Thursday, July 10, 2008
I'm back from my week in the USA. It was a great time spending it with my daughter and visits with my son. The quality time I had with them is priceless.
I didn't phone any of my past friends to let them know I was over because I wanted to give my time to my children. It was important to them but also to me.
Concentrating on what was important, focusing in on the main reason I was there made it much easier to have a quality visit. There were trips to Philadelphia and another to a winery, but most of the time was just doing day to day things with my daughter. Taking the time to talk, to assist in any way I could, to go for a swim, to just be there. I wasn't distracted with having to go and do and meet up with folks. It was relaxed and rewarding.
Being over 3,000 miles away from my children means I miss out on many things, but the past week allowed me to recapture some of what I missed. To build stronger relationships and bring back wonderful memories and leave some there as well.
It's not what we have, or what we can provide that takes the front seat, but it's the love and time we give to others that is truly important. I am so thankful that my daughter and my son gave me their gift of time and love so I could give mine in return. Until next time....I'm back in the UK.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
It's time for another entry here. Not sure what to write, just know that I'm wanting to see some results. Oh yeah, I have been having some lax days and I don't like that. The routine has been broken with the events of the past two weeks.
It's so much easier to keep a ball moving then it is to get it started. So it is with sitting down here and logging the food, putting in the entries to various threads and doing what I know will help me to keep accountable.
I struggle at times. I resist. I want to do things an easier softer way. MMMMmmm, that might sound good, but it won't work! I know that and the little voice in my head is now screaming in agreement. YOU HAVE TRIED THAT!!! Yep, that path avails me NOTHING!
So what to do? Pick me up, put pen in hand, and write. Write about what is going on with my emotions, my life, my food, my resistance. My wanting so much to see lower numbers on the scale, and faster, consistent, and further numbers for my running. I'm just a short 3 weeks from starting marathon training and time to get my head around what I want to accomplish.
It's so easy to talk the talk.....but it's the consistency of day in and day out that I'm grasping to get back to. Time to just look at today, not what went before and not what awaits. NOW is all I have so that is where I will be. TODAY I can write my food in here, TODAY I can go for a run with the ladies, TODAY I can stick to what I plan. That's enough of a goal. That's all I want to focus on.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
There are times when pain reaches out, grabs, and holds fast, not letting go of it's grasp until we are left a crumbled wreck. This is how I have been feeling these past days. My heart has been broken, my daily routine has altered, and I feel empty.
Oh I know this will ease, as that is what acceptance brings, but for today, I am not there. I am getting closer but it will take time.
What has brought this on is the heart wrenching loss of our beloved 14 year old dog, Geoffrey. His registered name is: Minarets Reach For The Stars. (Geoffrey).
Geoffrey, along with our other dog went in to the vet for a routine dental cleaning which resulted in the removal of six teeth, and clean and polish.
Geoffrey was 14yrs old on June 8th 2008. He was in good health despite signs of arthritis in his back legs which resulted in some difficulty whilst climbing stairs.
When we went upstairs at the vet's practice to collect both Geoffrey and Mozart my husband could not understand why he did not greet him, and could not walk unaided down the stairs to reception.
When we arrived home Geoffrey appeared to be confused and disorientated. He attempted to find his way to his water bowl and with my assistance he desperately tried to drink. He couldn't’t lap the water in his usual way, but almost was trying to slide it down his throat. After which he just stood with his nose against the wall, appearing to not know where to go next. I was alarmed and carried him back to the main room. My husband and I thought perhaps this was the effect of the drugs that had been administered to him. However when his breathing became erratic we decided to contact the vet and bring him back to the health centre.
After Geoffrey was looked at in the examination room he was taken upstairs and oxygen was administered as well as an injection. He did seem to respond and his breathing regulated and although still shaky on his legs he could stand.
We were then escorted outside and the office staff locked the external doors. While on the car park, we were told me that we could either take Geoffrey home, or drive to an all night clinic over 20 miles away where he would be taken care of.
