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WHAT is going on?!? Some serious ramblings...

Thursday, September 13, 2012

"I'm tired. I'm tired of being good all the time, I'm tired of maintaining. I'm tired of feeling like my value in the world is the fact that I lost the weight, and feeling like I'm judged for it. If I keep the weight off, I'm annoying the people who are struggling. And if I put it back on, it just proves that fat people never have enough willpower or determination to not be fat." -- From "Good Enough to Eat" by Stacey Ballis

A friend gave me this book a few months ago, and I only picked it up this week. This has brilliantly summed up my feelings over the last several months. I've been floundering for months and I have a myriad of reasons (excuses) as to why I haven't eaten well or exercised like I should. I've been doing really well with only getting on the scale once a week instead of every day, simply because I don't want to know what it says. Thankfully, I've only been going up and down the same 3 pounds. YES, I said thankfully, because it's only been on a wish and a prayer. A lot of times, I feel like a fraud.

When I started my journey, the ONLY goals I had were to run a 5K and lose half my body weight. I still haven't run one and I've been the same 20 pounds from my goal since April... The Turkey Trot is maybe 10 weeks away, and I'm NOT ready. I haven't run in weeks. I'm never going to get closer to my goal weight if I don't do something about it.

I had a bit of a health scare a few weeks ago. I ended up in the hospital with a weird feeling in my chest. Not "chest pains" but a strange fluttering sensation, like my heart was skipping a beat. I went to the ER and they did all of their tests...EKG, blood work, urine, x-rays, and whatever else they did. All I could think about was how hard I've worked over the last 2 years, and NOW something is wrong with my heart?!? Thankfully, all of it came back negative. They were more concerned about my low resting heart rate. Since I started exercising regularly, it's gone from about 90 to between 40-45. It totally freaked out the ER docs.

They admitted me overnight, and when the hospitalist came in the next morning after reviewing all of my labs, paperwork, etc., she told me my resting heart rate was absolutely normal with my level of exercise, and my diet, etc. Apparently, it drops down to 30 when I sleep. I was, however, dehydrated and my potassium levels were low. Good thing the nurse woke me at 2am to give me two GIANT potassium pills and jam an IV in my arm! All of this was, more that likely, due to the fact I had just come home from camping. There was a lot of hiking, swimming, eating too much crap, and not drinking enough water, but plenty of beer. They said, the salt laden foods, the dehydration (it's a viscous cycle) and add to that the caffeine jolt from my Monday morning pot-o-coffee, probably would have caused "some type of reaction" that I could "feel" but not necessarily be seen medically.

The hospitalist, another physician, and 2 nurses, asked if I was a runner. No, why? "Well, you have a lot of muscle around you heart, which is why it works so efficiently. Your RHR of 45 and only 30 when you sleep... It's something that we typically only see in runners." HOLY CRAP, are you kidding me?!? You're telling me that, literally, I have the heart of a runner? So WHY cant I get my a$$ back on the road?

I still can't wrap my head around that one. I know I've done the right things over the last couple of years to get healthy, but to actually hear, that regardless of what the outside still looks like, your insides are doing great... that makes it all worth it right? So WHY can't get focused?

I've been thinking about this A LOT over the last several weeks. If you read the last blog, you know that I've enjoyed living my life this summer. Then the kids went back to school, and I was supposed to "get back to it." That hasn't happened yet. So I've been using, "I've been so busy with the kids new schedule, activities, homework, blah, blah, blah." WHEN will the excuses end? I'm not looking for a pity party, or a "you can do it!" I know I can do, I've done it, and I think that's still part of the problem, my complacency.

See, I told you this was a bunch of nonsense...

I need to STOP making excuses and START getting serious if I intend to finish this. I know I've said it before, HOLD ME TO IT!!! I know I have some great, sparkly friends, who have been SO supportive of me thru this journey, and THIS is when I REALLY need you. I hate to ask for this, but I REALLY need a kick in the butt. I need to get back to eating right, focus on losing the last 20 and get my "runner's heart" back on the road. I love you guys, and I wouldn't have gotten this far without you... so give me that final push.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATDUG19 9/25/2012 12:32PM

    Great honest blog! We have all been tired its really hard to stay motivated. Maybe its time to set new goals and add an instentive program. I give myself something nice for every ten pounds I lose.

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MOONBIRD 9/23/2012 11:21PM

    Holly, I am sorry I did not see t his until now. Things have been nuts around here, and I just am overwhelmed with everything. Anyway, I totally get where you are coming from! I am having the same problems. I lose a few pounds and then I gain 1 or 2 back, and SO easily. Even with all the running I'm doing, I can gain it back so fast. It's just so hard now to even lose 1 freakin pound. I'm frustrated and I've been stress eating lately and so hungry from the training. I know you'll figure this out. I am sure it's completely normal with people who have lost a lot of weight and it's not always going to go smoothly. That is awesome that you are so healthy. Sometimes I wonder what my test would come out like if I had them done. I feel really healthy and strong, I am just worried my triglycerides are going to still be high.

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PATIB13 9/18/2012 5:56PM

    I think you got the push before I even put a note on this...but here goes....kick in the butt lady!!! They have confirmed it for you a heart of a runner....it is inside of you...remember your kids yelling, cheering you on...go! go! go!!!!!!! I know the feeling of needing that push that is what I have been needing....

So here you go my friend- emoticon Keep running, Keeping going, and remember it is inside of you already.

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GODIVADSG 9/17/2012 9:27AM

    Consider this response a kick in the butt you fellow runner with the runners heart!! How about doing the virtual 5 K trick or treat run with me? Time to start training again girlie... emoticon

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ROSET491 9/17/2012 8:52AM

    Holly,
Sorry I missed this when you first posted!
Now you know what you have to do!! As far as the turkey trot you CAN still do it! 10 weeks is 10 weeks~even if you walk/run get out there and do it you will be so glad and it will motivate you more than you can believe! I'm on a team that we're starting a Thanksgiving Challenge 10 pounds by Turkey Day!! Just the Spark I need!

Rose

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YESCURLYCAN 9/17/2012 3:21AM

  I am so glad I caught this blog; I missed it the first time around. Complacency is a word bouncing around in my head too, just a little differently. I am glad you are aware to recognize that a change needs to happen and that you will do what you have to and get it done. Everyone has your back girl so consider yourself held. Now go get em'. Rawr! emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 9/16/2012 10:09PM

    Hey there! I can't believe I missed this but haven't had a lot of time to troll on Spark as much as I did before so I didn't see this until now. You can totally do this! I am SO much l like you right now - I've been at the same weight for over a year and trying to figure out what my problem is. The problem is that I'm complacent at my current weight and there's nothing that is making me make more changes. We can do this! Let's get back on track!

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TEMPEST272002 9/15/2012 6:37PM

    Hello twin. Can I copy & paste this to my blog because the details may be different, but the story is the same. I'm going to have to check out that book. Sounds like a good read. I find it helpful to know that it's not just me struggling at this point and having these thoughts. It also starts me wondering how we could best support each other right now while we're trying to refocus on our weight-loss goals. Maybe we should try doing some kind of mini-challenge together? What do you think?

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ROOBEARZ 9/15/2012 12:07AM

    You need to make it fun. Find a way to enjoy that run or whatever it is that you want to do and do it in a way that is both pleasurable for you and something that you look forward to - not a chore, not something you have to "achieve" or be judged about - just something that makes YOU feel good.

Good luck to you!!

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CITYDWELLERS72 9/14/2012 8:29PM

    Come on kid you know what to do. Do it!

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SNEVIL1 9/14/2012 6:10PM

    Thats awesome that ur heart is so fit!! My first 5k was a mental obstacle... why not sign up now and have a goal of finishing.. even if u walk??? Having too high expectations kept me from taking the plunge so when i changed my goal from running a 5k to participating in a 5k i was able to do it and actually ended up running most of it. Who says u arent ready!? U can totally walk 3 miles. U have to start somewhere and ull be so proud.

