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So much to say....

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Well, I went to run today. I did. Went to find my running pants when I realized that my girls after years of listening to their 80s momma said "oooooooh we DO love leggins..." Of course the leggins are my running pants.

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Other than that I have slaced....I mean really slacked. I haven't been a good leader on my team (sorry) and I haven't been on here very much cept to comment some blogs and what not. I definately haven't worked out other than to move, school, and clean. I DID however, stare at my Hip Hop Abs for like an hour wonder what day would be good to start. LOL

I am starting this weekend.

School is out. I did horribly this semester, but am sooooo proud of my girls for attaining honor status despite T's & my separation. We have decided to call it quits. I did cry ( in Science with my oldest sitting next to me...it was um.....yeah.) and I am so ready to use exercise to beat the crap out of this emotional b.s.

I can't wait. I really can't

I will go naked if I have to down to the cabana and work out...well, I won't though because I think my daughter's band teacher lives in this complex and that might be a bad first impression.

Oh Oh!! I sat and figured out some budget stuff today while my Kate was performing for some schools. I am going to do The Biggest Loser Cookbook for the next two weeks. Yeah, I realize that "Julie and Julia" already did this and that's fine...I want to try out all these recipes...they look so good. So I will try them out, hopefully pics and stuff and blog it. I can't start til Monday though as I have to take my girls to San Jose for an all weekend cheer competition. It's gonna be a doooooozer of a weekend!!

On that note I have to be up in a few hours sooo off to hit the showers...See ya Monday!

and don't let me forget batteries for my talking scale...it died...hence the error messages.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIM_POSSIBLE77 12/12/2011 12:10PM

    Girl, this is JUST what I needed today was to see that you were on here, blogged and going to get back on the ball! The workouts will totally help you with all of the emotions....remember all the time I spent swimming when I left my Ex! LOL.....seems like a lifetime ago! I miss you and wish everyday that we were closer so that we could work out together. Love you sis!!!

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RUFFIT 12/12/2011 11:45AM

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RAYLINSTEPHENS 12/11/2011 6:31PM

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ENDUROVET 12/11/2011 11:15AM

    Deepest condolences - it's always hard & very sad even if absolutely necessary...
Can't even imagine the pain involved when there's multiple children, too - I am overwhelmed w/the juggling involved w/only ONE.
Hang in there, darling. Ch-ch-ch-CHANGES indeed (ain't MY strong suit that's for sure!)

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 12/11/2011 10:39AM

    I know you have been going through a difficult time so I am glad you are starting to recoup and do what is best for you.

Love these new ideas and can't wait to hear how you progress- things will get better. emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 12/10/2011 5:12PM

    You are taking it a day at a time through a rough time in your life, and you are AWESOME.

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SOKKERNUT 12/10/2011 2:19PM

    Wow you have so much going on. Ohhh the little thing called Life that gets in the way sometimes of things we need to do or want to do. That is great the you will be starting fresh and anew. GOOD LUCK! emoticon

Good Luck to your girls this weekend at cheer competition.

Have a great weekend.

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GRANNYSUE9 12/10/2011 12:58PM

    Sorry about your split with T. It sounds like you have made your mind up to get back on track depsite your setbacks!! That is totally awesome. You can do this and remember that you are so worth it!! Have a great weekend and hope your daughters do well at cheer competions! One of my GD does this. She is 6 and so cute.

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BAKER1009 12/10/2011 8:12AM

    You have had so much going on these past several months. Hang in there beautiful girl. Things will come together like they should.

Big Hugs,
Beth

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DIANEDOESSMILES 12/10/2011 2:28AM

    I am soo PROUD of you for making the decision with T. I KNOW that was soo HARD ! it had to be YOUR Decision ! But it sounded like the one that needed to be made for the stability of ur fam. Also the grades will rebound, once you become stable again,,,, have no doubt. Hon,,,ur going thru so much, I am sooo PROUD OF ALL UR DOING !! WOOHOOOO On doing the excerises,, those will help you with processing things,,,the eomotions ur feelings, and to deal with the anxiety your feeling. HUGS ! Diane

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Moving in and moving on...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The duplex flopped, they picked another canadate.

