Well it has been over a month since I've been on Spark. I let life get in the way and just quit trying. Thankfully!!! I have not gained any weight during that month or so. I'm still at 256.
Yesterday I started working towards getting back on track. I got my water in and was much more aware of what I ate. Today I skipped the 32 oz fountain diet coke on the way to work! Woohoo! I drink way too much pop so I'm working on cutting down.
Anyway, I have a new goal to work towards. My hubby and I finally picked a "date" for when we will start trying for kids. If I am under 200 lbs by the end of July 2014, we will start trying for kids. My goal is to be at 180 by then.
I've got just under 80 lbs to lose to reach my goal. I've lost about 20 lbs so far. All I need to do is lose 20 lbs four more times! I can do it. I did it once I can definitely do it again.
Woohoo! Here's to having babies in the near future!!
I've been pretty flaky when it comes to my weight loss lately. I'm really struggling to stay within my calorie range. I'm not giving up though. I did much better today and I got some exercise in.
Something I'm really focusing on that's not weight related is my insecurity. I didn't realize how insecure I really am. A lot of it is weight related and its affecting my relationship with my husband.
I do a lot of negative self talk and its starting to wear on me emotionally. I don't think I'm good enough. I think my husband deserves a prettier and thinner wife. Its really stupid but I just expect him to change his mind at any minute and decide he can find someone better.
The part that's really dumb about it is that I know my husband loves me. He definitely isn't planning on leaving me because I'm not thin. I've been this way our entire relationship.
The things I tell myself are not true in anyway, but I continue to think them. All these negative thoughts about myself are causing me to be extremely needy and emotional. I'm surprised I haven't driven my hubby up the wall. I was getting jealous and suspicious when I have absolutely no reason to be. I don't like being this way.
So I've been doing a lot of praying. I'm also working on being more confident and when I start having thoughts that are negative I tell myself they aren't true. It is such a struggle, but I know I can work past it. I tried to explain everything to my husband but I'm not sure he understands.
He can't see why I let myself think negative thoughts that are untrue. Its simple to him. All those things I think aren't true so just stop thinking them.... If only it were that easy. lol
It's getting better though, I think just realizing what my problem was has helped tons.
I've been thinking about starting my own blog, separate from what I write here on Spark. I really enjoy writing and even though you might not be able to tell from my posts here I'm actually a very good writer.
I've kind of gotten lazy in my old age of 24 and don't spend much time on my spark blogs, so that aren't always well written or interesting... I actually had a story published in a book that a local college put out when I was in 1st grade. In high school I was encouraged by a creative writing teacher to write more and submit to magazines and things to be published but I never did. I think I just never felt like I was really good enough. I was kind of embarrassed to have people read stuff because I was afraid of criticism or that they would think it was dumb.
Anyway, back on track. So I want to start a blog and I know what I want to write about but I'm completely lost for a name. My blog will pretty much just be focused on my life and how I'm working to be a better me. I want to tell people things I wish people had told me. I want to share the things I'm learning as a wife. I want to encourage others as I struggle on my weight loss journey.
I do plan to keep my blog pretty anonymous for now. My husband doesn't really like the idea of sharing a lot of personal info on the internet (he'd probably choke if he saw some of my Spark blogs and I'm learning to not over share or at the very least leave other people and specifics out of my blogs). That means I want to avoid my real name for now and I don't plan on putting pictures of myself or my hubby on my blog.
I'm trying to find a name that fits me. I want it to be relatively short, two to three words. It needs to describe what I want to write about.
I'm thinking about going by Mrs D. (for Dan) or Jo (my middle name and nickname). I could then refer to my husband as Mr D or Mr Jo or just the generic hubby or husband or whatever.
So I thought about using Mrs D or Jo in the title but I'm at a loss for what to put with it. I thought about Mrs. D Does. But its kind of like do you mean "does" like "doing" or "does" like "multiple female deer"??
Maybe using life or lives but it feels too generic.
Mrs D Does Life?
UndercookedandOverconfident (my first attempt at a roast for hubby was very sad)
MrDSuffers (due to my attempts to cook and be a good wifey... lol)
I don't know. I'm stumped and now I'm just being silly with my ideas.
My favorite food is pickles, maybe I should work that in. Lifeisapickle? Then I could go by Mrs. Dill and my hubby could be Bread and Butter (B&B for short) and when we have a baby it can be BabyDill.
I think I should probably stop writing now... I'm feeling kind of crazy!
Anyway if you have any suggestions for names feel free to comment. I'd appreciate all the help I can get.
A list of goals
Reasons to meet my goals
An unflattering picture of me, yuck
A picture of my hubby because he is a big reason I want to change
A picture I took off of Jen'sFitJourney's page because she is amazing and a big motivator and I need the reminder that if someone else can do it I can do it too.
A picture of the Bella Twins from WWE because they have rockin' bodies.
And a few quotes that I really like.
It's sitting in the window of my kitchen and I think that's a good spot for it. Especially since food is my biggest struggle right now.