HEALTHYASHLEY   20,544
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HEALTHYASHLEY's Recent Blog Entries

Look like I am playing dress up in my mom's clothes....

Friday, July 23, 2010

Weight loss is such a funny thing. I have been complaining that I don't feel like I look different and that I haven't dropped in sizes. Well apparently my body was just messing with my head because I have a meeting with clients this morning and when I pulled out my trusty black pants, y'all know which ones I mean, that never let me down and always look professional and hide my fat (well I pretend they do emoticon), and um I look ridiculous. They are huge emoticon. I also just wanted an excuse to use that emoticon. I literally look like this one emoticon. So awesome, now I get to go shopping! This got me to thinking...one of my new friends on here (yes, PELESJEWEL I am talking about you emoticon) was kind enough to message me and offer me clothes she had that are the next size I am going to be. I was blown away by the generosity and now I feel I want to pay that forward. We all are growing out of clothing at such a rapid rate and plus size clothing is so badly needed organizations that aid the needy. This weekend I am going to pack up all the clothes I have that don't fit and anything I have for winter that I will be long grown out of and I am going to donate them to a women's shelter. Why are we all spending money on new clothes that we are going to wear for a month? We can help each other and we can help the needy at the same time. I know a lot of you have been donating to goodwill and I think that is awesome. It makes me feel good to not just be helping myself but to be helping other people. I am everyday shocked by the kindness I witness on this site. I truly believe it is the support of all my new friends that is getting me through this. You guys rock.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAURALITE 7/23/2010 11:04PM

    emoticon
Congratulations on those baggy clothes! That represents a lot of commitment.
emoticonKudos also for wanting to pay it forward!
There's a great nonprofit organization, Dress for Success (dressforsuccess.org) that specalizes in providing professional business attire for disadvantaged women, along with other forms of leg up support. There's probably a chapter near you. And they're always in need of nice professional looking plus size clothes.


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BOURNBABE 7/23/2010 6:28PM

    Congrats! Such a good idea too as it seems so silly to spend a lot of money when you don't plan on being that size for long.



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MADEMCHE 7/23/2010 2:42PM

    I feel the same way. SP has encouraged me to do amazing things not only for me, but for so many people around me. So happy for you for having baggy pants! Crazy thing to compliment someone on, but I know how hard you have worked and how frustrated you were. Way to go! You are doing amazing, so very proud of you!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/23/2010 2:33PM

    That's such a great feeling! Congrats!

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WAYFARINGSOUL 7/23/2010 1:19PM

    Yay!!!!!

It takes me about a 30lb weight loss before I will drop a dress size. Drives me absolutely batty!

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SHERICAN 7/23/2010 11:46AM

    I have a shelf in my closet that I keep putting the clothes that I grow out of on. I will bag them this weekend and haul it down to the goodwill, unless anyone is looking for 18 and 20s. I have shorts and tops and a few capris. They are yours for the taking! Let me know! Sheri
emoticon

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TINA5318 7/23/2010 11:39AM

    emoticon What an awesome idea!!! emoticon

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PELESJEWEL 7/23/2010 10:38AM

    emoticon OH MY GOODNESS!! I LOVE IT!! You ROCK. Thanks for the shout out! I'm gonna get busy sorting and snapping pics so you can pic 'n choose and get you some clothes that fit sister!! I'm so happy for you!

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CARILOUIE 7/23/2010 10:37AM

    Hooray for big clothes!
I think Spark is an amazing little community. You are right - there is such kindness and generosity on this site.

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 7/23/2010 10:29AM

    Very good idea. Cant wait to be able to donate my clothes!

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HOPERISING 7/23/2010 10:23AM

    congrats! how awesome is that! I can't wait to be in your shoes... or baggy pants, as the case may be! Keep it up girl!