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CLPURNELL 9/14/2012 5:58PM

    Holly,

I feel you. I have been battling the same 20 pounds to goal since February. So I think I really understand what you are going through. You have accomplished so much but yet you feel like you can't reach that goal you set for yourself. It's frustrating in a way many can't understand or comprehend. I mean we should be glad we lost 110+ pounds. We should be happy we have significantly improved our health. However we have a hard time doing the things we know we need to do to get where we need to go. I think it goes back to the saying I have on my spark page. We have to accept and understand that we can and are awesome. We have to continue to push ourselves further and harder than we have in the past. We have to show ourselves just exactly what we are capable of and even push beyond that now. This is the time we need to push ourselves harder than ever. It's easy to get up and exercise when you hate what you see in the mirror every morning. It's harder when you don't mind and everybody is telling you how good you have done. We have to resolve it in ourselves to be even better than we thought we could be. I the beginning I know I didn't think I would get here. I had no clue what here would look like and I know that is a reason why I am stuck I don't know what goal will look and feel like. I can't focus on that I have to focus on doing the damn work! Each and everyday and being better about it than I ever have been. That is what is gonna get us there!!! Consider that kick in the pants delivered. Eat with a purpose! Exercise with a Vengeance! Leave it all on the field. don't hold anything back the only thing between you and the finish is YOU! Lets go!!!!

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LIBELULITA 9/14/2012 3:56PM

    I love MAMADWARF's comment. We too were neck and nack at one stage,and then I overtook you....and then look what happened; I gained 37 pounds in 2 months.Learn from me...don't get complacent now because otherwise it will creep back on before you know it. You need to get your spark back and you need to get it back NOW before you end up like me .Like MAMADWARF says,this is for life otherwise we're doing it for nothing.You want a kick up the butt? emoticon emoticon emoticon take 3 kicks up the butt!! It's not that YOU CAN DO IT....it's that you've GOT to do it.....and I'll be right here if you need me.Don't hide away.Keep yourself accountable.Stop looking for excuses and look for solutions because at the end of the day what is it that you REALLY want? emoticon emoticon

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KARENDEE4 9/14/2012 12:28PM

    sorry about your scare!
I just found out I have an arrythmia so I was floundering for a while
I signed myself up for the spark trick or treat trot to refocus myself.

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GINILEE4 9/14/2012 10:42AM

   

Thanks to Mamadwarf, we are all here to tell you the same thing. This is now your life. You can choose to get on with living or go back to being fat. It is DO or DO NOT DO but no maybe. Your choice. Start looking at those before pictures. Remember not fitting in chairs. Remember huffing and puffing your way EVERYWHERE!!! Get Off Your BUTT. Right Now.





. just so you don't think I am mean. This is what it will take, EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. Tough luck if you're tired.


Gini

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DARKLIGHT31 9/14/2012 10:19AM

    Wow. Glad to hear the medical issue turned out to be nothing serious.

Is there any possibility that there's some subconscious fear that's holding you back from meeting your goals? It seems like there are a lot of people who get very close to their goals, but not quite all the way there. Sure, the last 20 pounds are the toughest to lose. It just seems like there's some kind of mental/emotional thing that goes on as well when people get close to their goals.

I'm going through some of the same things as you are right now in some ways. I've slipped on my workouts, including running which I've haven't done in 3 or 4 weeks. My 100K relay is in a month. Maybe an accountability buddy, or something like that would help? Not sure how to give you a kick in the butt, since I need one too right now!

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SOUTHPONDCAMP 9/14/2012 10:10AM

    Hey there...have been thinking of you...like Mamadwarf we were at similar places weight wise at one point and then you sped past me with all your focus and determination. It is still in there....dig deep...and pick at least one thing to focus on right now when you don't want to. Daily exercise, logging your food, whatever. Get back into the routine.

I don't see a Turkey trot in my town on Thanksgiving...but I have a route mapped out from my house that is 3.3miles..... My goal was to get back to c25k after my bronchitis is better....so if it helps to have a virtual buddy...I'll plan train over the next couple months to run my loop (hopefully the whole thing...not run/walk) Thanksgiving morning.

stay in the game! :)

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VICKYMARIEC 9/14/2012 9:04AM

    heart of a runner...i LOVE that comment. So what IS keeping you from your workout routine?

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WILLPARKINSON 9/14/2012 4:19AM

    Anything that I want to say was said WAY more eloquently by MamaDwarf. She's right. Don't let things drop to the wayside.

Congrats on the runner heart, though I would be careful. He may want it back one day. :)

(Hope you feel better and get "on the road" to recovery soon!)


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MAMADWARF 9/13/2012 11:00PM

    i KNEW something was going on.. you were way too quiet. This is the way I see it, Holly. You bought into the fact that because you have lost SO MUCH and were way healthier etc. You thought there was an end. THere isnt. There never is going to be.

WE will always have to work on it and be aware because if you dont, well, all know where that will lead.

THis is your LIFE, and your lifeSTYLE! Remember when you committed to that? Yea me too.

We started around the same time and we were neck and neck for awhile, then you passed me by and have lost double the weight. DOUBLE!!

So this is what you are going to do.

SUNDAY CHECK IN's starting this week. NO excuses. I want to hear from you every single check in. Got it? good.

I want you to be thinking of your first goal starting NOW that you are going to accomplish next week and I would prefer it to be something having to do with some running because, after all, you ARE a runner. SO run.

I love you girl. You are one of my greatest inspirations. Back in the saddle even if you dont feel like riding. THe Horse aint gonna run itself.
Do it.

Jan

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 9/13/2012 10:53PM

    I keep repeating in my head lines from your blog, "Well, you have a lot of muscle around you heart, which is why it works so efficiently. Your RHR of 45 and only 30 when you sleep... It's something that we typically only see in runners." Holy cow. This hits me like a ton of bricks.

Holly, you don't get the heart of a runner by doing a couple of aerobics classes a week. Darling', I hate to break it to you when you are so entrenched in your denial, but you ARE a runner. You are an athlete. So what if you've been taking a break?! You've also been maintaining your weight.

I loved the comment Pookasluagh wrote on this blog. It's time to shift your focus. Stronger, not skinnier. Leaner, not thinner. Quality, not quantity.

We can't give it to you or make you do it. You have to dig deep and find your own treasure. However, you CAN do it. I think you need to internalize who you are now.

Thank you for this blog. Seriously.

It's still swirling in my head, "The heart of a runner." emoticon

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 9/13/2012 10:21PM

    You need to use this health scare as a wake up call. That's what it took for us and I know you've come a long way already but you don't want to fall into that complacency that can lead to relapse. I know this is all a pain in the @ss but you know what? Welcome to your life, there's no turning back (I often quote Tears for Fears when I get deep). Well actually there is turning back and you know what that life was like. Unfortunately many of us at this site don't have it as "easy" as some people who can get away with eating what they want, drinking their calories and putting forth crappy efforts and still not gain much, if anything. We've gotta change, work out butts off for results (or not depending on how our bodies feel), try to find what works and when that stops working we have to see what else works. It's friggin exhausting. But that's the way it is for us and I guess you have to decide if you're okay with that or not. I guarantee deciding you don't care enough to keep up the mundane crap it takes day in and day out will NOT get you a runners heart! (It might get your heart disease though depending on how far off the path you get, you dig?)

Sorry, you got "week before her period" Mrs tonight. LOL

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POOKASLUAGH 9/13/2012 10:19PM

    I have to say, I'm super impressed with your RHR! Even at the peak of high school athleticism, mine was only around 50! No wonder it's harder for you to lose weight now - and how awful that that's the truth: as your heart gets stronger and more efficient, we burn a whole heck of a lot fewer calories when we exercise.

You know I've been feeling like this a lot lately. Complacent, frustrated, cycling up and down the same pounds. I'm tired of this, and I started doing things I should do just to make the scale move, like eating too little for my activity level. It made me sick, and stopped working after like 2 weeks. And then I said no more. I know this sounds terrible, but I've watched Sparkfriend after Sparkfriend regain weight after losing fast, and so I've made a lot of changes over the last month. I've decided that I'm close enough to go - 21-26 lbs or so - that I'm switching over to focusing on getting stronger, rather than on the scale. I don't mind if I lose weight slower, if I'm keeping my body fat percentage on a downward trend, and getting stronger muscles. I don't know if you saw any of my recent blogs, but at the beginning of last week, I started a 6-month weight lifting program that I really, really like, and since I began it, I haven't lost any weight, but I've lost an inch around each part of my waist: top, belly button, and spare tire region. Crazy! Better than that, I'm starting to get much stronger, and can *almost* do an unassisted pullup now. That's after only 5 sessions of the program. Changing focus has helped me a lot. I'm still frustrated that the scale isn't moving, but I'm seeing progress in other places, and it's taken me out of the weight loss mentality. I don't want to get to where that quote talks about in your blog - I want to focus on being strong, fit, athletic, lean. Maybe if you find a different focus, you can also get out of your funk?

