out of that bed I would NEVER be there again, and 1 week later, I've kept my word.

Tomorrow I'll weigh in for the first time since Christmas morning. I look forward to the results! :)

~ Heather

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLESSEDMAZARS 1/2/2011 3:49PM

    Heather~

Dear one! Thank you for pouring your heart out for us to see. It is so important to be real with yourself (I've had to do the same).

Congratulations on maintaining the 10 pound loss!!!!! It's all about steps and that is definitely a step in the right direction.

Please keep us posted on how your weighins are going. I'm looking forward to celebrating with you.

Tambi~

P.S. I pray your husband is doing much better! emoticon

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My Heart Breaks

Monday, April 12, 2010

This evening a dear friend of mine passed away. She is survived by a 20 year old daughter, a 16 year old son with Autism, and a 1 year old granddaughter. She will always be remembered as the one who cared...the one you could go to no matter what. Friend to all...spare Mother to some.

My dearest Patty - you will be infinitely missed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINAKATRINA1 4/14/2010 12:44PM

    I'm so sorry. Good friends are hard to find. I'll be praying.

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BLESSEDMAZARS 4/13/2010 11:11PM

    My prayers are with you!

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Wake Up Call

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Well, some of us just need a slightly bigger push in the rear than others.

At my doctor's suggestion, weight loss was put completely on hold due to a severe run in with depression and PTSD. Fortunately that has ironed itself out and while I have gained a fair amount from the break, I have also already begun to lose some of what I gained.

Last Saturday, a very dear friend of mine had a severe heart attack that has left her brain dead with no hopes of recovery. Her family will be allowing her to go to heaven tomorrow. She was a selfless, wonderful, amazing, YOUNG woman. You don't think of someone being completely wiped out in their late 40's from a heart attack...but at morbid obesity that's exactly what happened to her. She is survived by a 20 year old daughter who is having to make all the decisions and a 16 year old son with autism.

I don't want to be her. I CAN'T be her. She gave EVERYTHING to everyone else and never took a moment of time for herself. People were constantly telling her to slow down and take a break...and she didn't listen.

Now I've lost my dear friend and had to take a very long look in the mirror. I do everything for everyone else. I feel guilty for taking 30 minutes to exercise instead of focusing on my family. I run myself ragged to try and keep everyone else happy. I'm even afraid to trim my own birthday party invitation list for fear of offending people.

This has to stop. This has to stop NOW before I end up like my friend. I can't die when my son is 20 and leave him to make these decisions. I'm cutting my own life short by doing so much for so many others.

So from now until my birthday I'm vowing to finish taking off the initial 10% I want to lose. This is my spring board to my future so that I can stand there and sing to my heart's content about "My Next 30 Years".

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLESSEDMAZARS 4/11/2010 8:33PM

    My heart goes out to you and your friend's family. She sounds like a wonderful person!

However, I am happy to hear of your close look at yourself. Just seeing that is the first step. Taking care of ourselves is so important. We're here for you!

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MT-MOONCHASER 4/11/2010 6:45PM

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It's too bad that your wakeup call had to be so drastic.

Good luck on your journey to better health.


Comment edited on: 4/11/2010 6:45:17 PM

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Good numbers for a Holiday Week!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Okay for a Holiday week (Easter) as well as trying to get ready to leave, the scale still went DOWN this week to 276.4! I'm so proud of me!!!! I will admit, I had some downfalls which probably slowed my progress, but another pound gone is another pound gone and I am SO incredibly proud of myself for my accomplishments and what I have done.

I was actually a bit scared to step on the scale. I had a minor freakout this week and went off the wagon for a few days. But I STILL made progress and I'm SO proud of myself for doing the work that I have to get to where I am.

I'm feeling at peace with this doctor's appointment today and I honestly think that number has something to do with it. Even if I eat lunch, I will still be UNDER the morbid marker when I weigh in and THAT feels really good.

Please pray for me and this doctor's appointment. I'll be back soon to let you all know how it went and where we're going from here.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEENA_D 3/25/2008 6:34PM

    Hey - looks like your doing well! thanks for being part of our team - keep on posting and sharing!

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CASCADE21 3/24/2008 2:05PM

    Way to go! Praying for you!

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A Tale of Two Coping Mechanisms

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Hmm...emotional eating.....

Today has been very difficult. I've spent nearly the entire day on an awful cell connection trying to fix the problem with my phone. Infuriating, frusterating, irritating, and absoluetly annoying.

Normally, a run to the fridge, the merc across the street and possibly town for bad foods would be in order. A typical day like this would cost me WELL over 3000 calories.

Today, I ate LESS. UNDER my normal amounts. Can't even think of eating another bite (in fact, the sheer thought makes me nauseous. I did indulge on my favorite foods. I went to my favorite shop for lunch and had an Egg Salad with Bacon sandwich. Skipped the chips, extra side dish, bowl of soup, and dessert. Took my son to Pizza Hut for dinner before we came home. Ate one piece (instead of my usual half a pizza and still looking for more) and was full.

This is absolutely SURREAL. And then, get this, I RAN on my elliptical.

RAN!

Not walked, meandered, kinda sorta jogged.

RAN.

Man I'm proud of me right now!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETH7175 3/21/2008 12:20AM

    Nice work, sounds like a good day!

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