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THAMLEY 7/23/2010 9:06AM

    Isn't this a wonderful thing! Yeah, I know what you mean, funds are kinda lean. I've been holding my pants up with large safety pins and wearing long tops to hide the tucks. I've got to plan a day to take some of them apart and re-sew them. Haven't done it before, I think I can figure it out. They can't look any worse than they do now.
emoticon emoticon Keep up the good work!

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EMPOWERED2DAY 7/23/2010 9:01AM

    I tend to get my cloths at Goodwill, as I see now need to drop a lot of money on something I am going to wear for a short period of time. I am so proud of you!!

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BJW-FARMGIRL 7/23/2010 8:53AM

    Congrats! Isn't it fun to "shrink" out of clothes? I gave some to both sisters, and dropped some off at Goodwill. I've got a few more in the basement to clear out, but most of it is down the road. I am only keeping 1 size bigger, in case I should have an injury or lose focus for a bit. I'm only giving myself 1 size worth of time to get hold of myself and get back on track. Of course, I hope I don't need them at all. Have a great day, and keep on workin' hard!

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KKKAREN 7/23/2010 8:50AM

    Good idea on donating your clothes. Keep up the good attitude!

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I love my fiancÚ so much

Thursday, July 22, 2010

If you read my blogs you will know a recurring thing I talk about is how totally awesome my fiancÚ is to me. We met 3 years ago at work. He didn't speak more than 5 words of English and I spoke about the same of Spanish. Funny thing about language is you know when you like someone even if you can't communicate it! Everyday for six months we would stammer through hello's and how are you's laughing because that was really all we could say but I knew by how he looked at me he liked me. I was in a time in my life when I decided to be single and was really happy about it. Funny how it happens that when you give up the search for a partner, you meet the love of your life. My best friend also happened to be Colombian so I begged him to start teaching me Spanish. I could not get this guy out of my head. For 6 months I practiced basic phrases and got up the courage to ask him out. He is younger than me and absolutely gorgeous and this voice in my head kept saying "why would a guy who looks like that want me?".
One day I had the courage to ask him in Spanish "Do you want to go dancing with me?". His face lit up and he said in English "Yes, when?". That Saturday night I picked him up at his house and it was one of the most awkward moments ever. We were both so nervous and smiling but we didn't know what to say or how to say it. Dancing never happened but we ended up back at my apartment using a computer to translate and teaching each other words. I was shocked how easy it was for us to communicate idea or a story with gestures and few basic words. We ended up talking until 3AM even though he had to work a double the next day. I texted my friend on the way home and told him I knew this was the man I was going to marry. From that night forward we were together and he proposed after 9 months.
It sounds so cheesy but he makes me want to be a better person. He has boundless patience and a love and devotion to family that I have never witnessed in a human being. Never once was my weight an issue. I always have had these lingering doubts about why he would want someone "like me" when he could have anybody he wanted. Finally one night over a bottle of wine he told me that he had secretly been in love with me for a long time. A lot longer than I had been interested in him but he thought I wouldn't want him! He said he used to try and look cute while prepping food in the kitchen hoping I would notice him everyday and that the first thing he thought when he saw me was that I had gorgeous hair and that I was so beautiful. I cried. He has shown me over and over what real love is and that it is ok to love myself.
Last night I showed him profiles of people on spark that I talk to and that I admire. One of the girls has lost 125 lbs and is around my height. I hope to be where she is in a year and I find her story so motivating! When he saw her before and after pics he looked at me and hugged me and said "promise me you will keep doing this for yourself. I know you will be so much happier when you are healthy". This is the man that he is. He doesn't want this for himself or to have a "hot" wife. He wants me to be happy. After losing my job this past year we have had to put the wedding off much longer than we would have liked (I would marry him tomorrow). I can't wait to be his wife. I think that is why I am finally emotionally ready to make these changes. Never have I ever felt so much love and support. I am really lucky to have someone so wonderful be my partner. I can't wait until next summer so I can start posting wedding dress photos. I never imagined I would get to wear one of those gorgeous gowns you see in magazines. I always thought I would be choosing from 1 of 3 A-line plus size dresses that I had to order out of a catalogue. Here is a picture. This is our favorite shabu shabu restaurant in Chinatown. Luckily I can still eat here because it is really healthy! He is drinking a scorpion bowl for 2 lol.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BERGIE8771 10/30/2010 3:27PM