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MOJIMAK 9/13/2012 10:13PM

    I struggle with consistency too. I have to remind myself that I'm striving for a lifestyle change. Old habits and excuses might creep up but it's ok, none of us are perfect. Practice makes perfect :-) One day at a time and sometimes one change at a time, that is what I tell myself. You can do this!

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HLTHYRNRMOM 9/13/2012 10:11PM

    Holly, YOU GOT THIS!! Cheering you on from Dallas!!! 10 weeks is a perfect amount of time to get ready for your Turkey Trot!! I do it every year here in Dallas, so much fun!! I clearly can't understand how you're feeling since I can't seem to be meeting my own goals ..just yet! I am here to cheer you on!

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I'm not as upset as I think I should be...

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Complacent - satisfied to a fault and unconcerned.... Yep, that's about right!

I read a blog this morning where the author was talking about backsliding and a friend of hers suggested she take a good look as to WHY. I've been trying to figure this out for weeks. I don't see it as backsliding, simply because I've also been going forward. I've been losing and gaining the same weight for months. When this happened about a year ago, it was truly frustrating. I was angry and upset and was constantly trying to figure out how to "fix it." This time, not so much... COMPLACENT.

It's not a plateau, because if I did what I'm supposed to do, and do it 100%, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be "stuck." The thing is, I'm not doing a whole hell of a lot to get myself unstuck... COMPLACENT

I *think* I should be upset, but I'm really not... COMPLACENT

I saw some relatives that I haven't seen in almost 2 years. They know I've been losing weight, but they had no idea how much. Of course, they were all shocked and amazed. "Surely you don't want to lose more", "Aren't you happy?", "WHY do you think you need to lose more?", "Oh, you want to be super skinny don't you?" And from the nurse "How far are you from a healthy BMI? You want to get there don't you?"

This isn't the first time these things have been asked by other family members, co-workers and acquaintances. They've been said a lot more recently which is why I think I've become... COMPLACENT

YES, I am EXTREMELY happy... with everything! I've never been this small and healthy. My whole life has changed. I'm able to do things I could never do before, my husband beams with pride and I'm pretty sure my kids are super excited about all of these new activities and are proud to say I'm their mom.

NO, I don't want to be "super skinny" and having a healthy BMI isn't even a thought in my head... it never was.

As for WANTING to lose more and THINKING I need to lose more... well, that's where it gets fuzzy. The answer to that is... Yes, I'm pretty sure, I think, probably... not as easy to answer as I think it should be...COMPLACENT

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired of doing this every day. YES, I know this is a lifestyle, but I'd hope at some point, I'd be able to just eat and exercise without calculating and logging and just being exhausted and frustrated with the whole thing. We ALL know it's not as easy as calories in vs calories out.

I think the biggest factor in my complacency, is the fact that this has been the first summer EVER that I've actually LIVED my life. Water parks, hiking, camping, biking, 5k's, climbing over rocks, and lots of other activities. Along with those activities was a lot of unplanned food. I know I could have logged everything or packed food to take with us everywhere, but I'm trying to LIVE MY LIFE. I was kind of careful, but I never turned down an ice cream cone. I should have had only one s'more instead of 2, or had a salad with the burger instead of fries. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment this summer, and I still have a little left.

Yes, I really do want to lose the rest of this weight and get to my goal. Yes, I should get back on program and stop being so wishy washy about the whole thing. Maybe I need to stop setting weight goals, and just know that I'll get there when I get there. I think that right now, living life has been more important than the number on the scale, shocking right?

I will NOT be letting the weight pile back on, I had that wake up call a few weeks ago. I'm just not as concerned with it flying off either... complacent... maybe.... to a fault.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAILING2GOAL 9/17/2012 11:59AM

    Rock on, Holly!!! emoticon

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ROOBEARZ 9/10/2012 2:17AM

    Terrific blog!!

I identify with your feelings of just enjoying life and the freedoms that come with being able to do so much more - to just live "normally" and not be burdened by the almost full time job of "healthy/ eating/ tracking/ dieting" - to relax. Well said.

Unfortunately for me, I have yet to find that true "middle ground" where one can just live & maintain. I'll go there for awhile, then slowly my sugar addiction creeps back in, and though a few fries and ice cream will hardly cause damage - candy bars accompanied by a box of cookies and chased with a jar of Nutella will. My personal addictions know no bounds. I'd lost 150 pounds only to gain back 20 in 2 months! Arggg!!

I welcome the days of complacency ....someday I'll get there, too : )

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VLKSHA 8/20/2012 3:02PM

    emoticon

On living this summer and seeing many healthy options without stressing on them. The art of maintaining is yours.

You may have a new season, a new aha moment that makes you strive for a new goal, and you have the tools for reaching them too as they arrive.

Enjoy the rewards of your hard work and continue to raise a healthy active family as you go.

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BMCKEOW1 8/20/2012 1:59PM

    You'll get to where you want. Sometimes we go so much at first that it's hard to keep the level all the time. I don't think it's a backslide, I just think it's a little bit of a rest until you start nailing it again.

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HSMOM2FOUR 8/18/2012 6:56AM

    Oh, lots of good encouragement here! I think the best was the difference between complacent and contentment. There's nothing wrong with having a different priority for a season of your life, and contentment is something that a lot of people search after... so don't beat yourself up!
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LIBELULITA 8/18/2012 6:20AM

    I think the whole point about this journey is that we get to a point where out insecurities and hang ups about our weight don't stop us from enjoying our lives. Your quality of life has improved so much that you are able to do what you want and LIVE. As long as you're happy the rest will happen as and when you wish if you wish it. I'm not in the same place. Only 6 weeks ago I was taking Aimee to the beach and waterpark everyday and living my life too, but now I'm back to feeling my hang ups and that i don't want to get into a bikini in public. God help me, we've got our first EVER family holiday in 5 days time and it's a beach holiday! And I no longer want it. I feel terrible about my weight gain and my clothes don't fit.*sigh*. I feel jealous about you feeling good about where you are at the moment. Send me some of those feel-good-about-yourself-vibes!!! emoticon emoticon

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CATDUG19 8/15/2012 12:10PM

    I loved your comment on the first summer of your life of really living!! i am doing that too this year, but your right it is so easy to fall of track just a little bit, I am not binging like in the past but I am not pushing myself either and we need to to hit that goal. You have come so far and you are going to win this so keep pushing

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ELLISH 8/13/2012 1:07PM

    I just read this!! Where was I at? lol Hell yeah, BTW! :) emoticon

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RICHILA 8/13/2012 10:53AM

    The point of the journey is to live your life with joy. You are definitely doing that.
Spark On! You Got This! emoticon

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TRACYNOTGIVINUP 8/13/2012 10:34AM

    I think you are doing the right thing though. Just living your life and not letting the weight come back on this the main goal. Maybe when the summer is over, and things go back to normal, you will find some renewed motivation, but maybe not, when the time is right for you, it will happen. I kinda think I am at the beginning stage of where you are. I don't care anymore about getting to goal or being in a healthy BMI. I care about beating my own 5K time and trying that silly ropes course next week with my kids. There are two sides to losing lots of weight, one side is being so focused on the goal numbers that you may get there and never have learned to LIVE life. When you get to the goal, you may feel lost and have no clue what to focus on now that you achieved your number. You feel done and that I honestly think is what happened to me the first time I lost all my weight. I thought I was DONE. But I was not done, I needed new challenges and goals and activities and I never found them or noticed I needed them and gained all my weight back. The other side is learning to live your life. You know you will not get this summer back, sure maybe you didn't say no to an ice cream cone ever all summer, but you weren't eating the biggest one each time I bet, and you weren't eating them a million times a day or week even. You are making memories with your kids and being active, things that will keep you challenged and keeping your weight off. I say go with your process, it will lead you down the right path! HUGS!

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OVERHAULING-ME 8/12/2012 9:56PM

    LOVED this! You've done so great!

