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2014 The Happiest of Years!

Sunday, January 05, 2014

(OR: 2014 New Years Resolutions...may writing them down make it so.)

A short time ago I learned one of the secrets of life: Happiness is a choice. This year I WILL make a conscious choice to be happy. I'm letting myself off the hook for mistakes I have made in the past and those I am sure to make in the future.

In the past (for all intents and purposes) I have been a hermit. Doesn't matter why. This year I will make the conscious effort to make some friends. PLUS I will continue to build relationships with 'acquaintances' so that they may become friends. I will also get out more in the community by attending events at both the local college and library (two of my favorite places).

For the past several years I have maintained my weight (within a few pounds) because of the nutritional, motivational and tracking on SparkPeople. This year I plan on reaching my goal - which isn't to be skinny - but to be healthy and toned.

This year I will try to be a blessing to at least one person per day. I will try to encourage all I meet. I will try to be more understanding.

I wish you Peace.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATIBUG49 1/5/2014 3:07PM

    You ahve started off great with this blog for everyone to read, hope you have a wonderful year & meet lots of new people!

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Long Time No See...

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

It's been almost a year since my last post on this site. So much has happened I don't know where to start.

My unemployment ran out in April. STILL haven't been able to get hired for a full time job. Fortunately I've found part-time work at the local university. It's not much, but it pays the utilities and buys a little food. At best the income is $600 per month.

Ex-husband / father-of-my-children passed away mid-Summer. Hard to believe after all the abuse he heaped on me that I would feel saddened at his passing. Son and daughter took it hard. Different ways though. Son sad; daughter angry.

Daughter is moving further South hopefully to a better life.

Fiance fell from a ladder the beginning of August while helping a friend cut down a tree. Was life-flighted to nearby hospital. Died in transit, but they brought him back to life. Four broken ribs (on the side by his spine) among other injuries - the ribs still haven't healed. Harder to heal when you're over 60.

Found out a few weeks ago that I have lost 50% of my hearing. The Office of Vocational Rehabilitation is going to help pay for hearing aids needed for both ears. The good thing about that is that I understand now that I have been "missing" hearing parts of conversations. Now that I'm aware of "missing" perhaps there won't be as many misunderstandings in my life. Communication is difficult enough.

Have sold a few Hex Signs and just yesterday a stuffed animal. The stuffed animal was the first sale on my second Etsy shop. Tole You So and Petunia Magpie aren't exactly profitable, but gave me enough to buy a domain. Hopefully the domain will help me earn an income in years to come. It's still under development. The fiance says "don't quit your day job". He's such a joker.

This lifestyle change has taken a back seat to life in general. Today I try to begin again.

Blessings to all who read this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEGGYO 10/23/2013 9:46AM

    Blessings to you too in the coming months

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Note to Mom (upon the death of her grown child)

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I知 going to be a child again
and not worry about the day.
I値l bask in the sunshine around me
and watch the kittens play.

I知 going to be a child again
and play without a care.
I値l run and jump and climb a tree
to see what痴 over there.

I知 going to be a child again
and paint the clouds so pink
that when you see them floating by
it痴 of me that you will think.

I知 going to be a child again
a-fishing I will go.
I値l dig for worms and dream a dream
of knights from long ago.

And if it rains or if it snows
there痴 one thing I will know
that you have always helped me
and given me room to grow.

I知 going to be a child again
in my Father痴 house I値l stay.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Beautiful poem.

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BEEJAY49 2/10/2013 4:36PM

    Beautiful and sad all at the same time. HUGS!

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My Love...

Saturday, February 09, 2013

He's changed me so much - this man I love.
Made me see the world in a different way.
He's changed me.
I came to him so broken. Abandoned by my mother at a young age. Raised by grandparents so far out of touch with normalcy (alcoholic grandpa/co-dependent grandma). Molested by a family member before even going to kindergarten. Mentally and physically abused during my formative years. Victim of bullying because of a physical handicap. Raped xxx times (i stopped counting).
Divorced three -- YIKES -- times. Mentally abused the first time, cheated on the second (it lasted 2 months, so does that really count as marriage?), physically abused the third. Then a ten year relationship with someone who just wanted a mama to take care of him.
Soooo co-dependent.
Soooooo hurt.
Betrayed by people who called themselves my friends. Promised promotions at work for doing supervisory work with no recognition and no extra pay - then being passed over for a good-ol-boy. [schmuck]
Soooooo angry.
He's changed me.
He's helped me talk about my past enough that it doesn't hurt anymore. It's like cleaning a window. First there's so much dirt on it that you can't see outside. Then little by little the layers are wiped away and you can see that the sun is shining. He doesn't judge me for what has been done to me. He has made me realize that all that 'stuff' was not my fault and that I should stop beating myself up about it.
He's changed me.
He's made me believe in myself again. When I first came here he said that I was my own worst enemy. That I needed to change my way of thinking - to stop expecting the bad. Focus on the good. He told me that the first thing he does every day when he gets out of bed is to be thankful: he has another day of life. Then he purposely goes about trying to make the best of the day.
Of course, I didn't believe him at first. I wasn't even sure what he was talking about. Yet, little by little I've learned to trust him. Everything he has told me he would do he has done. He is consistently kind to me. Even when I don't think I deserve someone to be kind to me.
To someone like me that has never had a partner who fully supported me it's like a miracle. He says he sees the girl I once was. That when I first came here I was so pent up inside - so stressed out. He reminds me of when we were together the first time and tells me that I am the reason he is the man he is today. He says that he didn't know why I left, so he 'had a talk with the man in the mirror' and gave up drinking. Because of me. Because he says I was so kind and loving before and that I taught him what love was by my example and my actions to him. [I loved him so even then]
He's changed me.
He's made me be a better person by watching his example.
He's teaching me how to love again.
It's so nice to finally be with my soul mate.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOLFGMA 2/10/2013 6:20AM

    A beautiful Valentine story! emoticon

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BEEJAY49 2/10/2013 5:30AM

    True love is a miracle and I'm so happy you have been blessed with it! Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs!

