HYRULIANPEACH   231
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HYRULIANPEACH's Recent Blog Entries

Chocolate.

Friday, May 03, 2013

I have to add this thought today. I think it may turn out that I am allergic to chocolate. I've been noticing that after I ingest chocolate I start to get the hives. Is it so? Right now I have hives on my arms and legs. They are red, hot to the touch, itchy, and pulsate. Thankfully I don't have other symptoms like the airways closing. My mother gets that symptom when she ingests anything with sesame seeds in it.

I'm going to be really sad if I have to say goodbye to chocolate. But maybe it's better for my health anyway. Chocolate is my biggest weakness, and the friend that has been constant throughout my life. I can't believe this is happening.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGAFRICA 5/4/2013 7:14AM

    I suppose it is possible, chocolate is a bean after all. I hope it is your laundry detergent or some other easy fix.
Hope you feel better soon. (I hate hives)

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100LBLIGHTER 5/3/2013 2:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Hope it is not so for you...dark chocolate is good for you.

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I don't know.

Thursday, May 02, 2013

I'm here again. I can't remember when I last posted. My life is kind of a blur, seriously. I get home and don't really know how the time flies and then suddenly I've passed out from exhaustion. It's annoying.

My doctor prescribed a new vitamin. It's green and stinks and makes my stomach hurt when I take it. However, I have been gradually feeling a little better and more sturdy. I also started taking the vitamin d and b12, and iron supplements again.

I've got to go get my bloodwork over with. I finally called for my allergist apt. It's next Saturday at 1030am. I've been avoiding it because I have a 15 dollar copay but the hives sprouting over my arms and legs are aggravating me. If I'm allergic to something I might as well find out. I'm starting to think I might be allergic to chocolate but hope that's not so.

I weighed 309 yesterday and don't know about today because I will have to replace the battery. Laundry will wait until next week too because I overspent on groceries and really have to be more conscientous. I spent 84 bucks on groceries because there was nothing in the fridge.. we went to aldis and also took advantage of hot dogs for 1.99 at shoprite. Gah!!

Sometimes I think the incredibly tight budget I roll with is going to make me lose weight on its own.

I'm going to start taking my son to the park because he is getting stir crazy and the weather is finally getting nicer. Just that when I come out of the office all I want to do is curl up in a ball and eat and pass out. Oi. Every night I come out with the intent of going and every night I eat dinner and change my mind. I'm hoping this improves as time passes and I continue taking all my vitamins and crap.

I think someone in my office had bariatric surgery and she looks amazing. I know I've come a certain amount of far, but it's no longer good enough for me. I feel my old self loathing at the person I see in the mirror. Meh.

I wonder if I'll ever feel comfortable in my own skin.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGAFRICA 5/4/2013 7:29AM

    Only allow the voice and words in your mind when you speak to yourself that you would use to your best friend. If you can, listen to SPARK RADIO, start at episode 1, if it is easy for you. They have helped me with my bad self talk.
(Very top of your start page, the second from the left is Articles & Videos. Third from the bottom after clicking that is SPARK RADIO.
Hang in there

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SHARBEAR100 5/2/2013 4:07PM

    It's really hard for me to leave the house again after I get home from work. Maybe you can put together a cold dinner ahead of time and just grab it and your family as soon as you get home and go eat in the park. Don't sit down! If I do, I'll never leave. Ha, ha. The sun and beautiful surroundings might help calm some of your stress for a little while. Getting the right medical treatment will help a lot too. Hang in there. You're doing great.
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JENSTRESS 5/2/2013 3:12PM

    I think you will, you just have to get there. Accept yourslef now, love yourself now, make goals for loss.

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Doctor Appointment

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I went to my new doctor. His secretaries are very sweet and I felt at home with them. Granted, I had to wait two hours to be seen by the doctor but whatever.

He was very nice, and very competent and very much like my old doctor. And he's requesting my medical records so it feels more final.

I talked to him about how I've been feeling and he says a lot of it is probably a lot of stress my body was put through going through weight loss surgery in 2010 and then pregnancy in 2012--2013. He says to give it time. He prescribed me vitamins with extra vitamin d in them and my old vitamin d green gel pills for once weekly ( I forget what they are called).

He also prescribed me to get bloodwork done to see how I am doing, and referred me back to the doctor who performed my surgery for a follow-up appointment. He says it's better for that doctor to prescribe the crazy bloodwork (like 15 vials) that need to be done for the follow up as he can only prescribe general bloodwork.

About my rash on my skin, he referred me to an allergist and dermatologist. He thinks it's just allergies and wants me to confirm.

He made me feel at ease.. very nice, nice bedside manner. I need to do followup now and I guess we will see what happens.

My reluctance about my doctor is that I live in North Jersey and my surgery was done in Manhattan.. and it's 2 and a half hours to get to my doctor depending on traffic with public transportation, and there is no parking so if I take my car I have my poor Dad with me who volunteers to circle around for the time it takes and I feel SOOO sorry for him!!

Gah!!

Oh, and I had blood pressure 138/90 which the nurse said is rather high. I wonder if that is the stress!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGAFRICA 4/18/2013 12:59AM

    You know, I thought Manhattan and Jersey was in the same city. But then realised it could be because it is a HUGE city that is the same size as most provinces where I come from.
Happy that you are seeing a dr that you like. My super busy surgeon is very happy to let his girls (nurses) handle many things over the telephone, and he will just sign the script if it is not anything serious.
Bless you.

