HIKINGSD   153,525
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Follow up to August goals

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

paint kitchen ceiling- not done
touch up master BR paint- not done
food scale emoticon
mini food processor emoticon
moodgym emoticon
read one chapter emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLY122581 9/9/2012 3:36AM

    Oh, this just reminded me to check out the mood gym!!! You sent me the link, but it was a busy week that week and I forgot. Are you finding it helpful?

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THEBETH43 9/6/2012 4:23PM

    emoticon

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SEASONS__CHANGE 9/4/2012 7:05PM

    I love how organized you are.

I need your skills.

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LIV2RIDE 9/4/2012 10:07AM

    Looks like a great month to me! Save the painting for when you can have the windows open to ventilate the house. emoticon

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KALIGIRL 9/4/2012 8:23AM

    Wow! emoticon

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PATTYKLAVER 9/4/2012 7:18AM

    You've accomplished four of your goals. That's great. (and better than I did!)

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ANATASHIKI 9/4/2012 1:47AM

    hey , that's cool, so many goals met! I only survived in august emoticon . I'm leaving for Spain tomorrow yay . I hope to find a happy Hil when I come back emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Last week

Monday, September 03, 2012

Last week was a very rough week for me. It was one of the worst week's of my career plus it was the first week of my online course.

After looking into multiple options, I ended up dropping the course.

I am going to apply at a local university. I am not giving up on my long term goal of getting my bachelor's degree. I will have it, one day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARBABY60 10/29/2012 9:55AM

    Thinking about you, stay strong.

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ABB698 9/5/2012 1:16AM

    emoticonit didn't work out, Hil...but all in good time it will...you will know when the time is right and it WILL happen. Sending big emoticon

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SEASONS__CHANGE 9/4/2012 7:48PM

    Sorry that it didn't work out.... this time. It will happen, when it needs to happen.

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 9/4/2012 9:20AM

    Keep working towards your goal. Online classes were very difficult for me too. I like regular classrooms for leanring. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!

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KALIGIRL 9/4/2012 9:19AM

    Sorry for the rough week - I wouldn't do well online either - here's to finishing your degree in your own time!

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ANATASHIKI 9/3/2012 12:19PM

    hang in there ! I'm sure better days will come emoticon

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CHARLIESGIRL69 9/3/2012 10:18AM

    Good luck to you. Never give up on your dreams. :) You can do it!

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PATTYKLAVER 9/3/2012 9:28AM

    Online courses are difficult. I'm glad to hear that you're not giving up. It took me 30 years to get my Bachelor's. You can do it.

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LIV2RIDE 9/3/2012 8:24AM

    I hope that you are able to use this weekend to recover both emotionally and physically. Take care!

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School anxiety

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Our RN to BSN online program officially begins on Monday.

The syllabus and course assignments have been made available to us early. The courses are 5 weeks long. It's fast paced and just reading through the assignments for week 1 are overwhelming for me!

I know that once it starts I will be fine and it will be over before I even realize it (I am hoping anyways!).

emoticon This is what I keep telling myself over and over

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POLEDANCEGIRL- 8/27/2012 10:09AM

    you can do it!! My classes were 6 weeks and very fast paced too. Once you get into a routine, you will be fine!

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LIV2RIDE 8/26/2012 3:07PM

    I give you a lot of credit for going back to school. You are doing something that most of are too afraid to do. You can do it! I know you will be fine once things start going. Put your head down, your mind to getting on task and everything will work out.

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SEASONS__CHANGE 8/26/2012 12:38PM

    You're going to do great! I do the same thing myself. I build situations up in my head and when the event actually happens, it turns out to not be as bad as I thought it would be.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ABB698 8/25/2012 10:47PM

    5 weeks is fast, but I'm sure you will rock it! emoticon

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PALMETTOGIRL22 8/25/2012 5:54PM

    Yes, you C A N do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
We're all rooting for you!!!!!!

