Friday, June 03, 2011
So far so good. I'm not really having that much of a good time tracking. I don't really care for the new tracker on sp. It is more complicated to use and seems to freeze up a fair bit. Oh well, I'll get used to it. Its tough this week too because I've had three lunches out of the office in a row so it makes it much harder to track.
I have such issues with controlling the amount of food that I put on my plate and in my mouth when it is not controlled for me. That is why I like to choose the portion controlled snackers. They are a gift to me who cannot seem to sit down and have 10 chips. If I'm eating chips, I eat them until I feel grossed out.
My life is very different than it was a year ago. I'm settled into my new relationship quite well. My relationship with my x-husband is great. He is in a new relationship himself and is very happy. This makes me happy. He deserves it.
My new guy and I have a ton in common, We work out together often on the weekends. He is always up for it. He says he'd like to work out in the morning with me but somehow never seems to quite manage to get up with me at 5:15 in the morning. I can't say that I blame him. If I could manage to maintain my weight without working out every day I sure would.
I don't think I'd give up working out all together though. I feel so much better about myself when I'm working out. I just sooooo wish the Grouse Grind was going to open soon. I don't know when that will be as it was a very cold, snowy winter and early spring and we've had little to no nice weather all spring. It has been the most miserable and rainy spring in something like 40 years. I won't complain though. We could have the flooding they are having in Winnipeg, or some of the awful earthquakes in other parts of the world.
But.. I'm continuing to work out with the grind in mind. I'm trying to improve my stamina and the strength in my legs to improve my time.
I've made a bet with someone at work that if I can bring my time to under 45 minutes, he'll come back and do the grind with me. Wish me luck!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I went skating today for the third time in probably 35 years or so. I grew up in Montreal so you'd think I'd be better than skating, but I don't recall doing it all that much growing up. I'm sure I knew how to skate, but I was never that great that I remember.
So, while we were skating, my bf said to me "aren't you scared"? My reply was "I've done so many scary things in the last few years that this is nothin". Then I pondered that as I glided (with the occasional moments of flailing arms and skates slipping out from under my feet like the coyote running in thin air before realizing that there is no ground anymore)..around the ice rink. Heck ya.. I've done so flipping many things that scared me that this really is nothing. So, maybe I'll fall.. yeah.. it would hurt.. but I can do this.. I can concentrate and work hard and not get cocky.. Yup.. I did it. I got demonstrably better by the end of the hour.
That's what you get when you team determination to do better with confidence and the complete refusal to let fear stop you.
I've decided that as hokey as this sounds, I am actively going to try to be the very best person I can be. When I reflect on my life and I think of the moments that I'm least proud of, they are all related to my ego. I didn't realize that it was my ego that was getting in my way but when I reflect on it, darn right it is.
There is a person at my work who pushes every single one of my buttons. This person is very good at what they do in most ways, but the superior attitude about everything makes me crazy. I couldn't really figure out why I didn't like this person very much (although I appreciated their abilities) and then I hit on it.. The reason this person gets to me is that they tweak my ego. I have insecurities about my lack of formal education. Yeah, I've done well in the last few years, but I do not have a university education and although it hasn't prevented me from reaching higher than I thought I'd reach in my career, it is still something that I'm somewhat .. ashamed isn't really the right word, but it is something I'm not going around bragging about. ANYWAY.. he tweaks my ego.. I'm envious of his academic credentials. Which in turn makes me super sensitive to him which in turn makes me feel less when I'm around him.. which in turn makes me not like him very much as I feel judged by him.
I bet he thinks of me way less often than I think he does (see previous blog), but still, every time I speak to him he kinda gets on my nerves. As I grow in my role and in my own confidence, I find that he bothers me a little less, but he still bugs me.
Once I thought of this, I made a conscious decision to NOT let my ego get in my way. When I find my buttons pushed, I will sit back and invariably, the reason they were pushed is my own issue. They tweaked my ego. I felt judged by them.. and usually, I only feel judged when it is something that I am insecure about.
So, Its all about me. YAY.. If it is all about me, it is all in my control, so I refuse to let myself get in my way. I like it when its all about me!
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