What is so difficult is how could it be missed that Geoffrey's condition needed further attention right away. Having paid our fee we were allowed to take Geoffrey home. When we did arrive home everything deteriorated rapidly, Geoffrey was walking into walls, when we let him outside he fell over a plant pot, could not find his water, and our conclusion was that he was totally blind. I cradled him in my arms and could see that he was hurting and it was so distressing.
The ripple effect this has caused has affected many people who knew and loved Geoffrey. We decided we had no other option but to take the risk and drive Geoffrey to the 24 hr vet office. This was in itself an ordeal as he cried the whole way.
The Vet told me that he would do whatever we wanted, that Geoffrey hardly had a pulse. We told him to do whatever he could for him. Geoffrey was placed on a drip, and given oxygen. The vet told us to phone again at 7am, and that if anything happened in the night he would contact us. We could not sleep and at 2.30am we received the phone call that Geoffrey’s heart could not take anymore and that he had passed away. When we went to collect him, Geoffrey at last looked at peace. He has been buried with great love at my in-law's house.
Time cannot be measured in situations such as this. I feel at such a loss, our house is stagnant without the love and happiness that Geoffrey brought to it. Mozart and Millie, our cat, are bewildered.
Geoffrey was a dog that was a “gentleman”. So polite, so intelligent and so loyal! My husband has said many times to the breeder where he bought Geoffrey, “if people were as kind and as understanding as Geoffrey, we would live in a much, much better world.”
Geoffrey taught us many things that we will forever hold close such as; gentleness, poise, love, loyalty, trust, joy. He was an education in love, pure and unconditional! We know Geoffrey was growing old. Yet he still bounded and played.
So I say thank you Geoffrey for the life you lived, the 14 years you blessed my husband's life, the 7 years I knew you and the adventures we had together. Thank you for the kisses, the joy, the times you would move so I could sit on the couch, the love you gave to me and that which you allowed me to give in return and so many other things. I am a better person for having the privilege of caring for you. May your spirit and memory always continue to grace our lives. You are deeply and sadly missed.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I want to thank Buffed Stuffed for the quote from Muhammad Ali: "Suffer Now and live the rest of your life a champion" and her call to “Release your Inner Champion”.
It was a call that I needed to hear. Too often I don’t think like a champion, too often I treat myself with a lukewarm mindset and am just happy with average. But am I average?
Do I deserve to think like a Champion? I say a resounding YES! But how does a champion think? What goes on in their mind? Maybe I can use the some of the words from a song that Paula Radcliff, the world record holder for female Marathon distance, has said that she plays before her races.
I am a mountain, I am a tall tree, I am a swift wind sweepin' the country
I am a river down in the valley. I am a vision and I can see clearly
If anybody asks u who I am just stand up tall look 'em in the face and say
I'm that star up in the sky. I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it, I’m the world’s greatest
I'm that little bit of hope when my backs against the ropes
I can feel it I'm the world’s greatest
I am a giant. I am an eagle. I am a lion down in the jungle.
I am a marchin' band, I am the people. I am a helpin' hand, and I am a hero.
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say.....
In the ring of life I'll reign love and the world will notice a king
When all is darkest, I'll shine a light and use a success you'll find in me
I saw the light at the end of a tunnel
Believe in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
And faith was right there to pull me through, yeah
Used to be locked doors now I can just walk on through
Hey, uh, hey, hey, hey It's the greatest.
Since my mindset is not usually one of a champion the key words used in this song give me an idea what a champion might think. They are strong words, powerful, self- affirming words.
Words like, MOUNTAIN, TALL TREE, SWIFT SWORD, RIVER, VISION, GIANT, EAGLE, LION, MARCHING BAND, THE PEOPLE, HELPING HAND, HERO, FAITH, LOVE, KING!
Just prefacing these words with “I AM...” can alter my posture, it can cause me to stand a bit straighter, hold my chin a bit higher and smile a bit broader. Those simple, yet powerful words can cause me to take better care of me. Yes, I am working on releasing my “Inner Champion” and to see what I can become. I will see the light and the end of the tunnel and believe and unlock the doors in-front of me.
To help me alter my thinking I have taken each of these words and put them on separate cards. Each day I will pick a different card and that will be my daily mantra. Slowly, I will develop, and see what it is like to think like a champion!
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