Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wow. Making changes can be hard. LIFE can be hard. Really hard. No excuse to let it scare you out of doing what you need to do though. Here's the deal. Last week I reached that breaking point. You know that moment where you look in the mirror and think "Who the hell is this girl? I don't want to be her anymore!" Over the past month I had gained so much weight back. I had ballooned up to 208 pounds. Can you believe that? After all my hard work... So I am working hard and today I am back down to 204. My new rule is I am not going to settle for less than I deserve. I am no longer setting myself up for failure. I said goodbye to some habits and some people last week. I've spent most of the past week laying in my bed listening to sad music and crying my eyes out. I haven't felt this bad in over 2 years. I feel like I have actually broken my own heart. But I keep pushing through. I know sometimes we have to say goodbye to the toxic things and people in our lives no matter how much we love them. It is the only way to have a happy and healthy future. I am not going to let other people hurt me, and most importantly I am not going to let my choices hurt me anymore either. I don't want to be like this anymore. I've lost 4 pounds in the past week. I intend to keep up this losing streak. I am going to exercise and eat healthy. I am going to do better in school. No more waiting until the last minute to do things. I am going to make a lot of positive steps. I am going to treat myself with the love and respect I deserve. If I don't love or respect myself how can I expect other people to do so?