Wednesday, April 07, 2010
This morning when I woke up I was not in too much pain as long as I didn't move!
Well as it happens, one can't lay in bed in one position for the rest of his/her life, so I had to get up.
The left knee wouldn't bend, then it wouldn't straighten so I had to use some effort to get it to move. The doctor said the x-rays were good, no arthritis, or cartilage loss and no visible injury. So I told my knee that...it didn't listen!
I hobbled into the bathroom for a bath (usually a soak with melaleuca helps my knee and sciatica). In order to turn on the faucet, I had to bend over and that set off the sciatica to the extent that I crumbled onto the side of the tub, clinging there in agony and feeling sorry for myself. I can't describe the pain, but its worse than child birth. I think its right up there with kidney stones (yes, I've had them).
I could take drugs for the pain that would make it a lot more bearable and I probably should; but, I'm just not a pill popper! I'm a rebel! We live in a country that wants to fix everything with a pill. Nobody wants to find and fix the problem; everyone just wants a pill...all except for me. Yes I broke down and took a couple pain pills on Easter, but it was so it would dull my senses because it doesn't help sciatica pain. Nothing does that I've ever taken. The pills were old, from my surgery on 2007, but they helped keep my head in a fog so I could socialize, kind of (oxycodone). I'm glad I kept them. It was good for an emergency and that was an emergency. Fortunately I was able to sit with pillows propping me in 'just the right position' to avoid the brunt of the pain, and I had my trusty heating pad. It was a painful day regardless of the fog from the pills.
From the year 1999 to 2009 I could barely get around and could only walk from one room to the other because of the pain. I'm not going back there again! Ever!
I dried my eyes and blew my nose and reminded myself that it is all oppression. I decided to fight back! I was walking without pain or a cane last summer and I am determined to walk that way again by this summer. I didn't use any drugs or therapy last year and I'm going to stop doing the physical therapy. I'm done with being a guinea pig for the therapists. They haven't a clue for how to treat a defected spine (spondylolisthesis) and all they did was make it worse again. I shouldn't have ever gone, but I thought that by now, there should be something that may help. I was wrong. I had been through this before several times and each time I got worse and worse with each passing visit. I'm done with that nonsense!
I managed to sit in the tub for approximately 15 excruciation minutes then I had to get out because that is not a comfortable position for sciatica pain. But a 15 minute soak is better than nothing.
Fifteen minutes was all I really needed to remind myself that I don't have to submit or even give in a little. I can fight this. I must!
On my own, I am determined to walk without pain or a cane by July 4th! I can do this and I will, or I will die trying! This personal goal far surpasses any other drive within me. I can and I will walk again!!!
88 days starting from today and counting!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
. My DH had a great time at the coast!
Ever wonder if you should go somewhere when you know you probably shouldn't?
That's what happened with me. I was having trouble with my left knee and although it isn't confirmed by a physician, the symptoms are that of a bakers cyst (just behind the left knee) and it was (and still is) causing me pain especially when straightening the leg or when I put weight on it.
Then of course, my back has issues stemming from birth but I really took it over the top when I lifted a 40 pound container of kitty litter a couple weeks ago. Dumb! I know! So adding to the birth defect that I was dealt with from birth, more pain! Bringing me to my knees pain. Instead of having occasional sciatic nerve pain on the left side; it turned into sporadic pain on the right side. For those of you unfamiliar with sciatic pain let me give you some kind of idea. Imagine getting a spear thrust into your bum that is charged with electric current so the pain not only affects the bum, but the current sends additional pain down the leg. The part of my spine affected by the kitty litter seems to be the tail bone (which by coincidence I had fractured in the past some 20 years ago). That kind of pain can best be described by imagining some big hurly guy wearing steel toed logging boots hauling off and kicking you squarely in the tail bone. Hard! Yeah...it hurts in spasms just like that. Lets not forget that I'm a wee bit chubby so the additional weight doesn't help.
Now that you have the back ground, let me press on with my story here.
The ride to the coast was a daunting two hours of constant sitting. I don't know about you, but when I sit, my tail bone pretty much takes the brunt of the load, so by the time we finally got there, I wanted to just lay down and relax a few minutes, but the view was breath taking! The whole western wall was glass with glass patio doors leading to a deck and the ocean was right there! There were no buildings, houses or anything to obstruct the view, just a few weathered tree tops and the beautiful ocean licking the shore!
