Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Just a quick blog to say that I am starting the 10 min. exercise streak today. I wanted to post it to get it out there and be accountable to someone besides myself, because I thought about starting yesterday but then I didn't get out and do it so then I said "ok I won't start today". I think the easiest way to do it will be to take an after-dinner walk every night.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I don't even know where to begin..it's been over 9 months since I last blogged. I guess I'll start with an update, since my last blog (ditching the scale) I am back to weighing myself. I weighed for the first time in the last 5 months when I got back from my semester in Spain. While over there, I found myself binging a lot on chocolate (nutella especially). To make things worse, I had an option of 3 or 4 different stores within 5 minutes walking distance from my apartment that I could run to for junk food (compared to here in the US where it is a 30 min. drive to walmart, the only place I ever really buy junk food, so I don't go out and drive there just for binge food). So when I got back, I knew I had gained weight, but I thought maybe only 5 pounds or so. When I stepped onto the scale, I was shocked to see the number. It was in the 170's, which meant I had gained 12-ish pounds during my time in Spain. Also shocking was to see that 170 number, because that was more than I had weighed when I first started this journey. And I remember back when I started, I was 167 pounds, and I vowed I would never return to that number and more importantly never reach the 170's. And now here I stood, into the 170's.
This was really hard for me, especially since I thought that I would lose weight in Spain and only eat healthy food and not buy junk food since I was on a tight budget. And I don't know what the emotions/issues were behind my binging so much while I was over there. So here it was, May 2012, I had expected to come back to the United States and have everyone comment on how skinny I was and how much weight I had lost, and the reality was completely the opposite. I had gained weight and was heavier than I had ever been.
So that's the update on life, since that day I have been weighing myself every day just for curiosity's sake. My goal is to lose 15 pounds (get into the 150's) by the time summer is over. This goal just started last Wednesday, and the first few days I was doing really well, but the past 2 days I bought junk food and have been eating too much of that and not waking up to do my workout. But I am going to make better decisions starting at this very moment, the first good decision was to write this blog:)
And I'd like to thank SRBROWN2 for commenting on my page yesterday, thank you for thinking of me and it means a lot, especially since I haven't been around much! I haven't been having the greatest week but it can only get better!
Friday, August 05, 2011
So Fridays have been my weigh-in days for the past year and a half. But after last week's weigh-in, over the weekend I decided to stop weighing myself every week. I'm not going to weigh again until December, and maybe I won't want to then. We'll see.
But I really wanted to weigh myself this morning. I was just curious to see how I did this week. But the truth is, I already KNOW how I did. I know exactly how much exercise I got, and I know exactly how I ate. And apart from eating a little too much leftover from a birthday cake and ice cream, I did really well. I haven't binged in 6 days, haven't even had the urge to binge in those 6 days, which is AWESOME, and I ate when I was hungry and didn't eat too much to get full. And the thing I realized this morning was that this week was a livable week.
I'm trying to get to the place where I don't have to stress or obsess over food and exercise, I just eat what my body wants and how much it wants, eat lots of fruits/veggies, drink lots of water, and exercise often because my body feels good during/afterward, and not because I force myself to do it, but because I want to. And that's pretty much how I was this week.
So as I was going back and forth over "should I weigh? no i shouldn't..well maybe I should, to see how this 'livable' week affected my weight,etc..." I realized that the scale might not truly reflect this. The truth is that the scale can be affected by so many factors, and what if I went on the scale and I had gained, or stayed the same? I would be discouraged that if I live this same way from now on, I wouldn't lose any weight. But the truth is that if I listen to my body and eat appropriate amounts of food, and get regular exercise (like I did this week), I will lose weight. My body isn't designed to be in the overweight BMI, and it isn't designed to have all this extra fat. So I am going to be monitoring my progress by making weekly goals for myself, as well as taking measurements monthly, and of course, by how my clothes are fitting. Because I feel it's more important to know how far/fast I was able to run at the end of summer than to know the exact weight I was at the end of summer.
I know different people have different thoughts about the scale/weighing, but my personal opinion is that I would like to ditch it for good eventually and just be able to live happily and healthily.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
So I've been back on Sparkpeople for a little over a month now, and during this month, I've realized that I have made progress. Not on the scale, unfortunately. I was 158 a month ago, and last week I weighed in at 161.2 (well, I guess you could call that 'negative progress' ;) ). But where I've made progress is mentally/emotionally.
When I weighed in two Fridays ago at 159.6 and last Friday at 161.2, gaining for two weeks straight, each time I was disappointed/sad, but only for a brief moment. Then I was able to put that number and not-so-great week behind me and look at the week ahead as a new week, and didn't spend the rest of the day beating myself up over that number or feeling especially fat or other negative thoughts about myself. This is huge progress for me!
Before, earlier in my weight loss journey, I would let that number on the scale dictate how I felt that day, about myself, how I looked/felt, etc. I went from weighing myself once a week, to 3/4 times a week, to pretty much everyday. So if one day I made super good healthy eating choices, stayed in my calorie range, and exercised, I would be excited to step on that scale the next morning, and then it would read +0.4 lbs from the previous day. My happy and positive mood would be instantly deflated. Instead of being happy about my great choices I had made the previous day, and being dedicated to continuing the streak into that day, I would usually make not-so-great choices, thinking "yesterday I did so good and it didn't even matter, so I might as well not work so hard at it today because that won't matter either." This unhappy/frustrated/bad mood from the scale would last all day, and perhaps for several days, leading me to feel I looked fat when I looked in the mirror, feeling crabby and snapping at other people, etc.
But the problem with this is that even though I am on a weight loss journey, this is still my life and I want to be living it now. And I think that what it's really about is making good choices every day, and feeling good about those good choices, and letting that good feeling help you make good choices the next day, and the next, etc.
Seeing the number on the scale go down does make me feel good also, but more importantly, going to bed knowing that I ate my fruits/veggies, didn't binge, and went for a run makes me feel great about the day, and enjoying life at any size is my main goal. And my hope is that making the good choices every day will get me to a healthy weight.
So even though I'm back to weighing myself once a week, to be more accountable of how I'm doing, I'm happy to report that the number on the scale doesn't make or break my mood for the day. But I do hope to see a loss on the scale this Friday! But even if I don't, I know it'll be okay, I lost it once and I can lose it again, and I'll get there someday:) But meanwhile, I'm going to live my life.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
So I took a break from Sparkpeople. The little devil on my shoulder told me I needed to focus on me & being happy, and weighing myself everyday and tracking everything wasn't making me happy. If I would work so hard and do so good one day and then weigh myself the next and I had gained, my motivation and good feelings would fly out the window. That wasn't the way to do it!
Well it turns out my devil was partially right. I no longer weigh myself everyday, I now do it once a month when I measure. But leaving Sparkpeople wasn't the answer either. Leaving a site where I can read/see people meeting their goals, feeling great, exercising, etc. only made it easier to not meet my goals, and fall off the exercise bandwagon, which definitely didn't make me happier. So I am back here, but I changed my goals to healthy lifestyle instead of weight loss, and am trying to exercise 4x / week, and eat mindfully, and hope the weight loss comes with that. But joy/happiness is my primary goal, and gaining weight, eating lots, and not exercising (which is what I've done over the past 2 months more or less) definitely isn't getting me there. Neither is not logging on to Sparkpeople daily to be motivated by all the amazing people on here. So I'm back, bigger;) & better than ever. And I am putting the intention out there to get my 30 min of exercise in today!
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