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NELLBELLA26 8/25/2012 5:52PM

    Wow, 5 weeks! That is fast. YOU CAN DO IT! emoticon

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MAUITN 8/25/2012 11:35AM

    Wow, 5 weeks will pass so quickly and you can do it. Think Nike. emoticon

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PATTYKLAVER 8/25/2012 9:07AM

    You will soon fall into a schedule that will work for you. Good luck to you.

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YOBOELI 8/25/2012 8:28AM

    Good luck in school you can do it just put it in your mind I CAN

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NANCYPAT1 8/25/2012 8:21AM

    You will quickly get into the swing of things and you will be a great success. Just keep telling yourself that and don't freeze up. We can do ANYTHING for 5 weeks, doncha think?

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Thank you the the support

Saturday, August 18, 2012

We are out of town and I will respond when we return home.

I appreciate all the kind words and support.

Hugs, hil

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POLEDANCEGIRL- 8/20/2012 9:59AM

    Hope you had a good trip out of town!!

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KALIGIRL 8/20/2012 9:18AM

    Enjoy your time!

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ABB698 8/19/2012 2:19AM

    Hopefully your out of town is someplace COOLER than here, this heat is awful!
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SAINTBETH 8/18/2012 11:06AM

    You can do it!

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Need support.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

warning* This post does not flow and contains random thoughts I am having.

Since I changed my diet about a year ago I felt that I was ready to get off of Paxil. I was on Paxil for almost 16 years and began taking it for depression. I stopped taking Paxil April 4th, 2012. I am still going through the withdrawals and worse my anxiety is a huge problem that continues to grow. The way I have been reacting to daily life has not made me proud and I actually have a lot of guilt about it.

When I first stopped the Paxil I was overwhelmed with emotions. Paxil suppressed so many feelings and I was determined to never go back to it. At first I was unhappy with the feelings but recently it has turned to I am unhappy with myself.

I have weighed the pros and cons and have decided that I am going to start on it again. I feel like a failure. I know that I am not but it's a big blow to accept that I need it. I feel that I shouldn't need it, that I should be able to work through the feelings on my own. I get upset with myself about the way I feel.

I live in the best city (for me) in the world, I have a house I never imagined I could have and I have an amazing wife that supports and loves me. I am in good physical health and have a steady job. When I think about all of these positives in my life it upsets me more that I feel the way I do. I shouldn't feel this way. But I do.

I threw away all of my left over pills of Paxil in mid-May. Tonight I sent my doctor an email asking for a prescription for it. I also set up an appointment with a counselor for Monday through my work employee assistance program.

I know my wife believes in me. But she does not tell me. I need to know that someone believes in me. I could use some support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAUAIKAPU 8/18/2012 9:19AM

    This Gal up here in WY believes in you! Have you talked with your doc about trying a different Rx? I'm sure you went through a lot of them when you first started and this was the best, but bodies change...

You are an amazing creature of strength, compassion, and awesomeness! Don't you forget it!

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SUGARBABY60 8/18/2012 5:48AM

    You are the Best,Hil! I agree with what others have said here.you are sweet, kind unselfish,full of Fun ( no pun intended!) you have accomplished so much .treat yourself as you know you would treat someone else in your personal situation. You are special! emoticon

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ABB698 8/18/2012 12:52AM

    You are far from a failure, Hil! You of all people, understand how the body works and it's okay to need help being balanced. We all need balance of some sorts, and you tried to do without, but your body is telling your mind you need the supplement, and THAT'S OKAY! You are an amazing woman, and Fun isn't the only one who recognizes that! Hang in there, you're doing the best thing for YOU, that's what it all comes down to!

P.S. -I'm working all next week, and my foot is back in the brace :( so no hiking for me, sucks. Maybe we could meet for tea at Starbucks or something just to catch up? I miss you! emoticonText me

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/17/2012 10:38AM

    I understand your feeling like a failure as I tend to do that to myself with other things - judge so much harshly than I'd judge anyone else! You'll get off of it when you're ready and can wean slowly. It does take a long time to adjust in many ways.
Let me know how I can lend support.