Then the townhouse.

The house was too expensive and couldn't get me an answer.... so,

here we are in Rocklin. My Katie cried. She didn't want an apartment and she didn't want Rocklin. I told her it was just for a year (hope) and that we WOULD be moving back to Lincoln as soon as possible and that it would NOT affect her schooling. Other than that the girls seem to be adjusting okay. We all have our bouts of moodiness but quickly work through them together. I'm not going to lie...it really is already more peaceful. Kind of like when he goes on a deployment. and...I do sometimes miss him. Not enough to shave yet though.

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The people here are pretty nice. We pulled up with the Uhaul and there were like, 5 guys ready to help us. Total strangers who are our new neighbors. Every time we showed up with a Uhaul, they would show up to help us unload. It was really kind of cool. the managers of this place got us in here in ONE day. One. She said she had never done that before but when she heard our plight, she just HAD to try. We are in a little disabled unit which I love because the hallways are wider and the bathrooms are a touch bigger.

As I am in the last 4 weeks of school (today) I still have boxes EVERYWHERE.. Whenever anyone of us ask where something is it's "in a box....somewhere" LOL But no one has time to really unpack yet.

I still have uber amounts of essays, algeblah, and final studies...

As for workin out....that would be moving, right? LOL

All in all, it's an adjustment. As this is a 3 day weekend I have put my mind to getting the place in order. We will have while walls and our party couch for awhile as I am managing deposits and whatnots, but it willc ome together. I somehow will find a hot pink couch and maybe some nice shelving units...

I'm just hoping the living room is big enough for me to work out in...otherwise this is gonna be intersting! LOL

Have a great 3 day weekend everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RICKEFFEL 11/30/2011 10:59AM

    You're "moving" in the right direction. I'm sure things will only get better. Don't let him back in unless he can truly prove himself a changed man. Yes, it may take coldheartedness, but perhaps that is really inner strength.

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 11/21/2011 5:11PM

    I know I tell you this all the time, but I love you and I'm SO proud of you! You are wonderful and no matter what the girls will grow stronger from all this as will you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I was closer to you and the girls, especially now. I love you all!!

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NEEDSINCENTIVE 11/16/2011 7:25AM

    I will be in Tacoma for the Holiday... maybe you girls might road trip up here for the Turkey day... I miss you so much and just wanna hug you all! emoticon


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RUFFIT 11/15/2011 10:38AM

    That is great you have awesome new neighbors!! Good for you!! Moni

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SCOTMAMA 11/13/2011 10:38AM

    The only time I've seen neighbors come to help with the moving was when they were Mormons! They did the same thing when my son and his wife moved to Idaho. That must have been great. When I have moved in the past, except for the boxes marked "Kitchen" I have had all the boxes put in the garage. Then I would bring in one at a time to unpack -- the house seemed fairly organized that way. Of course I couldn't use the garage, but it was usually all done within a week. That's my idea of FAST!

Good luck to you - sounds like you are coping!

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SPARKLINGVIOLET 11/12/2011 2:13PM

    Wow! Talk about nice neighbors!!

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 11/12/2011 6:29AM

    Those are great neighbors, so nice they offered to help you out. I really believe that when you are meant to be somewhere things come easier and fall into place smoothly. I hope you and your children get to like the place:)



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BRATS4 11/11/2011 6:18PM

    it will all work out.hopeful for the best.i'm praying for you and the girls

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BAKER1009 11/11/2011 8:06AM

    Sorry the duplex didn't work out, but am glad that you got an apartment so that you could get moved out and started with your new, even if temporary, life.
What's wrong with Rocklin? I loved it there! I liked the Bel Air grocery store...they put our groceries in our car! LOL...that was a first for me, lol!
What complex did you end up in? I hope you all settle in and get your pink sofa and shelves soon!
Only 4 weeks of school to go? That's awesome! I hope it goes well. You should be so proud of yourself, on so many levels!