    Backspace didn't work, please delete

Comment edited on: 10/30/2010 3:30:46 PM

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BERGIE8771 10/30/2010 3:27PM

    Please delete

Comment edited on: 10/30/2010 3:29:36 PM

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BERGIE8771 10/30/2010 3:27PM

    Please delete

Comment edited on: 10/30/2010 3:28:45 PM

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BERGIE8771 10/30/2010 3:27PM

    I don't understand, why not just marry?

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MUSTANGMISSY 7/23/2010 5:49PM

    What a beautiful story to tell your kids in the future! Congrats!

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KANELINAQ 7/23/2010 2:25PM

    Wow this was such a great story! Congratulations!

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WAYFARINGSOUL 7/23/2010 1:22PM

    Awwww you guys are so lucky to have found each other. What a sweet story.

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KATHLOW 7/23/2010 2:50AM

    Lovely! We are so lucky when we find someone who loves us like we are (man, i AM cheesy today ;-)). I knew i wanted to marry ¨y boyfriend when i realised he NEVER bores me - and i have the attention span of a toddler with add...

have a great day ash!

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MEEMMOM 7/22/2010 11:50PM

    What a lovely story! So happy for both of you!

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CARILOUIE 7/22/2010 8:59PM

    love love love this story!!! I am so happy for you. If you could have seen me reading your blog, you would have seen a big goofy grin. We are so lucky to have partners who support us and love us.



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LAROSEBAUGH 7/22/2010 6:29PM

    Love this post, my bf is the same. He was with me 125 pounds ago, and the love is even stronger today. We are lucky!

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MADEMCHE 7/22/2010 4:47PM

    Beautiful post! I am so happy that you found the love of your life. And how happy he makes you, and obviously how happy you make him! I love love, it makes me smile! Thank you for brightening my day with your post!

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TYCA41458 7/22/2010 3:45PM

    I am so happy for the both of you! It is rare that such a wonderful story happens to people who really deserve it. You deserve it! I can't wait to see your wedding dress photos!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/22/2010 3:29PM

    That is a beautiful story and so inspiring! I have no doubt you two will have an amazing marriage and life together!

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PELESJEWEL 7/22/2010 3:15PM

    emoticon I love this blog becuase I love happy love stories of how people first meet. My husband said he knew he was going to marry me within the first five minutes of meeting me. My weight has never been an issue for him and he was there at the 5k finish line cheering me on jumping up and down. I am so happy to be a part of your journey and will probably shed a happy tear or two when I see you in your wedding gown!!
emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/22/2010 3:17:12 PM

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VGIMLET 7/22/2010 1:08PM

    You have an amazing story, and your fiancee is very cute. :D

Good guys ARE out there. I have been married to one for 28 years. He has never cared if I was thin or fat.



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EPHSTOP43 7/22/2010 12:36PM

    This story is wonderful! And the fiance is very cute too! I'm so happy for you!! Can't wait to see wedding photos!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/22/2010 12:30PM

    I am divorced ladies so yes, you can meet a good guy again! I am living proof.

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REESIEANDME 7/22/2010 12:30PM

    What a wonderful love story!! So happy for you!! And he's very handsome, by the way!! Lol. Congrats on finding your one and only and good luck with the weight loss and wedding planning!!! I am smiling for you right now!! Real love is a powerful thing!! =D

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 7/22/2010 12:12PM

    Wow your story is really amazing. I hope to find the same kind of happiness one day! Cant wait to see pics of you in your wedding dress emoticon

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HOPERISING 7/22/2010 12:12PM

    I love this story! Honestly, after my divorce, I am really doubting that good men really exist. It makes me happy to know that they are out there! Congratulations on finding one of the good ones! i can't wait for wedding pictures!

