Tuesday, May 01, 2012
I haven't been doing so great for the last 2 months, so I decided to put a challenge out there into sparkland, and hopefully keep myself motivated, and get my hiney in gear. My goal is to be under 175 by the end of May, which should totally be doable, if I stick to the plan. I'll update here every week if you're interested!
May 1st - 179
May 7th - 178
May 14th - 176
May 21st - 177 UGH!
May 31st - 174!!!
Wish me luck, join me if you'd like!
I also wanted to add picture of the cutest cupcakes that I made for my daughter to take to school for her birthday. They're called tie dyed cupcakes and the recipe came from kraftfoods.com. They were really easy to make, and Katy LOVED mixing up the colors! With the help of NOTABOUTTHEFACE, I learned how to make them healthier, and THEN, I noticed that the recipe for healthier cakes and cupcakes is actually ON the box... who new!?! Instead of oil and eggs, I used egg whites and applesauce. The texture and taste is the same, and I even fooled my dad with them.
How FUN are these? Have a happy and healthy May everyone!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
How self conscious I used to be around people I don't know. We were at the bowling ally for Jake's party yesterday and there were 8 other children from his class coming. I'm not able to be very active in either of my kid's classrooms because I work full time and I really have not met many of the parents. As the kids were coming yesterday, I was standing around with some of the parents, and I had all of these thought bubbles start popping in my head. "He doesn't know you used to be fat(ter)" as I offered one dad ice cream. "I'm not that much bigger than her" as I was chatting with another mom. "I feel pretty normal now" as a few of us were discussing our summer plans.... I had NO idea that these kinds of things were, at some point, an issue in the back of my head. These weren't "bad" thoughts I was having, just things that were coming to the forefront of my brain. It was very strange, and almost out-of-body like. This has never happened to me before, and I don't know if anyone else has had this happen, but I just thought I'd share.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I've had a lot of things going on in my head that last couple months and I don't know how to organize them so I'm just going to spill out all out on this page. Feel free to stop reading, because I'm sure it won't make any sense. I just need to get it out.
The last few months I feel like I'm floundering. I really haven't lost any weight since the beginning of March. I'm not upset about it really, just bummed that the scale hasn't gone down.
I get friend requests from people who have 30 pounds to lose, and I feel like I "can't be friends with someone who has 30 pounds to lose because *I* was enormous. What can I possible tell them about losing 30 pounds?" How ridiculous is that? I kind of feel like I can only be friends with people who weigh over 300 pounds because that's where I started. This probably sounds terrible, like I don't want to help someone who has a less amount of weight to lose, but I feel like I CAN'T help them. Does that make any sense?
I wish this this whole calories in calories out was as easy as it sounds. If it was, I would have gotten to goal a year ago. I still can't figure out how much to eat in relation to my calories burned, to make weight loss consistent. It always seems hit or miss at this point.
I'm still trying to run and I feel like I have other things I want to do too. I have all these great workout videos and now I have a bike which I love, I "make" my dad take walks with me, and I'm afraid that running will be on the back burner. What if I NEVER run a 5K? It feels like I have too much I want to do, and because of that I feel like I'm not doing anything.
My 2 year anniversary on spark is in June and I want to set a weight goal for it, but the way things are going, I don't want to be disappointed if I don't make it. I've set lots of weight goals, and when the deadline gets close, I change it if I have to, no big deal, so I don't why I CAN'T set a goal for June.
Numerically, I'm close to my goal weight, but it seems light-years away. I know the closer you get, the harder it is to lose the weight, but I'm still not small by any means, and in my head, it shouldn't be this difficult to lose the last 37 pounds. Initially, I was going to get this done in 18 months, then it moved to 2 years, now I'm hoping to be at goal by the end of this year. I know this doesn't always work out like you plan, and I know lots of my friends have been working on this for years, and I'm NOT complaining, just frustrated.
You really want to ruin your day, try on a swim suit. I live in a lake front town, and the beach is about 7 miles away. There is NO reason why I shouldn't be taking the kids to the beach all summer. It's free, it's close and they love the water... oh, yeah, I have to put on a swim suit, that's why! I got one last year that I didn't look hideous in, but still hated walking onto that beach. This year, I'm about 50 pounds lighter and I bought a new suit, size 16-18, but it still sucks. I bought a tankini with a skirt, because my bottom is still a little bigger than my top. However, because of the smaller size, it's not exactly structured for a *real* woman. Not enough support in the top and with lose saggy skin, and the girls not being where they need to be on their own, it's still not a pretty picture. I don't even want to talk about the "swim skirt."
I still can't figure out what make me think I can lose all this weight and keep it off. So many people here have lost lots of weight, disappear, only to resurface having gained a bunch of it back. Why do I think I can do this? I'm no better than anyone else. I'm losing weight the same way they did. WHY am I going to be a success? What makes me think that won't happen to me?
After all of my success (not bragging) I still have all this self doubt. I'm a different person. I'm SO much happier and I have this new confidence, outwardly, that everyone else sees, but I still have a hard time believing in myself. Maybe I'm just so afraid that I won't be able to maintain this new lifestyle, I'm getting prepared for failure, if THAT make sense?!?
Well, if you're still reading, thank you. Like I said, it's a bunch of random crap, that I can't wrap my head around, so why not throw it out into sparkland.
To end on a much lighter note...
307 pounds (at least) December 2009
177 pounds April 2012
Maybe I really WILL be able to do this!
Monday, April 09, 2012
Just thought I'd put it out there. I did really well with FOOD all weekend, but the chocolate got to me! I've had candy in the house since Monday, but it didn't bother me until I had that first piece Saturday night, while I was making the kids baskets. I had one of those tiny foiled eggs. Not even very tasty, but then I had a few of those Starburst flavored jelly beans, SO good! Then, a super teeny, tiny, mini Cadbury egg. Have you seen these things at Walmart? SO small, but not real tasty, followed by a few more of those awesome jelly beans. Sunday was more of the same... tasteless chocolate (foil eggs, solid chocolate mini bunnies, and mini Cadbury eggs), followed by a handful (usually 3 beans, yes I count, and I prefer odd numbers) of those sinfully tasty jelly beans. I know I could have done WAY better, and not had any of it, but I did, and I'm not upset about any of it. I just wanted it out there, so if you think you've had a rough weekend with candy, remember, we're all human. I have to say, I wish the chocolate tasted better, and I wish I had NEVER tasted those jelly beans! I hope everyone "survived" their weekend!
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
My brother and his wife had their first baby today!!!
Madelynn Grace was born at 2:49pm, 7 pounds 9 oz and 18 inches long
Hair whiter than anything I've seen and a set of lungs to rival my daughters!
Let the fun begin = )
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