Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Time to resurface, to uncover myself from all that has gone on before
Time to not let what has gone on before keep me from what can go on now.
These past 3 months have been so very intense for me with the course work that engulfed my mind, my time, my life. I have competed the course, but won't find out if I passed until June. I'm not dwelling on how I did because there is nothing I can do about that. The test papers were turned in and now it's time to focus on some other things...like getting back to committing to taking care of me.
I found out that I don't do more than one major project at a time. If I attempt to spread myself too thin over a range of things, I don't do well at any. So with the course work put aside, I can now resume my running to the level I have missed, I can get back to the spark teams that mean the most to me, and I can once again re-examine my health issues.
It's time to dig deep inside and find the enthusiasm I had a year ago, to find a direction that I want to put these feet towards. I'm not signed up yet for a marathon later this year, but that is a goal to check off my list within the remainder of this month.
It's time to realize that this is Not a quick fix, it's a slow burn. It will take time to accomplish the goals I am setting. It will take take patience, determination, dedication. I have the time for those. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it's a precious commodity, and I value you for giving me some of yours.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A year ago I was training for my second London Marathon and my fourth marathon in just 2 years. The excitement and determination filled every day as I would log in my food, my run, my day.
The marathon organizers sent out with the acceptance magazine, a pair of red laces that if worn while crossing the finish line would provide £1 to the designated charity. I remember with excitement replacing my Nike laces with these motivating red ones. It was like wearing a badge while out on my runs to let other marathon training runners know that I was not only "in" the marathon, but was doing my bit for a cause. When out on my training runs I would scour the feet of other runners to see if they were similarly dressed, sporting THEIR red laces. I recall shouting "nice laces" to just one other runner as he was out on his Saturday long run.
Fast forwarding to this year and this month; there is no marathon training, there are no red laces in my shoes and the motivation and determination to even train with dedication for the half I am running in Liverpool in just a bit over 2 weeks is not at fever pitch.
Life has gotten very hectic with taking on a major course work load, additional business work, the weather had been terrible, I've got a cold, the flu, my thyroid is playing up,blah blah blah... the list goes on and on. I can look at those as excuses for not doing what I so enjoy and bring it all back to me. I lost my red lace mentality, my motivation, my edge, my determination, my grit....and on and on.. Whatever you want to call it, I lost it! Well, maybe I just laid it down and looked at it and haven't quite picked it back up, till now!
Today, I know is all I have. I can only plan for this day and this moment. I am taking time this morning to put these thoughts down in the determination that they will carry me forward. To put red laces back if not in my shoes, but in my heart. To me they are a symbol of what I have worked so successfully for, of what I can accomplish. I am looking at that again and seeing that I have so much more I am capable of. I have so much more I want to live and do and see.
Today and every day will be a red lace day, may it be for you as well! these are from my FIRST London in 2007, there is another set from 2008 as well.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
It's a morale defeater when someone tells you that you look like you've put on a few pounds, or your just not as lively as you used to be. Perhaps the person is blunt enough to say that what you are wearing makes you look awful! or maybe just asks "What were you thinking of!? in relation to anything you try.
What makes it even worse is when that person is ME! Negative self talk can destroy my positive state of mind in no time! Being honest is one thing, but kicking myself in the teeth is not necessary.
Taking care of me, in a positive loving way, is similar to when my cat comes up to me and rolls on the floor asking me in her language to rub her tummy, pick her up and cuddle. It's showing her she's lovable and I appreciate her.
I know there are many areas in myself I'm working on, and I am a work in progress. I will have down times, and to remember NOT to beat myself up when I am in those. Finding positive resources to help me climb out of the mud puddle that I want to stay in enables me to move forward. To wash myself off, comb my hair, and get right back into this game called life.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A love of yourself can go a long way.
A love of yourself can keep you from harming yourself
A love of yourself can cause you to stop, think and choose another path.
A love of yourself can bring a smile to your lips, a calm to your soul, and a purpose to your life.
Love yourself! Today and every day!!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Just a regular weekday for me; feed the cat, the dog, make breakfast for hubby and me, start the laundry. Working from home I take care of the office work and today was payroll day and I had just completed that with a morning run in the plans.
Phone rings, it’s my husband, he had just received a text; Linda’s mom. Oh no, no I am barely able to say with the lump in my throat increasing with each word. I had just the day before received an email including the information on the upcoming Race For Life. Impeccable timing I realized.
Memories of my own mother washed over me and tears flooded my eyes. I sobbed with the thoughts from her battle with Cancer and her unfortunate passing 19 years ago. I phoned Linda and her sobs pierced my heart. “I’m so so so so sorry” was my feeble attempt to express my shared grief at her loss. Words were minimal as she needed to get off the phone to take care of arrangements with her sisters and Dad.
Again I cried; for the years I have been motherless, for the life events I have been unable to share with the woman who gave me life, for my children and now grandchildren who either were cut short their relationship with her, or who never got the chance to be touched by her life.
What can I do to bring honour to these women? What can I say to a wonderful friend and fellow runner who now knows the pain and heartbreak of loosing her mother to a relentless killer? How can I celebrate their life with my life?....... I can run!
I can give my time today and celebrate their accomplishments with my own. I can feel the wind on my face, the rain on my jacket, the puddles dancing with my foot strikes. I can push myself a bit harder as I climb up the hills and feel the freedom of almost freefalling down the hills. I can realize the discomfort of regaining my fitness after a month off from illness is nothing compared to what so many are dealing with. I can rejoice in the knowing that my life is rich in so many ways that don’t include the monetary.
With resolve, I changed to my running clothes, I tackled the hills, I coasted the declines, sweat mixed with tears, I melted into the moment, I ran. For you see, there was nothing else at that point in time I could do…so, I ran.
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