Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Today I feel happy. I was off of work today and spent it with my hubby. We went shopping and got a lot of mileage out of our coupons. I got a 22 oz tub of Enfamil for 10 bucks.. got a bottle of Downy Unstoppables for 3 bucks. Very happy to get more for my money, especially in light of all the financial crap I feel I've been put through.
I called the company that handles the billing for my doctor. I was initially annoyed because the woman had scratched out her extension in white out and it felt like she left it like that on purpose. I had to do a little digging but I got connected to her and updated my insurance information with them. I expressed that I was surprised I even received a letter for 30k when I had already updated them and my old insurance shouldn't have been billed. However, whatever. As long as it gets resolved I don't care.
I cancelled the new appointment with the doctor billing me 45 bucks, because he said to come if I experienced new symptoms. I don't, in that aspect, and I'm not beat to add another 15 bucks I don't have for an appointment I don't need. As it is, it was 30 dollars for hubby and I to see the doctor today.
Financial stuff will be the death of me if I allow it so I have to be careful.
I felt my blood pressure rise when I saw the letter from the landlord sitting on the table. That letter, threatening me about back rent... which is now officially paid and probably processed... upsets me. I don't like to be threatened. I don't like to feel powerless. I know that I paid 3000 dollars total in the past two paychecks and am blowing another 1129 next week to stay where I live. Which after debt repayment leaves me with 10 dollars out of my paycheck.
But I am proud financially too, because my husband and I have plowed through our debts, slowly but surely after he was laid off from his 60k/year job. We had to get used to and adjust. We had to borrow and pay back. We had to learn to live with less. And we've somehow and astonishingly managed to get by the skin of our teeth.
We paid off credit cards, student loans, and all we have left is this damned debt that went into litigation and have 3600 dollars left on... and we have to finish off the car at 400/month for another year and some change.
Sometimes it feels desperate and it's easy to forget the positive... I hate having to cut corners and be stingy. Couponing is a new endeavor which is hard on my emotions because I never had to do it before, but it is allowing me to save money and in one month, I have accumulated enough cleaning supplies to last me a while and formula and baby food for my baby, and snacks and juices for my son. Because of this month of couponing I had 40 bucks left over to take my son and god daughter to Chuck E Cheese last week. AND I had ten bucks to go on a date with hubby to Burger King and have a chicken sandwich.
When the car and debt are done, in about a year and a half, instead of having ten bucks left over from my check I'll have the 700 dollars I'll be able to DO stuff with, like get a new stove or reupholster my couches (I love the steel frame on them because my fam is full of fat clumsy people).
I just pray because I do have things I need to do sooner than later. I have to take my son to the dentist, even though I think there's nothing they can do for him until all of the adult teeth are done coming in, because I had the same issue as a kid and no dentist touched my mouth until I was 9 years old.
I also want to get glasses for myself and my husband, and have to get new sneakers eventually... hubby needs new shoes. The car needs an engine flush but that costs 145 dollars. The car needs new tires but I've been putting used 50 dollars ones for now until we can afford the 200 dollar tires. Hubby still needs 700 dollars worth of dental work left he needs done.
I am trying to live my life by the principle of the Law of Attraction, but it's hard to think positive when I cringe when someone invites me to a birthday party or outing because I know it is out of my budet. I cringe when someone gets me a gift, because I can't reciprocate without making sacrifices It makes me angry when my son opens his mouth and wants something and I have to distract him/change the subject or be honest with him about the fact that we can't afford it right now...
I like to be the hero. I like for people to be able to count on me. I like to be the one asked to borrow money, not the borrower. I like to treat the people I love to nice things, and I can't right now and that irks me!!!! It makes me feel like a failure sometimes and it has been a humbling experience.
Staying to the positive is the thought that we've learned to live by the skin and bones of life, so one day when hubby gets a better job, we'll have all this excess because we already know what it was like to live in stringent times.
This post is so long I'm going to post about my doctor's appointment in a second entry for today.