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JRIMM4 7/22/2010 11:56AM

    Wow - what a great story! I'm really glad you took the time to share it. He really does sound just as super as you!

JR

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PERFECTVELVET 7/22/2010 11:38AM

    That is the cutest story, I love it! You are very lucky!

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BOJANGLES17 7/22/2010 11:38AM

    Wow, it sounds like you guys are truly blessed!

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2 Part Blog-Rewards and Sizes

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

So I have been pretty upset because although I am rapidly approaching on 50 lbs lost I have only dropped about a size and half. Then the reality hit me that I had been stuffing myself into clothes that really didn't fit me as well I would like to have and I really was probably a size or 2 bigger than I pretended I was. Being an apple I find that almost nothing fits my butt and hips unless it is way too tight on my waist. Now even the size down I had purchased are all way too baggy, even in the waist. It is like I have been sabotaging my own progress trying to force myself to believe I am bigger than I am! Grrrrrrr
Onto rewards....so I had a shopping problem in my early 20's. I grew up in a house where my parents were broke and so we never had anything new or that we liked or wanted and I swore as an adult I would never have to live like that. I got married and bought a house at 22 and I set about buying the couch set we wanted as well as renovating the house. My real problem started when I realized I was way too young to have gotten married and I felt trapped. I started buying clothes and shoes and coach purses to fill the void in my life I felt. Maybe I hate myself but how can you hate me with this fabulous 400 dollar limited addition bag on my shoulder??? Uggh when I look back now it is like watching a movie of someone else's life. Fast forward to now and I am just not a very material person. I don't have a constant list of things I want to buy and even when I do see something I torture myself over buying it. Part of it is my low self esteem, I have no value so why do I deserve nice things, and the other part is that I am so ashamed of my spending as a kid that I see any purchase now as extravagant and wasteful. I have read over so many other sparkers lists and things like mani's and pedi's don't work for me because I literally have to get them for work (our appearance is a big part of what we do) so they aren't relaxing or a reward for me. Massages are out because I don't like strangers touching me emoticon. Three of my big goals are all so close together that I decided not to separate them out and just do one gift to myself. I work a lot and I want a present! I deserve a present! emoticon I want something I can hold so it is a constant reminder how far I have come so I decided on the new iphone 4. I could care less about most technology but I love having a nice phone. I use it for work as well (this is me justifying it to myself). For my ten pound goals I decided I want to buy myself fitness related items such as a new dvd or a jump rope. My fiancÚ told me he wants to buy my half way and goal weight rewards (which I think is so cute considering we have all of our finances jointly) which I think right now I want this pair of earrings I have wanted for seriously 2 years.

For my goal weight I want a new wardrobe and my fiancÚ added a trip to Victoria's secret. I think that is more his reward for all the support more than it is for me. emoticon
I don't know why I have put so much thought into this but I guess that I see these as such big moments of change in my life that I feel they deserve respect and recognition.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMPOWERED2DAY 7/22/2010 2:58PM

    I think rewards are great. I am a simple kinda chick. I am just not into material things. I do not wear make up etc. It is hard for me to come up with rewards for my weight loss progress. I congratulate you on yours.

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BEARDMUSIC 7/22/2010 10:37AM

    I think it is great that you are spending so much time thinking about your rewards. That will mean that getting there will be really important to you. I think it is so great that your fiance is so involved!

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AMOHAME2 7/22/2010 9:05AM

    Rewarding yourself is a huge part of this journey! When you hit milestones you should acknowledge them and just show yourself how proud you are!! Seriously, 50 lbs is a big deal and you deserve to celebrate!

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MADEMCHE 7/22/2010 9:00AM

    Great idea! Rewards are a really important part of the process! Way to go, you deserve them!

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KATHLOW 7/22/2010 4:51AM

    and yes, being an apple is incredibly frustrating, there's always either a muffin top of your pants hang flapping around your butt! So i usually stick with skirts ;-)

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KATHLOW 7/22/2010 4:50AM

    You deserve every one of those rewards!

