Two weeks

Saturday, February 18, 2012

That's how long since I've done anything. maybe longer.

I've Sparked daily but for some reason I've just been blah. I can blame my bladder infection, or not feeling well, or lack of time, but I know like anything else it all comes down to me.

I've got to get this togerher, This is supposed to be my year!!

Food wise...I've been averaging a good 2000 calories or more. again, so not like me. Again, I've got to get this together.

It wsa unanimously decided that the Rachel Ray cookbook be put to rest. No one wsa ever in agreeance with her foods (there was always at least one person who refused to eat) and the serving sizes were horrible as noted in a previous blog.

We've been trying recipes out of the Eat Healthy Lose wight magazine.

So far the Medditerannian Quessadillas are the winner. everyone loved them.

The BBQ beans turkey meatball casserole was "liked" but "bland" I only liked the meatballs myself.

I tried downloading pics...but I think my computer may be having issues.

Okay...so I need to get my head back in a happy place.

Homework,
Hiousework,
Workout,

just looking at that makes me tired.

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I heart February!

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Seems like everyone is trying to get as far away from 2011 as possible. LOL

Guess what I did? Yup. Now I don't have to tell ya. hahahahah

No, really.

I have been feeling a little more down than I thought I would about not re-registering for school. I don't know why I didn't think of it before, or maybe I had and I dunno...so I went through yesterday and literally requested add codes for every single available Sierra online class out there. Every single one...which was like 50.

I'm now in "Intro to sustainable agriculture!" LOL I'll take it. I was a week behind, but after my cardio at the gym today I came home and I think other than reading banged it all out. I have a quiz due by 5pm and well, that should be interesting!! LOL

I still don't know what I'm going to go for and honestly at this point, I think I just ant a degree. I just want to say "I finished what I started" degree.

Now. February. I have not lost my 10 lbs in Januray...and I don't think I can lose 20 in February!! sooooo, I guess this means I better kick my own arse and get to work.

Yes, I changed my name back. I just really like Hopefulhippo guys...I really do. Hippos are cool. Maybe I'll change it to Happyhippo, but it's gonna be hippo dang it!!

Oh! I found this pic on another blog and I have to share it. so freaking cool...



well, I think for "fun" I'm going to finish up my to do list, then maybe hit the gym one more time! My goal is to try and hit as many minutes as my friend, Kim. She's been kicking a$$ and taking names...what an inspiration!

OH and I've decided since I missed my run in Januray and this negates my resolution of running one run a month, I would find an additional run this month :o)

So, choco run on the 12th and....I'll go look...Oh and I got jury duty...THAT should be interesting.

have a fan freaking tastic Hump Day and 1st of February everyone!!!!

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Rachel Rachel Rachel!! what are you DOING to me?!

Monday, January 30, 2012

I have been in a dinner rut for some time now. As a mom it is my job to daily come up with a new something or other for dinner. My choice would simply be to cater myself with a salad and kids can have cereal or a sandwich nightly. But, that's kind of a lazy way out. LOL

You can imagine my delight when I remembered I had Rachel Ray's 365 no repeats! I thought this would be great as I can try new recipes and also keep thing in a healthy perspective. I was trying the phase one of the Spark Menu plan but there was just simply too many repeats. I can only eat white beans on my spaghetti less than 8 times in one month!!

So having said that, I planned out my shopping list and set to work. I thought "this is going to be so great" as she literally has them listed in order. Now...for days 4, 5, 6, and 7 there are four different variations of mac-n-cheese. I could skip through the book and try different things or I could stay in order. I chose to stay in order and spread them out during the week. Yesterday I did the mac-n-cheese with broccoli. I followed the recipe exactly and when I was all done cooking at it looked at the book again.

"serves 4"

I looked at the casserole dish stuffed with a pound of elbow noodles, cheddar, and almost 3 cups of broccoli. four, huh. wow!

I had almost convinced the oldest that this was indeed a healthier version of macaroni and cheese and look at the serving size when I began putting the recipe in Spark (with my own variations of course)

800+ calories



we cut the servings in half.

Today was Smoky Turkey Shepherd's pie. Again the book says "serves 4" again I cut the servings in half.

I just hope Rachel doesn't eat a full servings of this stuff herself and if she does...

I want her workout.




On another note: T and I came up with a compromise. He's pretty adament on buying a house and that's all fine and dandy. So, HE'S gonna buy a house and WE will continue to take things slow. I still think he's crazy, but at least my name will be no where near the deal. Strangely enough, I feel a sudden sense of calm so I must've really be internally stressed about the thought of the idea.

who knew? (well, cleary my constantly being stuffed tummy did!!)

This is good. Now I won't get attached to a house that he wants to sell in 5 years anyhow and I won't feel "trapped" should things go sideways in the future. Perhaps it does sound slightly negative, but .... I have to take care of myself and my girls. Priority numero uno.

Ahhhh....I feel better. Let's see what is on the menu for Rachel tomorrow...Smoky Goucha mac n cheese with cauliflower...

"serves 4"

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Eating myself into calm

Monday, January 30, 2012

It never works though does it?

I couldn't figure out why I was diong it. Self sabbatoging my daily workout efforts only to come home and engage in a gallon of extremely rich ice cream and potato chips.

I knew WHAT I was doing. I just couldn't stop myself from doing it or knowing why.

I think until today.



Hubs and I have been looking at houses and we had our eye on a new development. he wants a house so bad he can taste it. I didn't think I was putting much thought into it, i guess because with my year lease and no money and poor credit there wasn't much thought to put into it.