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MAUITN 8/16/2012 2:08PM

    Treating depression is no different than someone who must undergo a hip replacement or take a replacement medication for a non-function thyroid. Those issues are not in your control. My body needs a supplement to my thyroid to work best and your body needs a supplement to balance your emotions and moods. Donít confuse treating a medical issue with your being a failure.

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ANATASHIKI 8/16/2012 12:17PM

    it has nothing to do with failure . if you need it , take it . maybe you just have a bad period of depression now and need it(and I don't mean something bad happened to you). you can try to quit or reduce the dose when you'll feel better .it doesn't have to be an " all or nothing" thing either. don't keep Fran out of this. ask her to help you even if it just means hold your hand sometimes. tell her what you want , she's not a mind reader even if it seems so
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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 8/16/2012 12:09PM

    I went through the same feelings. Sounds like you ahve a lot to be happy about. If you can enjoy it and be happier on the paxil, do it! you are supposed to enjoy life, embrase it (and your wife)!!!

I am proud of you for taking the step to contact your doctor and the counsler! emoticon

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KELLY122581 8/16/2012 11:43AM

    Hi there! There is NOTHING wrong with taking Paxil. I know in our society, needing help with our emotional/mental health is sometimes seen as a weakness.... but it is not. You are clearly working very hard to better your health, and you are clearly not weak. It seems that you have considered this decision carefully, and are making the decision that is best for you at this time. It does not mean that you have failed!! Maybe some time in the future, you can again try to stop the meds, but in the mean time, they will help you stay calm and focus on what needs to be done to get you there safely. You should never feel like a failure for making the best decisions for your health!!

And as an aside, perhaps you should consider talking to your wife and telling her what kind of emotional support you need from her (i.e. verbally affirming that she believes in you, even if she thinks it is implied.)
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NEWSGIRL2177 8/16/2012 10:51AM

    Hil, you're not a failure. I think it's brave and smart to stand up and say, This is what I need. I can understand not wanting to be on it, but sometimes we need a little help in that way. Maybe your doctor can prescribe a lower dosage that makes you both happy?
Either way, I hope you know that you have friends who adore you and are here to support you.
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KALIGIRL 8/16/2012 7:44AM

    It sounds to me like you are thankful for your many blessings and are seeking help where you need to. I fully support your decision and consider SparkPeople no different. Here we find the 'things' we need to overcome whatever health obstacle we face. You are doing no different. If you are a failure, so are we all.

Here's to our imperfections - may we revel in them.

Good luck my friend.

Comment edited on: 8/16/2012 7:44:50 AM

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LIV2RIDE 8/16/2012 6:46AM

    You are in no way a failure. You are an amazing woman who is strong, beautiful and caring. There is nothing wrong with taking Paxil. There is nothing wrong with doing what is right for you. If I could I'd put my arms around you and tell you just how much I believe in you. I think it is one of the bravest things someone can do is to speak up for help. Paxil along with your healthy diet and exercise that you already are doing will get you right back on track. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JILLYBEAN25 8/16/2012 4:46AM

    I've had many family members take Paxil before and it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and it certainly does not mean you fail for needing it. It sucks that your body needs that for balance, but that's not something you can help if it's a chemical imbalance. Bodies can be jerks like that. But, you do what you need to do to get yourself to as good a place as possible. Keep up your healthy eating and healthy exercise habits and be the fabulous person you are!

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AMBERDUNN 8/16/2012 3:56AM

    My husband is bi-polar, among other things and has been dealing with anxiety, depression, and anger. It is so hard on a person. Don't feel like a failure. You aren't a failure, you are someone in difficult circumstances doing the best you can. Don't feel like a failure because your body's chemistry needs to be regulated with medication. You should be giving yourself a pat on the back for trying to help yourself. Seeking help and asking for it is a brave thing to do, something that many people can never do for themselves. Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do to make ourselves better, to be healthier in body and in mind. Don't let yourself believe that you can't be happy either. I think working with a counselor will be a big help along with the medication. Both can do wonders for people. I wish you the very best. If you ever want to send me a message, feel free. I can tell you that sometimes having someone to just talk to helps.

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