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Before I run

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm sitting here scratching my head and pondering some things. Pondering is the perfect time to run. I never get any answers, but for some reason the questions form more clearly. LOL Or at the very least, I FEEL better.

I signed up for my first run since December. I'm pretty happy about it. It's a 5K at the high school for the local schools. A very good cause indeed. Then Tom signed me up for the Komen run/walk the following weekend! woo hoo! I'm still hoping to do the Color Run this summer and the girls and I are still wishing for the Bay to Breakers. Hoping maybe some money will fall into my lap before then? (Daddy Warbucks where ARE you??)

Been keeping busy even if I can't work out. Moving hubby back into our apartment. My apartment manager saw my pink kitchen and says to me "you know, I've had people come into the office and tell me there's a pink kitchen and there it is" LOL As our apartment is facing the parking lot...EVERYONE gets a view to it if the blinds are open :p

I'm glad he's moving in. This may sound bad so bear with me, but it will give us six months to see if this is really going to work. You know? My fear is that he is thinking it's going to go back to the way it was.....we all say NOT!!

I made sixty pounds of potato salad for the Air Force (a morale project and they seem to like my salad) While I was doing this he made his yumdelish homemade BBQ sauce for his ribs......only he added a little something. He came home with a bottle of Jack Daniels. He looked at me and said "for the sauce only, you can do whatever you want with the bottle when I'm done cuz I know you like Jack" Truth is I do, but I also haven't touched the stuff in well over a year.... He used one cup in the sauce, then I took the bottle cumped and threw it away ...

I'm not quite sure what to do about these things...if it's going to be a problem or not. But little things like we were moving the other day. It was very hot and he says "oooooh you know what sounds good? vodka/tonic or those Southern Teas from Joe's crabshack, doesn't it?" How do I answer? I just bite my lip because I wonder, should I say "no way man...no way" and go balls on psycho or do I not lose my humor and good graces and say stuff like "yeah, it does sound good...too bad its not good for us"?

Wanna hear something really weird? Sad, but weird? I found my diary from 1989 and began to read some stuff outloud to my daughter....some of the contents said

"...I really want to go to school, but....." or "..is he an alcoholic?" and "I would love just one week to be me..." and soon thereafter "I feel numb to emotions" a phrase commonly used on me today.

fast forward 25 years and read my blogs....crazy. Can a person really pretend and deny for that long? Apparently so. It's like a broken record that I never bothered to fix until now.

I am going to go for a run now. Ponder these thoughts that hit and miss my confettied brain. I think rather than 30 minutes, I want an hour....I feel like an hour today. Then I will come home and jigsaw 3000 sq feet of stuff into our less than 1000 sq foot apartment. It's like a hoarder's maze around here! LOL

Then I'm taking my Clean Eating menu and getting us some fooooood!! My oldest has a concert tonight so tonight will have to be quick and easy.

and I also have to think of what to do for date night....I mean, aside from the "obvious"


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIM_POSSIBLE77 4/26/2012 10:48AM

    Think of him comments like the ones about a drink just like the comments we would make about wanting a cig. Both are bad habits that we have to break, the cravings or the thoughts still come in our minds. As long as you both are strong you will both get past this. Try making new drinks that are refresing without the booze. I think the next time he says that made laugh a little and put it in a calorie view point. Just think of all the sugar and calories that are in a drink like that! Maybe that might help. DO NOT wall up with him moving back in...you have your voice now and USE IT!! Be the strong woman that has crawled out to see us all because in the end he will respect you more for standing your ground. I love you sis and I'm always here for you.

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STIPER23 4/25/2012 3:23PM

    Wow. I'm going throught about the same thing. Giving it a second try after a separation. I'm also asking myself the same questions. Do people change? CAN people change? *sigh* I don't have the answers. Good luck and yeah, a run can definately help! emoticon

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LEAELLEN07 4/25/2012 3:15PM

    That's some heavy stuff. I agree that you should be firm and keep your stand.
Hope you have a good run!

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BAKER1009 4/25/2012 1:27PM

    Ya know, my husband still uses comments like that regarding smoking (not cigarettes)...something he hasn't done for about 4 years now. So, it might be harmless, but then again, it might not be. Maybe he is testing the water. Since you're already in the process of letting him move back in, I say you say something back the next time. Don't bite your tongue...you need to make sure you stand firm and let him know where you are at in this whole process.
So next time, go with the "too bad it's not good for us".

Otherwise, go run your heart out girl!! emoticon

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Is it summer yet?