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POOKAQUEEN 7/21/2010 10:56PM

    Gorgeous earrings and the Victoria's Secret trip is a great idea!

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MBSHAZZER 7/21/2010 4:13PM

    Love the earrings! I have the same issues you do regarding spending. It pains me to spend money, especially on myself. Something I am definitely struggling with!

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PELESJEWEL 7/21/2010 4:02PM

    LOVE the earrings! Very purrrty! Buy them girl! Haha!
I really like your introspection and how brave you are to put it out there about your lack of self esteem and self worth. That hit home for me. I've noticed big improvements in my self esteem and self worth since the weight started to come off, but I'm still working on it as well. Cleansing the painful memories of the past is essential, I guess, to building a strong healthy future... so onward we march! (By the way, what size are you now? I have a ton of cute clothes jeans, tops, etc, that need a good home)

Comment edited on: 7/21/2010 4:03:06 PM

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PERFECTVELVET 7/21/2010 2:28PM

    You ARE worth it, and you DO deserve all those things!!

I have a hard time coming up with rewards too because I am the type of person who buys what she wants when she wants it (within reason). The only thing I've come up with so far is a heart rate monitor, so I can better track my fitness.

How about something that is not material? How about you and your fiancÚ take a nice trip somewhere? Doesn't have to be crazy expensive - just a day trip somewhere or a night in a nice B&B. Bonus points if you can include fitness in it :) Memories are sometimes the best gifts!

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HOPERISING 7/21/2010 1:57PM

    You absolutely DO deserve respect, recognition and rewards! We all have to figure out what works for us. I also have a hard time spending money. No matter how bad i need something, I have this feeling of guilt when I spend money on myself, so I understand the hang up!

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CARILOUIE 7/21/2010 1:54PM

    Re: spending as a kid - I feel the same way when I go shopping. I racked up huge credit card debt when I was younger, a lot of it buying clothes to make myself feel better about being fat, and now I have this *thing* against buying stuff for myself.

I'll reward myself if you do!

Those earrings are cute!

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 7/21/2010 1:06PM

    You do deserve rewards for working hard! All these are great items for your goals emoticon

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Finally got the courage to post some before and after pics

Tuesday, July 20, 2010



Here I am at work today. I actually like this picture. I feel like I can see the progress.

This is me at my heaviest around 345. When I look at them today I can undeniably see how different I look. I guess I needed to just relax!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMPOWERED2DAY 7/22/2010 2:53PM

    You look great! Your going a wonderful job!

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PEARCEC5 7/21/2010 1:42PM

    Looking good!! owww owww!! Just keep rolling with it, youre an inspiration. emoticon

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FIZZLESTIX 7/21/2010 12:32PM

    You look fantastic and I really love the shirt you have on in your current pics!

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SEYMOORE 7/21/2010 8:53AM

    I can see the difference! Doesn't it feel great!???!!! So happy for you!

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HAPPYCHICK10 7/21/2010 8:01AM

    emoticon

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PELESJEWEL 7/20/2010 11:28PM

    emoticon Look at you! Yay you for posting! You own it girl! Woot! Love the smile, let it shine free!

emoticon Courage!

Comment edited on: 7/20/2010 11:30:33 PM

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KANELINAQ 7/20/2010 10:36PM

    You look great! I can definitely see a difference. Keep it up and congratulations emoticon

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KANELINAQ 7/20/2010 10:35PM

    You look great! I can definitely see a difference. Keep it up and congratulations emoticon

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SUNSET24 7/20/2010 10:18PM

    oh my god woman, YOU are FANTASTIC and FABULOUS and BEAUTIFUL allllllllllllllllll wrapped up in one, yahooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!



I am soooooooooooooooooooo dang PROUD of you, hugsssssssssss emoticon

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HOPERISING 7/20/2010 9:59PM

    You are doing great! I can't wait until I actually have an "after".. it seems like I have an endless series of "befores".

