HMMILLER007   44,981
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
HMMILLER007's Recent Blog Entries

Grateful for all the suport!

Sunday, August 04, 2013

I was so honored and surprised when the Maintenance Team wanted to feature my blog - I only write sporadically, and usually it's just to vent! But I often get so much positive encouragement, it just lifts me up and helps me to continue doing my best, day-by-day.

Many people struggle with negative self-talk, and it really takes effort sometimes to counter those thoughts with positive messages. I even do it and my heart is not in it (bad thoughts: "Oh, jeez, you're up again, can't you just learn to stop before you're stuffed" or "She's so pretty and has a nice shape, and she doesn't try. I wish I was so lucky to be naturally thin/pretty" Good thoughts: "Whatever! I will make up for it today/this week, I eat lots of fresh veggies most days and that will help." "Yes, but you look nice, too. Everybody has a unique shape, there is beauty in everyone."). So I may not really FEEL the good thoughts, but I say them to myself anyway. And I pray a lot - with God, all things are possible, even conquering weight woes, vanity, and negative thinking!

So, with that said, right now even though my weight's up higher than I like (had a nice time on a camping family vacation, and still fightin' to get those extra treats/drinks calories off!), I just completed my first ever mud run!

It was so much fun! I did the Dirty Girl Twin Cities one with a couple of girlfriends. We mostly power-walked it, as they hadn't been training and had some foot injuries they were recovering from, and we still finished it in about 45 minutes. I have come to love running (well, jogging really), and wished I could have ran more of it, but it was so nice to hang out with girlfriends rather than go off on my own. I think the Dirty Girl is a great mud run to try if you've never done one before! It's only 5k, the obstacles aren't too hard (and you can go around), it's not timed, and it's for women only. I felt great afterwards, not sore or too tired. We had gone early, too, to volunteer for 3 hours before our wave so we get a free registration for another one. So I hope to do it again next year!

Doing this and feeling this great afterwards reminds me how far I've come since my younger years. Running was unthinkable when I was a teen (I'd joke I'd only run if a bear was chasing me!). Going out doing a 5k, let alone a mud run, would have made me laugh! I never would do anything that challenged me or took me out of my comfort zone. So I'm proud of myself. I didn't feel challenged physically, but that's because of how far I've come - I'm in so much better shape than I've ever been. So when those bad thoughts pop up in my head, I now have another positive one to counter them with.

That's what doing races is about for me. It's a deposit in my positive thinking bank account. I may not be "perfect" the way I expect myself to be, but I can't take away these experiences I've created for myself - they're indisputable proof that I'm doing well!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVELYGIRL2 9/16/2013 12:41PM

  I work with kids too. it helps to have a pile of energy.

I see your on one of my groups.

I liked reading your two articles.

The Lord Bless you.

Good for you running. I wanted too, but my left hip was bugging me. I don't know if it's me or my lack of form. I don';t have a real person to help.

Livelygirl2 / Sue

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELLIEBEAN 8/4/2013 11:36AM

    Good for you!

I did the Warrior Dash a couple years ago as just something fun to do with my kids. I was working out here and there and not doing much running except on a treadmill....walk for one song, jog for one song. It took me just over an hour to finish and I felt SO incredible that I did that!

It was my aha moment to get in better shape. I did it again this past June and got it done in 53 minutes and wasn't sore for seven days this time....only three days.

Great jog working on the positive thoughts!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Maintenance sucks sometimes!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

I've been maintaining a healthy weight range for a while now. My "goal weight" is 137, and using the Maintenance team's guidelines of +/- 3%, I've been successful. I don't always feel that way though.

Weekends are still challenging. I know I overeat, either at gatherings or just hanging w/my family or even a sugar binge one of the weekend days. I also drink more alcohol (beer or wine), which is just liquid calories. My weight has always gone up, even if it's just a pound or two. I get mad at myself about that, but I also try to forgive myself and move on. I don't dwell too long on it, and get back on track on Monday, or even strive to do better at the next meal. I just wish I had more willpower so never had to feel bad about myself! But then again, it's all a part of being human, no one's perfect, so I need to let it go and move on.