Monday, April 16, 2012

Well I'm trying to go Monica Gellard on this place. I think rather than trying to tackle Spring Cleaning on the whole apartment in one day, it would behoove me to do a bit at a time. Today will be the kitchen and the laundry basket in the dining room. Yup. It's not full of laundry either...its full of these crafty things and pictures and stuff that I never know where to put. So, I need to put them somewhere....maybe a junk drawer? No. That's full.

Any of you ever try spinning on those stationary bike thingies? Holy smacks. I went back to the gym the other night thinking I would do it to "ease" back into working out. I thought this as I was huffing and puffing walking accross the street to the gym! Golly I let myself get out of shape. So, anyhow, I pedal on this thing and listen to the music and when I say I pedalled I pushed myself. I really wanted to work up a sweat and burn a minimum of 300 calories for the day, ya know? After 45 minutes I made it to 290ish calories and got off the bike as my oldest was going to pick me up (it wsa dark at this time and they don't call me Blind Batty for nuthing)

I was a little happy to find my legs feeling like sea legs and disappointed that they didn't burn more....that was until I got into my daughter's car.


I thought I broke my butt gosh darnit. I mean to tell you it felt like someone shoved a stick up there! LOL awful. awful. They need to make better seats. I hurt for a full day after that and not in a good way.

yesterday i did a little inner thigh machine thingie and today....today today today.

well, I did the dishes.

I'm trying to decide should i hit the gym again (more likely I will) or a DVD

or both?

I dunno....as long as I do it though right? and that laundry basket full of stuff.

In other news: My oldest got accepted to San Fran State University and she is just beside herself. She has been obsessing over apartments and whatnot. a studio the size of my bathroom goes for over $1000 yipes!!!


Hubby's lease is up this month at his place and he was going to stay here. He's hyming and hawing about it as he's worried about 5 people in a little 3 bedroom. None of the girls are willing to share a bedroom (cept for me cuz I really don't care) and he's worried about the stress of it all. I guess I understand. I do have 4 hotheads in my house. why couldn't any of them be chill like me? LMAO So I'm supposed to decide if he stays here and pays off bills or if he should rent a place here and lives there. I suggested he rent a one bedroom and let the oldest live in it until we get her to Frisco, but somehow NO ONE heard that awesome idea. **shrugs**

We are supposed to go to his brother's wedding in August and that was going to be my goal weight date...only he's already married!! What's the point? LOL I dunno. That's a lot of money to go to a ceremony that's not really a ceremony when i've gotta move a kid to the most expensive city in the States. So, I'll have to come up with a good goal weight date. I think my school is planning a 25 year reunion...that might be a good one...as long as it's August...holy smokes I don't know that I could lose 40 pounds in one or two months!! LOL

okay, okay....you guys are all caught up...sort of. I've got to go get out a DVD before I got get the kids from school. I think they miss Spring Break already. Goodness knows I am so ready for summer!!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHITNEYLD 4/25/2012 4:02AM

    I like how you said your butt hurt for a full day after... "and not in a good way"! Hahaha! You're funny. I have tried that kind of bike, and it felt like sitting on handlebars, and "not in a good way"!

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LINDSAYB2217 4/17/2012 11:03AM

    I love spinning! I'm going back today after a week off... and I'm nervous. on the bright side my butt no longer gets sore, but My legs will hurt tomorrow.
Oh wow a GWD (Goal weight date)! I tried to set one of those, but I get so set back! :S
Your blogs always crack me up!

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BAKER1009 4/17/2012 7:33AM

    Yes, I've done spinning, and I know what you mean! Luckily for me, I went with a friend who went before. She had told me to buy a gel seat before the first class. One time I forgot it, and I realized what a big difference it made. If I remember correctly, it's like $15 at Walmart or someplace like that. Cheap, and worth it.
Good for you for going. So what did you decide on yesterday, gym or DVD? And yes, either one would work!

Congrats to your daughter, that's awesome! Yes, San Fran sure is expensive. I remember when we lived in Rocklin that many of our neighbors worked in San Fran, but did the commute. They said even with gas it was still cheaper to drive every day then to rent a place there. Good luck finding her something that won't break the bank!

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EGALITAIRE 4/16/2012 9:36PM

    I ride almost every day 8 months of the year and can tell you two things.

1) It takes me about 2 - 3 weeks at the beginning of the riding season to ease the saddle pain, but it does get to the point where there's no soreness.

2) I despise the seats on the gym bikes - they are so uncomfortable - getting on those even late season is killer. Seems like the manufacturers of that equipment had a contest to see who could design the most uncomfortable seat.

If you decide to ride often, would be worth purchasing riding shorts/pants. They have some padding and chamois fabric in the sensitive areas.

