Wednesday, May 15, 2013
...even when you're not having fun:)
I can't believe it's been almost 4 months since I've sparked. I'm actually on a medical leave of absence from work. I'm having migraines daily. Ugh. Today is the first day in over 2 months that I haven't had one - woo hoo! Party, party! (hopefully I didn't jinx myself and have one start now:-)
I've been to my PCP, had several tests done, and she sent me to a neurologist. He doubled then quadrupled the medication I'm on to "prevent" migraines. No improvement. I thought for sure that quadrupling would have "some" effect! He then switched me to a different medication. I'd say that not having one today is an improvement (!) but that still means I've had a headache 6 days out of the last 7. Sigh. I go back to him on Friday afternoon.
I think the biggest result of daily migraines is that I honestly feel like I've lost my mind. I can't think of things. I see things that I have seen before and they are brand new to me (think 50 First Dates, only not quite that dramatic:-). So when I saw the neurologist last month, I asked him about it (wanted to see if it's related to the headaches, the meds, or if I'm starting alzheimers). He said that when you have daily migraines, your brain doesn't have time to gel the pieces and parts together before you have another one, so you do feel like you've lost your mind. He assured me that it isn't alzheimers and that once we fix the headaches, my brain will return to me. Very, very difficult to be so very "stupid" when all my life I've been intelligent (even when I had nothing else)....a 3.98 in high school and a 3.90 in college but it feels like I couldn't get a 0.01 lately:-)
At my doctor's request, I started Weight Watchers. The only problem is that I don't know from day to day when I'm having a headache, so it's not feasible for me to go at the same time each week (I do better with it in person than online, unlike SP - weird, aren't I?:-). I really struggled with doing what I need to do - when you have a migraine, what you eat and working out aren't exactly a priority.
But when the quadrupling of my prevention meds didn't help any, I realized that I need to live my life as if this is the way it's going to be. No, I don't really think that (!), as my neurologist told me that there are lots of options and we just have to keep going until we find the one that works for me. But by deciding to see it as if this is how it's going to be, it helps me to try to take advantage of the couple hours per day I don't have a headache. I'm going to keep it simple. I think I'll start with walking regularly (even if only 1/2 mile), getting in my water, and making sure to have at least a couple of fruits/veggies per day. I'm also going to lower my weight loss expectations. I'm thinking maybe 3 pounds per month, instead of the "more" that I really want to do. Even if it takes me 3 - 4 years to lose this weight, I'd be halfway there if I had been doing this the past couple of years. I truly want to change my habits.
It's very difficult for me to ask for help, but I'm asking. I was able to lose about 40 pounds a few years ago on SP. I need to lose that 40 again (!) and the other 100 or so. I may not have many brains most days, and I may be trying to find ways to remind myself of simple things that I want to do, but I KNOW that SP works, and I really would like your support.
Most of the time, the headache is gone by 6 p.m. at the latest. So I should be able to spark in the evenings (now watch me have one tomorrow evening:-).
I look forward to getting back on this journey to a healthy lifestyle with my spark friends!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I did so well last week - and the scale rewarded me:-) (Not that it always will, but it sure was nice:-)
Today (and some yesterday) I'm really, really craving bad stuff. Just anything.
I start a class tonight, 28 years after I completed my BS degree. I was an excellent student all those years ago, but I'm much older now. It's something new. I'm excited, actually. But it's still stressful. Good stress is still stress:-)
I'm trying not to be too hard on myself - today. And I have made some great choices. But I have a feeling that I won't do that all day:-)
As long as I get back to where I want tomorrow, I should be fine.
Progress not perfection, and I have made great progress in recognizing a trigger:-)
Monday, January 14, 2013
I weighed myself today. Not down, but at least not up:-) I was disappointed - my goal is to lose 50 pounds this year, and I am determined to do so!
I said so to my DH, and he said "well, then, you'll need to stay away from the desserts". He's right. I hadn't realized that we've had more desserts than usual lately.
I eat lunch at 11:00 and it's now close to 1:30. I find myself wanting something. But wait - am I hungry? NO - I'm bored! (How can that be when I'm at work?:-) I want something sweet because I'm bored!
I didn't have anything, and I'm so proud of myself that I caught myself! Yes, I still want something, but I want to lose my pound this coming week even MORE!
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
I've not been doing so well the past few days - first, some migraines, then I haven't been sleeping well. Both "help" (!) me make ill-advised choices.
I have oral surgery tomorrow morning. I think I'll take advantage of that! If it's like the last time, I will be able to eat, but I'll get tired of chewing on one side before I actually get "full". I plan to use this as the kick-start I need and want to make better choices (and eat less).
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
make a big difference. That's what I'm trying to focus on. Each time I have a decision to make, I can choose health or not. Not that I'm going to be perfect. But I WILL choose health! I AM choosing health!
I've been reading a lot of the "popular blogs" the past couple of days, and some of what I read really resonated with me. I will apologize right now for not keeping up with who said what or posting links here.
One blog said that she holds her weight loss like a precious jewel, that she can take out and look at whenever she wants to. I could relate to that. Ok, so I don't have any weight loss yet (!), but I can take out the feeling I get when I make a healthy decision, and I can see that as a precious jewel or piece of art. I'm trying to focus on those healthy decisions that I make instead of the fact that I let myself get here in the first place. It's like having a secret treasure that I can take out whenever I want. Awesome concept!
Another blog said that she sees her body beautiful as it is now, because she sees the excess weight as emotional scars. Wow - very powerful (and another obviously personal blog). I had never thought of it like that. My excess weight is due to some physical things (like migraines when my sugar dropped so I ran to the munchie machine to try to prevent the migraine) but also to a lot of emotional scars. For me, putting it like that takes some of the shame out of it. After all, I'm not ashamed of the scar I have from my hip replacement surgery, so why should I be ashamed of these emotional scars? Just as my hip scar will fade with time, I can work on the emotional scars and they (and the weight) will fade with time.
Thank you so very much for the two folks who wrote those blogs. Again, I should have saved the links, but "all" I saved were the concepts.
Have a spark-ly day!
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