Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Support is so important for making this lifestyle change and weight loss a success. I've tried doing it completely alone before, not even telling anybody that I was trying, and those are the times that I had failed the fastest. It was so easy to slip back into my bad habits because nobody even knew I was trying not to do them!
More successful attempts at weight loss have always been when others around me are aware of what I am trying to do and they try to help me. For starters, my boyfriend has always been extremely supportive. He will encourage me to work out and he won't eat junk food when I'm around. However, in the past, his support occasionally sounded like lecturing. If I skipped a work out, he would tell me why I need to do it. Believe me, I know why I should be working out. But I would get angry because I know that while I am just skipping a work out session, he is sitting, not working out, and eating what he wants. So this time around, he agreed that he would do this with me. He will fit in exercise into his day as much as he can and he will also try to cut back on the junk food. It's a lot easier doing this knowing that someone you love is making the effort to do it with you!
However, as wonderful has his support is, my boyfriend and I don't live together. So while he may be cutting back on the junk food, I don't actually get to see him do it. We both live with our own parents. We cannot afford to move out together right now because I am not able to find a permanent full time job (I went to school to be a teacher. Not finding a job, having the bills pile up and living with my parents at 25 has caused a LOT of stress eating).
My parents' support, while well intentioned, is not the greatest. I will tell them, and they will tell me that they will try to help. But usually is just consists of my mom asking me if I should be eating that every time I go to eat something that isn't extremely healthy. And then I feel like I need to hide what I'm eating, and that is a terrible habit to get into!
Furthermore, growing up in my home has caused me to have many of the poor eating habits that I have today. My father is extremely overweight. In my house, when we had treats around like ice cream or cookies, my brother and I grew up knowing that we needed to eat as much as we could when we had the chance because we knew that as soon as my father got to it, it would all be gone in the morning. Now, I love my dad, but this really has caused me to not stop eating when I'm full. It has caused me to eat portions that are waaaay larger than one serving size. And this still happens today. I need to learn that, even though I may only get one small serving of the ice cream, that is ok. It's not the end of the world that I didn't get to have some of that treat every day.
My older brother serves more as an inspiration to me. He recently got himself into great shape, began eating healthier, and stuck to an exercise regiment. Now he is in the best shape of his life and he has never looked so healthy. But he recently moved to another state, so I don't get to see him very often and we don't really talk that often either unless he is home.
So that is why I am seeking out the support of fellow Sparkers. The last time I tried SparkPeople, I did not do this. I didn't make a SparkPage, join message boards, or seek out friends. But this time I am asking for more support. I am looking for people who can tell me that I can do this and who can tell me not to give up even when I really feel like it. I want to know that other people are having the same struggles or successes as me. All the support I can get, I will take because I really want to do this. And I also want to be able to give my support, because I believe that everybody here can do this. This is a path that is much easier traveled with others than alone!
Monday, November 12, 2012
So how did I get to be over 200 pounds? For as long as I can remember, I have never been happy with my weight. Every time I reached a new high weight, I promised myself that I would lose weight and never let it happen again. Every time, I let myself down.
I used to run in high school, but I stopped because I developed really bad shin splints. I have since attempted to take up running several times again because I know that that was when I was in the best shape of my life. However, I never stick with it. I get tired of running through the pain and give up.
After college is when I got into the best shape that I had been in a while, and I weighed about 160 pounds. This was mostly due to the fact that I had reconnected with a friend from high school and he and I began to show a romantic interest in one another. So I decided that I didn't want him to find me unattractive and once again took up running and dieting. It was the longest and most successful weight lose attempt that I had made. By the end of the summer, he and I began dating and I kept up with my exercise and diet to keep up my appearance and try to lose even more weight.
However, as time went by, I became more comfortable around him. I no longer felt the need to always be dressed up when we would go over to each others' homes. Sweatpants worked just fine! And we would go out to eat, or order pizza- a lot. The next thing I knew, I would put regular pants and jeans back on, and they'd be a little bit tighter each time.
It doesn't help that my boyfriend never really eats particularly healthy food and he is also the type that can eat and eat and eat and never really gain much weight. So I ate right along with him and two and a half years later, I'm about 40 pounds heavier.
This past August, my boyfriend took me to Disney World. I was so excited for months before hand and I decided that I once again needed to lose weight so that I could be comfortable while we were there. I started off around 190 pounds and lost 10 before we went. But I have obviously gained it all back and then some since.
So here I am today. I went to buy new pants yesterday (because I don't fit into any of the ones that I have) and I could have cried at the way I looked in the mirror. I have had enough of being this overweight. No more excuses- I have always found a way to blame something else for why I have never been successful in my attempts to get healthier. But the truth is, I get lazy, and I really like to eat. I know better than this. I am tired of feeling like I need to hide my body from my boyfriend, tired of feeling like everyone is looking at me when I go out in public, tired of having a closet full of clothes that I wish I could wear again. This time, I am going to do it. I am going to take charge of my life, I am going to lose weight, and I am going to be healthy!
Monday, November 12, 2012
I have always struggled with my weight. Throughout high school, I suppose I was never really overweight, however I have always been curvy- big boobs, hips... Back then though, I only saw this as being fat, none of my other friends looked like that. Now I would love to look that way again! I am ok with having the curves, I will never be a stick. But I need to be in shape, I need to be healthy and I am neither of those things right now.
So now it's my time to shine! It's my time to finally feel good about myself. I have made several attempts to lose weight, but I have given up. This is my second time on Spark People- the first time was a half hearted attempt. But this time will be my success. This time I will reach my goal, I will control my life.
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