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NELLIEC 11/11/2011 1:01AM

    Yes, moving is most definitely working out! I'm glad you had help with the hefty stuff!!!

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MNABOY 11/10/2011 11:35PM

    You have my admiration. Moving is something I have feared for years.

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DIANEDOESSMILES 11/10/2011 11:01PM

    How I LOVE that ur neighbors AND Landlord helped you move in, though it wasn't where you really wanted to be hon. It DOES sound like it'll work out for awhile. I HOPE the kids will adjust quickly and ALL will go FINE ! you know how I LOVE the PINK COUCH !! WOOOHOOOO TO THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am also in an handicapped apt, and it IS SOOOO NICE huh? it makes it so much NICER for my elect wheelchair to get around,,, woohoooooo ! My other cat Princey, (Wincey) ENJOYED Riding on my lap, now I have this NEW Kitten, Isabella, and we SHALL SEE how she does. Life is sooo strange huh?

SO AM hoping things on ur end works out VERY WELL. And you "know how I FEEL ABOUT HIM, and how I HOPE he doesn't cause any problems.

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KAYE454 11/10/2011 10:54PM

  Hope all works out ok and you you get thinks done in the next few days

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THETURTLEBEAR 11/10/2011 10:52PM

    Glad to hear you've found a place and are slowly settling in!

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Size 16-12

Friday, October 21, 2011

So I went from a loose size 16 to a snug, but fits, size 12 and you know what sux about that?


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Really? Like ANYTHING would suck about that?!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOTIVATED-ME 11/28/2011 7:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAISLING 11/7/2011 6:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LYNETTEMOM 10/31/2011 4:56PM

    hahaha--- I was thinking you were an ungrateful wench, until I got to the bottom!

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TLOVESC1125 10/31/2011 2:38PM

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TWNOMWE 10/26/2011 8:49AM

    emoticon emoticon
I have retired my size 16 and I am close to throwing away the 14 as well.
Just doing slim and 6 pack!!!

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MELINA05 10/23/2011 8:42PM

    That's GREAT!!!!! Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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DIANEDOESSMILES 10/22/2011 11:01PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHA Betty HOW TRUE IS THAT???? I am currently in a 14 DOWN FROM A 3X !! WOOOHOOO Huh? Yuppers from 288 down to 168 !!! WOOOOHOOOO ! GONE 120 !! WOOOHOOOOO !

Your doing FANTASTICAL Betty!!! lets KEEP THAT UP !! Please make sure you are hitting the Spirited Under Dawg excerise/challenge page daily,,, for we really need the POINTS from what I SEE HERE YOUR A ROCKING THE CHALLENGE !! So PLEASE HELP US !! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO

YOU ROCK GAL !! YOU ROCK !!! GOOOO SPIRITED UNDER DOGS !! WOOOFF WOOFFFF !!!

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BRATS4 10/22/2011 6:26PM

    great,super,love it.did i say i was happy for you?

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 10/22/2011 8:34AM

    Nothing sux about that!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon that was ALL you! You made it happen:)

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CHRISGETTINGFIT 10/21/2011 11:36PM

    Awesome!


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CORINA-MOMOF4 10/21/2011 9:26PM

    WTG!!!

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SUNFLOWERGAL40 10/21/2011 8:06PM

    emoticon That's awesome! emoticon for you! emoticon emoticon

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MARYANNGI 10/21/2011 4:51PM

    emoticon You are totally awsome!

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 10/21/2011 1:28PM

    LOVE it!!! I put on my size 14s and they are getting big on me now....crazy thing is I just got into these jeans! LOL We are DOING this!!!