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IWILLTRANSFORM 7/20/2010 8:15PM

    Good for you. THis in itself with be a big motivator. Great job on getting the courage and there is a wonderful difference.

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ROLLER-GIRL 7/20/2010 8:07PM

    Awesome progress! And congrats about posting pics, it's hard to do! I was really nervous when I posted mine, I just wish I had taken more before pics, but of course I was afraid of being on that side of the camera.

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 7/20/2010 7:07PM

    There is definitely a difference missy emoticon emoticon You are doing emoticon

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MADEMCHE 7/20/2010 6:51PM

    There is huge a huge difference Ashley! Way to go! And thanks for posting this!

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CECE0330 7/20/2010 5:43PM

    Thanks for posting. I never tire of seeing before & after shots! Very motivational! Keep up the good work!

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KACOPHANI 7/20/2010 5:39PM

    emoticon

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LORKAT 7/20/2010 5:38PM

  I love your new photos! You look amazing and you can totally see a difference in your before and after, especially in your face. Congrats on all the progress you've accomplished thus far!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BESUSAN 7/20/2010 5:31PM

    Kudos to you. I can see the difference and you look happy. Congrats.

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PERFECTVELVET 7/20/2010 5:29PM

    Good for you! It takes courage, and you've got it! Keep up the excellent work!

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NEWNANNIE2010 7/20/2010 5:29PM

    I feel the same way...I am really nervous about posting my beginning picture, I have the fear about what if I don't have an after picture. I am truly committed to my new life style I guess I just don't trust myself yet.... You look great keep up the good work. It the before and after pictures that give me faith that I can. emoticon

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 7/20/2010 5:25PM

    There is such a difference...and you look so HAPPY! Congrats on your progress!

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MOONWOLF58 7/20/2010 5:23PM

    You can really see the difference. Good for you!!

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Before and After Pics- meh didn't go so well

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

So yesterday I was a big of an emotional mess and one of the comments on the blog I wrote about it was to take pics frequently so I can see the progress. I ran home in my too big work pants to ask my fiancÚ to take some pics of me. I was so sure as soon as I saw the difference since 345 I would feel so much better. I should start by saying he is talented at so many things but he will never be quitting his job to be a photographer. I don't understand how he can't put something in the middle of the frame and not cut off half my head etc. Anyway, he snapped a few photos of me and the second I saw them I lost my mind. I couldn't stop crying. I do not look so horrible when I look in the mirror. Every picture he took I looked like I had 5 chins and I really didn't think I look any different than I did before. I am not photogenic AT ALL but seriously I thought I looked deformed. This did not help my mental state even a little.
For the first time in a long time I head straight to the refrigerator. I had stocked a few skinny cow ice cream cups because I know around my TOM I want sugar and I wanted to have something portion controlled in the fridge so I wouldn't overdo it. FYI if you like ice cream these cups are delicious and only 150 calories. So I ripped the cover off the cookies and cream and dug into it. My fiancÚ gave me this look like, "do you really want to go here". We know each other so well I can read his mind and I said "I am still in my calories for the day" so he let it go but you know what? After 3 bites I realized. I am not going to find my answer at the bottom of this cup or the next or the next or the next. I put the lid on it and put it back in the freezer. I have NEVER done that before. I actually was craving my dinner which was grilled flank steak, portobello mushrooms and turnip. Yummy. I still finished my day in the middle of calorie range but the biggest victory of all is that I stopped a binge from happening. The other thing that made me really happy was how much my fiancÚ supports me. He kept hugging me and telling me how he is so impressed with how far I have come and I will see it soon. I know this is all in my mind. Sometimes I just feel like the ugliest girl in the world. I can't wait until that moment when I see a picture for the first time and I see the difference. For today I am just excited to have made such a big step in controlling the monster that is my emotional roller coaster. Now I need to go hold a 50 lb bag of something so I can see how much I have lost. I do read all of the comments on my blogs and I appreciate all of them. You all make me think about things in different ways and they help me more than you realize. Thank you!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AEBROWNSON 7/22/2010 11:29AM

    Keep in mind that the first place fat leaves is around your heart. So you are getting healthier from the inside out!