Any weight gain is also discouraging. I beat myself up about it, but then I will still continue to eat junk or snack for the day. The number hangs in my head like a hidden sin, but it's not enough motivation to make me eat better on the weekend. I get so happy when I hit 137 during the week, I feel like I really look good. But even though it's not noticeable, if/when I hit 139/141, I think I start to look fat and feel bad about myself. How crazy is that? A few pounds make me feel bad about myself? I would like to learn to let this go and base my feelings of self-worth on God's love and other less vain attributes.

So, by all outward appearances, I'm a successful maintainer. But inwardly, I often feel like a failure and discouraged. It reminds me appearances are deceiving, and when I look at another woman and wish I had what she has, I have to remember there are things she has going on in her life or head that cause her unhappiness, too. We are all the same in that regard.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOGOULD 8/19/2013 7:34PM

    CONGRATULATIONS on your maintenance success! I have to remember that the reason that I am strict with my nutrition for 80-85% of the time is so that I have the freedom to go off course on the other 15% of the time. Even then, I try to practice moderation. I like that buffer zone for the unforseen occurances that life throws my way. Too many processed carbs or too much sugar and that scale is gonna climb. I know this and don't beat myself up, but use that as a warning that it's time to reign things in again.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEMT 8/10/2013 10:52PM

    Congrats to you for maintaining. You are not alone in your stinky thinking. I think that is what they call it. When you figure out how to stop it please let us all know.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ITSABSURD 8/10/2013 9:22AM

    Congrats once again on making it to your goal. You're doing a great job by keeping your weight in check even when maintaining.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICEANGEL0531 8/9/2013 5:01PM

    I have found the weight loss journey to be less taxing than he weight maintenance, but I also have fund that I have to continue to do the same things @ maintenance that I did to get there.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADRIENALINE 8/5/2013 12:21PM

    Everybody struggles with those ups and downs. It might help to step away from the scale a little bit and only weigh in once a week. I'm been maintaining for a while now and I just use how my clothes fit and not worry about what the scale says so much.

One of my wisest friends told me to never compare my insides to somebody else's outsides. People always seem to look good from the outside since you can't see the turmoil that's going on inside. They probably feel worse than we do.

Report Inappropriate Comment
-AMANDA79- 8/4/2013 3:13PM

    Feel like I could've written this one! It is so silly to get hung up over such a tiny gain, but I guess it keeps us from letting it get any bigger.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUNSHINE20113 8/3/2013 2:15PM

    How very true!! I struggle with the same things!! Thanks for sharing such an honest blog. Maintaining can get exhausting sometimes.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMARILYNH 8/3/2013 2:03PM

    I'm coming late to this discussion, but Rosewand said exactly what I feel. If I thought I'd have to eat 'perfect' for the rest of my life I'd chuck this whole weight thing right now!! Food is an important "social occasion" at times for most of us! As long as it balances out in the end (by staying within 3 pounds of my goal weight - I know some people say 5 but for me 3 is more realistic - ie not too hard to lose!) its ok. I prefer to say on the lower side of my goal weight but that doesn't always happen.

For me the clincher is if my skinny jeans fit comfortably!! The important thing is FEELING GOOD about yourself. Its time to convince your mind that you are FINE as long as you get back down to a good weight during the week. I doubt very seriously you are truly gaining on the weekend - you are probably consuming more carbs and sodium so experiencing water retention. Then you go back to healthy eating during the week and it goes away. Its all good!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WAY2GOCAT 8/2/2013 11:28PM

    I relate to letting the scale control my self-esteem. I need to remember, above all else, that I am a daughter of the King!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HONEYCAT22000 8/2/2013 6:59PM

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. Maintenance is hard! I have to be aware of what I am doing every day, even if that awareness is that I'm eating too much. I am extremely grateful for the maintenance team because I know I am not alone.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SWEET_CAROLYN 8/1/2013 11:57PM

    Thank you for talking so honestly about your struggles with maintenance!! I am not in Maintenance yet, but I will be soon and I know I will struggle with the same issues you do. You tell me I'm not alone and that I can do it!

Thanks so much!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I have just joined the Team, having reached my goal weight of 137.

I am so glad to read about the perspectives of other Maintainers; you comments/advice are great for a new maintainer in terms of what to expect, and what challenges I may be facing.

So nice to have support/advice for continuing a healthy lifestyle at a healthy weight!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OOLALA53 8/1/2013 10:41PM

    Your BMI range would allow you to weigh as much as 149. Maybe that would less of a struggle?