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CLPURNELL 8/7/2012 7:39PM

    Honestly I think I am going through a lot of the same thing. When you have reached a level you haven't seen in 10+ years or ever it is very hard to stay motivated to push forward. So I totally get it. I also am one for enjoying NOW. Not when you get to a certain weight or BMI. Being happy and healthy is the goal. If you are there Holly then congrats and hats off to you. You have completed a journey many dream of and never make it to reality. You should be so proud of all you have accomplished and in the fact that YOU CHANGED YOUR LIFE! Often we wait around for life changing moments and you know what they seldom come. We have to make those moments and You have done that in spades. I am sooooo proud of you and inspired by you on a daily basis!!! I would like to throw out another word

Contentment - mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are

There is nothing wrong with that. People chase that there whole life and never achieve. That is what life is about enjoying living and doing it to the best of your ability!!!!

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MOONBIRD 8/7/2012 7:14PM

    I can see where you are coming from. I definitely have days where I just want to enjoy the day and not have to think about every calorie. I make what I think are good choices when we're out, and apparently it doesn't matter because no matter how much I work out, my body will not forgive me for a couple hundred extra calories. Everyone tells me I look great and don't need to lose anymore. I know I need to lose more, I have a huge gut. Everyone tells me I have a lot of muscle and that is why I am not losing as much. All I know is I want to lose more weight, but this seems harder than in the beginning. I also have been enjoying the fruits of my labor and have been able to live life for the first time in so long, but I also don't think I am where I need to be. It's very hard to figure this out. I had hoped by this Christmas to be the size I am supposed to be, but I feel like this last 40 pounds is going to take a lot longer to lose. All I know is I will not let myself gain a bunch of weight back. I am so glad you are my friend and know what this feels like. It's such a battle.

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AMBER281 8/6/2012 11:03PM

    You are doing great and you will get to your goals!

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GODIVADSG 8/6/2012 1:50PM

    I love the fact that you got to live this summer.... loosing weight is a full time job and to me it is all consuming to loose weight. You have done fantastic. And you are still doing fantastic. There is not time limit on you. Relax, soak in life.... life is over all to soon. And focus on not gaining!! and when you are up for it... go again if you want to. I think it is actually smart to do it this way. There is so much to process mentally as we loose weight. Focus your goals on other things that will help you live life to the fullest ... like reducing stress, getting sleep, having a small fry when you feel like it etc..... This is all part of the journey dear friend. emoticon

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PANDASUE2 8/6/2012 11:10AM

    Wow... you just wrote my blog for me! You said everything I'm feeling. I'm finally happy and BMI.... pfft... who cares about that? I did more this summer than I ever have and have loved every second of it. If we're happy, complacent is ok. We won't slide backwards because we're happy where we are. I know we're gonna be just fine! Great blog!

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ACCT1908 8/6/2012 10:03AM

    THIS BLOG HERE!!! OMG Holly! I am at the very same place. I have been about 180-185 for a very long time due to sheer complacency.

I "look" fine and normal. So because my reasoning for losing weight was to not "look" fat anymore..and I've met that goal I haven't had that go hard spirit.

Like you I "think" I want/need to lose more but again the desire to do it isn't a burning one and so I've just maintained.

I *only* have 30lbs to lose to reach my goal. After losing 130 you would think I would just knock these last few out huh? NOPE. Complacent.

Big hugs to you. I UNDERSTAND!! :-)

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GAELENEC 8/6/2012 7:52AM

    I can so totally identify with this! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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BONOLICIOUS2 8/6/2012 7:52AM

    Oh my gosh I want to copy and paste this as MY blog because you hit the nail on the head - COMPLACENT. How do we break complacent?! I've been struggling with that myself for some time now. I get one or two great days and then BAM, complacent. Ughhh.

And I don't know about you, but to reach a healthy BMI I think I'd pretty much have to starve myself. So no worries there - but maybe we need new other types of goals? I've been thinking of trying a push up challenge for starters! Any fun goals you can think of?

Hope you have a great week!

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WILLPARKINSON 8/6/2012 2:15AM

    I don't think there's anything wrong with complacency when you are satisfied with the direction your life is heading in. As long as you're happy I think that's the main thing. Sure, we always adjust a little here and there to make sure that we can remain complacent, but the ultimate goal is what matters.

And you, ma'am, are doing an amazing job. :)

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MAMADWARF 8/5/2012 10:51PM

    I dont know. I have seen you work tirelessly, full bore for over 2 years. You have lost a huge amount of weight, barely waivering in your pursuit. I like that you are enjoying your LIFE...that was the whole point, right? To be able to do these things and enjoy your family with your new healthier body.

I KNOW that you have committed to a lifestyle that you wont waiver from. I KNOW you COULD have had salad instead of french fries but come on! Life is short and really, who wants to NEVER eat a french fry again?

You will lose more when and if you are ready. I think its fine to just enjoy where you are right now!. I mean, do you HAVE to be 100% at goal to be happy with the journey? I dont.

I am happy with my weight loss but I also am happy with my life and the progress I have made. I AM going to keep going because I am not near where I need to be to further my health and my body image goals but I also know enough to realize life is precious and french fries make it better sometimes (not to mention cookies).

I am so very very proud of you, Holly. When I think of where you were and where you are and what you have done in the amount of time you have done it, well, I get teary every time. You rock so much. I just love you, girl.

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SAINTBETH 8/5/2012 9:32PM

    Complacent isn't a fault when it is really contentment. Sounds like you have your head in a good place. Good for you to enjoy the summer with your family in your new body!

I hate it when people tell me how much I should weigh, whether it is 'don't lose any more,' or 'reach your goal bmi.' I feel like telling them how they should have sex with their husband, and when they say, "That's personal!" I would say, "So is how much I choose to weigh and how.when I choose to get there."

You rock!

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FINCHFEEDER80 8/5/2012 9:30PM

    It does get tiring having to plan out what feel like every moment of every day just to make sure you meet your calorie and exercise goals, which I guess is why I just try to focus on one day at a time. Being so close to the beginning, I totally get how overwhelming it is to think that you have to do this forever. There's definitely got to be balance there, and I think part of truly making this thing a lifestyle is finding that balance that works for you. I'm so happy you've gotten to enjoy life this summer. That's so important, and part of the before mentioned balance. I think you're going be just fine, girly!

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SNOWYOGA 8/5/2012 8:34PM

    Hi Holly emoticon Wow! You have been busy. But I know what your saying, but all I know is is that life goes by so fast, and I know the better we take care (eat & exercise) of ourselfs the bettere we will be. But at the same time, I know how hard it is to have to watch and count your foods and to make sure that you get in all your exercise. So I guess what I am trying to say is is that I have 3 daughters, and it seems like just yesterday my oldest was almost 5, (but she just turned 25, next is just 23 and the babys 18 and leaving for college in 2 weeks) So do what you need for your health, but when you have time to be with the family and not able to do yours just enjoy! It goes by tooooo fast! Sorry if this sounds wrong, but it's been 1 of those days emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 8/5/2012 8:11PM

    I think you and I are in the same boat. I've been at the same weight for a year now. Oh, I've lost about 5 more pounds but not enough to really mean anything. I keep thinking how I like how I look and how much I've lost but then there's that number - 145 - my goal weight. When I saw the doctor not too long ago I was sort of hoping she would say I'm okay where I am but she just said, "I think 145 is a good goal for you, sure." So maybe I need to work at it more but sometimes I just don't want to. Hugs!

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GINILEE4 8/5/2012 8:06PM

   

I am of two minds here. On one hand I think a rest is a great idea. BUT on the other hand is a rest really about allowing yourself to pput on weight? How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? Is this yoyo syndrom? I think I have to say that maybe there has to be a point where you tell yourself, ' back to reality', because the reality of all this is, that you have chosen a lifestyle and yes there has to be wiggle room, but my fear is when you step over the line and it all tumbles down. I fear for your safety, I think.

Relax, take the rest of the summer easy but don't let compacency become your new lifestyle. You've come to far and fought too hard for what you wanted. DOn't let it slip away.


Gini

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JAKEKATY 8/5/2012 7:57PM

  I don't think you're complacent, I just think you needed off the roller coaster for awhile. The kids go back to school in 3 weeks and you can go back to ppacking foods etc. Enjoy your thinner you and the life you can live now.


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STUDLEEJOE 8/5/2012 7:44PM

    emoticon

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Panama Rocks in pictures

Monday, July 30, 2012

We went to Panama, NY on Sunday to check out Panama Rocks. It's a one mile long trail thru the rock that was formed by glaciers how ever many years ago. You can visit the website... panamarocks.com to get the whole story. I've never been there before, because I knew, BEFORE, I could never climb on or fit in between the rocks. This was a fantastic day trip and SO much fun for all of us.

