Monday, January 07, 2013
Day 7 of "new year, new me" and I am doing great. I have managed to stay within calorie range for the past week!!! I am eating a lot more vegetables, which I am not a fan, but they are actually not that bad when you try them different ways, like roasting, grilled, steamed, etc. Today I added another step in my process, I went to the gym and did 25 minutes on the treadmill!!! I always tell myself that I will do it tomorrow - well today no more excuses, my tomorrow came!! I am taking it day by day and it is going better than before; instead of looking ahead and taking it day by day I am not as overwhelmed...I know I have a long road ahead of me...but reality-I didn't gain my weight overnight, I am not going to lose it overnight!! So as I put this day behind me and reflect on all of the positive things that happpened in my life today...I wish you all the best of luck too!! Happy weight loss!!
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Here I am January 1, 2013 and what is going to be different this year then the years past? I am taking it one day at a time, and I am taking control of MY life for ME. I am the type of person that has spent my whole life doing for others, trying to make people like me, being a people pleaser and it has gotten me walked on, disrespected, treated like crap, and taken for granted, and most importantly, I became disgusted and miserable with the life I have and with myself. NO MORE today is my new beginning, today is the day that I take a deep breath and start again. No more being a doormat and allowing people to treat me so horribly, I set the tone, and by allowing myself to be treated this way it has taken it's tole on my health. I have been so busy taking care of everyone else, that I quit taking care of myself.
Today I accept responsibility for allowing others to treat me the way that I have let them my whole life, I accept that not everyone is going to like me, and I am going to have to accept that. This next year will be a learning exerience for me. I need to learn how to relax, learn how to let things go, take time for myself, but most importantly, I need to put myself first.
Here are my 2013 goals:
1) Hit my goal weight by eating within calorie range and excercise consistently (Starting out with 20 minutes 3 times a week working up to an hour 6 times a week)
2) Be more positive - eliminate the self hate and negative talk
3) Stay more organized in my life - keep up on house and laundry
4) Quit hiding away from like and loved ones in my bedroom
5) Take care of my body - take pride in how I look
5) Blog and journal - getting everything out on paper/blog to release the stress daily
So I wish you all a very Happy New Year!! I hope you all succeed in your resolutions in the coming year, and getting to know you and have your support.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Here I am a year later, 10 pounds lighter, stressed to the limits. What is different for me from this time last year? My attitude...no more pity parties. I have done some serious soul searching and finding out who I am. It has been tough, and at times painful, but really worth it!! I have to learn to be more patient with myself, I didn't gain the weight overnight, it is not going to come off overnight, my problem over the years...I set too many goals at once, set myself up for failure, and when I slip, I tell myself "tomorrow I will start over, tomorrow I will get back on track", problem is tomorrow never comes!! Until now...I am setting 4 mini goals to achieve in week 1, and each week add 1 more goal. I will exercise, starting slow, doing cardio, and work my way up to strength training and cardio by week 5. I will journal daily and blog weekly, I will try to find people that are struggling or have struggled like myself, and ask them to help me, be my support to stay on track and accoountable. I know I can do this, the difference now, I am no longer going through the motions, I am going to do it!!! I am no longer my worst enemy, I am learning to live again, and like myself again along the way. Bring it on, look out world here comes the new improved me...
Monday, November 29, 2010
In the past when stressful things would happen I would turn to my love affair with food. I find anything and everything there is to eat, lock myself in my room, and shut out the world, and eat until I am so miserable I can't function. Then feel like crap because I overate, tell myself I will NEVER do that again, until the next time, and the cycle starts all over again.
Two weeks ago my daughter told me some news that made me want to grab her, run away, and start our lives over, she is pregnant, just turned 18, a senior in high school with her whole life ahead of her, and she is pregnant. Instead of going back to my typical way of dealing with stress, emotional eating, I came at it from a different approach. I hit the gym, I hate working out, let me rephrase that, I don't hate working out, I actually love it, it's getting going to start working out, whether it be going to the gym, popping in a workout dvd, or going for a walk that I hate. Once I am actually working out, I feel great, I am pumped up, I feel good about it, and it relieves so much of my stress...so that is what I am doing.
I am still trying to get a grip on what has happened, all day long I am consumed by trying to figure out where I went wrong, how could this happen to MY daughter, I raised her better than this. She is 18 years old for God's sake, she is just starting her life, a baby herself and she is having a baby. It has been 19 days since I found out, I have been to the gym everyday, sometimes twice a day, to release the tension and clear my head. I am devastated, but have realized that this is not about me, this is about my daughter. I have raised my kids, she made her choices and now has to accept and live with what happens. I need to take care of me!!! No more putting my life and health on hold for others, from now on I am putting myself and my health at the top of the list...I will continue my fight against obesity...and win:) For the first time I really believe in me and my ability to beat this love affair I have with food.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I was always active growing up, I played softball in the spring/summer and basketball in the winter. I was a tall and very skinny child, adolescent, and teenager. My mom always struggled with her weight but I never thought a thing about it back then, I was a kid, what did the fact that my mom was “fat” matter to me? I was skinny, so it wasn’t an issue for me, as a matter of fact when I look back I remember thinking I will never be big like my mom, because I am not lazy. How wrong was that?
