Monday, November 01, 2010
Today, is a day of new beginnings-a new day, a new week, a new month, and a new season. Where did the time go? It seems as though I am constantly busy, yet somehow nothing ever seems to be completed. This has been a year in which many changes have occurred in my life. Some have been challenging, but each has taught me a valuable lesson upon further reflection. It is most frequently when I have gotten to the other side that I am able to really appreciate what often seems overwhelming. However, without change, there can be no growth-it is difficult for me to visualize this. I have no desire to remain where I am. There is so much more that I want for myself-more that I want to do and to become.
Once again, it has been a day for me to reflect on my goals. What it is I really want for myself, and what changes I need to make to get there.
My fellow Sparkers have triggered many things. I see individuals going through a similar process and setting excellent goals to get them what they want for themselves and where they want to be in their journey.
My foundation is growing much stronger, and although I am repeating myself again many amazing and unexpected things have occurred as a result of finally becoming an active member of this site. Having said this, as I look at where I am now, and where I want to be I realize it is necessary to continue to strengthen the foundation. There are still a few weak spots which will coninue to hinder my progress if I fail to fill in the cracks.
This month I will focus on the following:
1. Awareness of hunger
2. Healthier attitude towards food and/or eating
3 .Less Sodium
4. Continued focus on fruits and vegetables
5. Proper hydration
6 .More Fibre
7. Proper balance of activity and nutrition
It will be challenging, but my goal, of necessity, must be improvement,not perfection.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Although I am not a hermit, I do have difficulties with being among a group of people.
This includes my family in addition to my favorite friends, along with strangers. It doesn't bother my during the initial planning stages, but the closer to the actual event the more axious I become. There are many times in which if I don't commit myself to another I simply won't be able to make myself attend.
I was faced wiith this recently when invited by my mother to join them for the picnic they were going to have in celebration of her birthday. What makes it more difficult is that there are issues with the individual I am dating. I have only heard of them third hand, and it involves, what I believe to be an understanding my brother had coming from something said to one of his boys by my friend. Now, my brother is extremely inflexible, but I, too, am now refusing to bend. I made certain with my mother if she was ok with this, because it would be easy to celebrate in alternative ways. She was fine with this. I was relieved to see he was not there when we arrived. However, my cousin soon informed us that he convinced my brother to come. My heart sank.
However, I think things went ok. My cousin and my other half have always gotten along. However, I did the best I could to keep everyone seperate, and running smoothly.
I think it went ok. My other half would do anything, and has, to make things smooth for me. He treats me as if I am the most special person in the world.
I suppose my ego (or perhaps non-existent self-esteem sometimes grabs onto this to help me through all the changes I am going through at this time.
I am still extremely agitated, as it is my mania which gets me through social situations.
My mother seemed to have enjoyed herself, I had a conversation with my brother, who I rarely see, and now it is over.
I am now waiting to go home to my exercise where I can work off some of the stress and then put it all to rest.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Well, tonight is the night. I am still stressed about completing the forms. However, my mother who volunteers at the hospital and works there at times re-assured me a great deal. She finally understands the difficulty of the forms, and gave me some advice what I need to do to complete them. I don't know why I am so nervous, except not only is it a visit with a doctor, but so many times when I am being examined they find nothing. Not that I want them to, but I do know I have had a problem since birth, and the more I read about the need for restful sleep the more I feel I should get the best quality possible. I know from my research I have what is determined as problems with my circadian rythms.
I did learn that woman will very likely not even be there.
Now I will try and complete what needs to be done. I really appreciate all the support and encouragement of my Spark Friends.
Soon it will be over, and I can return to whatever I can call "routine".
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I admit it-I am one of those annoying individuals who are always asking questions. It is important for me to know why things are the way they are. Sometimes there is no why-it just is. Many of the questions I have are the obvious, but perhaps I have an inherent need for re-assurance. Looking at this reveals one of my biggest challenges-perfectionism. However, it is not necessary to remain immobilized simply because I might make a poor choice. What has been chosen can always be remedied by other choices.
I can see the necessity for me simply to trust the inner voice and act accordingly. It is usually correct.
This has been brought to mind, as once again, I am feeling quite foolish. Hence, another challenge-let go. It really doesn't matter what others think. Bottom line-I am scheduled for a sleep study the 28th. I am required to fill out paperwork, naturally, but the sleep diary is the most ridiculous form I have ever run across. It is confusing, and impossible to provide an accurate account. The feedback I receive is it is no big deal. However, having worked in healthcare I know it is important to get the most accurate and complete information available.
However, I have little choice but to deal with what I am given and trust that some sense can be made from what seems to me to be senseless. I need the faith to simply let it all go.
For some reason, my recent confirmation conversation is troubling. Things always have a way of working out, and I suppose the unkown also is playing a key role.
Writing has always been a way of putting things to rest. Now it has been done, and I can continue with my day.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I am gaining much from Spark in areas I would never have imagined. I actually am becoming stronger and more fit. I must be. Once again I took quite a tumble. This time it was down a flight of stairs. I have been expecting this, as these are the type of stairs which I have always had difficulty. However, although I have areas I have injured several times in the last few months, because of the challenges and workouts on Spark I was able to recover myself with only a few strains, and some soreness. It could have-and in the past, would have, been much more serious.
Today, I took it slowly, and will work up to my usual routine as my body lets me know it is time.
This is also a lesson, slow to be learned. I want so much so often to jump right back in.
This will only slow things down.
As time permits and I reflect it never ceases to amaze me the ripple effect of the efforts I am making to change.
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