The trail is one mile and should take about 20 minutes to leisurely walk thru it. If you go off the trail, which is the whole point in going, you can climb on.. into... over... and under this beautiful landscape. We spent just over 2 hours exploring.














See, I fit!!!



We had a great time and I highly recommend it if you're anywhere near the area.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINAJANE76 8/5/2012 1:15PM

    Very cool pics! I don't think I've been there but I've explored some similar-looking places in Upstate New York. Congratulations on being able to enjoy it properly and for being such a great example for your kids. Just think, you're not only a "fit mom" now, you're also a "fun mom"!

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WINSLOWGIRLS3 8/3/2012 11:55PM

    Great pictures! Looks like a great time!!!

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CLPURNELL 8/2/2012 11:43AM

    Looks gorgeous there! Hope you all had an awesome time!!!

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CATDUG19 8/1/2012 12:20PM

    Wow how beautiful, the landscape and you and your family. I am so proud for you. What a great day of memories you have made with your family.

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SUNNYARIZONA 7/31/2012 8:53PM

    WOW, that is just awesome! Really looks like a fun place to explore. Thanks for sharing!

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GODIVADSG 7/31/2012 8:49PM

    emoticonLooks so fun! Glad you had quality family time!! emoticon

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SNOWYOGA 7/31/2012 2:03PM

    That is so coool, that you got to go, (and of course you fit!) That area is beautiful, I would love to be able to go some day. Thanks for sharing emoticon emoticon

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GOSPARK45 7/31/2012 11:53AM

    What an amazing place. As a child I used to love to go into hidy holes and up rocks, pretending it was a secret place.

What lovely family photos. Thanks for sharing.

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MUSICALLYMINDED 7/31/2012 11:10AM

    Very cool! Another exciting NSV to add to the list!

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LINDAKAY228 7/31/2012 10:55AM

    What a beautiful looking place! And congratulations that now you are able to have fun and do what you couldn't do before!

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MOONBIRD 7/31/2012 10:55AM

    It looks beautiful there! That sounds like a great thing to do, and I am glad you could do it with your family! :) You look great too!

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AMBER281 7/31/2012 10:48AM

    Beautiful pictures.
Thanks for sharing!

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BONOLICIOUS2 7/31/2012 8:00AM

    WOW! That is GORGEOUS! Was it claustrophobic at all? haha. But very very pretty! Looks like fun!

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SUSANBEAMON 7/31/2012 2:13AM

  love the pictures. so restful.

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ANGELWENDYMAMA 7/30/2012 11:39PM

    that is so beautiful! Congrats on FITTING!

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MAMADWARF 7/30/2012 10:56PM

    Looks fun, active and beautiful...love the family pix!

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WILLPARKINSON 7/30/2012 10:55PM

    Awesome pictures! You all look great.

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SCOUTMOM715 7/30/2012 10:34PM

    Looks spectacular!! Glad you had a great time emoticon

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 7/30/2012 10:20PM

    That looks like so much fun! Such an ancient, beautiful terrain!

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NYMORNINGGLORY 7/30/2012 8:50PM

    Thanks for sharing the great pics and yet another way that your hard work has had such great benefits! Looks like you all had a blast!

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CHANGING4ME49 7/30/2012 8:42PM

    What a great place! Looks like a lot of fun.

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NARNIAROSE2003 7/30/2012 8:24PM

    You are SUCH an inspiration! I can't wait to do all the wonderful things that you are. You ROCK! emoticon

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KTISFOCUSED 7/30/2012 8:23PM

    Did I ask you before where you live? I can't remember but I've been to Panama Rocks too. I live in NW Pa.

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/30/2012 8:09PM

    Isn't it great when you can do something that was previously off limits to you (whether physically or mentally)?? So glad you were able to enjoy this with your family!

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YESCURLYCAN 7/30/2012 8:06PM

  Looks great Holly. I am glad you guys had such a great time emoticon

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ILOVEMALI 7/30/2012 8:04PM

    How fun!!

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Motivation and A New Goal(s)

Thursday, July 26, 2012

For the last few weeks, I've been working out with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Lisa. I had no idea how much more motivating it is to have someone right beside. When we're together, I push myself A LOT more. She's not a fitness nut, she just started getting healthy about 6 weeks ago. She's lost 10 pounds and wants to lose another 10 to be healthy, but her big goal is to get fit. Now, if I can only get her to quit smoking... When I work out with her though, I always want to go faster, use a steeper incline, more reps, kick higher, whatever... I don't need to be better than her, but I just want to show her I can totally kick a$$ = ) THAT'S what's been motivating me lately.

Since I've started this journey, I've wanted to run. To me running = healthy. I've got some AMAZING sparkfriends who've inspired me, encouraged me, and motivated me to want to be a runner... MOONBIRD, JMERLAU, JESSIEHOVER1, SANDIEGOJOHN, TRACYNOTGIVINGUP, and especially ON2VICTORY.

My goal, since I started, was to RUN the Turkey Trot. I've walked it for the last 2 years, and THIS year, I'm going to sign up for the 5k run... along with Lisa. Because we've (read *I*) decided to run this year, we've been "training." Yes it's in quotes because we're not following anyones program or anything. We decideded we would just run as far as we can in 30 minutes hoping to improve our distance every time we do it. So far, so good! We're not fast by ANY means, but we're consistant. Our goal for the TT is to finish in less than 45 mintues... I'd REALLY like to do it in 40 or less. When we walked it last year, we did it in 48, so I think running it in 40 is completely doable.

Finally, I've got 17 weeks until the TT and 18.5 pounds until I've lost HALF my starting weight. I don't see WHY I can't be half my size when I run the Trot this year, can you? I've changed my ticker to reflect my goal. It's not the FINAL goal, and I'll change it once I get there. So... those are the goals. A 40 minute 5k and losing the next 18.5 pounds... all by Thanksgiving Day. It's SO going to happen!!! What are YOU going to do in the next 17 weeks?!?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATDUG19 8/1/2012 12:22PM

    You have done so well. I am so excited to celebrate your half your size milestone, (it's coming I can feel it)

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MOONBIRD 7/31/2012 10:52AM

    I love this blog! I am flattered you mentioned me. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be a runner. I thought people who ran were nuts! LOL I know you have the ability to do it...you are fit and strong. It just takes time and consistency to let your body adapt. You will amaze yourself! I know you'll be running that turkey trot in the fall! I think running can be a thing where it's largely mental. I still get nervous when I go for a long run thinking I can't do it, but I know I can, because I have! I just have to get out there and put one foot in front of another. You have some days where you run awesome, and then others where it feels like a struggle, but I do think it makes you feel so fit and accomplished. Keep it up! I know you'll reach your goals! :)

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CLPURNELL 7/30/2012 6:17PM

    You will definitely get it done Holly!!!! i have no doubt!!!! So proud of you!!!

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AMBER281 7/30/2012 1:45PM

    You can do it!!
Sounds like you have a great plan and a great support/workout buddy!

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BMCKEOW1 7/30/2012 12:45PM

    Oh my goodness I didn't realize that was 17 weeks away. I love your goal. I think mine are to complete 2 5k's between now and the end of the year at less then 40 minutes. I know I can do it. I'd like to get rid of about the same amount of weight in that time. It's so doable.

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ROSET491 7/30/2012 8:34AM

    Great Blog Holly! Don't you just love having a scheduled goal laid out in front of you!! You asked about what I'm doing in the next 17 weeks~well I signed up for my first half with my daughter! She is running her first full marathon and wanted me to join her! You & me seem to be at the same place weight wise now we both have goals to reach for!! By the way I'm still trying to break that 40 minute mark in my 5K's!! Let's keep etch other motivated!!!
rose

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CEEJAY7 7/29/2012 8:00PM

  Hi Holly. All of this is awesome..........and to anyone who reads this, Holly is a true inspiration. When I first met her and heard her story I wanted nothing more than for her to succeed. I love reading about her goals. She is truly a great gal. Carol Hall emoticon

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JAKEKATY 7/29/2012 2:08PM

  Love that you have set new goals for yourself and I know that you will achieve them. Each time you change your goal it's a better one. You are always striving to reach a little further each time, I'm proud of you all the time. You look fantastic and attitude is awesome.

