HELENHIWATER's Recent Blog Entries

Still hanging in there!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Well I'm glad to say that a year with Sparkpeople seems to have changed some important behaviors because even though I yoyo'd some after reaching my goal last October I am able to stay somewhat on track and haven't gained all the weight back that I lost. I'm trying to make healthy food choices and stay very active without putting alot of pressure on myself to be "perfect" which is what I always did in the past. It seems to be working because my weight is stabilizing at a healthy BMI that I can live with. Even if the only goal I keep is to never giving up that is the most important goal of all.


I gave Up.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

The nagging fear took hold and I chose the destructive behaviors that formerly fed my anxiety and depression. I have not honored my body and I have ravaged my soul with self loathing thoughts. Maintaining my weight has felt like a white knuckle ride into a brick wall. I've gained I don't know how much weight but I have a pretty good idea by the way my clothes fit. Today was my first day on SP since the middle of April. Today I will log my food and water and will begin crawling out of this pit one hand and knee at a time. So much shame. So much wasted time. What is wrong with me? Even at my healthiest weight I still feel like I'm not good enough. Will perseverance win out. By not giving up will someday I accept of myself? What is it going to take?
I reset my goals and weighed in. I even did measurements. One knee and hand at a time...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHHILL 5/3/2009 6:22AM

    You may feel like you gave up, but you're back and that is really important. It's so totally natural to go backwards and forwards on this journey. I hope for you that you can begin to love yourself unconditionally no matter what the scale says.


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BINEMELLES 5/3/2009 5:17AM

    rebecca, each of us has slipped and fallen back into old habits a lot of times. it's natural, they say old habits die hard, or you can't teach new tricks to an old dog. it's the natural thing for our brains to do - to stick to well-known routines to minimize the amount of energy needed for "brainwork". so, imagine us in a constant struggle with our brains, or rather the conscious against the unconscious part of our brains.
of course this causes frustration, and sometimes we just grow immensely tired of fighting ourselves. but you should NEVER feel ashamed about it. shame belittles and disables you. be glad that you realised you were going downhill in time, and took action.
i'm glad to see you've taken up the fight again. now kick those old pounds to the curb with new vigor!

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JIBBIE49 5/3/2009 3:03AM

    I'm so glad you are back. emoticon

As long as you measure yourself by OTHER PEOPLE'S standard for you, you will NEVER be good enough. The only way in your life you will ever have freedom is to set yourself your OWN standard and that measure is being just where you are NOW. We can't go back and change anything. We ONLY have today.

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Never Give Up!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

I have slipped these past few weeks. Letting myself get the better of me. Starting SparkPeople's New Year's New You Bootcamp is just the "spark" I needed to get going again. How fast the slippage led to sliding led to falling led to crashing. But unlike crashes in the past I am picking myself back up and not giving up. And now I must go to the gym.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 1/4/2009 12:34PM

    I wondered where you had been, Girl. SO glad to see you are hitting the BOOT CAMP. emoticon

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Head above water.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

November 20, 2008
It's been 7 weeks since I reached my goal to lose 25 lbs. I've maintained so far. it has only been through my commitment to tracking my food and activity that this has been possible. Oh, yeah, and the amazing support from my SparkTeam-mates. I am constantly inspired and humbled by the postings and blogs I read everyday on SP. "At Goal and Maintaining" has the most amazing members. People who have maintained in spite of some very adverse conditions. The one key factor, of course is "never give up" Even when I "slip up" I'll be okay just as long as I don't "give up." I'm also setting some new small goals for myself. For the next two weeks (two weeks, I can do anything for two weeks) I pledge to eat deliberately and mindfully. I can do that. And if I do 2 more weeks, then two more weeks, then two more weeks... you get the picture, it's going to be October 1, 2009 and I'll have maintained my weight for an entire year. That's about 11 months longer than I ever have before. All I have to do is never give up.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWIMMINGLAPS 11/25/2008 11:32PM

    Congratulations on reaching your goal! Good for you!!

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ETAGGEL 11/21/2008 12:14PM

    Good for you! I like your assertiveness. Best wishes in maintaing


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JIBBIE49 11/20/2008 11:52PM

    Isn't it FUN to read Sparkers BLOGS? I just love to read them, because they are so inspiring. emoticon

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Egads, I gained a pound!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

After losing consistently for 3 months, 2 weeks after starting maintenance I'm up a pound. It's hard not to freak out. I still maintain my goal to have a healthy BMI even if I gain 3 # but the scale has always had a special power over my emotions, that is why I only weigh twice a month. I dropped my upper calorie limit by 100 calories. With an active lifestyle and reasonable food choices (the lifestyle habits I've had for 3 months already) I am confident that I'll keep my healthy BMI. That and the support of my fantastic SparkPeople Community!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BINEMELLES 10/19/2008 6:01AM

    i agree with everyone - don't panic. stick to your activity and calories and have a look at the next weigh in. i am sure with all the swimming you are doing you will not gain consistantly.

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MHENNE02 10/18/2008 11:31AM

    Not to worry, some fluctuation is natural. Just stick to good habits and you'll be fine. Plus, you must be burning a ton of calories with the swims you are doing. So not to worry.

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JIBBIE49 10/17/2008 7:44PM

    Rebecca, that is what is so good about "tracking" because you can really see how much of everything you are getting. I'm "up" today and I know I had too much salt yesterday. It is amazing how much salt is in processed packaged food. emoticon

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JIBBIE49 10/16/2008 9:23PM

    Hey, Friend, I am THRILLED that you are doing so well. I'm up SIX POUNDS, as my feet and legs are swollen and it upsets me, but I'll get it back of. Had salty pizza as we all celebrated my birthday, so I'm paying for it!! emoticon Remember, one gallon of water weighs 8.34#. So it is very easy to gain quickly.

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VANESSAANN83 10/16/2008 7:58AM

    My weight fluctuates within EIGHT lbs sometimes, and healthy eating for three to four days always puts it back to its low point. I put my scale away entirely, it's just a number that no one knows but me...and now I don't even know :)

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