The cosmetic ideal is just that- just decoration. It is pleasant but it is not central. We owe ourselves respect for our essence. I believe our problems with our self-image are pointers to this truth. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MANILUS 8/1/2013 10:38PM

    Great job keeping in range! We all fight those mental battles, keep it up!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 8/1/2013 8:42PM

    Great blog. This is what most of us experience as "maintenance": the constant need for vigilance and correcting small weight gains right away before they balloon out of control

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOONCHILD8 8/1/2013 4:37PM

    Wow! You are inspiration to me. I am a maintainer too! You are so right that we always want what we do not have and we if we had it, would we be happier. Linda from bean town emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPINTOWIN 8/1/2013 3:25PM

    It's so nice to read about someone else experiencing the same head games. I think this is the hardest part of this whole thing and I just keep trying to figure it out!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DELLMEL 8/1/2013 10:13AM

  Maintenance is so very hard. Keep pushing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FELINA 8/1/2013 9:43AM

    You are so right ! Maintaining is the harder part of this journey, there will always be slips. But we have to avoid beating ourselves up. After all, look how much you've accomplished !

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEXGAL1 8/1/2013 9:41AM

    gosh, you are singing my song here too! we all have those ups and downs for sure. It's good to look them straight on though and constantly get back under control.
we can do this.
Have a terrific day.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KANOE10 8/1/2013 8:39AM

    I am the same way. If I am on the down side of my range I feel happier..and when I am up a few pounds I keep looking at the mirror and feeling fat. You are doing a great job of maintaining in your own way..even if you would like to change some of your patterns of eating. As time goes on you might be able to figure out tools to help you.
It is nice to realize that everyone here says maintenance is work and understands your feelings.


Report Inappropriate Comment
SLENDERELLA61 8/1/2013 8:02AM

    Thanks for sharing your maintenance struggles. I can relate. On one hand I celebrate every day that a whole lot of weight is gone, but I also stress that I'm not eating 100% the way I want to and usually I am a few pounds over what I want to be. How to address the issue -- can't just let it go or I'd gain -- without getting obsessed and detracting from my life. That is a great topic for extended discussion. As a strong group of maintainers we can figure this out!! -Marsha

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELIAMINER 8/1/2013 7:48AM

    Amen. Maintenance is hard work, but it's great to have such an active, informed, and loyal support group with SP, and especially on the maintenance team.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIANNEMT 8/1/2013 7:12AM

    Maintaining isn't fun--it is HARD. Good luck--keep working and do give yourself a break!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FIFIFRIZZLE 8/1/2013 6:44AM

    I like what Rosewand has to say about planning to eat more in the weekend. I'm not at maintenance yet but I expect it will be hard.
It will be a lot harder if I beat myself up or criticize myself. I am planning to manage with the 5:2 diet, eating very lightly for one day to maintain, or two non consecutive days if I gain. I like the idea of being able to eat what I like to eat, although not everything I see, lol.
But I am not sure how long I could persevere with a harsh internal critic on board. Usually the part of us that is being mean to us does have our best interests at heart, but the way it is communicated is not helpful. I deal with my critical part by thanking her for her concern, asking what her message is, and reassuring her that I will take care of that from now on. Maybe trying an internal dialogue with that critical self will work for you too? I do hope so!
I saw a quote just the other day on Sparpeople, if you don't love yourself at your current weight, you won't love yourself when you are your goal weight. So true, I think.
emoticon on your successful weight loss.
Keep up the great work on the maintenance!

Comment edited on: 8/1/2013 6:49:42 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOBYCARP 8/1/2013 6:33AM

    Oh, yeah. I fret about losing too much when I get down near 160, and fret about gaining too much when i get up near 163. That's just as nuts, for my range, as your fretting.

