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Serious case of the Blues

Monday, June 17, 2013

I know I've written this all over this web page, but this is my blog and I can be as redundant as I like. Less than 48 hours until my surgery, and my biggest fear is having to spend four to six weeks off the bike.

Every winter, I'm off the bike for about two months. But that's different: winter is a season of healing, of slumber, of catching one's breath. I'm going to be off the bike during the heat of the summer. Crazy as it sounds, I love riding in the heat (so long as I have enough water).

I suspect my outlook has more to do with the big picture than just my bike. My mom's condition was worse than she initially let on. She's doing much better now, but she's going to have to live with an ileostomy for six months while she has chemotherapy. (There was no mention of chemo previously - I suspect she was intentionally keeping me in the dark to keep me from worrying.) My parents travel a lot and they love it. This means a summer of no traveling. But I suppose as long as Mom can knit and read, she'll be fine.

I worried about the emotional roller coaster that follows surgical menopause. I'm worried about making too many bad nutrition choices and putting on ten pounds the first month. I'm worried about losing my sense of who I am. Mostly, I just worry.

I know this is pointless. A friend of mine once pointed out that we worry because it makes us feel like we're doing something. The majority of the things we worry about never happen. The stuff that really up-ends our lives blindsides us; it's almost never something we were worried about. So I guess I know that worrying is just my imagination writing its own scary movie.

Intellectually, I know that I will still be in control of my life; I just need to not make the excuses I usually make. A quick wallow in self-pity is fine, but then it's time to get back to counting my blessings and remembering the millions of women in this country who face far worse lots in life than mine. Time to remember that saying "I put my faith in God" is meaningless if I don't actually do it, and that whatever happens, it will not be more than I can handle.

So I whine all over the message boards, and whine in my blog. And I laugh while I'm writing this, because I'd really rather people think of me as the funny one, not the needy one.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CBLENS 6/19/2013 6:37AM

    Even the funny ones need, get scared. Good luck on your surgery! Will be thinking of you!

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MISSG180 6/18/2013 1:05AM

    Whine away. This is a scary time. We are here to help you get through it. It's going to be beastly, but it will pass.

I always remember what my real estate agent said when our house closing was delayed: Just remember, by Christmas none of this will matter anymore.


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KANATAGIRL 6/17/2013 11:05PM

    If you need to be needy, then you need to be needy. Use the time to take care of yourself and get in tune if you need to be. I know it may sound trite, but let go and Let God. Take Care.

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Extra resistance?

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

My ride home yesterday felt sluggish. I averaged a little over 14 mph, but it sure didn't feel like it.

This morning, I checked the pressure in my tires before my ride into work. The wheel wouldn't freely spin into the position I wanted it. It took me a moment, but I realized one brake pad was dragging on the rim. I can't imagine any way that could have happened after I got home last night, with the bike just sitting in the garage. So I'm guessing the reason I felt sluggish is I was working against a stuck brake during my commute home.

This morning's ride was bliss. I had a 15-20 mph wind from the southwest giving me a bit of a push the whole way into work. The forecast is for 15-25 SW wind this afternoon, which will not be bliss. Ah, but the bitter makes the sweet that much more delicious!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSG180 6/14/2013 10:16PM

    We refer to the wind at our backs as the "god ride" - because we feel like gods of the universe spinning along at those speeds!

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KIMALEE54 6/14/2013 8:44AM

    Love it...the old brake pad on the rim training tip. Bet you felt like a superstar with the wind at your back--!

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OWL_20 6/14/2013 8:05AM

    Hope the ride home was good, despite the wind! emoticon

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BILL60 6/12/2013 9:34AM

    Yo gotta love it!!

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SHANNONY84 6/11/2013 1:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ONTHEPATH2 6/11/2013 1:34PM

    Ahhhhh, ride like the wind!!!!!

emoticon emoticon

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Back to my regular life

Monday, June 10, 2013

Last Friday, I had my pre-op appointment with my doctor and a pre-registration appointment at the hospital. Both went well, which was a nice treat leading into the weekend.

Friday afternoon, I drove to Ridgefield, WA, to see my younger niece graduate from high school. I didn't graduate, so it was important to me that she know how proud I am of her for sticking it out and getting that diploma. I drove home the next day along the very scenic Highway 14. Well, some of it is really scenic. The rest is only scenic if you love the brush steppe as much as I do.

I managed to get a full night's sleep Saturday night (a rare treat!). After church, we delivered flowers to a parishoner whose husband had just passed away, did some shopping, and then did a bunch of yardwork.

I'd hoped to get a ride in sometime this weekend. The Hubs suggested going for a ride "in the cool of the evening." This time of year, it isn't very cool in the evenings, and between all the cooking and yardwork, we ran out of time.

I went for a walk at lunch. That helped put me in the right frame of mind. I get to ride home tonight, too. I won't be able to go for a long ride this upcoming weekend because I'm going to my parents' home. I'm tempted to take some time off before the 19th so I can get in a nice long ride on my bike before I have to stay off the bike for four weeks. There just isn't time between now and then. I miss my bike already.

It will be nice to get back into a normal routine this week, even though it'll be upended by my travel this weekend. And I have no idea what my "routine" will be after the surgery. So I'm going to treasure every little bit of "normal" I can, while I can.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BJPENNY70 6/10/2013 4:21PM

    I have been through a lot of surgery. The main thing is to give yourself time to heal. Eat as healthy as is possible. Exercise by walking in a regular manner until you are able to do better. Sometimes neither is possible. Just do the best you can until you are able to get back to your healthy routine. emoticon

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Ride? Drive?

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

The weather was beautiful yesterday afternoon, so I rode home on the south side of the river (a longer route than my usual). My speed was pretty good. I kept feeling a twinge in my right thigh (I think it's my adductor longus).

This morning, I'm wrestling with the decision to call it quits for the week and drive, to ride back forth, or to just drive today and tomorrow morning and then ride Thursday afternoon and Friday morning. Calling it quits for the week would give me a solid 48-72 hours off the bike (at a minimum). I usually take Friday and Sunday off the bike, but I only occasionally take two days in a row off.

My rational brain knows that my next ride will feel better if I take a couple days off. It always happens that way. But my rational brain doesn't shout as loudly as the voice that wants to ride everyday until I'm exhausted. I guess it's fair to say I've already made my decision; the difficult part will be actually carrying it out!

Heck, I fought off the Frito urge yesterday. Surely I can fight off the I-must-ride-my-bike urge.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2WHEELER 6/11/2013 6:05PM

    As I get older, I find the wiser choice is to lay off a day--even if it is hard to do.

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OPTIMIST1948 6/7/2013 6:17AM

    I think when you get in the exercise groove, the problem is you are afraid to stop because that means "you are lazy." Total crap, everyone needs rest days. Take it if you need it.

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BILL60 6/6/2013 8:15AM

    I find it real tough to lay off for one day, much less two. Good luck!!

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Sweet ride

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

This morning, I averaged 15.6 mph on the way to work. I was even speeding in a school zone (22 mph in a 20 mph). No worries though: in two & half years, I've seen a sheriff's deputy monitoring that school zone ONCE. No speeding ticket for the Trek.

There wasn't any wind, but for an occasional breeze from the north. So I can't say my speed was wind-aided. Maybe this just happens when my weight drops below 190. emoticon

It was a gorgeous morning: sunny, in the 60s, no wind. The temperature should be in the high 80's this afternoon with just a little wind. I just may take the long route home tonight.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSG180 6/4/2013 12:17PM

    What a fabulous ride! And how exciting to be speeding!

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