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DENRNAJ 2/10/2013 4:37AM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing

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IMPERIODEE 2/9/2013 8:15PM

  i am happy for you. may you continue to treasure him more as you work on being a better you. i wish you more love, acceptance, and happiness.

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JUDYAMK 2/9/2013 8:14PM

    I am so happy that you are happy after going through the life you did. I married when I was 34. I never ever wanted to marry because of the up bringing I had. I knew I was not happy so I felt how could I ever make anyone else happy. I was in intensive therapy for twenty years. After my therapy a met my beloved husband. I am so blessed as you are..You sure do not look fifty!!!Yes it is hard to find work I do believe at a certain age. I have worked in the pharmacy for 24 years so I am fortunate as people will always be coming there,but at the same time my job involves people coming in very sick & it is sad a lot of the times. The only thing I do not care for is dealing with so many many different insurance company's & having the insurance dictating to the Doctors what medication is covered.You take care

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We selected another candidate

Friday, February 08, 2013

Another job interview has come and gone. Yet again I am told that "you interviewed fine and made it to the final few-but we selected another candidate". I have to wonder why.

Am sure that part of the reason is that I'm overqualified for the positions I'm applying for. After all, my background is in computer programming and most of the positions I'm trying to get are clerical in nature. Yet these are the type of positions that I'm happiest doing.

My recent experience is customer service and the skills I have there are excellent.

Is it my references? Hmmmm.... They wouldn't be on my reference list if I didn't believe they will give me an excellent reference. That would be stupid. 'N Mama didn't raise no fools!

It has been suggested that the position I left at the company that was harassing me could have something to do with it. They weren't too happy about paying me unemployment, but the court agreed with me that they couldn't degrade me the way they were because of my handicap. Perhaps I should leave that employer off my resume?

Leaving the "bad job" off my resume would give me a two year gap in my work record that I would have to explain in an interview...supposing that I will EVER get another interview. (no... i'm not so depressed that i don't think i'll every get another interview....it's just taking longer to find a GOOD job than i ever anticipated).

Is it an age thing? My friends have told me how hard it is to get a job once you're over 50 and I'm starting to wonder if that's true.

I've been unemployed for almost a year. It'll be a year mid-March. I'm about bored to tears. I keep busy with looking for work, housework, walking/training the dog, painting, crafts, reading. SHEESH! There's only so much of that you can do.

So... my goal for the next few days is to not binge eat. 'Cause the past has taught me that I turn to food when I'm depressed. Will have to keep super-busy to keep my mind off my worries. Have to change my mindset to only count my blessings. Focus on the positive. Hopefully the motivators here at SparkPeople will work their magic in the days ahead.

Send some good thoughts my way today if you get a chance.

Thank you!
Cheryl emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRENCHSEAMS 4/22/2013 11:47PM

    Sounds tough. It could be you are overqualified. If you are a programmer, i would wonder why you'd want a customer service job instead if I were hiring.

A suggestion regarding your former employer, have a friend call pretending to be a prospective employer and ask them for their opinion of your work. Ask all the standard questions. If they bad mouth you, you'll know and can decide what to do next. If they don't you can list them as a reference with more confidence.

I'm looking too. Tough world out there.

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AUNTIEANNE22 2/8/2013 3:29PM

  You know all the things working against you. Is there an unemployment office near you? They should be able to give you some pointers on how to make the most of an interview. I, too, have tried for jobs for which I was overqualified. The interviewer assumes you will become bored with the new position. Age, although illegal, is a factor in getting hired, especially if the company is looking for a 'career" person. The problem company should not be giving out information that would negatively affect you. Whatever you do, don't leave it off your resume because you will be asked about the gap and then suspicions will come up.
I wish you the best of luck.

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EBURGITE 2/8/2013 10:53AM

    i think the unemployment situation is much worse than statistics lead us to believe, which gives employers a huge pool to choose from. being older can definitely be an issue. i've read articles that suggest dying your grey hair to boost hiring potential. but i think your job and school history would give your age away.
in our state, we have "worksource." they'll help you with your resume, with your interview and stuff like that. does your area have anything like that? if not, perhaps you could find someone you know who can arrange a "mock interview" with someone who's in personnel. then you can get some good pointers.
when you turn in your resume, be sure to include a cover letter. that might be a good place to bring up the issue of your "downward" career path.
hang in there!

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BEEJAY49 2/8/2013 10:19AM

    Hang in there! It'll come for you! :) HUGS!

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GOLFGMA 2/8/2013 8:15AM

    Wishing you success with the very next interview! emoticon

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