But the comparison? My sister found one of the SP motivational quotes a while back. It said something like, we feel inadequate because we compare our behind the scenes to other peoples' highlight reels. I see that in your blog; you're comparing your inside feelings that aren't visible from your appearance to some other women's appearance. Chances are, your appearance holds up well next to theirs and you wouldn't want their inside feelings and struggles.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JSTETSER 8/1/2013 6:24AM

    Been there. I know how you feel.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ONEWEIGH 8/1/2013 1:29AM

    Thanks for saying what so many of us feel! The job is not done when we get to our goal weight...we've still got lots of work to do and lots of lessons to learn. We're in this together... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTJULZ 8/1/2013 12:16AM

    Maintenance sucks and maintenance is also incredible joy! For all of us. :D I've been using weight graphing ( to keep my emotions less in the forefront and my analytical side satisfied.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_LINDA 7/31/2013 11:42PM

    Unfortunately weekends are the bane of most of us. Its actually the time we need to work the hardest and be the most vigilant about our lifestyle choices. Take alcohol. You know the calories and the fact it loosens your inhibitions and makes it easier to reach for the junk. Could you try eliminating that? Replace with flavored water if plain water is just too boring? Just that one little change may help you out.
Losing on the week days and gaining on the weekends is very much like a yo yo diet, in miniature. Its hard on us mentally and physically to cope with that see sawing scale. I believe Sparks has a weekend Survival team, it might be worth your while to search it out.
All the best with this challenging problem!!
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELLIEBEAN 7/31/2013 10:09PM

    It's always been easier for me to loose weight than to keep it off.

I am also between 137 and 140 depending on the day and feel SO much better about myself when I see 137. I also tend to overdue it on the weekends.

I have worked very hard on that negativity! Checking in with the At Goal and Maintenance team each day keeps me focused on the positive. I have learned to focus on my accomplishments and let it go when I have a bad day or two or three...

You are right, no one is perfect, let it go and move on.

Thank you for sharing how you feel about maintenance and congratulations on all you have accomplished!


Report Inappropriate Comment

    Oh I KNOW what you're talking about!!! I'm struggling with maintenance too, as I think most of us do. Everyone says maintenance is harder than losing the weight and personally, for me that is so true. You're doing great. Maybe those feelings about ourselves are actually very GOOD. They help to keep us always striving to stay on track, eat healthy foods and continue on with our workouts. If we had no conscience about our 'mistakes' I think we'd just pile on the weight again. Congrats to you for your weight loss and for keeping it off. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IAMAGEMLOVER 7/31/2013 9:37PM

    Maintenance I think is harder than weight loss. You feel I lost the weight I can have this or that. I can partake a little bit more. It is a head game. I think outside influences don't help. Oh, you lost the weight try this. You're too skinny anyway, have a piece. It is also frightening. When we were fatter, no one would know if we had put on weight or didn't lose any weight. Well ,now they will. It is more noticeable. It definitely puts more pressure on you. You also think Can I do this and maintain this weight for life?

Cut yourself some slack. I saw this on the activity feed one day and it really stuck with me. I watch my calories to live, I don't live to watch my calories.

Report Inappropriate Comment
-SHOREIDO- 7/31/2013 9:34PM

    Thats so very true!! Good reminder and motivator!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROSEWAND 7/21/2013 3:55PM

    I think you are being way. way too hard on yourself.
Even in maintenance, it is so unrealistic to expect
to be perfect or even near perfect. Maintenance
is a balancing act. emoticon

I always eat more on the weekends. I plan to eat
more. As long as my calories average my
maintenance levels, I am fine. Occasionally,
I eat even more and just cut back over the next
week or so.

Part of being in maintenance is being able to
enjoy our foods, to delight in eating and we
often do that on the weekend with friends and
family. Plan for it and enjoy! You are amazingly
successful. Self compassion is the key to long
term maintenance not self control. emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/21/2013 3:55:21 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment

Tame Your Sweet Tooth Challenge - my sugar habits

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I've decided I have a sugar addiction! It probably sounds silly/crazy to some, but I get physically excited when I think about sweet treats. Then I over-dose on them and feel sick. And despite that, I still go back for more when the opportunity presents itself.

I noticed after 3 weekends of family gatherings and over-eating and over-indulging my sweet tooth, I felt so yukcy on Monday, then cut out most carbs and all sweets that day, then felt better on Tuesday. And one week I really tried to avoid all sugary treats and felt the best. You'd think that'd be motivation enough for me to just cut out all treats, but no! I just love'em.

I can remember being more picky about my treats - I didn't care for jelly-type ones (jelly beans, gummy bears, fruit-shaped candy, etc.), I only liked chocolate ones, and Skittles or Starbursts. But now if it's got sugar in it or on it, I want it!

I can go on a total binge if the candy is available - like after Easter. I can start feeling sick while I'm eating it, but still keep reaching for more.