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YOURJONES 10/21/2011 1:26PM

    Hahaha! Keep exercising, cuz you don't want to lose any muscle!

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BAKER1009 10/21/2011 12:50PM

    LOL...you're too funny! emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/21/2011 12:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JILLTBNAGART 10/21/2011 12:32PM

    Congrats!!!! Woo HOo!

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MICHSTATE 10/21/2011 12:09PM

    Ha!!! You really had me wondering what you could possibly be talking about!!! :-)

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ALIHIKES 10/21/2011 12:02PM

    Congratulations! That's GREAT! emoticon

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JORDANA84 10/21/2011 12:00PM

    woot woot! good job. THATS how you know you lost, not by the stupid scale!

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MICHELES76 10/21/2011 11:46AM

  Keep up the great work. I can't wait to drop a size.

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total eclipse of the heart

Friday, October 21, 2011

I never cried.

Never.

My body tries...it lingers in the back of my eyelids, always waiting like an emotion of multiple personalities. Never really knowing who is in charge, but ready to act when it finds out. I go for days emotionally drained; physically ready to cry, but emotionally too pissed off to care. It's very confusing.

I wish I could explain it.

You see, for the past decade I have been the good girl. The wife who stood by her angry, alcoholic man. The one who would never give up because it just wasn't right to do so.

So now that he gave up on me on a whim...I think "what the hell?!" What gives him this right? I stayed. Even when I thought for sure it was time to end all I stayed...and now, he says things like "I haven't filed yet...until YOU decide to fix it" I get angry...so angry....why?

Should I have ended it so long ago? Every fiber of my being says no and I think that's why Ifeel like I am supposed to hurt....but I have programed myself to never be hurt by him again...so I can't...I can't hurt...I just sit and stare and think...how can this be. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

The government in its infinite financial widsom decided to FINALLY give me a raise on Social Security disability in January. Finally. three years and I finally get a 3.5 % raise in Januray to "match cost of living" Problem is they forgot to tell the apartment companies so that 3.5 that I get in JANUARY put me over the income restriction for the apartments NOW. Unless I have another baby I'm rich...isn't that crazy?? So now not only have I become a woman who was "dumped", I just became a financial nightmare "statistic". Lovely. A single mom raising kids on disability who got denied for her apartment,

That led me to another delimma. He is in Guam...he wants to get back together in 6 months only there are no apartments. I just applied for a cute little (tiny) duplex that wants a year lease. But, it is 3 bedrooms for 900 a month and it's new and cute. I took it...well, I applied for it. I know he will be angry and I feel like "who cares? HE put me here!!"

I hate this...I hate feeling like this...ask anyone, it's not me. I'm "ignore the bad to promote the good" Fate takes us where we need to be....so ....where is it taking me and my girls??

I am so tired.

I'm tired of trying to figure out what he means when he says "I haven't filed yet...it's up to YOU...You fix the schedule, but I'm gonna get wasted in Guam until then ok?" like a small child in a tantrum holding a vice grip over my heart. What exactly am I suppsed to do?? Give in to the ultimatum or ... wait, wait... I say...wait...it wasn't supposed to be this way!

I'm lost.

I was living my own life with an alcoholic. I didn't realize that he'd figure it out and feel alone. I didn't realize that he'd turn it back on me...somehow, it became my fault and I feel it. I'm guilty...and now I'm looking at a tiny 1000 sq ft place behind a factory that might work... and think..."I did it wrong"

I watch a movie about couples and I laugh..."they lie" I say to myself...love is a facade and yet I feel so incredibly jealous when I see my cousins be so sweet to their spouses on Facebook. It's not real, I tell myself...but then I see my besties with their boyfriends honey sweet..."gross" I say in slight twinge of jealousy...knowing in my heart the men will turn...it happens.

but does it?

There are men who geniunely look at their wives and TALK to them? Since when? Are they fake? really? I don't belive it....I wish I did, but I can't...I've never seen it so it must not be real.