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MOMTO3BOYZ2000 7/20/2010 11:03PM

    Ashley, I can look in the mirror and I see a smaller, more attractive person. You won't believe how many pics of myself I have tried to take only to trash them because I can't believe that is how I really look. The pictures just seem to bring to life all my flaws that I don't really pay attention to when I look in the mirror.

But the pics that I did keep, I'm glad that I did...no matter what they looked like...because I can see the difference even if it is very small. I'll keep plugging away at it and know that one day, I'll look at a picture....and I'll be showing it to everyone saying, Look...this is me!

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LORKAT 7/20/2010 5:53PM

  In my opinion, until we are within our healthy weight range, we will always look at our photos and see 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 chins. We will go from obese to over-weight and then eventually from over-weight to healthy. It's a long double-chin road, but we all have it in ourselves to do it. For me, I look at my photo and realize that I do not even have a neck anymore. But,I am my own worst critic. If you are anything like me, you are likely too hard on yourself. I think you look great in all of your photos - before and after.

Do you lift up anything weighing 50 lbs yet? It will amaze you when you physically realize how much that weighs.

emoticon Still no potatoes... I think I'll have to contact someone about this problem. Lol! P.S. Great job on the ice cream situation. I hope I have even half your strength along my weight loss journey.

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VGIMLET 7/20/2010 5:31PM

    Good for you for stopping yourself from going off track.

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I can tell you that even though I FELT amazing after I lost my first 50 lbs...nobody noticed. I have pictures from 50 lbs gone, and honestly, I don't look much different. The important thing is how we feel, I think.

I actually couldn't see a difference until I had lost about 70 lobs, and other people didn't really start noticing until then either. It's only really now, after 100 lbs gone (and you can see I have a ways to go, even) people are starting to say something. :P

The important thing is you changed - and congratulations. You WILL start to notice a difference, trust me.

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EPIPHANYANGEL 7/20/2010 5:19PM

    Well done, you really did well by taking control and empowering yourself. emoticon emoticon

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EMPOWERED2DAY 7/20/2010 1:51PM

    I am very proud of you, for sticking to your guns and seeing that even though you were hurting, that ice cream was not the 'feel good pick up' you needed! You are doing a wonderful job!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAKIPOPUP 7/20/2010 10:59AM

    I'm with Cris76 - it definitely shows in your face. emoticon

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JENPOSS 7/20/2010 10:50AM

    Aww, sorry my idea made you sad!! I guess I should have added that the first pics are always the worst.. BUT, keep up the hard work and in the end you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come!!
**And great job at putting down that ice cream!!**

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BESQUIVEL 7/20/2010 10:19AM

    Wow, you deserve to buy yourself some new shoes, or SOMEthing! :)

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LOSINGJESS 7/20/2010 9:58AM

    Im sorry you had a hard time yesterday but its so awesome that you were able to stop yourself mid-binge and realize that it would not solve your problem.
with before and after pics its always best to compare the before to the after and sometimes you dont see any change but other people do. Your always more critical of yourself.

I still have hard days too. I looked in the mirror yesterday and thought I still look 250 pounds! Even though I am only around 180 now. The fact that my skin is loose makes it even worse and really kicks my self image on some days. But You have to stop and realize all the other good things that have come from losing weight on the days when you cant see the changes in your body or when they dont seem enough. Like for me the fact that I can do so much more phsicaly, or that I can shop in the normal side of the store now instead of plus size... or not being able to find anything in plus size that fits either ::shudders::

Im sure if you look at your own life you can find so many wonderful things that have changed for the better since losing 50 pounds.

Hope you are feeling much better.