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about people that are overweight/obese is that we are just fat and lazy. We don’t take into account that the person might be suffering from something else, like depression, eating disorders such as compulsive eating, binge eating, or emotional eating, thyroid issues, diabetes, etc.
I got pregnant at the age of 19, I was 110 pounds the day I found out I was pregnant with my son, he is now 20. I had a very normal pregnancy, but did gain 58 pounds. I weighed 168 pounds the day I gave birth to him, and never in my life had I even been in a situation like this, I felt like a pig, and my then husband was not very nice about it, he would tell me how fat and gross I was all of the time…this kind of verbal abuse did make me self-conscious, and this is where the weight struggles began for me. I was 20. It took me about 8 months to lose the weight, however, I never made it back to 110 pounds I had my daughter 2 years after I had my son. With her it was a completely different pregnancy, I was sick a lot and lost more weight than I gained throughout my pregnancy. I was 132 when I got pregnant with her, and weighed 114 the day I brought her home from the hospital. I was the “girl” I hated after I had my son, I was one of the few women that actually fit into my jeans after giving birth!!! I was 22 and did not have weight issues for the next 8 years.
In 2000 life took a toll on me. I lost my job, we found out my grandpa had cancer, and I started dating a guy that I had spent time with before I had kids. My grandpa lost his battle with cancer in August of that year, and we buried him the day before my birthday. I was always really close to my grandpa growing up, but had lost touch with him as I got older, so I carried a lot of guilt for not being there with him toward the end. I spent 3 1/2 years with the guy, and in 2003 left him after he assaulted my son. I had gained about 70 pounds in the 3 years I was with him and this is when my weight problems really started. I would eat whether I was hungry or not, I was in a very dark and lonely place in my life and didn’t have anyone, I felt very alone, and fed my emotions with food instead of dealing with the turmoil going on inside of me.
After my ex assaulted my son, I left him, and I NEVER looked back. I decided then and there that I was done dating. I had spent almost 15 years in and out of abusive relationships, I needed to do some sould searching and changes, and most important, be a mom to my children. I spent the next 4 years alone, raising my kids. I worked 2-3 jobs at a time to make ends meet, I received no financial support from my ex husband. We spent a lot of time eating fast food on the go or quick meals like frozen pizzas, tv dinners, hamburger helper, etc. because it was cheap and quick.
In 2006, life hit the fan again for me. In February of that year my mom had an aneurysm rupture in her brain and we almost lost her, (she survived and is living a normal life now). In May of that year my brother and his now wife, decided to get married in Hawaii, my other brother and his wife paid for me to go with so that I could help take care of mom. It was beautiful there, beautiful wedding, and the state is all around just beautiful. When we got back from Hawaii, about 2 months later I was at my sister’s house, she had just gotten the pictures she had purchased from my brother’s wedding, when I saw them I about died, who was that fat, gross person staring back at me? What happened to me? When did I get this fat? How did I get this fat? I went home a cried that night. I had somehow reached almost 270 pounds…
I started walking and joined LA weightloss to try to lose some of the weight. I bought, hydroxycut, and every other otc diet pill that they had to try to lose this weight. I lost about 50 pounds and was feeling pretty good. In March of 2007 my kids told me it was time for me to start dating again, that they were ok, and getting older, and it was time for me to try again. I had spent 4 years alone, raising my kids, learning that I didn’t need a relationship to make me a whole person, that it was ok to be alone. The scariest thing ever was putting myself back out there, and I was still heavy!!
I joined e-harmony and was reconnected with my very first boyfriend. I weighed 212 and he didn’t care, we started dating in April of that year and have been together ever since. I lost 97 pounds from 2007 until 2009 and felt great!!!! In July of this year I went to see the doctor because I was tired all of the time, and my legs were going numb…I was given some pretty harsh, but real diagnosis. I had gained 40 pounds back i the past year, my body did not like it and was letting me know. I needed to start eating healthier and get active or I was going to die within the next 5 years. When my mom’s aneurysm ruptured, the doctor told my siblings and I that because our grandpa had them and now our mom, that we needed to get tested because they are hereditary…I have them, and with being overweight, it puts pressure on your arteries and organs, I could die if I didn’t make some serious changes IMMEDIATELTY!!!!
I started walking and watching what I ate, weighing and measuring my portions, increased my water intake, switched to whole grain breads, etc. I was going to lose this weight for good this time!!!! Not as easy as I want it to be!! First off, how lonely it is…you look around and see plenty of overweight and obese people, but never think that they are feeling the same things you are. How scared it is to be in this place, to be the one that people are laughing at and making fun of…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! I have lost 20 pounds, I still have a long way to go, but I will get there one day at a time. I have made a committment to myself, and am here to help others win this fight too!!! You are NOT alone…join me and let’s do this together!!!! Today was day 1…join me in my journey:)
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