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LEAELLEN07 4/16/2012 9:22PM

    Spinning is great exercise!But man I feel ya on the sore behind.

You've got a lot on your plate. I think a reunion is a good motivation for a goal weight. Or what about your birthday?

Good luck.

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KIMBERTA99 4/16/2012 8:34PM

    I used to have a bike at home and gosh my behind was always in pain afterwards til I started sitting on a very FLUFFY towel!! emoticon But I guess it would look funny if you were to bring on with you to class!! I do beleive that they sell gel seat covers that help with the sore butt symdrom!!

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ENDUROVET 4/16/2012 5:06PM

    Wow! Congrats to Eldest - she's gonna have a blast in San Fran!

But yeah baby, I hear ya on those bike seats - in years past, when I was trying to cycle w/Hubby, I went through at least half-a-dozen different bike seats trying to find one that didn't KILL me! (I'm convinced I could have done a hell of a lot more of those long-distance rides - it wasn't my LEGS that gave out, it was my BUTT!)

Don't stress about your goal weight (I'm convinced that's what's keeping me down - actually UP, as the case may be! - obsessing about every little twitch of the scale) - so I need to take my own advice there...


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KIM_POSSIBLE77 4/16/2012 4:50PM

    Why don't you set your birthday as your goal date, or even a half way mark and then we can plan a trip out west together and that van be our grand finale! I won't have the money until next summer....think about it...would give you time to save after kicking...I mean moving the oldest out. LOL

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Lookie my Cupcake!

Monday, April 09, 2012

I made this first one. Then the girls chipped in. Now my table (I have a table now) looks all colorful and pretty in Easter colors. They are carrot cupcakes, but not so good because my oven burns everything. Oh well, cupcakes for decorative purposes only are a good thing for healthy lifestyle changes, right? LOL

I tried to make chick deviled eggs, but all my eggs fell apart...so I have egg salad in the fridge for tomorrow.

Happy Easter Everyone!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHOCOHOLIC2276 4/9/2012 11:58AM

    How fun!! Very creative cupcakes:) Enjoy the egg salad emoticon

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BAKER1009 4/9/2012 7:11AM

    I love egg salad!

Super cute and looks like fun!

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Roller Coasters and Yo Yo's

Friday, April 06, 2012

I'm still not sure why I was binging on sweets the way I was. Tuesday, I hit an emotional trigger when I saw one of the contestants on the Biggest Loser's preview start on it though..(chris) For a flash, I felt like her and so I felt for her. Weird, I know. But, the eating, although still way out of control calorie wise is settling down nutritionally.

I, for fun, tried Veganism. It was supposed to be for two week as I heard on the news it would boost energy and blood flow. Admittdly I do feel much more energized the past few days and I am glad as I also started taking the Pill again. Women over 40 should to help prevent certain cancers etc. I was worried that the Pill may have some sort of "blues" affect or weight gain, but so far so good. Again, if anything I feel pretty mellow.

Some of the recipes were tasty. I made this vegan lasagne. You blend soft tofu with spinach, onions and some spices and spread the mixture in layers of the noodles and sauce. I also added mushrooms, and eggplant to really make it a garden style. Then on the top I used the Vegan mozzerella. We all looked at this dish suspicously like it could harm us in some way LOL...but it wsa really good! My youngest had 3 helpings which is more than my regular lasagne ..

Some of the recipes though...

emoticon blek

towards the 2nd week, my middle daughter says "can we have ribs now?"
So, veganism is out of this house. Flexitarian stays :o)

And speaking of comings and goings hubby's lease is up. He's been dry and his behavior reflects such. I'm so glad. Not just for us, but for HIM. He almost seems like he's happy and let me tell you; that's something I haven't seen him in in a looong time. As my lease is for a full year he will be slowly moving his stuff over here. But the kitchen stays pink. I'm pretty firm on that. LOL Hey, don't judge, I have my reasons. We will be looking for us a house as I just received a call that as long as our old house doesn't haunt us with the foreclosure date, we can get a prequal letter reflecting a summer closing ..
keep prayers on that one!!


My oldest is still awaiting news from her dream University. I really hope they take her. She's been doing so well herself the past couple of years. I can't believe she'll have her Associates next month. She said she doesn't want a party ... I think she's crazy! LOL Party party party with some vegan lasagne!! woot woot!


I found some socks today. Seems the oldest took ALL of our sox with her to Chicago (don't ask...really, just don't) I thought I was going crazy looking for those things!!

So, hidden pair claimed I put on my shoes and will be heading over to the gym to get in a nice brisk 30 minute cardio. My Spring break is about over and the girls begin today!! yeay yeay yeay :o)

April goals!!