~ Jess emoticon

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CRIS76 7/20/2010 9:43AM

    I will tell ya - I took photos after losing 50 pounds (they are posted here on SP) and I did not see a difference but everyone else says they do. I think it is that critical eye of ours - where we continue to see what we were and not what we really are. I think you do need to go grab a 50 pound bag of something and know that you HAVE done something for yourself and that it does show, even if you don't see it.

EDIT: So I went to your photo gallery and took a gander. You don't have any full body "after" shots but you have one of your new haircut (which, by the way, is adorable). I can see a HUGE difference in your face. Look at the picture of you and your fiancee together. Your cheeks round out. Now, look at the one of your haircut, your cheeks are concave - your cheekbones are high and cheeks are in. BIG difference right there. Your face is much more svelt.

Also, know this: you are adorable!

Comment edited on: 7/20/2010 9:53:57 AM

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MRS.CATMAN 7/20/2010 9:34AM

    emoticon

What a way to stop yourself! Great job!

Agreed with JazzyJas. You can do this!

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MADEMCHE 7/20/2010 9:29AM

    Way to go for only having three bites! That is huge! And your man sounds awesome, so very happy for you! As to the photos, what I do when I am doing my own pictures is set up a little tripod, something with flexible legs that usually comes with the camera. I can place it anywhere and I take the pictures myself. It works for me. 50 pounds is freaking amazing! I know you don't see it yet, but it is. You can do this!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/20/2010 9:16AM

    Good for you and stopping the binge! It's really hard to do, but you know how the will power and the support to do it! Your fiancÚ sounds like a really great guy! Just keep doing what you're doing. I equate everything to 5lb bags of sugar. Go look at them in a grocery store lined up and realize you've lost 10 of them! It's a good thing to visualize!
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POOKAQUEEN 7/20/2010 8:50AM

    emoticon You saw the real victories and made good choices. That's definitely something to be proud of!
It's really gerat that you have someone so supportive in your life, and it's great that he immediately stepped up for you.
Keep your eye on the good things and have a better day today!

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AIYMI2 7/20/2010 8:21AM

    You should be so very proud of yourself for controlling the binge! I read your blog and can't help but know how you feel since I've looked at my own pictures in the same way. Just keep your eye on your goals and soon the pictures won't be so scary to you. You know what it feels like to truly have control over food now... use that! Good luck

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SWEETPEA0214 7/20/2010 8:15AM

    Stupid pictures huh? I am not photogenic either and I hate taking my P90X pics. I pick apart each aspect of the picture to see if I've lost here, firmed here, blah, blah. I never feel like I am getting the results I want, like the ones they show you on t.v., but when all is said and done and I go back and look at my pics again, without a critical eye, I CAN see some minor changes happening. You will too. Keep it up. Don't quit. And look - you may have to go through two or three cycles of the X (or some other program) to get the results you want. I think they neglect to tell you in the infomercials that some of these people are doing that. All that change (100's of pounds) I don't believe happen in one 90 day cycle.

Change will happen for you. And I am so proud that you were able to walk away from that binge in the making. That is real growth in your journey.



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MYUTMOST4HIM 7/20/2010 8:12AM

    YOU DON'T SEE THE DIFFERENCE?!?!?!?! I do!!!!!!
You are way to critical of yourself!!! GREAT job on controlling the binge eating!! That takes a lot of will power - I am sssooooo impressed

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LOSIN4MYSELF 7/20/2010 8:11AM

    YAY Ashley!!! It feels so empowering to concur the beast that is emotional eating. I had the same thing happen to me last week (controlling the eating) and I have been so pleased with myself since then. Keep up the good work!!!!

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APATRICIAO521 7/20/2010 8:09AM

    Being able to stop yourself like that is an accomplishment in yourself! Think of how far you have come!!!

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JAZZYJAS 7/20/2010 8:07AM

    Wow, great job!!! Now if only you can keep loving yourself as much as your fiance does. You can do this!

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MADDEELOU 7/20/2010 8:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

You are doing great! Yay for avoiding the binge. That is a huge, huge step. I am very proud of you.

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