My Human Development teacher asked us who we feared the most when something bad happens....I listed him....the class laughed....it wasn't funny cuz it was true.

All these things linger and I think...he just thinks we'll be better in 6 months? He thinks because HE said so we'll be better in 6 months?? and I wonder if I really want it anymore... or even if I care...

do I care?

My emotions say nothing. It's just what they do...I start to dream a bad dream and wake up, I think a bad thought and it disappears...many years of my mother's authoritarian scare blocks all possiblilities of emotion out. It's better to feel nothing at all than emit an ounce of pain. Ever.

But I do... I care about three girls...It was all I ever wanted in life was to be a momma. And not just a momma....but a GOOD momma. and I have been...so seeing what I see and knowing what I know I can't help but to feel bitter than he doesn't want to be a daddy, that he is angry because I don't spend enough time with him..

I am angry that he can't see past that. I hate when he says my realationship with my oldest is "unhealthy" because we get along.

I don't like feeling sick all the time and the tears lingering in the back of my eyeballs with my heart so solid and cold.

but I don't care.

As long as I never grow bitter I don't care....I will continue being the momma I want to be. Anything else is just...well, petty.

I'm hoping to hear back from the duplex tomorrow...it's a 1 year lease and not 6 months as hubby was hoping for. But, at this point...it's about surviving anymore, right? It's about me and three beautiful girls...

he put me on hold...he put US on hold...to prove a point.

and I hate him for that.

I wish I could cry now...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRATS4 10/24/2011 3:36PM

    honey i'm praying real hard for you.you deserve better then this.i have even told my dil to get the hell out .you to

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DIANEDOESSMILES 10/22/2011 11:14PM

    HI hon,,, we do not know each other,,, we are "only teammates" but sweetie, i grew up in this situation,,and my Mom put my "step monster" ahead of us kids,,,it was SHEER $HELL for us kids. It was for HER ALSO (she'd later on admit it to us, though NOT at that time) is this REALLY the life you want for your kids to grow up in? For their futures to be ROCKED by FRIGHT of the HOLLARING? The FIGHTING? The NAME CALLING? The FRIGHT OF "What if he HURTS Mommy or US?" or when he DOES HURT YOU and its NOT FAR OFF ,,, "Will Mommy die?" "Will WE DIE?" as they turn to being teens "Why didn't Mom protect us?" "Why didn't Mom stand UP for herself?" "Why? WHY? WHY? WHY!!!!!????" with the ENDLESS TEARS as you watch YOUR OWN DAUGHTERS do as MOST OF US DO and THROW our OWN FUTURES DOWN the drain as we COPY YOUR EXAMPLE of what you SETTLE FOR so DO WE. After all its ALL WE KNOW.

Is this what you WANT for your daughters? FOR YOU? is this what YOU GREW UP In?" I am so sorry this is so HARD HITTING, but in all honesty,,,, its ALL TO TRUE. I WAS FOLLOWING my MOMS own rules,,,when a Friends mom grabbed me and said "NO HON ! This will NoT HAPPEN TO YOU ALSO !" but thats RARE ! SO RARE that a STRANGER will CARE about YOUR CHILDREN!!!! Especially when YOU LOVE them SO MUCH !! Hon, please YOU Do right now have the IDEAL SITUATION to NOT ALLOW HIM BACK ! YOU DO !!! YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT HIM !

I care,,, and you can ALWAYS email me,,, and we'll chat that way. Diane

Comment edited on: 10/22/2011 11:19:22 PM

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 10/22/2011 8:57AM

    I don't know if you want him back or not but this is a childish game he is playing. Apparently this is all your fault. He's gonna go and get drunk and live it up in Guam and then what....come back to the same life you had before? Promise things will change but will they?

You took a first step towards healing yourself. This is not your fault. You did not make him an alcoholic and you cannot make him leave that habit or heal him. You have to do what is bets for YOU. There is no guilt in figuring out what works for you. There is no guilt in wanting a life without drama and mind games.

