Monday, June 17, 2013
I know I've written this all over this web page, but this is my blog and I can be as redundant as I like. Less than 48 hours until my surgery, and my biggest fear is having to spend four to six weeks off the bike.
Every winter, I'm off the bike for about two months. But that's different: winter is a season of healing, of slumber, of catching one's breath. I'm going to be off the bike during the heat of the summer. Crazy as it sounds, I love riding in the heat (so long as I have enough water).
I suspect my outlook has more to do with the big picture than just my bike. My mom's condition was worse than she initially let on. She's doing much better now, but she's going to have to live with an ileostomy for six months while she has chemotherapy. (There was no mention of chemo previously - I suspect she was intentionally keeping me in the dark to keep me from worrying.) My parents travel a lot and they love it. This means a summer of no traveling. But I suppose as long as Mom can knit and read, she'll be fine.
I worried about the emotional roller coaster that follows surgical menopause. I'm worried about making too many bad nutrition choices and putting on ten pounds the first month. I'm worried about losing my sense of who I am. Mostly, I just worry.
I know this is pointless. A friend of mine once pointed out that we worry because it makes us feel like we're doing something. The majority of the things we worry about never happen. The stuff that really up-ends our lives blindsides us; it's almost never something we were worried about. So I guess I know that worrying is just my imagination writing its own scary movie.
Intellectually, I know that I will still be in control of my life; I just need to not make the excuses I usually make. A quick wallow in self-pity is fine, but then it's time to get back to counting my blessings and remembering the millions of women in this country who face far worse lots in life than mine. Time to remember that saying "I put my faith in God" is meaningless if I don't actually do it, and that whatever happens, it will not be more than I can handle.
So I whine all over the message boards, and whine in my blog. And I laugh while I'm writing this, because I'd really rather people think of me as the funny one, not the needy one.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
My ride home yesterday felt sluggish. I averaged a little over 14 mph, but it sure didn't feel like it.
This morning, I checked the pressure in my tires before my ride into work. The wheel wouldn't freely spin into the position I wanted it. It took me a moment, but I realized one brake pad was dragging on the rim. I can't imagine any way that could have happened after I got home last night, with the bike just sitting in the garage. So I'm guessing the reason I felt sluggish is I was working against a stuck brake during my commute home.
This morning's ride was bliss. I had a 15-20 mph wind from the southwest giving me a bit of a push the whole way into work. The forecast is for 15-25 SW wind this afternoon, which will not be bliss. Ah, but the bitter makes the sweet that much more delicious!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Last Friday, I had my pre-op appointment with my doctor and a pre-registration appointment at the hospital. Both went well, which was a nice treat leading into the weekend.
Friday afternoon, I drove to Ridgefield, WA, to see my younger niece graduate from high school. I didn't graduate, so it was important to me that she know how proud I am of her for sticking it out and getting that diploma. I drove home the next day along the very scenic Highway 14. Well, some of it is really scenic. The rest is only scenic if you love the brush steppe as much as I do.
I managed to get a full night's sleep Saturday night (a rare treat!). After church, we delivered flowers to a parishoner whose husband had just passed away, did some shopping, and then did a bunch of yardwork.
I'd hoped to get a ride in sometime this weekend. The Hubs suggested going for a ride "in the cool of the evening." This time of year, it isn't very cool in the evenings, and between all the cooking and yardwork, we ran out of time.
I went for a walk at lunch. That helped put me in the right frame of mind. I get to ride home tonight, too. I won't be able to go for a long ride this upcoming weekend because I'm going to my parents' home. I'm tempted to take some time off before the 19th so I can get in a nice long ride on my bike before I have to stay off the bike for four weeks. There just isn't time between now and then. I miss my bike already.
It will be nice to get back into a normal routine this week, even though it'll be upended by my travel this weekend. And I have no idea what my "routine" will be after the surgery. So I'm going to treasure every little bit of "normal" I can, while I can.
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
This morning, I averaged 15.6 mph on the way to work. I was even speeding in a school zone (22 mph in a 20 mph). No worries though: in two & half years, I've seen a sheriff's deputy monitoring that school zone ONCE. No speeding ticket for the Trek.
There wasn't any wind, but for an occasional breeze from the north. So I can't say my speed was wind-aided. Maybe this just happens when my weight drops below 190.
It was a gorgeous morning: sunny, in the 60s, no wind. The temperature should be in the high 80's this afternoon with just a little wind. I just may take the long route home tonight.
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