Tuesday, January 24, 2012
As a mom of three teenage girls, I take great care in the building of self esteem. I don't do it lightly either. I know that in today's media crazed society and the immense amount of peer influences surrounding my girls I have to take my mission to a high priority level.
I have always stressed to them the HEALTHY diet versus FAD diets and scams.
I have always tried to keep them busy with some form of exercise, even if through school or play.
I tell them every day how beautiful they are. Every single day. and how much I love them.
I was prepared for this. Even when beginning my own weight loss journey I strive to promote healthy image through example. They've caught me a few times though... "oh mom...you compain about your butt so let me complain about my curly hair..." In the end though, I try to keep it real for them.
What I hadn't expected over the years though is every place the criticims come from. I thought the negative imagery was only from the media or other young peers struggling with their own deflated esteems.
I didn't expect to have to protect from my own family members.
It's crazy. Over the years my oldest was told my "a" family member that her butt was too big. Teased by another about her curly hair. And every time I would stand up and have to reaffirm how pretty she is and each time it was harder as she would brainwash herself into believing the criticisms of others. Now mind you, it's not as if the comments were made by trophy wives or things of beauties themselves...just your average family member who have nothing better to do but criticize the life of anyone else to avoid their own misery.
As a teenager she struggled with independance and her grades. Only recently I have discovered she is probably ADD (attention deficit) and I thought about this...Yes, she probably is and No...I would have never put her on meds or traded anything in...You see, and we've discussed this BECAUSE she probably is does mean she is messy (and I don't mean slightly) It does mean she has a hard time focusing.....however, she is also one of the brightest and creative people I know. Because we acknowlege this and because I spent the past three semesters with her in school, I am proud to say that my "big butt, curly hair'd, probably won't finish high school troublemaker" is now on the President's Honor Roll in school and is deciding on which University to attend in the fall. She works out with me frequently and has learned to love her hair...although she still hates some body parts...
My middle love was born at pretty close to 11 pounds. All her life I've had people ask me "should you put her on a diet now as she was born so big?" I kid you not. I rebelled. Why would you automatically belittle someone for the way they were born? Again, I strived to maintain good self esteem. My third one came right after her and she was born long, slender, and with a major attitude.
The hardest parts of keeping those two up were against each other. When ever they became angry my youngest would scream at how fat the middle one was. As always it wsa my job to instill manners and positive imagery.....without gleefully beating the crap outof the 3rd one. LOL
Over the years, I've watched D2 blossom into arts, music and scholar. Her goal is Harvard or such and her Dad and I are trying to save now because we know by her personality....she'll do it! She maintains a very good grade average (4.2 out of 4) and strives for perfection. Sounds great doesn't it? It is....until I find myself with:
me: "yes, and she does ballet and tap"
family member: "isn't she too tall for ballet/"
(She's almost 5'9" at 14)
Where do these limitations COME from? Too tall for ballet? Too clumsy for cheer (3rd daughter....she has my clutzilla skills)
To this I respond:
I love the way she thinks! She takes pictures from the most unique perspective. I worry about her. I worry about all my girls. I know they will be okay as I know every day I will keep striving to build up what even the most well intentioned try to tear down.
I guess what I want to share in this long ramble is how much harder it is to build UP good self esteem than it is to tear down. Remember the cheer suicide? It made the front page of the Sunday Sacramento Bee....The suicides are the highest it's ever been. So people, hold hands, look around and THINK before you say. Encourage your nieces, nephews, cousins, 2nd cousins, daughters and sons don't criticize them. Remember: it takes at least seven acts of niceness to make up for ONE act of cruelty. (Sierra College Class/PSYCH101)
In the meantime, I will keep building up esteems. After all I've got to count on these three to take care of me when I'm older....LOL
She will be getting her Associates in May :o)
I love the way my "too tall" ballerina thinks.
I am often told "wow, I would never expect her to be a cheerleader, she's a clutz"
They've won 1st place 3x now.
I will keep believing in them, even when they don't believe in themselves.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
So on December 31st Tom and I got together and did the Resolution Run. We walked it. I was teasing him about keeping up with me but forgot how long his strides were. We talked a lot. Probably more than we've talked in the past few years. I don't know guys. He relapsed on drinking a bit ago and I think it hit him like a ton of bricks....he checked into treatment and therapy and for the first time in a long time, I see a glimmer of someone I married so long ago. It's been nice.
This is us...we walked it in 45.06 (5K)
He's been asking for more and that's AWESOME cept I am gonna want to try and RUN one of these! LOL
Oh! and we all signed up for the gym. yup! As we live right across the street fro mit and been oggling it for a while, we signed the whole family up and have been hitting it pretty consecutively. I took the last two days down as I was coming down with a tummy issue, but we are going again right after I drop the girls off at school. I really love that he is not letting his back get in the way. I think maybe he realizes that this could HELP his back and again...I am just ....well, I'm a hoping!!
California Fitness has a lot of classes too that my daughters and I are thinking of tackling. Yogas and spin oooooh and Zumba. Now all we need is time.
Applied for a few part time jobs today. I've decided to take a break from school. Yes, it is 90% in part of him asking me to, and 10% because I'm broke. LOL D3's cheer will be advancing to travel next year to Vegas or LA, I need new aids as they have been broken for ahile (so I can't hear the teacher's anyhow right now) and we are hoping to buy a house. In the meantime, i'm looking for a similar major in online classes and Tom is helping me by calling around. His reasoning is that just because I CAN drive with my eyesight, doesn't mean I SHOULD. So, do the necessary driving and etc etc. Point taken.
Oh yes....on a somber note. I've been noticing a lot of drama on Spark lately. People saying mean things and judging and hurtful. I know none of my Sparkies do that and I thank you for that. However, be aware and maybe help others be aware....fear is fueled by ignorance which leads to hate. Hate kills. Nikki's cheer team lost their tumbling coach to bullying over New Year's Eve. He took his own life. I don't think he realized how many people cared as he only felt the stabs of jeers and hatred from others. He was only 19. He could have been my child.
I only "preach" this as I notice people seem to find it easy to criticize or judge via text, email and online....There is no face to put it to and this makes it easier to ignore a face when they get in groups. Can you imagine the feeling of mortification? Of the hurt or anguish one must have to endure to accept and enforce eternal silence as the only option to another's cruelty? One word....one look can change everything. So, I resolve to every day say or do one nice thing. Even if it's tell a punk'd out green and blue spiked hair, pierced body person that I like their shoes.
It's been kinda hard...they only have 3 more practices before their 2 more competitions this month and it's easy to see this weights heavily on everyone's mind.
Rest in Peace young child.
I made a chili today. The recipe called for cinnamon. ugh. I can't fix it. it's gross and I must toss it out. LOL I mean it's baaaaaaad. I think Top Ramon sounds good.
Never put cinnamon in your chili...despite what the recipe says!! LOL
Okay, I think that's it. There's the ups the downs the workouts and meals.
Still rambly I know....but I have to go...I'm hungry!!
My future holds:
Video for Jumpstart challenge tonight
workout tomorrow am at the gym.
HOPEFULLY the Whole Foods 5K run this month (depends how broke I am...)
I hope all of your holidays were good and the new year brings everyone what they are looking for: no matter how big or small your dreams may be!!
"Give Peace a chance"
(from PETA site via Bing Images)
(John & Yoko from www.mog.com)
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