Sending prayers your way emoticon

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NELLIEC 10/21/2011 6:38PM

    I know that at some point I finally decided that my children and I could not take my then-husband's abuse anymore. I got out. I did first have a legal separation and then later filed for divorce. It took a while to get everything ironed out, but now I feel whole again. I have Jesus and my adult children to love me and I love them! And now I have grandchildren to enjoy and love!

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LYNNA7499 10/21/2011 11:50AM

  I believe that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason you did not get that apartment, because a nice duplex is available. Take care of yourself and those girls!

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/21/2011 10:22AM

    Living with an alcoholic or drug addict causes exactly what you describe: your emotions are stifled. One also typically struggles with the idea that they are supposed to be able to do something about this - and his reaction (to turn this back on you) makes things more confusing. I would highly recommend that you go online and seek the closest meeting of Al-Anon to get the support you need from others who are going through the same thing. It's completely anonymous and you'll find a support system for this, in the same way that Spark provided a support system for your health. You will also find that one might support the other. (And if I already told you this before, I apologize, but I am a firm believer in these programs.)

Comment edited on: 10/21/2011 10:22:50 AM

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ENDUROVET 10/21/2011 10:04AM

    Well honey I am crying for you - actually for both of us. Reminds me too much of the sick twisted game MY ex played w/me (when in reality he was already long gone emotionally, deeply enmeshed w/his GF even as he kept swearing they were "just friends") - an effed-up, carrot n' stick game of "guess what you did wrong", "try to correct your mistakes" while he jerked the strings like a puppeteer.

Don't play, Corinna, just DON'T.

It sounds like you're carrying on just right - take care of your girls & everything else will fall into place. I know it also stings to be the dumpee when you played The Good Girl all those years - I did too. (The running joke amongst my in-laws was "Saint Val")

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RUFFIT 10/21/2011 9:25AM

    You have to be self-caring. That is what you are doing. Take care of yourself and your girls. Hugs, Moni emoticon emoticon

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 10/21/2011 9:11AM

    Corinna I am really sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I can't tell you what to do but I can say that if he is not changing his habits and stopping his drinking habits than how will anything change. You need to focus on what environment is best for you and your daughters and worry about what he wants last. I hope everything works out for you and don't loose faith, there are good guys out there, there really are! You and your family are in our thoughts and in our prayers. If you need anything just ask.

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 10/21/2011 8:46AM

    My dear Sister....I WISH that I was there, I WISH that I could take this pain away. What I can tell you is DO NOT live your life on hold. The moment that you and the girls move out there is no way for you to live in limbo.
STOP letting him think that he has the control over this relationship. A true functinal relationship is when TWO people work at it...not ONE. You have always been the one to fix the relationship, to stop being friends with people because he didn't like them. It is time for you to not walk on egg shells and learn what it is in life that makes you happy. Get the duplex, get the year contract. If things work out for you then he can move into your place. Become the strong woman that everyone see's in you. Let me know when you are free this weekend so we can talk for a bit. I love you SO much! emoticon

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BAKER1009 10/21/2011 7:56AM

    Cori, I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling with so much. I'm sorry the apartment didn't work out. But I am one that believes everything works out the way it does for a reason. So apparently there is a reason you were not suppose to get that apartment. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that the duplex works out, if it is meant to be.
Nosey me...saw that you have decided to have the party...that's awesome. Let that be a distraction for you for now.
After reading this, I feel bad that your experience "in love" was so crappy. But it does exist. Don't give up hope.
I also think after reading this that you have your priorities straight, and you know what is important "you and the girls"!! Keep your head up, because you are a wonderful person and you are strong enough to get through this and whatever else life has in store for you. Sending many, many, hugs your way Cori!

xoxo
Beth

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LEN_VERSION32 10/21/2011 6:44AM

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A-STRONGER-ME 10/21/2011 5:55AM

    Sounds terribly unhealthy for you Corinna.