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YESCURLYCAN 7/29/2012 2:39AM

  The TT sounds like just the thing to rev you up, and it is great that you have someone to work out with that you find motivating. I also love that your goal is attainable and not far fetched. emoticon emoticon

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SCOUTMOM715 7/27/2012 9:49PM

    Great Goals & I totally believe that emoticon & emoticon that you have a running buddy!!

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LOTUSFLOWER 7/27/2012 12:15PM

    I love that you are working out w/ your friend, and your new goal is completely attainable!! You can DO IT!

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BETHSWORLD 7/27/2012 12:11PM

    AWESOME GOALS AND YES, IT'S SO MUCH EASIER WHEN YOU HAVE A WORKOUT BUDDY!! emoticon

emoticon

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SNEVIL1 7/27/2012 12:01PM

    That sounds like a great goal!

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DRKYASHI 7/27/2012 11:30AM

    emoticongoals! emoticon and keep us posted on your progress emoticon!

Comment edited on: 7/27/2012 11:30:51 AM

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JILLIANISREADY 7/27/2012 10:46AM

    You goals sound wonderful!! When I started running back in March I didn't follow any program -- I just had a friend push me until I wanted to quit .. then she pushed me harder and I have come a long ways since then! You can do it too! emoticon

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CHERRY666 7/27/2012 9:36AM

    Those sound like great goals to work toward. =) Good luck!

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NYMORNINGGLORY 7/27/2012 8:16AM

    I think your goals sound perfectly attainable and manageable. Often when I read about folks recommitting here or updating goals I can't breathe afterwards because it feels like so much. But I appreciate that this journey is different for each of us. I am longing to find a "real live" workout buddy here --- I think it would help me considerably to be more accountable. Glad you have Lisa at your side! And I love that you're motivated to do the TT in a different way this year - that's wonderful ... hope the running continues to improve. Sounds like you are on your way! Go for it! emoticon

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FORBANDE 7/27/2012 7:03AM

    How wonderful! It's awesome you have someone to work out with so you can encourage and push each other! Running the Turkey Trot sounds like the perfect goal. And the weight? You sooo GOT this!! (And I agree with you - I cannot wait to be able to run. I totally get the RUNNING = HEALTHY. )

What wonderful goals!! I know you will accomplish anything you set your mind to.

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SASSYLJB 7/27/2012 6:54AM

    Great Goals: I have a 5k (my first) schedule for Nov 17, I have never ran before either. Started working on it about 8 weeks ago. I would love to come in under 40 mins. Right now I am at about 43 mins.
I am sure that you will meet your goals!
Good luck can not wait for updates!

emoticon emoticon

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LIBELULITA 7/27/2012 5:13AM

    Well done for getting your motivation and sense of purpose back. You can and WILL do this , I can just feel it. Send some motivation my way please!! emoticon emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 7/27/2012 2:23AM

    A plan and a great motivation! A recipe for success! I'm sure you'll do great! In the next 17 weeks I intend to keep up with my fitness weekly schedule - even though I'll be on vacation - and I'd like to give running a try! I'll definitely use your motivation for this!
Good luck!
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WORLDSERIES11 7/27/2012 1:35AM

    I know you can accomplish this!!! emoticon emoticon

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WONDERBUG381 7/26/2012 11:43PM

    Sounds like you are going to ROCK that emoticon trot.

I am glad you have someone to motivate you. I so wish i had someone i could workout with. I think it would help me get back on track and stick to it.
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SNOWYOGA 7/26/2012 10:47PM

    I think that sounds great, (the TT race , and another 18.5 ponds) And with all the bad food hoilday coming. But you know what, from what I have read on your posts(blogs) I have no dought! You can do this, but 1 thing you are a (competitor) but that's what makes us push harder, and to keep going. I'm not a runner, but just listening to you gets my jazzed up! Thank you and have alot of fun emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon

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GOSPARK45 7/26/2012 10:35PM

    You certainly sound committed and you have a great plan. Nothing can stop you now. You go girl!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIBAISREADY 7/26/2012 10:30PM

    WHAT LOVELY GOALS AND MOTIVATION YOU HAVE GIRL. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FINCHFEEDER80 7/26/2012 9:58PM

    That's exactly how I feel when I get a chance to work out with Moonbird, she totally inspires me to pull it all out of the hat and give it everything I've got! She's my favoritest (and only, really) work out buddy!! I know you guys can do this!! Good luck and keep us posted!! emoticon

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MAMADWARF 7/26/2012 9:49PM

    Its funny you said this. While I'm not in any way going to do a trot, turkey or otherwise, I JUST changed my goals and ticker. I will write a blog about it later. You CAN lose that much and so can I! And by the way, HALF your body weight????? OMG, you are so amazing Holly. I cannot even tell you now amazed I am by you...love you!!!!!!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/26/2012 9:44PM

    You can do anything you set your mind to.

emoticon dat emoticon TROT girl!

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MUSICALLYMINDED 7/26/2012 9:43PM

    Good luck! Sounds like you've got a great plan in place and motivational workout partner.

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2BEABETTERME 7/26/2012 9:41PM

    That times is completely doable, even if you wouldn't run the whole thing. What a great goal! My one word of caution, is don't train to hard or up your distance too much all at once as those two things can cause shin splints (not fun).

Keep up the great work!
emoticon emoticon

Btw, in the next 17 weeks I will do 3 5ks and 2 10ks and I hope to run a whole 5k.

Comment edited on: 7/26/2012 9:47:04 PM

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 7/26/2012 9:40PM

    You ROCK! In the next 17 weeks I will walk a 50 mile, 3 day walk, possibly test for my next level of black belt and start a P90X/Insanity hybrid. WOO HOO! :)

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HLTHYRNRMOM 7/26/2012 9:28PM

    emoticon In the next 17 weeks, I am continuing my journey to ONEderland. On an exciting runnning note I am striving for 'Half Fanatic" status by doing 3 half marathons in 36 days. Nov 4, Nov 18, and Dec 9 :))))) I also am doing the Turkey Trot here in Dallas. emoticon emoticon


Seriously half your size.... YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ASHLEIGH_BRIANA 7/26/2012 9:27PM

    Great job! It's always nice to have someone to work with, to help motivate you!

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ILOVEMALI 7/26/2012 9:22PM

    Great for you!!!

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STEVEN_D 7/26/2012 9:22PM

    emoticon

Keep on keepin' on.

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A lesson in how quickly things get out of control

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I have been avoiding this, but being inspired by some SP friends, I've decided to come clean.

It all started with our mini weekend vacay at the end of June that did NOT go as planned (see previous blog). Knowing that we were going away, I decided that I was going to enjoy myself food and all. Well, I did. Burgers, ice cream, Japanese food, snacks at the movies, etc. When we were done vacationing, my taste for the "not so healthy" did not go away. It was NOT all food all the time, but it was poor choices MOST of the time and very little exercise.

Then the next weekend was girls weekend. My very best friend and another good friend from college get together about 2-3 times a year, and I'm pretty sure calories don't count when your with your best friend... right?!? When we get together, it really is just about spending time... you know, pedicures, dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (don't judge), watching TV and having a few too many drinks (we spend the night, no worries). Did I mention my BF is on her own weight loss journey, ahem, MADTHENURSE? Again, came home from that, and apparently I was going to continue the party.

This weekend, my BiL was in town with his family. I made mostly healthy meals, but we always go for ice cream. Instead of having a baby frozen yogurt, like I've done EVERY time we've gone this summer, I got a HUGE cup of ice cream with peanut butter cups mixed in. They left Sunday but, once again, I continued with the festivities.

So over the last 3 weeks, I've consumed more food and worked out less than I have in 2 years. All of this on the heels of my 2 year Sparkaversary, umm, WTH?!? Cookies, ice cream, italian subs, pizza, pop, full fat coffee concoctions, cinnamon rolls, LOTS of wine, tacos, crab cakes and, oh yes, CHEESECAKE! All in a 3 week time frame, with a total workout time of about 3 hours... in 3 weeks!

So I got on the scale since last Wednesday, saw the number, scoffed at it, said "that can't be right", and refused to get back on until this afternoon. I weigh myself everyday, I knew I gained weight, I could feel it, but how much was the question. With 3 weeks of food and laziness, I've gained 6.5 pounds. YEP, that's right. I got on the scale 4 times to make sure. I can't LOSE 2 pounds in a good week, yet I managed to GAIN that much for the last 3.

