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HOPESFUTURE's Recent Blog Entries

Nothing scenic about the detour that I have been on!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

I guess it isn't all bad. Came back to Spark and discovered that I am 9 pounds lighter than the last time I recorded on here, but I am pretty sure my weight was lower at some point in the last almost year. I think that I was so anxious to reclaim my life and make up for lost time and experiences that I rushed into some things before I was ready. I actually hopped onto the online dating bandwagon, thinking that I was ready for that. I had spent more than 5 years unable to be social in anyway due to severe pain and then the surgeries and rehab. What did I learn???? Not much has changed since high school... most men still judge based on appearances. Although I was pretty enough, I was just too fat for every man I talked to and met. Guess I had to have that experience to remind myself that what I think about me is all that truly matters. So I have been thinking about what it is that I really want in life. I want real connections with real people who want to grow friendship, care, support, and love. Romantic relationship???? maybe... but I think I better have a better grip on who I am and what I want for me before I should be worrying about bringing another person with all their issues and needs into the mix. I think I owe that to myself.

I pretty much have the fitness part of this process worked out although I am going to take that up a notch this fall and start a walking program. Going to use walking poles for stability as I still have some issues with balance. The fates apparently didn't want me to start today.... turned and I think I pulled a hip muscle a bit so going for distance walking isn't happening today. Scary stuff... my first thought was.. NO! I can't mess up my hip implant! The thought crossed my mind... what if I have cracked something in there with something stupid like just twisting a bit? Going to have to see what happens the next couple days on that.

Food... why is food so hard to control???? I know what I should eat, but dang! it is hard to put that into practice. Time to get back to tracking and not letting food addiction/triggers/ emotional eating rule my life. Food is fuel for the body... not a sedative or an orgasmic experience (not that healthy food can't taste great!).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOOSHKY 9/21/2014 12:55PM

    Those men were not nice...don't let them make you feel bad. Food addiction is a hard thing to get rid of! Difficult, but not impossible! emoticon

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RONNIEHUEY 9/21/2014 12:12PM


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Here I go again!

Sunday, November 03, 2013

I just reread my previous blog entries. Haven't accomplished all that I set out to do. I did get a bit sidetracked... not in a totally bad way. I joined a new gym and signed up for twice a week sessions with a trainer in mid April. I had pretty much maxed out whatever improvement I was going to make in physical therapy. I was still having a lot of trouble walking very far, couldn't stand up straight, still weak. I knew that I had to move into some serious muscle building to have any hope of getting back to some semblance of normal physical movement. That is what I have been doing the last 6 months... and I have made huge progress. Walking better... I can stand up straight now... my endurance is better. In that process though, I regained about 30 pounds. A good amount of that may well be muscle gain, as I still wear the same clothes. It was something I really needed to do. The muscle loss from 2 years in a wheelchair was severe.

So.. now again... time to work on the diet aspects of health. It was a rather mixed last 6 months. I did well for awhile, then something would trigger me into a binge situation. I want to try again. I will admit failure only once I stop trying!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLISCIOUS 11/4/2013 1:18PM

    Take what you learned and build on it to do better!

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Back in the fray

Sunday, January 13, 2013

What a year 2012 was. Four major surgeries, the last one on Dec 11th. My focus over the last 3 months, in my absence from Spark, has been on 2 surgeries, healing, rehab. Rehab is going to be an ongoing process for the next year. My goal is to get stronger and be able to walk with any assistive device... who knows.. maybe I will end up stronger than ever. It is also time to get back focused on proper diet and get some more weight off.

I can't give up on being healthier. It is so easy to fall back on old patterns of behavior... ingrained emotional reactions that trigger food cravings and poor eating... nothing else really matters, if health isn't part of my future.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILENTDAISY 1/18/2013 12:46AM

    Welcome back! I'm glad you've gotten your surgeries over and done with and can start with the rehab process!

Your team is with you every step of the way! I'll be rooting for you as you go through the process. emoticon

I'm sure as the weight comes off it will also help with rehabilitation.

My mother fell off a ladder back in 2011 so I've seen how much of a process recovery can be. I really wish you the best on your road to recovery and hope that SP can help you get a step closer to your goals.

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Behavior and attitude changes

Friday, August 24, 2012

A couple things that are different this last week:

I am not constantly thinking about food. I can drive by food places and not even give it a glance!

When it is time to eat, I am making better choices.

I am not tolerating food that isn't "good'... by that I mean, I am not eating food that is cold or soggy or just yukky. You know what I mean.... those limp french fries that even ketchup can't help or that cold, dry hamburger... or half wilted lettuce in a salad. I refuse to use calories on something that tastes like crap! I deserve better! If I am going to eat french fries, they better be hot and crispy! And even then, I can eat maybe 10 fries and quit, being satisfied.... so....

I am doing pretty well stopping eating when I am satisfied, not stuffed. This has, in effect, cut my consumption almost in half... and that is a very good place to start.

When I do eat, I am savoring it more... taking more time enjoying each bite of something that is good.... putting the fork down in between bites.. that kind of thing. Just took me about 15 minutes to eat a fiber bar that I would down in less than a minute in the past. I chewed each bite until it basically disappeared in my mouth!

I missed my water aerobics and gym time yesterday because of a long dental appointment and I actually missed it! I adjusted my work schedule today so that I could make the 2pm open water therapy time so that I would have 2 workouts this week. I also did about 8 minutes of the Nu Step today. As I am still working on rehab from bilateral hip replacements, these are the exercises that I can do for now. But I am doing gym time almost every day... 9 out of the last 10 days!!

These are the behaviors/attitudes that I want to continue to foster and get entrenched into my psyche... pushing aside all those old attitudes and behaviors. A big challenge... over 50 years of the "old" programming to overcome, but it can be done.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-CHERYL 8/24/2012 9:14PM

    Sounds like your doing great! I am totally aware of the food I'm eating and will actually spit stuff out (discreetly of course) because if it doesn't taste great, its just not worth the calories! My favorite habit is sometimes I won't eat something because its just to difficult to figure out the calories on it!


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BOMBSHELLY 8/24/2012 8:48PM

    How inspiring! Great for you. emoticon

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Day at the Dentist

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Spent 4 hours in the dentist chair this afternoon. Half my face is still numb and liquids run out the corner of my mouth... you know how that goes! Maybe just some oatmeal later this evening. Back to the gym tomorrow!


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