Thursday, September 02, 2010
All those folks in the cafeteria? The ones piddling around and not telling the sandwich maker what they wanted and blinking bovine-like, mouths a gape as they waited for fries that were RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACES. You, the unwashed masses yearning for low quality cafeteira fixings, you should run to your loved ones and embrace them, thankful to just see them one more sweet, sweet time for you all have NO IDEA how close to death you came today.
Cloaked in my robe of low blood sugar induced rage, a rage aggrivated by a line moving at a glacial pace (thanks to some seriously ass backwards planning by the powers that be--really, at peak time should you take a line that always moves rather slowly and completely cripple it by changing the whole way it works? REALLY?!) and the scent of potatos fried to crispy yellow brown perfection (a real rarity for the cafeteria know for its horrible, horrible fries). A rage maturing, growing ever stronger as I wait while you slowly, ever so slowly, gather up your cheeseburgers and fried chicken sandwiches and box after styrofoam box of greasy, beautiful fries. A rage ready to burst forth in a string of obsenities as I continue to wait, the server continuing to sling fries as my sad little wheat bun dries out waiting for one of the THREE workers to please, please, for the love of god, please put the damn turkey burger on the bun and give it to me GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT THIS SECOND!!
By the time the burger is handed off to me, the container of green beans I had secured before getting in the Line That Time Forgot were heading to Coldville. What little warmth they still had was, thanks to the cafeteria rule that all containers must be opened so they can see what you have, whisked away as I waited for the boobs in front of me to figure out this complicated process known as "money".
Food finally secured, I return to my cubicle and what to my wondering eyes should appear? My boss. My "put it in a spreadsheet for me" boss who can never, ever, get to the point. But I will give her credit. When she saw me hunched over the opened clam shell container, stabbing the beans out of the green, she smartly said "I'll come back when you're done eating." Yeah, you do that.
Not that the wait was long. Those green beans didn't stand a chance. Even the less than tasty tukey burger didn't have a prayer. And, as I was licking the last smear of mayonnaise (yes, you heard me, mayonnaise!) from my fingers I could feel my sanity returning.
And not one french fry was eaten and no blood was spilled.
I'd count that as a MAJOR accomplishment.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Well, that's a real kick in the teeth.
Per my BMI I'm "obese" (why can't we just say F-a-a-a-a-a-TUH!). An official fatty fatty two by four. (didn't need a BMI number to tell me that--HAH!)
In order to be officially "normal" (well, normal by fatness standards because lord knows I'll never be normal in any other category!) I need to widdle myself down to 130 lbs.
I need to lose 62 lbs.
It has taken me 4 months to lose 19 lbs. So it's going to take (at minimum) ONE YEAR until I am Officially Normal.
But that's even misleading. That's assuming I will continue to lose at the same rate I have (average of 5 lbs/month) and keep it off. But the lower you get the harder it gets. So it's like fighting a losing (no pun intended) battle.
OK! TIME OUT!!
Here's where I'd normally get all "woe is the fatty". I'll never get to eat just for the fun of eating something ("oh noes, empty calories! the horror!") and the only hobby I'll ever have will be stomping along to the latest dvd workout offered by the Trainer Du Jour.
But I'm going to officially resist that negative thinking, that "all or nothing" attitude.
No, I won't be able to stuff my face with any old crap that I feel like. But that doesn't mean I won't be able to enjoy food (even the "bad" ones, whatever they may be at any given moment). And no, I won't be able to be a big ole lazy hog, holding down the couch (or, as is more my case, the computer chair, playing a computer game for hours on end). But that doesn't mean I'll NEVER be able to waste an entire day napping and watching television.
Life is about cycles and the timer is up on being gluttonous and slothful (gotta love some hard core bibilical style words--they'll really slap you in your fat face!). No more extremes. Now is the time for moderation. For NORMALCY.
Yeah, it's going to suck sometimes but there were sucky times during the Age of Sloth and Gluttony, too. Or did I just conveniently forget that?
SO. . .pep talk over.
This fat ass needs to go get changed and get some exercise in for the day (already met my fruit/veggie intake and water intake goals for the day--WOOT!).
WE WILL DO IT!
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
I've come to realize this blog is going to be my big spark tool. The trackers and meters and all that just don't appeal to me (the food tracker in particular annoys the hell out of me).
So, it's time to really start USING this blog to keep myself accountable. So, time to set some goals for this, my first official month at spark (I joined mid August so didn't really get into anything goal oriented).
Official September Goals (in order of importance):
1. NO MORE POP (aka soda). None. Not even the "real sugar" kinds. I've been using pop as a crutch and I've proven to myself I don't "need" it anymore. In fact, I'm going to try and really watch how many calories I'm drinking.
2. 5 fruit/veg a day M-F (no excuses). Minimum 2 fruit/veg a day weekends. Weekends aren't as structured over all as my weekdays (when I'm tied to my desk job for 8 hours) so I'm lowering my goal for weekends. I'm still going to go for the big 5 but as long as I do 2/day I won't beat myself up (for now!).
3. 64 oz of water a day (again, not a hard goal, just something I'm lazy with)
4. M-F bike commuting (weather permitting--meaning I don't bike in the rain, but that's the ONLY out).
Now I don't like making "lose X lbs by X time" goals because they turn my focus from healthy living for life to competitive weight loss (which I dislike a LOT) so I'm making this next one a Bonus Goal. I'd like to see it happen and will have it in the back of my mind as I work on the real goals but I'm not going to live and die by the bonus goal.
8 lb weight loss by Oct 1. That's only 2 lbs a week so not crazy. But I already know good and well that 2/week *is* a challenge.
1. New pair of pants. My shorts are already very baggy. I cinch them onto myself with a belt but by the end of September I probably won't be wearing shorts much anymore so a nice new pair of pants (in a SMALLER size) will be awesome.
2. (I'm going to allow this reward to be spread out over the month, as needed) New workout things. My shoes are starting to break down and will need replacing soon. As as the weather gets cooler I'll need warmer biking clothes. So those will be good carrots to dangle in front of myself as I work on my goals.
I'm going to post my accomplishements every Friday, to help keep focused.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
This spark article:
Really motivated me today.
Summary: Take your weight loss goals 10% at a time. So, if you're a 200 lb fatty (ME! I started at 211, actually) then you should set a goal to lose 21.1. THEN, once you meet that goal, aim to lose another 10% based on your NEW weight.
Now that's awesome. Take your goal a little bit at a time. Not only does it make it less intimidating but as you lose weight your 10% goal will get a little smaller each time.
AND. . .*drum roll please*. . .that means I'm almost to my first 10% goal.
WOOT!! I've suceeded at something without even realizing it.
(yes, as of my scale stepping this morning I was 192 which is annoyingly close to losing my 21 lb goal--yeah, I'm shaving off that .1 percent).
And, taking your weight loss a bite at a time will help you really think about your goals. Think about how long it took to lose the first 10% (I've been actively working on mine since May, so FOUR MONTHS to lose right around 20 lbs--that's no snap of the fingers) and plan for it to take at least that long to lose the next (I'm going to guess even longer, since to lose the first 10% you probably did some easier things like "no fast food" and just those easier things helped a LOT, but for the next 10% you'll have to make "real" changes like working harder at exercise or really eating well, not just forgoing garbage).
I'm so happy I saw that article. Now if I can just get those last few pounds shaved off I can REALLY brag about meeting my goal (I'm doing a calorie zig zag for extreme fat loss to help shake my body into letting go of a bit more fat).
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