So, I decided to join this challenge to see if it can help me break this nasty habit, help me learn new strategies for dealing with the cravings, and see if I can get my sugar habit in control. I hate the thought of nixing all treats out of my life forever - I love birthday cake and ice cream, and the desserts are my favorite part of family gathering meals. But, I would be willing to go that route if that's what it took to help me stop craving and binging on sugary stuff! But I honestly hope it doesn't come to that!

Today, already, I noshed on some cookies in the break room right away this morning - practically stuffing them in quickly so I could try each one before I had to get back in my room! It was first thing in the morning, and I was hungry - breakfast was a half hour away. Then, after eating a good lunch of a big salad with chicken and adding in lots of cooked veggies from the lunch offered here, as I was packing up some leftover breakfast foods to take home to my kids, I gulped down 2 mini pancakes - totally unnecessary! I've been dreaming of eating a kiss or two of dark chocolate I have stashed in my cupboard, or maybe a piece of hard candy would do. But I feel full physically, so there shouldn't be any reason other than it just feels good to have a treat during naptime. Like I deserve a reward or something.

Just writing this down strengthens my resolve to leave the candy alone! I'm glad I should be able to get out for a walk during my break - even though I mostly ate healthy foods for lunch, I feel nervous when I "feel full" - like maybe I overate or something. But then it seems like I get so hungry at certain times, no matter if I eat a lot or less at mealtimes! At this moment, I'm hoping that I feel just satisfied the rest of the day, so I can avoid caving in to cravings later.


Time to get re-motivated!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

OK, so I've been struggling with the binge eating on weekends lately (and major sugar cravings!). I've been so frustrated by it and disappointed in myself and lack of will power/self control.

A chiropractor told me the sugar cravings could be a sign that I'm deficient in some vitamins/minerals. That could be, but I can't afford fancy-schmancy vitamins that cost $50 a month to buy! I didn't always have these issues, so I'm thinking it's more stress related.

As I pondered my situation, I came up with a great (and kind of, "Duh, Heather!") solution - one that Spark also advocates and endorses: rewards! I've got my eye on an eyeshadow quad and lipgloss by L'Oreal that I'd love to get for New Year's Eve. We're going to a friend's comedy club and it's fun to dress up and look nice for the night. So, for every weekend I get through without binge-eating I'm paying myself $2. At that rate, I should be able to "earn" the shadow and lipgloss by New Year's. It doesn't leave much (if any) wiggle room for mistakes, which means I better not make any! Or, if I had to give up one item, I'd let the lipgloss go. But that's not my goal! I really plan on working for these items, and when I think I want to go back for seconds or pig out on some treats, I think "No bingeing! Cute make-up at stake!" And I'm aware that I'm not really hungry, I'm just eating more because it tastes so good or out of habit.

Now, I don't want to give up letting a little loose on the weekends, so I've also tied an "under 140 lbs. on Monday" weight thing to the goal, too. As long as I stay under 140 by Monday morning, AND not stuff myself silly at any point, I will consider the weekend a success and get my $2.

I've also decided to "keep my head in the game," so to speak, I'm doing an exercise challenge of at least 10 minutes everyday - which means no Sundays totally off as I've always done. This last Sunday I did 15 min. Wii Fitness Coach yoga, which since I find yoga so calming and yet it's a good exercise habit/practice, is probably going to be my go-to workout for Sundays (I also like the videos you can find on the Yoga Journal website). I read in a DailySpark blog and FITWHIT's blog about doing something like that, and I've done it before during the holiday months to help keep me focused on my goals (or joined a Spark Challenge team).

So far so good - I weighed in at 130-something this last Monday (even though I technically binged on Friday night, but since the plan didn't occur to me until sometime Sat., and I "made weight" this last Monday, I decided to count this last weekend). I feel encouraged by this little step in the right direction - maybe it's just what I need to get back on track. If it works (and I pray it does!), I may have to think of similar little rewards to keep me focused as time goes on.

The biggest challenges are going to be the holidays - Thanksgiving, then Christmas and the cookies and goodies (I bet there's just piles of goodies about to come my way at work!), not to mention any weekend parties that are planned. But I hope to continue to stay aware - I will of course enjoy what's offered, just in moderation and NOT over-eat.