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My Financial Stress Vent of the Day

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Today I feel happy. I was off of work today and spent it with my hubby. We went shopping and got a lot of mileage out of our coupons. I got a 22 oz tub of Enfamil for 10 bucks.. got a bottle of Downy Unstoppables for 3 bucks. Very happy to get more for my money, especially in light of all the financial crap I feel I've been put through.

I called the company that handles the billing for my doctor. I was initially annoyed because the woman had scratched out her extension in white out and it felt like she left it like that on purpose. I had to do a little digging but I got connected to her and updated my insurance information with them. I expressed that I was surprised I even received a letter for 30k when I had already updated them and my old insurance shouldn't have been billed. However, whatever. As long as it gets resolved I don't care.

I cancelled the new appointment with the doctor billing me 45 bucks, because he said to come if I experienced new symptoms. I don't, in that aspect, and I'm not beat to add another 15 bucks I don't have for an appointment I don't need. As it is, it was 30 dollars for hubby and I to see the doctor today.

Financial stuff will be the death of me if I allow it so I have to be careful.

I felt my blood pressure rise when I saw the letter from the landlord sitting on the table. That letter, threatening me about back rent... which is now officially paid and probably processed... upsets me. I don't like to be threatened. I don't like to feel powerless. I know that I paid 3000 dollars total in the past two paychecks and am blowing another 1129 next week to stay where I live. Which after debt repayment leaves me with 10 dollars out of my paycheck.

But I am proud financially too, because my husband and I have plowed through our debts, slowly but surely after he was laid off from his 60k/year job. We had to get used to and adjust. We had to borrow and pay back. We had to learn to live with less. And we've somehow and astonishingly managed to get by the skin of our teeth.

We paid off credit cards, student loans, and all we have left is this damned debt that went into litigation and have 3600 dollars left on... and we have to finish off the car at 400/month for another year and some change.

Sometimes it feels desperate and it's easy to forget the positive... I hate having to cut corners and be stingy. Couponing is a new endeavor which is hard on my emotions because I never had to do it before, but it is allowing me to save money and in one month, I have accumulated enough cleaning supplies to last me a while and formula and baby food for my baby, and snacks and juices for my son. Because of this month of couponing I had 40 bucks left over to take my son and god daughter to Chuck E Cheese last week. AND I had ten bucks to go on a date with hubby to Burger King and have a chicken sandwich.

When the car and debt are done, in about a year and a half, instead of having ten bucks left over from my check I'll have the 700 dollars I'll be able to DO stuff with, like get a new stove or reupholster my couches (I love the steel frame on them because my fam is full of fat clumsy people).

I just pray because I do have things I need to do sooner than later. I have to take my son to the dentist, even though I think there's nothing they can do for him until all of the adult teeth are done coming in, because I had the same issue as a kid and no dentist touched my mouth until I was 9 years old.

I also want to get glasses for myself and my husband, and have to get new sneakers eventually... hubby needs new shoes. The car needs an engine flush but that costs 145 dollars. The car needs new tires but I've been putting used 50 dollars ones for now until we can afford the 200 dollar tires. Hubby still needs 700 dollars worth of dental work left he needs done.

I am trying to live my life by the principle of the Law of Attraction, but it's hard to think positive when I cringe when someone invites me to a birthday party or outing because I know it is out of my budet. I cringe when someone gets me a gift, because I can't reciprocate without making sacrifices It makes me angry when my son opens his mouth and wants something and I have to distract him/change the subject or be honest with him about the fact that we can't afford it right now...

I like to be the hero. I like for people to be able to count on me. I like to be the one asked to borrow money, not the borrower. I like to treat the people I love to nice things, and I can't right now and that irks me!!!! It makes me feel like a failure sometimes and it has been a humbling experience.

Staying to the positive is the thought that we've learned to live by the skin and bones of life, so one day when hubby gets a better job, we'll have all this excess because we already know what it was like to live in stringent times.

This post is so long I'm going to post about my doctor's appointment in a second entry for today.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARBEAR100 5/2/2013 3:53PM

    My dear - you are definitely a hero NOW! What you have accomplished is awe inspiring and even though this is a very stressful time for you, you should be very proud of what you've accomplished! I pray your husband finds a good job soon.
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LOVINGAFRICA 4/18/2013 1:54AM

    You are such a hero. You and your DH are pulling together and getting things done for yourselves. I pray that a part time job will show up for either one of you soon. A year and a half is not that far away. I am like that too about gifts and outings, but be honest. Don't be to proud like me. And allow people to love you back, and bless you. That opens the window for good things in their lives too.
About your back- lie on a towel that is a bit thick on your back. Cross your arms behind your knees so you look like an upside down turtle. Round your back as if you are going to touch your toes to the ground above your head- but don't. Rock back and forth slowly thinking about rolling over each bone in your spine. Slowly and carefully. Don't go over your shoulders. Then hang for a while by your arms. Relaxing your spine.
That has kept me and my DH out of the chiro's office a couple of times.
I wish you the best

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Another Day.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Hello again internet world.

Financial stress is a big trigger for me. I need to calm down, but have honestly been too tired to think lately. I am a Mom Robot who does for everyone else and then passes out at night. I used to journal, but my brain feels tired and blank when I try. Hence why I'm struggling to keep up with this teeny tiny blog.

I am happier when I bring my lunch to work than when I have to end up spending seven dollars approximately when I forget to (and have to get the cafeteria's food). However, need to vent that it's hard to do. I don't have the energy to keep up with everything.

Tomorrow is my doctor appointment. I'm looking forward to it and at the same time I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get out of this rut... but perhaps this rut is only the result of giving birth not too long ago. Meh.

  


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