HEALTHYASHLEY   20,867
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HEALTHYASHLEY's Recent Blog Entries

Third time's a charm

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

The first few weeks of a mammoth undertaking (no pun intended) usually involves a significant amount of self reflection. A comment on my post yesterday spurred the realization that this will be the third time in my life I have attempted a large scale weight loss. The first time I lost 60 lbs. The second time 99 lbs. Quite literally I was half a pound from a hundred down and I spiraled. (Another sparkfriend kindly had warned me this could happen and she was right)

My fiancÚ has been nothing but supportive in our 6 plus years together. He is a healthy weight and has never judged me for mine but he is scared for my health. When I told him I had joined spark again his reaction was attentive but I can tell he does not believe me I will do this. Six months ago he told me he doesn't believe me anymore. That I have started and stopped so many times that he just doesn't trust me regarding my intentions. I value honesty even when it is painful and he is right. It has strengthened my resolve even more.

Today I am scared. Scared to fail. Scared to restrict. Scared not to begin. Scared to cut myself down to the raw painful place that is what I eat to hide. Scared to be seen.

Thing is I had let fear control me in all aspects of my life I would still be married, living in the burbs, working a job I hate. Instead I am living in the city with an amazing circle of friends who are my family. I own a company that has already done 3 million in sales in the first 2 quarters. I met the love of my life. So why do I doubt I can achieve my goals for my health? The fat protects me from both good and bad. It is time to let go. To realize food isn't love or happiness or comfort.

Let go of your fear with me. It is a scary road but what do we have to lose except inches?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEEMMOM 6/24/2014 1:53PM

    I too am back again... for the fourth or fifth time... I've lost count. I think we both started about the same time when you lost your 99 lbs. I remember following your blog at that time and it was inspiring to me. I am confused why you would fear your own intentions or not trust yourself (or why your fiance doesn't trust you either). I have been on and off of SP for years and I don't think I have ever lost more than 20 lbs. each time. Each time I have come back I have weighed more than the time before. I come back because I know that when I do this, I feel the best I have ever felt and it really works. The problem is that sometimes we all lose our way or things happen in life that get us off track. That's life! emoticon I was (and still am) so inspired by the fact that you did this two different times and lost 60 and then 99 lbs!! Trust in the fact that when you have decided to start and do this, you actually succeed (and succeed in a huge way!) You will succeed again. You've done it, you know you CAN do it and you will do it again. This time, you will just have to come up with a way to make sure that you can do the maintenance when you get to the end of it. Until then, I will keep being inspired by you, hoping that I can do the same thing that you did and this time I hope to stick with it, not let life get in the way, and lose my 100 lbs. We can do this!! emoticon

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JSPIN74 6/13/2014 9:34AM

    Good to see you...glad you're here still fighting the good fight with me.

Sucks to have to fight certain demons but MUCH better than the alternative right?
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...and I'd always prefer the company of the self aware...the fighters who are striving even if failing sometimes....we can do this! We might be doing it til our own forevers, but it's ok.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/13/2014 9:34:38 AM

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JOYFUL1977 6/10/2014 4:22PM

    emoticon

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IGSBETH 6/8/2014 3:41PM

    You can do it!

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GONABFITCOWGIRL 6/5/2014 9:55AM

    Don't be afraid of failure!! you have achieved wonderful things in your life already and this is no different. you can do this, but not trying because you're afraid to fail is a cowardly thing to do/say.

I know you're stronger than that and you can do this! believe in the strong, amazing woman that you are

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WORTHEYMOM 6/5/2014 8:26AM

    ok you might think this is crazy, stupid or whatever - but check for a local crossfit box. It is for EVERYONE! Every movement, skill, workout can be scaled for everyone! I have found my love for working out all over again! The support, the love, the community is AWESOME! My 8 yo son is doing kids crossfit and there is a 60 yo grandma is my morning workouts with me! It really is for everyone - no matter of age, size, weight, skill - it doesn't matter! Most boxes (our term for gym) have a free workout/tabata on Saturdays. That's nice so you can meet the coaches, and the people who attend the workouts. Since you live in the city, you might have a few to chose from. You know how to do this, I believe in you a 100%! emoticon