1. I've got to learn to meditate or just be. I still struggle with "hey I'm upset" so I need to learn when I am. **personal hint to self** If ya have a tub of chocolate frosting in your hand, you may be upset about something.

2. I really want to lose more than 10 lbs in a year. I guess that goes with the yo yo outlook, so I guess goal number two is to STAY FOCUSED!!

3. It doesn't matter what workout DVD I'm doing, as long as I do one!! I need to quit obsessing over starting one "on Monday" and sticking with the program and ...JUST DO IT GIRL!!

4. Just because I don't know what to eat, doesn't mean I have to eat everything.
4a. If I go over in calories, does NOT give me free range of calories for the day.

OBKB, I know I'm upset at myself for not achieving ONE single run this year. (mainly $$$$$) but there is a run coming up for the local school. I am going to sign up for that..It's in May. I'm probably not doing the Bay to Breakers this year which breaks my heart.

Have a happy Easter everyone. Hope we all find our happy place inside and get to where we want to be.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAKER1009 4/10/2012 11:17AM

    What's wrong with you?! JK!!! Get your butt in gear chicky!
The lasagne sounds tasty. I've never tried tofu though, and really have no idea what to expect with it.
Keeping my fingers crossed for your oldest!
Worried about hubby moving in with you, but will keep you both in my prayers. You're an amazing woman, don't forget that! And don't take any crap!
Being clean is an amazing feeling, and the further he gets down this path the more amazing and happy he will feel.
Sorry about your runs (OH MY, that sounds hilarious!!!), but I hope you can sign up for the local school one.

Don't make me come out there and kick your butt! Though I would love to revisit the area that I called home for 5 months!!

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 4/10/2012 10:42AM

    I wish I had the money to fly you out to Philly so that you could do this 5k with me in May. I love reading your blogs, they do make me miss you and the family more. I pray that the house works out and you all can be in a bigger space together. I know that Hubby has been working hard and I pray daily that he can stay dry and remain the happy soul he is now.
We still have plenty of time to get to our yearly weight loss goal and with the monthly goals we will get there.

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ENDUROVET 4/9/2012 1:17PM

    That's great news! it sounds like even I could go for that vegan lasagne (I've threatened in the past that life ain't worth living if you take away my cheese ;-)

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LINDSAYB2217 4/7/2012 7:49AM

    That Lasagne sounds SOO YUMMY! I want some now!!
Congrats on everything that's going on in your life and good luck to your daughter! I remember waiting on those letters and it's SCARY!!
Great goals and best of luck to you! You can do this! :)

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PEPPYPATTI 4/6/2012 8:08PM

    I love your goals!

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Midterms, Mayhem, and me.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Ugh what a horrid number for me. I say thins because of how proud I was of getting to 169. I am going to keep going I said.


It's my own fault really. Binging on a whole can of chocolate frosting will do that to you. or several.


The thing is I can't even tell you why. I wanna say "oh, I'm just being lazy" or I dunno....I can blame it on lack of time for midterms? I can blame it on the lack of time for kids, and hubby demanding HIS time (good lord don't get me started...LOL) i can blame it on the rain, why does this blog all of sudden sound like

deja vu?

I mean I really don't know. all I know is that it needs to stop and NOW.

so, as of today I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do...only what I've done.

Guess I better go do something then.

Wish me luck!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTH-E-CLARE 3/29/2012 11:48AM

    Can you and the kids/hubby take a walk (weather permitting) to get in some family time?
Can you take your study material to the gym and read while on the bike?

You can make it down to 169 and past that. I know you can.

Way to be honest with yourself, that's the first step, now take action!

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 3/28/2012 11:40AM

    We all have our set backs....mine comes in a cute little bag of M&Ms (daily bag I should say)! I'm back up too....but only by that stupid 5 pounds that I keep dropping and gaining back. I swear to you one I get past that 5 pounds I'm going to be dancing the dance of JOY!
Why is it that we always know what to do....do thoes things for a while and then BANG out of no where turn our backs and F it all up? One of these days my sister dear we will figure it all out and stick to it. Until then all we can do it admit to our badness and get back on track. I love you!!!

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 3/28/2012 10:25AM


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BAKER1009 3/28/2012 7:24AM

You've fessed up to what you've done...Good for you! Now kick it into high gear, because we all know you can. We've watched you do it before!
C'mon girlie, get your a** in gear!!

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FANGFACEKITTY 3/27/2012 9:25PM


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ALYSSA318 3/27/2012 7:28PM


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CHUM48 3/27/2012 7:20PM

    You don't need luck sweetie, you have the determination and that you have!


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