Thursday, March 18, 2010
The two sides of my brain are fighting again. It goes a little something like this:
It's absolutely gorgeous outside!
I've gained weight.
My garden beds actually look pretty cool!
My shoulder hurts.
No one's here, I will work out today.
I'm sleepy and going back to bed....for DAYZ!
Maybe I'll make a cup of coffee and enjoy the new bench hubby made for a bit first.
I have too much crap to do.
Oh look! Tucker Man is enjoying the sun in my sun-flower bed...I'm planting Tuckers! tee hee!
Dumb dog...I worked my butt offf planting those seeds.
I'm kinda hungry and should eat something for breakfast, other than coffee.
Why? You'll gain another pound cuz ya can't poop! Take some ex-lax and lose four pounds woman!
It just goes on and on and on...
I was talking to hubby about my running progress and the insights I found out about breathing. The military way is to do 3:2 ratios. 3 steps breathe in, 2 steps breathe out. I was also very very very subtly hinting that we could use the medicine ball for his back. I got the " I really don't want you to run. Running is BAD for you. You CAN'T run and it's just really not a good idea. I'm asking you not to run. Just do cardio for your ass or something, but don't run."
I don't think I realized that even though I KNEW he wasn't supportive, that it meant anything to me. It truthfully kind of bummed me out. For a couple of days I even considered just dropping out of everything: Spark, C25, Slim in 6. One part of my brain told myself, "You ARE too old for this, maybe running IS bad for you, just be happy he sorta likes you the way you are and accept it."
But, I CAN'T accept it. It turns out I'M not happy with the way I am. I kept telling myself I was doing this for me, but I don't think I truly believed it until I felt alone. So, once again I have called "mulligan". I am putting together my iPod podcast. No more jacking the kid's mp3 player! I've got my own!! and after we come back from Washington I will resume the Slim in 6, diet, and C25. All in private. It will be my secret obsession. I do like running. It may be painful still, but I know in time my body will adjust. As of now, it's the calming of the mind I enjoy. It's almost a clarity of thoughts that resume when I run. I don't know if it's because it's just my "me" time, although the thought process doesn't work like that when I do Slim in 6. It's just, I don't know...a nice half hour. And, if all goes well I may even venture out and ask my daughter to drive me to San Francisco to do the Bay to Breakers in May. It's a 12K....huge by any standards....but, it's San Fran and people are known to walk it...I just may do it...to JUST DO IT. I don't know about that one yet.
Thanks for listening!
Sorry to bore you.
Going to a wedding in 9 days!
Give me my 3 points.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
I think that title pretty much sums it up.
I went running yesterday. Well, what we newbies at C25 call running. I'm on Week 2 Day 1 which are 90 second joggin intervals. Six of them. I know, I counted. I couldn't do the full 90 seconds yet as I have discovered I can only hold my breath for about 80 seconds. Hence, breathing maybe something to review.
I don't know if ya'll saw the lovely bruise/knot on my upper thigh. As if that weren't enough to convince my family that Blind Batty still lurks beneath the RP infested eyeballs, but yesterday I came home with a twisted ankle. I have no idea how I did it and I really don't think it's "twisted" as much as "just pissed off". My husband looks at me trying not to limp and says: "you know, it may be more beneficial for your health to get a tummy tuck and liposuction..."
I don't know how he plans on me being a runner after that....maybe I'll be light enough to run was his sweet thought thinking? Yes, I will dis-illusion myself into that thinking :o)
AND....what of the mutant fat cells? How will I ever conquer them if I go in for lipo? That's not conquering them, really...that's more like, oh, a nuclear bomb on the body. I want to do this....I WILL DO THIS!!
I will eventually become a runner. A REAL runner that looks cute in shorts and runs in marathons. I try to envision a finish line when I jog and people cheering me on...."go Blind Batty...yeeeaaaaayyy"
I wonder if all runners hurt or if it's just me and my mutant fat cell ridden body. Does the pain ever go away? Like ever? Or is it a "it was all worth it at the finish line" like giving birth or something....I'll let you know when I find out. Right now...the pain is a part of my life..I can't envision lipo being less painful....you just get better drugs. Maybe that's what I need...
In the meantime, I will deal with the pain and ikky sweat. The hearing aids go out and I sweat baby sweat. Ankle was iced and ready for tomorrow's run. Today is AB ball, light yoga, Slim in 6 and some Wii. So, let me get the kids their snack, start dinner, another load of laundry and get to working my workout. I have a battle...the battle of the bulge (very cliche, I know!!)
done ramblin.....3 points please.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
I really do not like yard work. I KNOW that's a negative start to a comment and what not, but for the past 24 years my husband talks me into yardwork and for the past 24 years I pretend I like it, but only cuz I have to. LOL
It's a running joke at my house that if we lived in a condo, we wouldn't have to do yardwork...and someday I will get my condo.
Some years, I really try. I know it can be a great bonding moment for us and I know how much he loves it. I'd rather be on the computer, in a good book, maybe even working out or running....
Now, I have convinced myself over the past few years that gardening can be theraputic...I mean, look how much he loves it. So, I joined the gardening team, picked out some flowers and veggies with him and the girls and we were going to do this! He builds the veggie boxes and I spent the day weeding and what not when 5 oclock came around and I say "time to clean up"
Kids disappear, Tom and I are putting things away. I am babbling as I put the planter boxes aside and fail to somehow see the green LARGE mower next to the green green grass......