Until today. He was able through his efforts find a preapproval and get paperwork together for the earnest money and "aren't you excited/??"



um...no. Actually I am scared to death. I'm scared this is moving too fast and will I feel trapped if we don't work out and what happens if you lose your job and we have this large house payment and what about the least and ....

He didn't take too kindly to that. Then it bacame about why I haven't stopped the divorce papers and because I'm looking for worst case scenarios and ... well, you get the idea. He did text me a few minutes ago and said he was sorry that he had his head buried in the sand for the way I felt.

I feel awful I do. Everyone tells me how I just have to make this work because "you've been together too long for it not to" and he's on 30 days of no alcohol. A very personal record and twice as long as.....ever.

So why do I feel this way? I keep trying to explain to slow down and he says he just wants to move forward and can't wait.

I know I'm doing the right thing....I know that if it feels wrong I have to do right....right?

ugh!!

Where are the dang brownies? Where is my ice-cream?? When the belly feels empty isn't that what we do????

no. no no no no....I look like some crazy old man stalker dude with wild hair and crazy eyes....no no no no STEP AWAY FROM THE ICE CREAM!!



Goal....

Corinna dear. you lost focus already!! You must learn to take care of yourself and quit trying to cater to everyone. You said "no"....it was hard but you mustn't punish yourself for doing so.

What caused you to think clearly? Was it the fact you do run yourself into sweat driven oblivion until you want to scream at the gym? maybe.

Then I must get back there. I must run for an hour at least...then "pump some irony" and think...

but not with my belly.

think ..

and for once meditate into calm

I can do this.

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"Isn't she too tall for ballet?"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

As a mom of three teenage girls, I take great care in the building of self esteem. I don't do it lightly either. I know that in today's media crazed society and the immense amount of peer influences surrounding my girls I have to take my mission to a high priority level.

I have always stressed to them the HEALTHY diet versus FAD diets and scams.

I have always tried to keep them busy with some form of exercise, even if through school or play.

I tell them every day how beautiful they are. Every single day. and how much I love them.

I was prepared for this. Even when beginning my own weight loss journey I strive to promote healthy image through example. They've caught me a few times though... "oh mom...you compain about your butt so let me complain about my curly hair..." In the end though, I try to keep it real for them.

What I hadn't expected over the years though is every place the criticims come from. I thought the negative imagery was only from the media or other young peers struggling with their own deflated esteems.

I didn't expect to have to protect from my own family members.

It's crazy. Over the years my oldest was told my "a" family member that her butt was too big. Teased by another about her curly hair. And every time I would stand up and have to reaffirm how pretty she is and each time it was harder as she would brainwash herself into believing the criticisms of others. Now mind you, it's not as if the comments were made by trophy wives or things of beauties themselves...just your average family member who have nothing better to do but criticize the life of anyone else to avoid their own misery.

As a teenager she struggled with independance and her grades. Only recently I have discovered she is probably ADD (attention deficit) and I thought about this...Yes, she probably is and No...I would have never put her on meds or traded anything in...You see, and we've discussed this BECAUSE she probably is does mean she is messy (and I don't mean slightly) It does mean she has a hard time focusing.....however, she is also one of the brightest and creative people I know. Because we acknowlege this and because I spent the past three semesters with her in school, I am proud to say that my "big butt, curly hair'd, probably won't finish high school troublemaker" is now on the President's Honor Roll in school and is deciding on which University to attend in the fall. She works out with me frequently and has learned to love her hair...although she still hates some body parts...

My middle love was born at pretty close to 11 pounds. All her life I've had people ask me "should you put her on a diet now as she was born so big?" I kid you not. I rebelled. Why would you automatically belittle someone for the way they were born? Again, I strived to maintain good self esteem. My third one came right after her and she was born long, slender, and with a major attitude.

The hardest parts of keeping those two up were against each other. When ever they became angry my youngest would scream at how fat the middle one was. As always it wsa my job to instill manners and positive imagery.....without gleefully beating the crap outof the 3rd one. LOL

Over the years, I've watched D2 blossom into arts, music and scholar. Her goal is Harvard or such and her Dad and I are trying to save now because we know by her personality....she'll do it! She maintains a very good grade average (4.2 out of 4) and strives for perfection. Sounds great doesn't it? It is....until I find myself with:

me: "yes, and she does ballet and tap"

family member: "isn't she too tall for ballet/"
(She's almost 5'9" at 14)



Where do these limitations COME from? Too tall for ballet? Too clumsy for cheer (3rd daughter....she has my clutzilla skills)

To this I respond:



I love the way she thinks! She takes pictures from the most unique perspective. I worry about her. I worry about all my girls. I know they will be okay as I know every day I will keep striving to build up what even the most well intentioned try to tear down.

I guess what I want to share in this long ramble is how much harder it is to build UP good self esteem than it is to tear down. Remember the cheer suicide? It made the front page of the Sunday Sacramento Bee....The suicides are the highest it's ever been. So people, hold hands, look around and THINK before you say. Encourage your nieces, nephews, cousins, 2nd cousins, daughters and sons don't criticize them. Remember: it takes at least seven acts of niceness to make up for ONE act of cruelty. (Sierra College Class/PSYCH101)

In the meantime, I will keep building up esteems. After all I've got to count on these three to take care of me when I'm older....LOL



She will be getting her Associates in May :o)


I love the way my "too tall" ballerina thinks.


I am often told "wow, I would never expect her to be a cheerleader, she's a clutz"
They've won 1st place 3x now.

I will keep believing in them, even when they don't believe in themselves.

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