So, as of yeasterday, even without knowing how much I gained, I got off my a$$, literally, and got back to business. I've planned out my week. Good food, exercise at least 30 minutes a day, and WATER. I don't think I've had more that 20 ounces of water on ANY day in the last 3 weeks.

This isn't a pity party, but a HUGE reality check. You have to work your a$$ off to lose the weight, but my God does it come back quickly. I'm hoping a lot of it is just water weight, but I'm not holding my breath. Obviously I'm really upset about it, but honestly, I did this. No one force fed me or duct taped me to the couch. I could have worked out at any time and said "NO" once in a while to the food. This all about choices, and I've made some really poor ones in the last few weeks, and it stops NOW.

LESSON LEARNED

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TANYAP71 8/5/2012 4:45PM

    You know where things went wrong and you have a plan. Good for you for getting back at it in 3 weeks, not 3 months or 3 years. Some of what you've gained may well be water that is shed when you return to normal eating and activity. I think in a week you will have a good idea of what the real gain is. Best of luck re-committing to a healthy lifestyle.

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SNEVIL1 8/5/2012 2:17PM

    I wldnt stress about 6 lbs in 3 weeks. Ive gained more than that before. But i do agree that it might be a good idea to get back on track. Cheesecake and bad food wont take u in a good direction. Time to get back on the wagon. U got this!

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TINAJANE76 8/5/2012 1:22PM

    Don't feel so bad, I've done nearly as much damage in a week's time as you did in three! The really good news is that you took action when it was 6.5 pounds not 65 pounds! You're back on track and have probably already taken that weight off!

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VLKSHA 8/1/2012 8:19AM

    I can so relate: I seem to have little self control this summer, and I keep putting off correcting it because vacation week is next week. 1st Sparkaversary is the 24th and I haven't reached my goal yet. Still active, just not consistantly.

Great job facing up to it! Sounds like you are ready to be the healthy you again. Have you been getting enough sleep? I think my longer days are assisting in breaking me.

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CATDUG19 7/24/2012 10:38AM

    Wow so true how quickly we can let ourselves get away with eating poorly. So proud to see you back on track. It really sucks that its almost impossible to lose 2 pounds per week but no problem to put on 6 pounds in 3 weeks.

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AMBER281 7/23/2012 11:45AM

    I think we can all relate as we have been there at one time or another.
You can do it!

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TIME4AMY 7/23/2012 9:30AM

    Love the honesty and even more so...you are getting back into routine. That is where I failed. I saw the numbers after falling off a bit and felt badly, didn't get back into full swing, and OBVIOUSLY gave into my old habits. So sad, but true. Please please please get back to the good stuff, cuz Hol' (teary) ...this sucks bad. I want the old me back.

xo
Amy

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SOUTHPONDCAMP 7/23/2012 9:09AM

    Hey there......you've totally got this....you can't gain it all that fast! I bet a chunk of it (but sadly not all of it) is fluid stuff that will drop off....then you'll have to work for the last bit. But....reality checks are a good thing. I wish I had half your focus and determination!

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SENIOR62 7/20/2012 2:19PM

  I tink we can all relate to that at onetime or other in our lives. i know where you're coming from. Good luck in te dys ahead

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LITTLEKIM4 7/19/2012 11:03PM

    The same thing has happened to me...one "day off" turns into two, then three, etc. And it's amazing how fast the weight seems to come back on, when compared to how long it took to lose it!

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GODIVADSG 7/19/2012 6:38PM

    Holly, I am so glad you are back on track for you. I wander off only to always realize that I just feel better when I eat better! It makes me wonder why I ever stop making good choices... but I do and will do it again I am sure. It makes me think since so many of us have these issues that maybe I should just plan to splurge and be done with it every once in awhile. I have never tried it but I think I just might. Great job at being transparent. It helps me know I am not alone! Thanks!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIZCATHI 7/19/2012 4:55PM

    I can certainly relate to this blog... ok, so you did it. Now undo it. Because you can do it, have done it, and can do it again!

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KATFOSTER11 7/19/2012 8:07AM

    Sounds like we are in same place on our journey...but I had let it go longer than 3 weeks and made way too many excuses for myself. I jumped right back on this week too. Thanks for your blog! It's helpful and inspiring to see other people going through the similar things and going for it!

Way to Go! You are awesome!

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ROSET491 7/19/2012 6:55AM

    Good job for facing reality! It is so hard to lose and not sure why it can go back on so quickly!! I know for myself if I work out it spills over into my eating which is better than when I let the workouts slide by!! Sounds like you're back in control;just set yourself a goal and go for it!!

You have done an amazing job so far!!

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NEKEL16 7/19/2012 6:54AM

    I think it is the season for this to happen, I have read so many old school sparkies who have had a few naughty weeks but hey girl you own this. You are making this work for you. Quick to gain quick to lose hopefully mate. keep on pushing and chipping away emoticon xx

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LIBELULITA 7/19/2012 4:12AM

    I am so freakin' jealous of you....you did all that and gained only 6.5 pounds. i managed to gain 22 pounds in 15 days, and 14 of those were in the first week!!! Another Sparkfriend has talked about how she's been on a major binge for 3 weeks and has gained 4 pounds. How the hell did I manage to gain 22?!!!!

Anyway, I am on my 2nd day back on track and feel sooooo much better for it....and know,just know, that will can do this too. We've shared so much of this journey together and once again we find ourselves in the same place at the same time. Come on....you can totally do this.We've had our fun....and we can have it again at some time in the future if we get back on track NOW emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 7/18/2012 8:16PM

    You've got this! You know what to do and you're doing it. EVERYBODY has days or weeks like this but the real measure of success is what you do about it. You're doing the right thing. Keep it up!

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TEMPEST272002 7/18/2012 7:31PM

    I love your attitude: face up to the facts & deal with it. Just like 1 cigarette can derail someone who quit years before, so can 1 candy bar put me right back in a junk food frenzy. Maybe the same for you? Anyhow, you're back on track now. Stick to the plan and those pounds will come off quick!

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CLPURNELL 7/18/2012 6:19PM

    Holly,

A lot of that is probably water weight if your intake has been that low lately. You can definitely get back on track and 3 weeks does not erase the 2 years of hard work you have put into your journey!!! You can definitely get back on track and I know you will!!! We will always have those stretches where we don't make good decisions. But instead of getting stuck there we get up and get back at it and I am very proud of you for doing just that!!!!

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SNOWYOGA 7/18/2012 5:13PM

    Sorry that you fell off the train, but good job ( you only falling a little bit, it could of been worse)
But now your back and your going to do get. I do know what your talking about, I haven't had a great week myself, of eating (not right for me foods) Husband is on vacation, and it has been hard, but trying my best ( my daughter say the experts say everything in moderation), but I know what your saying. I do the same for now, (sweet tooth challenge) I got all the sweets out of the house, for me ,for now that's what I have to do! You know what's going to be right for you. And right now I know that (temptations) are to hard to be around. Sorry if this was to much, but I read what you post and I know you can do this! emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon Will be there for, with you! And this is no no pitty party (friends!) emoticon

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KIBAISREADY 7/18/2012 4:25PM

    It happens to the best of us. Glad you are taking control and not letting this detour defeat you. That's a girl! Dust it off and get back to it. emoticon emoticon

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WINSLOWGIRLS3 7/18/2012 1:30PM

    I feel your pain! I have been really bad for the past 2 days and I have gained 3 lbs!!! Imagine if I went 3 weeks! Ugh!!! I love your attitude though! I'm going to follow in your footsteps and get back into healthy eating and exercising!!! Thanks for the kick in the butt blog! I needed it! You will do great and get those LBS off quickly!

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JFTODAY 7/18/2012 12:54PM

    Congratulations for making a new beginning today!