That's just the start of it....I'm pretty sure I wouldn't own on of these in a condo. Hey, do you suppose you get like, extra fitness minutes for the earning of one of these?
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Hubby began swing shift recently and I really didn't think it was going to affect anything. Until recently. I noticed that I had planned out all these workouts but for some reason seemed to not GET to them and I thought it was simply because I didn't have time. I would begin something and tell myself "yup, going to do that exercise......"
After a couple of days it hit me: I was avoiding spectators. With husband on swings that meant he was home in the morning. The girls get shuffled off to school and hubby gets up. Then when hubby goes to work, the oldest gets home. When she goes to work, the other two trail in and by that time, well, it's homework, dinner, and start over.
Finally on Monday I thought: This is not going to work. I just need to do this and make my own time. After all, I AM doing this for me, right?
Okay then!! On Monday, I ran the C25. That was easy enough as I just told the girls I was going for a run. Then, I came home and did the hard part. I ventured upstairs to restart my Slim in 6 program. I push play and begin. Kids came up and down the stairs, but I keep pressing on. Occasionally one of them giggles and I keep pressing on. The oldest daughter's boyfriend comes up, and although mortified, I keep going. He watches for a minute and says "yup, work those abs" before I say "bugger off". and finish with a cool down.
There, I did it. I had conquered my fear of working out "publically".
Yesterday was a bit harder. I was very sore and did get in some workouts, but not as much as I hoped so I made up for it today.....
Did the C25, shins immensely sore, but pressed on and came home to do Slim in 6. Kids cheered me on and then comes in the oldest's boyfriend...AND SHOWS ME A VIDEO OF ME WORKING OUT!!
At first, I was horrified. There I was....large and in charge doing those dreaded lunges.
Then I quickly thought about it.
That lady was scared, mortified even, of working out in front of people for this very reason; but she did it. That woman continues to work out even when people tell her it's silly or she's becoming too obsessed with it, or that it won't work. That woman is doing something for herself for the first time in a long time. and yes, although that woman was larger and perhaps even silly looking, she was DOING it. She was going through the physical and emotional barriers to emerge as a healthy person.
I just smiled at the video and asked for a copy.
That woman will remind me that it's okay to step up and say "I'm going to do this!"
I will NOT fail myself!! I will eventually look good, or at least better. If not, I will be healthy, strong, and proud. Traits not all can just inherit, but must work for. This woman will no longer be terrified, but rather, intensified! She will keep on!
This, after all, is MY time.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The power of 90 days. Three monts, almost 13 weeks. Seems so short, yet sooo endless when doing something big such as weight loss.
I called in a mulligan. After being on hiatus for so many weeks I thought the only way to ease my scrambled mind was to simply start from scratch. I'm glad I did.
So, here goes:
I am back at W1 on the C25 program and I ran in my new shoes. The shoes did provide assistance on shin pains. They was still pressure and hints of pain on the shins, but didn't crumple me to the ground like before. I can live with that. While on my run, because I wasn't in pain, I could focus on my breathing. AND, while focusing on my breathing, I found....I could think. And I did. I ran and thought about my oldest daughter. Hoping she graduates. I thought about my husband and his moods: how he hates his job, hates California and keeps trying to hint to move (jobless or not)back to Washington and wondering if I should worry about his drinking....and that got me to thinking about how we lost our house in Washington and how much the girls love it here and sacrafices and my eye surgery and money and quitting school and ....
I didn't get any answers, but it felt nice to sort through the drama in my head. I didn't realize I was carrying around so much weight!! And not just on my body!! It was just a nice feeling of, well, clarity, I guess.
After coming home and digging through more of the chaotic confetti of the mind, I found my motivation poster. It's rather simple. It's a Chadwicks catalog with pretty knit dresses, simplicity & vogue patterns, and shoes.
OH The SHOES!!
I created my calandar and this is what it looks like:
M/W/F: C25- running first thing sets my tone. This will play nice in the California summertime.
Tues: AB Ball. I have a big medicine ball with a pretty intense AB routine.
Thurs: Prevention Walking DVE. I thought this was going to be easy. I should know better! She makes you sweat!!
Sat: Pilates (ABs)
Sun: Yoga with my Slim and Limber
Daily: Slim in 6 Series. This will play nicely as it seems to set the tone for the day. I want to do the ABs daily too, but we'll see.
**Wii fit maybe in the evenings.
Hmmmm, that's a lot. But, so far that's what I've got. As far as the diet, that was tricky. Do I go vegetarian? What one diet works better than another? I settled on a book called "The Fat Smash Diet". My oldest had originally picked it out, but reading it, it makes sense and as I have a huge issue with portion control, it was doable. It sounds flexible enough with a family of five...Also, it too was a 90 day program. Oh the power of 90!!
So there it is. All layed out nicely. Up on my wall, written on my calendar. My family thought I was becoming obsessed with this before? Ha! Wait until I do lose a few pounds and gain momentum. Maybe I will get so motivated, I become a coach! Eh, let's start off getting out of the gate. Focus Corinna, Focus!!
Oh, Chadwicks has the swimsuit (skirtini) I want. There's a contest/challenge in one of my teams. Gotta remember to download that. I'm going to go do that now.
Then my Wii...
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