Thursday, March 06, 2014
My husband is a former smoker who quit almost 20 years ago. A couple years ago, we were talking about it, and he said he never wanted to start smoking again because he knew he wouldn't just want one cigarette, he wanted all the cigarettes. He wanted to smoke and smoke and smoke.
I laughed when I heard that because that's how I feel about food! When I make cookies, I don't want just one cookie, I want all the cookies and all the dough until I'm physically sick! I don't want just one piece of pizza, I want to eat pizza until I can't move. I don't want one piece of See's candy, I want to sit on the couch with the box until I rummage through the paper cups with my fingers desperately hoping there's one dark chocolate truffle left hiding underneath.
I have to remind myself of this every time I have that urge to eat. I've had my breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, or my snack, and I want more. More more more more! I think, one more serving will make me happy, full and satisfied. But then I stop and say, Elyse, you know that's not true. You'll have another brownie and the drive will STILL be there. You'll STILL want more. You'll still have to stop yourself, deal with the irritation and antsy-ness, but you'll also be over your calorie range and have a heaping helping of guilt in the pit of your stomach too.
When I talk it out with myself like that, I can withstand the temptations. And when admit, right when I sit down to eat, that this is it, there won't be anymore, I slow down and enjoy the portion I've allotted myself.
Being an emotional, compulsive eater is exhausting. It's like any other addiction and I know I'll deal with it my whole life. But I love that I have Spark to help me work it all out. I can come here and share with other people who deal with the same thing.
And now, I'm off to work out! Yeehaw!
Thursday, March 06, 2014
I needed that! Boy, did I need that. My lower calorie intake is paying off and it gives me the inspiration to keep it up! I'm 5 pounds from my usual maintenance range, 10 pounds from a weight I would be confident with, and 17 pounds from my goal weight! I'm thrilled. I know I can keep this up and I KNOW I'm going to actually have that sexy spring! Woo hoo!
I also picked a reward for myself! Once I've lost 20 pounds (12 pounds from now), I'm going to sign up for Zumba classes! I've wanted to do them forever, and once I've lost a little more weight I'll feel more comfortable jumping and dancing around other people! And I also figure that will help me lose the five pounds I'll have left.
So if I can lose 2 pounds a week, that means by the middle of April I'll be taking those classes!
I'm also excited to be making progress because warmer weather is coming! I saw a 61 degree day in the forecast and I was like NO WAY, I am NOT ready to stop hiding myself under sweaters! I'm ok with cold weather for a few more weeks!
Anyway, I just wanted to stop in and make a note of progress and success. I'm so happy! I'm glad I decided to cut my calories, I'm glad I convinced myself I could do it, I'm glad I've stuck with it, and I'm glad I'm seeing progress. Hooray!!!!
Monday, March 03, 2014
Well I got frustrated and angry and WHATEVER when I weighed in on Thursday after a great week of tracking and measuring and adding in a sixth hour of cardio for the week and saw NOTHING good on the scale.
But I'm here and determined not to let anything get me down. I'm lowering my calorie intake to 1200 a day and I'm keeping up my hour a day, six days a week workouts. I need to see changes, I need a great spring, I need to feel good and I need to make sure food does NOT have this kind of hold on me.
So there you go, food! Take that! I'm so over you!
Monday, February 17, 2014
Hi all! Well I refocused on Thursday and have been doing what I set out to do, even with Valentine's Day and candy! I've been staying under 1550 calories a day, added in my Saturday workout, and have been tracking and measuring and weighing honestly. I've also been weighing myself every day. I decided I wanted to never put myself in a position where I would have to dread the weigh in. I never want a surprise - I want to know right where I am!
Still, I'm not going to log my weight into Spark until Thursdays.
Just wanted to check in! I love feeling healthy!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Unsurprisingly, I didn't have a loss this week. I'd even mentally prepared for a gain, but THANKFULLY that didn't happen! I was tracking, but not honestly. I was picking at food and overeating, not measuring what I was actually eating and that always means eating more food than I want to admit.
I'm feeling very emotionally weird today. My heart is beating fast, I've got some palpitations. I think it's anxiety but I can't pinpoint what I'd be anxious about! I cleaned up the house, did the budget and paid all the bills, made sure the kids were being somewhat productive on this snow day, and here I am, checking in on Spark. I don't know why I feel so awful! I even got to sleep in this morning! Part of it, I'm sure, is facing my weight and what I'm going to need to do to get to where I want to be.
I went into my goals and reset my goal date. I went from April 7 to April 22, with the plan to lose two pounds a week. I'm going to lower my daily calorie limit by 100 calories and I'm contemplating adding my Saturday workout back in. I don't want to do it, but if I'm going to be serious, I will.
I worry a lot about what it's going to take to maintain a good weight, which is funny because I maintained a good weight for four years! I have to trust that as I get my emotional/compulsive eating under control, meaning out of the habit of indulging it, I'll feel more powerful and also more calm.
I'm really feeling like a big ball of messy stress right now. I wish I knew what to do to feel better!
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