Wants to get back together in 6 months - what is going to change in that time period?

I know what I would do, but YOU must decide what is best for you and I am betting that waiting on him is NOT it!!

Some one once told me,'when there are tears, there is still hope." No tears??

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and now....

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Well bummer...I gained back the weight I had lost. I kinda knew I was gonna. I hadn't been tracking at all, fitness is pretty non-existent and let's face it, the stress level was through the roof.

I didn't realize how much our bodies contain our "stress levels" (such an overused word I feel) until I went to the docs today. I have been feeling nauseaus since last weekend and my kidneys have been giving me grief again. I went in to get back on my anti biotics when they mentioned I had a low grade fever. Pretty typical, weight was going down since I last saw him (wooo hoooo) and oh, blood pressure is elevated.

Now, I looked at her puzzled and said "well, I do have some stress going on. Could that be it?" She said probably and had me uncrossed my legs...it went even higher. something over 107?? I dunno.

I dunno much about this other than whenever I had them take my blood pressure before it was always too low. So, to skip "normal" altogether and go straight to high...well, it's a little concerning. I will go back in two weeks to make sure I can mellow my body out some.

How to do that?

Breaking out the vids. I had them packed as I was going to hold off until we moved into our new apartments, but....I think I may need to let my body release some steam and sweat. Maybe even look into some meditation or something. Anybody know about meditation ?? email me.

I'm pretty sure my eating habits have failed miserably too. For example, 3 bags of fritos and a diet pepsi do NOT constitute a full meal for the day! I know better than this!!

So..time to snap out of this!

SNAP NOT SLAP!!

well, maybe a slap...but don't hurt the face!!

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Okay, ramblin on....we have a storage pod thingie coming tomorrow to load up the garage. Hubby got his place and the girls and I picked out ours. So far everything is still very amicable and we both seem to have the "intention" that this is just temporary and we will be back together in 6 months... Kaiser doesn't cover counseling which stinks so we are looking about $125 a session. UGH!! But, upon the advice of my Sparkies and my bestie, the girls and I will be attending Alanon. My D1 got the info for that. Everyone (with the exception of my one meanie) has been UUUBBER supportive and loving and haven't taken sides so thank you thank you thank you :o) I can't thank everyone enough.

Girls and I are trying to figure out how to get the party couch hot pink. I'm looking at maybe having a hot pink slipcover made for it. I have an estimate of about $400. (hot pink microfiber...oh yeah!!)

I guess that's about it for today. Going to go finish up the kitchen, pack a few more things.. make dinner, take D3 to cheer, and work on Algeblah.

Oh ... and work out. thinking Hip Hop Abs and maybe I could use a little abuse from Jillian. Haven't decided yet really... I will let you know tomorrow!

obkb?
Obkb!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHOCOHOLIC2276 10/9/2011 6:21PM

    Get back on track- you can do it. A lot of stressful things are going on in your life so I hope things settle down a bit more for you.

Concerned about your kidneys- hope they get back to normal.

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ESILBO 10/9/2011 12:10AM

    you seem yo be on the right track with the choices you made...good luck
hugs
lise

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LYNNA7499 10/7/2011 1:54PM

  Good luck getting your health and stress under control. It is hard to relax when we have so much going on. I hope you are able to find a little time each day to relax and take care of yourself.

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ENDUROVET 10/7/2011 1:22PM

    Glad to hear the separation is proceeding smoothly... I hope it gets you where you need to go!
One thing I neglected to add to my blog post was how "bittersweet" it is, when my son hugs & kisses me, & calls me "The Best Mom in the World"... I do try my best, although it feels a long way off the mark sometimes.