Then...guess what? Stairs! The bedrooms were upstairs. Each step was like having that logger behind me applying swift kicks and that spear being thrust in repeatedly with each step. I finally got down on my hands and feet (can't use my knees because of my left knee) and finished climbing the stairs; later I found that coming down stairs would also be easier on my hands and feet. Then, wonder of wonders...we had the good fortune of having a Jacuzzi in our bedroom! I stared down into the seductive deep tub imaging all those lovely jets spurting soothing water out massaging my back, knee and sore bum. I could almost imagine harps playing in the back ground. I could hardly wait!
My DH and cousins DH went to the store and my cousin was resting so I had plenty of time to bathe.
After cleaning the tub (it looked clean, but I'm a fuddy-duddy, you never know what bacteria and or germs might be lurking in those jets) I drew water and climbed up over the side and into the roiling water. It was a long way down into that tub! I added a bit of antibacterial Melaleuca soap and a drop of Melaleuca Solumel and the soothing fragrance was wonderful and there was just a wee bit of suds everything should have been perfect, right? Think about it; if riding for two hours on a cushioned car seat was hard on the tail bone, imagine a hard fiberglass bottomed tub! Jets or not, it was NOT comfortable in the least and I was having problems trying to find a way to sit in that confining tub that would not involve my tail bone or bum. After about 15 minutes of writhing about, I'd had enough and was ready to get out; but soon I felt very much like a big sardine in a very small can.
I wound up thrashing around trying to get out (I'm chubby, remember?) I couldn't put weight on my left knee because it was already having a pain fest of its own. I couldn't shift to my right because that invisible spear was there jabbing me in the bum. The tub was deep so I couldn't just hoist my chubby self up by hanging onto the sides. I drained the tub hoping that would help. But there I sat, using my hands for cushions, while I waited for my DH to return.
When my DH finally returned, I was still sitting there shivering deep in the bottom of the Jacuzzi. My DH tried to help me out, but he couldn't lift me and I couldn't lift myself! But then I had a vision of my cousins DH having to help and maybe the fire department and those visions motivated me beyond super human strength! I flopped around until I could finally get my weight over my left foot so I could hoist myself up and out! In doing all that excessive thrashing I added more pain to my back that has lasted to even now. That's how I got the additional owie!
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Does anyone here have a pattern for toting a casserole dish? Iíd like to make one for myself and my sister in law. Iím looking for one that will carry a round casserole dish and one that will carry a rectangle. I canít knit, but if I have to, I can crochet; but I would really rather sew.
I have checked the free patterns websites to no avail. I don't have time to join the other ones, and I only want just those two patterns.
Can anyone help me with this project?
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Sadly, there is a cartoon in last Sundays paper that I can relate to; itís titled ďMUTTSĒ and it shows two characters lying on the floor on their back and they are so fat their feet donít even touch the floor. They are groaning about how stuffed they were from eating too much; then one mentions that there is one piece of pumpkin pie left. Both characters lift their heads and the next frame shows them pigging down that last piece of pie.
Thatís the way I used to be. I would eat until I was full then eat until I was stuffed then eat until I could barely breathe. That is sick, not funny! I read that cartoon and instead of laughing I thought Ďif it were not for the grace of God I would still be that way!í
The truth is, I didnít over stuff myself (so far) this holiday season, but itís not over yet. I plan on being Ďgoodí throughout the holidays though. I know I can do it. There is a dear lady on my Sparkteam that has a saying that I have adopted as my own (mentally) and it goes something like this, ďNothing tastes as good as skinny feelsĒ. I like that saying. Whenever I get hungry for something sweet, I try to remember that saying.
I havenít weighed myself in over a month, but that is because it is cold in the house in the mornings (56 degrees F/13.3 degrees C this morning) and I now spend the mornings building a fire to take the chill off and making hot water for tea. What do fire and tea have to do with weighing myself? I weigh myself naked in the mornings that way I always have the same thing on; nothing, so it wonít have any affect on my weight.
But it has turned into a little contest for me now; because now I have challenged myself to have a weight loss (any amount) by January 1st. I say any amount because I donít want to sabotage my efforts or make myself feel bad, so Iíll accept even a pound for a loss. Iíve been at a stand still for quite a while tossing the same 3 or 4 pounds around back and forth. I donít Ďclaimí a weight loss unless itís the scales read the same loss twice in a row so my ups and downs donít count. This personal rule of mine will also apply for January.
I hope that you will also join me in a personal challenge to lose any amount of weight by the 1st of the year. Itís always more fun to know someone else is in the same boat; but none-the-less, I will endeavor to accomplish this either way. It IS after all, a personal battle, nobody else can ďmakeĒ me lose this weight; it must be of my own free will.
I want what my dear friend hasÖto taste of skinny again. Not for the sake of pride or vanity or because I want to look cute or any of that, but to be healthy and have more endurance. I want to run again (without affecting the Richter Scale). Iím doing this for me!
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