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-POOKIE- 7/18/2012 11:13AM

    it does indeed and exactly why Im having to struggle all over again :(

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DRKYASHI 7/18/2012 10:18AM

    emoticonlesson to learn! Sounds like you have a good plan to 'get back on track'...Good luck and keep us posted on your progress emoticon!
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JAKEKATY 7/18/2012 9:44AM

  Holly I know you will get back on track fast. Maybe it will jump start you again to lose it littlefaster. I know no matter what you were doing it didn't seem to move the scale very fast. Maybe your body will get going again. I love you and constantly PROUD of your journey. I see how much happier you are and how you enjoy all the stuff with the kids that you wouldn't be doing if you hadn't lost the weight. Keep going LOVE YA MOM

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SMILESHINE81 7/18/2012 9:08AM

    It sure doesn't take long, you are right! Honestly I have a lot of those type of slips right after achieving a big goal. I think getting to something like a 2 year anniversary, an X number of pounds goal, etc. we give ourselves permission to 'take a break' - and that's okay for one meal, but you know what happens when we extend that break. I know you'll get that weight right off again!

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SHAUNAD30 7/18/2012 8:49AM

    Iím right there with ya! I have made excuse after excuse about not having time to exercise. Yet, I have had time to do other things. I have chosen other things over the exercise. Plain & simple. Iím trying to get back on track too so I donít get too far derailed. I need a plan of action!

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KTISFOCUSED 7/18/2012 8:32AM

    Sure sounds familiar. Isn't it easy to just derail off the diet train? We just might have collided since I've been a bit derailed since Mid-June and I gained about 6 pounds too. And I only lose about 2 pounds a month so this is really bad but like you said, reality check time.

BTW you have done an amazing job and you look great! This is just a small little derail so remember We know what to do and we CAN do it! here we go....

Comment edited on: 7/18/2012 8:34:02 AM

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ELLISH 7/18/2012 8:17AM

    Love the attitude!!!!! ;) emoticon

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YESCURLYCAN 7/18/2012 6:14AM

  I so understand. You will knock those 6 pounds down and here is hoping that at least 3 of those are water weight. emoticon emoticon

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WILLPARKINSON 7/18/2012 4:44AM

    With that outlook I'm sure you'll be laughing at that scale in no time!

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LEASIM1231 7/18/2012 3:31AM

    Wow! Just what I needed to read. Good to know I am NOT alone. I was feeling pretty down this morning. I had just reached my pre-pregnancy weight and was like 4 or 5 pounds from my goal. My parents and aunt came in June, we went to France and I have just continued vacationing at home. Last week the 2 kilo gain was a big gup, but this last week at HOME, was another one! Now I have 10 pounds from my goal-wah! But I weighed this morning and while being upset in the shower decided that it is good that I am upset enough to start from NOW. So I am eating again my oatmeal with fruit in in for breakfast, planning to go on a walk this morning.

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NUOVAELLE 7/18/2012 2:32AM

    You had a great time and that's the most important thing. You acknowledge your mistakes and that's the second most important thing. We've all been there, I know how awful it feels, but the sooner you get back on track, the less damage you'll have made. Because the bad thing with these situations is that we easily get the "just one more day" approach and then we lose sense of time! So, start making the right choices TODAY!
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MOONBIRD 7/18/2012 12:45AM

    I know you'll get back on track and knock those pounds off quickly. I can have a bad weekend and be up 3 pounds, and that's with working out. It usually is back to where it was pretty quickly, so sometimes I do think it's water weight from the sodium in junky food. This time of year is so hard because everyone is having cook outs and parties, and I do my best not to overeat, but even eating small amounts of that stuff adds up to a ton of calories. Hang in there. You have come so far and I know it's discouraging to get on the scale and see an increase, but it's good you're catching it now and doing something about it. emoticon

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LOTUSFLOWER 7/18/2012 12:25AM

    emoticon It's not too late to reverse what's been done, you have the right mindset to focus on the present and positive and get back to business! I've been there too, I think we all have. The memories are what you will remember of these past weeks, not the weight gain, and not the food. emoticon

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HLTHYRNRMOM 7/17/2012 11:35PM

    I am in the same boat! I say confess & get back on it, that's what I'm trying to do!!!

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MAMAOWLS 7/17/2012 10:51PM

    You did it once you can do it again. Don't feel too bad I gained 3 pound in as many days. I 'm just glad my long weekend wasn't any longer. I will lose mine too. emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 7/17/2012 10:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WONDERBUG381 7/17/2012 10:32PM

    This sounds just like me...only i gained back a little (LOT) more then 6 lbs.
And since you are one of my biggest inspirations & motivations i feel not so alone in this knowing it happens to everyone.
Now we just need to get back to what we know we can do. emoticon
Thank you for sharing
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SCOUTMOM715 7/17/2012 10:24PM

    Oh Holly, just wanted to come clean and let you know, you're not the only one! I've put 6 lbs back on in the past month and i'm sure it would be more if I wouldn't be keeping up with my workouts. Definitely a reality check! My poor choices stop NOW too! emoticon emoticon

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WISDOM73 7/17/2012 10:24PM

    Hey Holly, completely get your drift! A reality check is very good to reafirm your goals and get yourself going again. I tend to come accross this saying on Sparks quite a bit: fall down six times and get up seven. When I get off track, I feel it in body and everything is different no matter how much food I had or how little exercise I put in. My trick to getting back on the wagon is to stick with the basics: water. I go back to drinking at least 8 x 8oz a day and everything seems to come together. Also, I usually refrain from making all kinds of 'decisions' about how I ate and what it was that I ate. Again, I go back to the basics with regards to portions, veggies and fruit, and so on.

Thank you for your honest sharing. Being honest with myself is my bigest asset. Then opneness and willingness to change does the rest.

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MAMADWARF 7/17/2012 10:16PM

    (snicker at notaboutheface)..

Ahem,
<
BR>Well done!! That was quite a little bender you were on! Who are you trying to be, ME????

Knock it off.

You're welcome.

LOL, Love you, Holly. I know you will be fine.

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MOJIMAK 7/17/2012 10:09PM

    I had a really hard time on vacation too and ended up not weighing myself for several weeks because I knew I had gained weight. You are on the right track. You indulged and had a good time with friends and family. You didn't commit a crime. So just look at for what it is, just a bump on your long journey and move on. That's all any of us can do. I think what I learned from my whole vacation experience is that I can't equate food with having a good time and being on vacation is not a license to overeat. But it's easier said that done. I am sure it will continue being a challenge for me. You are going to do great. Don't be discouraged :-)

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FINCHFEEDER80 7/17/2012 9:57PM

    Glad you're getting back on track!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/17/2012 9:50PM

    Is it wrong I wanted to yell "amateur" since I usually gain twice that on our 2 week vacations? ;-)

You'll be surprised how quickly most of it comes off because of the water weight. Just remember the lesson, keep it in your back pocket as you go through life because that situation will present itself in the future and you'll have a reference point. You're jumping back to it and that's what matters!

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MANDYJ73 7/17/2012 9:19PM

    oh Holly... Thanks for the confession... you just kicked me in the butt too! I have been eating too much too! Now that I am in relationship-land... it is so much easier to be in control when you only eat at home and alone... my gain has been 5 lbs in the last month... I am totally aware of it and know how to change it... started logging everything again today,... that is totally the key for me!

I know we can do it! Get it girl!

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COOKIE_AT_51 7/17/2012 9:17PM

    Glad you are back on the road after your detour. :)

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FUSIONFITNESS3 7/17/2012 9:12PM

    It happens so easily. It seems even easier when we get out routine with vacations, no matter how long or how short. Vacations and social life circles around food so much. I have been challenged too even when it's just a summer day outing. Last week I feasted on fish and chips at the beach. One piece would have been enough but I went for two because I was hungry. Then the onion rings looked like the best so had to order those. I was full before I finished half the meal but did I stop? No...it tasted too good. And so the battle goes on. Now that you've recognized the need to get back on track you have taken the first step. Thanks for being brave enough to come clean because it happens to manhy of us and we just don't dare admit it, especially publicly.
You can do it...You know what to do...You have done incredibly well...Keep at it...... emoticon Jump to it!!!

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ANGRITTER 7/17/2012 9:11PM

    I hear ya! But at least you know you have to get back on program. A lot of people just quit and say "I slipped so I will never get done with this". Fact of the matter is that you never will be done with this. This is a lifestyle change, and as long as you get back on program, you'll come out a winner!!

I keep a lot of small fruit around in plain site so I never have to look for a snack I leave out strawberries, cubed melons, cherries, kiwis, bananas, tangerines. These are all in the front, face-level in my fridge, or on my bar.

I did make a lowfat cake the other day, so I am having a piece tonight. It's my guilty pleasure, but it's egg whites and applesauce rather than eggs and oil.

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