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YOURJONES 10/7/2011 11:59AM

    Glad things are amicable. Can you imagine if it weren't? Hallelujah for that! Not glad to hear about your kidneys. Ditch the soda, guzzle that water and maybe start out walking. It's exercise and you can meditate while you walk. :D If you feel good doing that, try your workout DVD's. I'd start slowly, especially if you're running a fever and all. Girl, I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself okay? Hugs!

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 10/7/2011 11:38AM

    It was me...hehehe how easily I forgot about that. I will call you and walk you though what you need to do.

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RICKEFFEL 10/7/2011 10:41AM

    You are a survivor!! After the dust settles, all will be well.

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BAKER1009 10/7/2011 10:41AM

    First off, I hope everything is OK with your health. I know you have been BEYOND stressed lately. I have some meditation info that I could send you. Wasn't it Kim that was doing those meditation things at work that she loved?!
Anyway, glad things are coming along with the move and remaining amicable. That will be best for everyone involved.
That stinks that your insurance won't help with the counseling, but it is definitely worth it, in my opinion.
Alnon is a great program, and definitely worth it for all of you. It's free and super supportive! Best of luck with all of this.
And kudos to you for realizing your bad habits...now the fun part, moving away from them and getting back to what you know works! You can do it...I'm here for you!!
Oh, and instead of a slap, I think I'll just kick ya in the tush! emoticon

Have a good weekend!
Hugs,
Beth

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 10/7/2011 10:29AM

    I am SO glad that you and the girls are doing great and I'm glad that you all are going to the support group. That will help you a lot, it did for me...makes you feel like you are not alone in this battle. If they don't pay for couples consoling (many insurances won't) look into the individual consoling. At this point even going separate would help you guys...it would totally help him and it might be a better start for you both. I LOVE the idea for the couch...you need zebra print pillows to go with it! As soon as you get the address email or text it to me so that we can get a christmas goodie box made up for my 4 special girls!! Love you!!

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HOPEFULHIPPO 10/7/2011 10:15AM

    The kidney issue is what I'm figuring as my kidney has been sore for a week...I thought it was an infection but yesterdays lab results are showing negative. hmmm... I've already had 2 surgeries on these bad girls, so I'm hoping and hoping that maybe "stress" is the culprit and they just happy themselves right on up!

I don't need any moody body parts thank you very much!

emoticon

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BLH507 10/7/2011 9:44AM

    If you are having trouble with your kidneys that could be the root of your blood pressure problems. Happens to me every time!

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DIANEDOESSMILES 10/7/2011 12:14AM

    HOpe this helps ur family. My Dad drank when I was little, but was able to stop,, that did benefit us kids, though Mom and Dad had seperated and stayed that way. He became a totally calm and loving man. So yeah it can be done, all he had for support was his church, but he DID reach out. For Mom n' us kids, we had the entire fam as it was back in the 60s. Still we quickly healed and so I wish that fo rur fam. Prayers if you believe (if for thats so personal) can get you thru this and if you don't whatever means you use, will. Of course keep on blogging for as you found out, a bad day, days, week, weeks, month, etc, does quickly lead to over eating, and we[ve ALL been there hon. Please DO NOT beat urself up over it. Diane ML

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/6/2011 8:22PM

    I'm so excited you are doing Naranon - I felt kind of awkward mentioning it. You will find such a great support system there. It is like Spark, with live people. You will learn how to separate out the things you can't control (him) from the things you can (you) and it will help your Spark journey.

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BRATS4 10/6/2011 7:24PM

    praying for you,not the hot pink

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ROUNDTOWNMOM 10/6/2011 6:24PM

    Stress can do major ugly things to us and it sounds like, amicable or not, you are under quite a bit of that right now with this split up......temporary though it may be. Exercise, meditation, and taking care of you will help a lot in the long run. Alanon is a great place to start.................

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DOGSTARDADDY 10/6/2011 6:12PM

    Hot pink? This is why I only let my girls pick out the colors in their bedrooms. One picked pink, one picked purple.
Keep the faith, my friend. And keep talking to the girls. It'll help you all.

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