I am happy

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A big part of my regain was feeling out of control. My fiancé and I came very close to splitting up. I was starting a business. I was eating to compensate for great sadness and frustration. So I made a lot of changes. We worked on our relationship and it is better than it is has been since we met. I got a mentor at a new agency and immediately sold a house and listed 2 others. I started putting my friendships back together. The eating better just followed. Once I made myself happy I wanted to eat well and lose weight. It came naturally.
Sparkpeople has come in last unfortunately but it is what I need right now. I am back to using the tracker but just do not have time to blog as much as I did before and I am not going to feel guilty about it. Part of finding balance was accepting I can not be all things and prioritizing. I miss a lot of my friends on here. I think of all of you often. The truth is I needed to be present in life and not spending hours behind a keyboard. I hope I can post some weight loss pics soon as I know that is coming again.

Please let me know how you are as well? Any great aha's lately?

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Taking charge

Monday, April 15, 2013

I had an enough is enough moment last week. I feel like crap. I look like crap. I can accept it or change it. I choose to change it. SOOOOO

I gave up pretty much all alcohol. Now I was never a heavy drinker. A couple of beers on Friday and Saturday but when I added the calories of my favorite craft beers up it is a lot. A lot that I can easily do without and won't miss. It was a social thing and if my social activities are making me unhappy well then a change has to be made. Nobody will want me around less if I am drinking sparkling water.

I know some people say everything in moderation and I will have a glass of wine now and then but there are some things that I do need to cut out entirely. My body does not respond to sugar normally which is essentially all alcohol break down to in terms of calories and nutrition. I feel happy because I know this will be really good for me and I miss the person I was when I was rocking it on SP. That feeling everyday of waking up and knowing I am one day closer to feeling better. That the next time I buy clothes I will be smaller and they will look better. I will have that feeling again.

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Are you training to win or just showing up?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I arranged with the manager at my firm to get one on one career coaching as my new business hasn't taken off the way I need or want it too. I have been feeling very down about myself and eating like it is a full time job. The manager offered to coach me and I have reached a point of desperation so I readily agreed. My AHA moment today was when she said "am I training to win or am I just showing up?". I have been just showing up and assuming results would follow. I wasn't consistently working towards my lofty goals. I would work hard one day then just a few hours the next etc. When I lost all that weight on SP I was training and singularly focused on my goal of living a healthy life and losing fat. There was no inconsistency. There was no maybe I won't give it my all today.

So I say to you. You don't have to respond but just think about it. Be honest with yourself. Are you training to win or just showing up?

I have been just showing up in a lot of places in my life. Work, my health, my relationship. Going through the motions and waiting for my reward. The rewards come with consistency. It is ok to fail. Failure is how we succeed. NOBODY wins all the time. If they say they do they are lying. What is not acceptable is to give up. To just dial it in.

We sat down and made an action plan for all aspects of my life and I feel excited. Energized. If you are interested how we did it message me. I am happy to share the info. You can do it because I sure as heck am going to be training from this point on.

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Sometimes the universe gives you a sign

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I have been doing a lot of baking. All kinds of baking. Grew my own sourdough starter and baked my first loaves of bread last night. Started working on my brownie recipe for my business I dream of opening. Well to avoid eating all of said brownies I have been giving them away to a friend who took them to work. The first was a chocolate brownie with toasted hazelnuts. Yes, it was as good as it sounds. One of his employees tried to steal it they said it was so good. He told me he had to defend it because people went so crazy for it. Then I made a chocolate brownie and put pockets of all natural peanut butter in the middle. They were quite heavy and let me tell you. Even better than the hazelnut version. Once I went to natural peanut butter I never went back and there was something about the sweetness of the brownie that played off the earthiness of the unsweetened peanut butter that just really worked. I have also been experimenting with cooking with raw cane sugar to make it less horrible for you, if that is possible . It made the brownies have this dense chewiness that I really like.
I was doing all of this for fun figuring I would blog about it but then he called me today and told me that again he had to defend his brownie, which was enormous, and that one of his coworkers asked if he could place an order!!!! You do not get more of a sign from the cosmos than that. ASHLEY SELL YOUR FLIPPIN BROWNIES. No more self sabotage and fear of failure. One thing I have learned being unemployed is that I want to be self employed. I hate being a 9-5 person. This can work. People with much less talent and knowledge make it work. I can't let fear stop me. I moved to Boston alone to start a new life and I didn't let fear stop me. I can make a dessert company work!

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What is Your Victim Story?

Monday, April 16, 2012

I was watching a show the other night about a young man who lost 320 with lapband surgery. He was sure when he lost the weight he would be happy, but he wasn't. Then it was the huge amount of saggy skin. He made excuse after excuse to not have the surgery but was convinced when he did that would make him happy. It didn't. Now he was heavily scarred and still felt like "a freak". So there he was 3 years later still as miserable as when he started and still turning to food for comfort but scared to death to regain the weight. That is when he met with a life coach. She asked him why he was overweight and he blamed society, the media, mean people, his family, everyone but himself. When he was done she told him it was all crap and he had his victim story down but when was he going to acknowledge he chose to be miserable. The look on his face was utter and complete shock. Now you can't tell me you haven't felt that way when someone in your life has been saying something similar. He got angry but then he realized, she was right.
We all write our victim story and it is what keeps us miserable. This doesn't just apply to weight. It applies to unhappy relationships, jobs, life in general. We create our lives and it is our responsibility alone. Nobody else can make us happy. It is a choice. This is what I have been trying to articulate in my own life for so long. Give up my victim story and start making changes to make the life I want. The best quote was "You are the author of your life". How awesome is that? How true is that? So it might be hard but what is your victim story that allows you to stay comfortable but unhappy? You don't have to tell me but maybe just write it down. Be honest, be brutal. It might hurt but it IS SO FREEING.
The young man stopped making excuses to be unhappy. It wasn't easy for him either. He was afraid of people so he told himself they hated him anyway. It wasn't true, it was his victim story. He also moved out of his controlling and traditional parents home and for the first time in his life felt freedom. He learned to live and author his own life. I cried through so much of the show. We can too. We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be. So as the life coach said.

BE THE AUTHOR OF YOUR OWN LIFE

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