Wish me luck! I'm pretty optimistic right now!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Just to know how you're holding up (week-end AND thanksgiving in the states I think)... CHEERING FOR YOU!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SONYALATRECE 11/15/2011 11:03PM

    You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Setting a new (higher) weight goal range

Sunday, October 23, 2011

So, I've decided 130 isn't in the cards for me - it's just too hard to maintain that weight with the life I've got going on now.

I'm working full-time at a childcare center, 4 10-hour days a week. That's a pretty long day after being used to working at home doing daycare. I think things are actually going well, but of course I've got the mommy guilt of feeling like I'm not able to give my all to my home-front anymore. It's tough letting go of the control I had of the household. I appreciate (and really need!) my kids' and husband's help, but some things aren't done the way I would like them done (or not done at all once in a while!), and then I feel bad thinking I'm asking too much of everyone. But we're a family and we all gotta pitch in to make this family work well together! For the most part, now that the girls' extra-curriculars are done especially, I think we're all getting used to the new Miller lifestyle.

That being said, I just don't have the time to workout at the intensity I was when I worked at home. I get a 1/2 hour lunch break, which I usually use to go for a walk, but it's not like the muscle- or heart-pumping workouts I used to do. I still try to do a high intensity DVD every morning, which means I gotta get up about 4 am to fit it in and still have that "down time" of email checking and food tracking and coffee drinking I like to have before I really get going for the day (my husband thinks this is a time-waster, but I've always felt a need for some time to myself each morning - I know some people roll outta bed and straight to work - my husband's one of those - but I've never done that! I feel "off" if I start my day that way). So I'm doing the best I can on the fitness front.

The eating thing is OK most of the time - I take a copy of the daycare's menu home (it's a 4 week rotating one) and track the food on my tracker, so I know exactly how much of each food I can/should eat. It's mostly healthy stuff, but not all of it's great. It's not like the huge salads I used to eat everyday for lunch - and we're supposed to eat the same stuff as the kids to set a good example. I could cheat and bring my own in, I suppose, it's toddlers I work with, so do they really care? But I'm cheap and it saves me money to eat what they provide, and if I wanted to do it the "right" way, I'd eat my lunch on my break instead of walk - but that exercise is so important to me.

The thing I really struggle with (and have regrets right now as I'm writing this) is weekend eating - or should I call it binge-eating? I start having cravings Thursday nights already, and by Friday night I'm slipping away. I eat a little more sweets than I should, drink a couple drinks, and on Sunday usually truly binge on sweets or junk food (today I ate fried chicken, removed the skin, with some creamy pasta salad, coleslaw, cheesy mashed potatoes, cheese curds, a dinner roll w/jelly, snacked on kettlecorn and rice cakes, cake and ice cream, had two bowls of potato soup and 3 or 4 garlic toasts, and even though I felt quite full, couldn't stop myself from downing a glass of milk with a handful of cookies.....I'm embarassed to even acknowledge I did this, and I do it every Sunday). I try to "make up" for it by skipping breakfast, another unhealthy weekend habit I have. I just wind up hating myself every Sunday night, and every Friday morning I tell myself NOT to repeat this bad behavior, and then I just do. I'm not sure what's going on in my head or how to change it.

Now, I've decided to put my healthy weight maintainance range between 132-141 pounds. For this lifestyle I'm leading, it's a lot more realistic. But a part of me fears that I'm letting myself go...and it'll just be a matter of time before I blow up to 180 again. Every Sunday night I think these bad thoughts about myself, telling myself how weak I am and how I'll never be able to keep my weight in check - that in just a few years or less I'll be that matronly chubby chick again. I feel like crying just writing about it. I really want to stay in this range - I used to think a size 10 would be the highest I'd want to go and that'd be OK (I'm around a 6 I think now), but really right now I feel like angry at myself if I can't keep it at a 6. Like I'm a loser if I get heavier.

I just don't know how to achieve a happy, healthy balance for myself. I guess I've only been working full-time for about 4 months, so I need to keep at it and take note for the next year, I think. After a year, then I'll be able to access what works and what doesn't, and depending on what happens with my wieght, I'll be able to tell what is my new "normal." I just hope it stays in this new range! I so badly want it to.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUMZY_OF_4 11/30/2012 11:21AM

    Well it's over a year from when you wrote this, and it looks like you've done really well with your range. Don't feel alone in the binge and sweets eating. I do that more often than not, and that's exactly the reason I still have 15-20 lbs of pregnancy weight to take off yet.

Report Inappropriate Comment

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Last Page