Monday, February 25, 2013
Oh heavens to Betsy. We just returned from a wonderful family vacation in the Bahamas. We stayed at Atlantis, surrounded by 10,000 fit people in bikinis, and despite the extra pounds padding my mid-section, I wore mine too. (Nora Ephron said to wear 'em while you can, and I'm taking her advice.) I felt pretty good about the whole thing... until I returned home and started looking at the pictures. Thankfully, the Hubs didn't take many of me in a swimsuit, but he *did* take this pic of us walking the streets of Nassau, and let's just say, not having a full-length mirror allows me to pack a lot of junk in my trunk without noticing!
I'm going to use it as inspiration. I'm thinking of blowing it up poster size and mounting it to the refrigerator! :) Not really, but I'm going to use it as inspiration to make me enter my food in the nutrition tracker, which is even better.
Thanks for listening. :)
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Ok, so my last post (almost a full year ago) had me disappointed with ONLY being able to fit into my skinny jeans, and not seeing any movement on the scale. I remember how it felt -- disappointing to get on that scale every week and see 149.
Now I get on the scale and see 163. Back to where I started last time. I actually had to go into my giant Goodwill pile and dig out my big jeans, because I was down to 2 pairs that I could squeeze into, and I'm pretty sure my coworkers were starting to notice my habitual haberdashery.
And for the icing on the cake (ahem... granola on my fat free yogurt?) I went to the doctor today, and he mentioned that I need to lose some weight to get to a healthy BMI. I has a sad! I was doing great, but not being able to focus on non-scale victories made me give up all my progress and nudge back to an unhealthy BMI.
So, hard look in the mirror time: I don't think I will ever be able to take a hiatus from tracking my food and exercise. It is much too easy to slip into old habits. It always will be. Thankfully, I have not given up my exercise (I love it!), but I need to really focus again on all the items I let pass my lips. Just like everyone else in the world. But this time, I won't be able to trick myself into giving up.
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Maybe it's a hiatus? I don't know, but I'm losing some oomph.
When I started on SP in August of 2010, I had already lost a few pounds after meeting with a nutritionist, and I *have* lost weight, but it has been a long, slow slog while reading many stories of people losing 3 pounds a week. I have "officially" lost 15 pounds since August. My cousin just posted on FB that she's lost 15 pounds *this month*! Aaarggghhh.
I swear that I have been "good." I have been exercising and eating right and drinking my water, and still the weight doesn't come off. I know I'm supposed to be excited about fitting into my "skinny" jeans, and I am, but it's hard to stare at the d@mn weight tracker line and not see it moving in any meaningful way.
So, I have stopped obsessively racking up the Spark Points and tracking my eating. I still check in here, to gorge on the stories of all the amazing people and their progress [FREETHEGODDESS, I'm talking to you] but it's just not working for me. I have tried the low end of the calorie range, the high end, and everything in between. Maybe this is just what I'm going to be, and I'm never going to see the scale break that 140 like I have been hoping and working for. I just don't know what I feel about that.
In the past, after a "hiatus" in dieting, I would gain everything back, but now, I'm realizing that to do that would be a conscious choice, while in the past it wasn't. I *know* how many calories are in the foods I'm eating; I know how many fruits and vegetables I need to eat in a day, whereas in the past I just put food in my mouth and chewed. In addition, I have come to love exercising and see it as my time for "me," and that's not going away, either. I know I'm not going to wake up and mysteriously drop the last 15 pounds, but I'm just not sure what to do, and afraid of burning out.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Ok, so maybe it *is* slow going, but I remember looking through the pictures last Christmas and seeing this one (please pardon the disaster that is my kitchen, but that Cosmo on the counter sure looks delicious.)
So, last night I decided it was time to see what I look like now. I asked my husband to take a picture of my butt for comparison purposes. (LOL! He thought I was nuts.) Of course, I'm still in the kitchen, doing dishes. (It's my natural habitat.)
It may not be the size 2 heiney I someday dream of having, but I see progress. Sometimes you have to look from behind to see the way forward! :)
Friday, November 11, 2011
First of all, let me say I love SparkPeople.com. For the first time in my life, I feel like I understand the food I eat: how many calories are in it, what has more fat or carbs and how important fiber is for keeping me full. When it comes to the things I consume, ignorance is not bliss, not any longer. I also love the community aspect of the site, and more and more I find myself here instead of Facebook, reading all the success stories and looking at all the pictures in amazement. In the time that I have been here, I've seen friends lose 20, 30, 40 pounds, and I am so happy for them and inspired by them, (do you feel a "but" coming?) but I am watching the numbers on the scale literally inch down, and I'm thinking it's time for some sort of change.
I started in July, and since then have lost a total of 9 pounds. I'm not trying to diminish this accomplishment -- it's great and I'm proud of myself. I have zipped myself into pants I used to love but thought I would never be able to wear again. (They're tight, but Imma rock 'em.) My wedding ring, which used to be literally stuck on my finger, is now loose. I'm 37 years old and have discovered I can run a mile. I'm going to find out when I can run two. I don't cringe (as much) at the face I see in pictures. My husband thinks I look good, but at no point in my weight has he ever said otherwise, perhaps out of kindess. I'm not sure why all this isn't enough, but I would like to also lose the pounds I'd like to lose and see myself firmly in the "healthy" BMI category; it would make me feel like there is a measurable accomplishment associated with all this focus.
The way I see it, I've lost less than a half a pound a week. I'm measuring and weighing foods so I can be sure I have accurately counted what I'm eating. I have been sticking to 1200 calories a day, but often I have times meeting the minimum calorie amount, and I'm always under on carbs. A friend recently posted that she prefers "willingness" to "willpower". I have a lot of willingness to meet my goals, and since I decided to Do This Thing, I just stopped eating a lot of the things that were my problem foods, and I'm surprised to say I don't miss them. I do not miss you, Dunkin Donuts Crossant Egg Sandwich with bacon. I don't miss you brownies; I thought I liked you but after the first bite, my brain was on autopilot and I didn't really appreciate you, at least not enough to warrant the calories you bring to the table.
So, after reading about the possibility that "Starvation Mode" exists, and hearing fellow Sparkers absolutely validate it, I decided that I'm going to try to shoot for 1500 calories a day and see what happens. It might be that I will just go back to 1200 with extra pounds on my frame, and eke out a quarter of a pound at a time, but it's worth a shot. The trouble is, I have discovered so many filling, delicious, low-calorie foods that I love, that (I can't believe I'm saying this) I will have to tell myself to eat more in order to try to meet those calories. I started yesterday, and here's where my Kryptonite comes in. My daughters were eating Cheez-It party mix yesterday, so I measured out a serving. My stars, I thought. I remember why I love Cheez-Its so much. I ate my serving, made dinner, cleaned up, put the kids to bed. Then I sat down to catch up on Glee, and I *cringe* ate 5 servings of Cheez-Its. I am telling you this because so many times I have eaten too many servings of an unhealthy food privately. It's part of the problem that got me here in the first place. I'm not telling the world, but I'm telling you, because I think you will understand, and I think telling someone is important.
So, on the positive side, I had no problem meeting my carb or calorie quota yesterday. Today is a new day, and I'm not going to give up because I lost control. I'm going to look at my ring and remember what it felt like to know that I either needed to lose weight or bear the embarrasment of having it cut off my finger, and I'm just going to say no to Cheez-Its.
Cheesy webcam photo, loose ring.
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