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TUBLADY 6/5/2014 12:14AM

    Please don't think of failure. What is past is history. Be positive.
Just go about your day. doing what YOU know needs to happen. You have the strength and ability to succeed. Make yourself Number 1. Put You first. Don't advertize your intention, just do it. Others can figure it out in time.
I started weight loss many times. Would announce to family, friends and for a while it worked. then I slip up and, gain. I saw in my daughters face, eyes when I told her I was started a new weight loss plan. We had all been down that road before. The last time, she told me, she would support me, but had no faith in my carrying out any weight loss. If I wanted to die of obesity , she couldn't stop me.
Besides proving to myself I could curb my addiction, I needed to prove to her I did care and wanted her to be proud of me.
I had always excelled in everything, My addiction to food, my use of food to satisfy other needs was not going to get the best of me.
It's been 4 years, 5 months, I still need Spark. I track my food. I track ,my exercises. I exercise daily. I will probably be doing this for the rest of my life. But it's worth it. Any unhappiness I sometimes feel in not eating something, or working out, is nothing compared to the unhappiness of being an obese 335 lbs. women.
So get on the Spark track. Don't try to do too much at once. It's one step at a time.
I know you can make it. You have a fantastic support team here on Spark.
Believe , be strong, stay positive.
Tisha emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/5/2014 12:02AM

    Not to push anything on you Ashley, but have you considered therapy? I went to a ED group last year and it was so helpful, and I continue to go to therapy on and off when I feel the need for self care. I have gone from binge eating/dieting to eating intuitively and enjoying food without going crazy with it. Feel free to message me. I am not selling anything, just offering support. I know how frustrating it is to keep going at it and not getting the results you want. As for your fiancee, please know that you do not have to do anything for him and you have no need to prove anything. If he doesn't believe you, it doesn't matter. He still loves you, as you are, right now. I can only wish you all the best. emoticon

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DECLARE74 6/4/2014 11:58PM

    Sometimes to overcome our fears we just need to work out what they really are. I used to be afraid I would never lose weight, but really I was afraid I would but my life would still suck and it was easy to blame my lack of friends,or my crummy job or my no love life on being overweight. I then lost the weight and gradually gained it and more back so the new fear became, if I work hard and diet and lose the weight will it just come back ... the real fear of course was failing to make life changes that were permanent ... spark has been a Godsend to me and I hope your journey (at whatever pace) becomes a life long journey to health not just about the scales (even though for many of us that is the main focus at the start)

Time to prove to yourself you are worthy, you are strong and you can stick at it even when life isn't easy and eventually your family and friends will see this time is different

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MISSLORI5 6/4/2014 11:38PM

    I so understand your fear of failure, it is what kept me from working on my health for years. I had succeeded in losing 60 lbs. and gained it back and then some when I let myself slip that first time. However, I learned something important from it. We take one day at a time. Not a week, not a month, and definitely not a year. One day, and if that doesn't work, you take one hour, and maybe even one minute. It's a matter of baby steps, not the big picture. Hold your head high and know that you are worth every minute it may take to learn those habits that will help you develop better health! You go, girl, you've got this thing!!!! emoticon

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GINA180847 6/4/2014 10:01PM

    In your new picture (the most recent) I see fear in your eyes. What on earth do you fear? You are beautiful at any weight and from what you say you are successful in love and career. You haven't done anything to deserve to be afraid. But I think most of us understand what is going on and we can only cheer you on.


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KTTAYLOR21 6/4/2014 9:13PM

    Ashley this journey is hard no matter how many pounds you have to lose. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've started over and all I have to lose is 30 lbs. 30 lbs isn't anything compared to the 99 lbs and 60 lbs you have lost. I have been on spark since 2010, I log in damn near every day over these last 4 years and my tickler is still at the beginning of the line (LMAO)!! It's ridiculous! And right now, I don't care if it takes me 4 more years to lose these 30 lbs. I am determined to do it and it will happen eventually.

Love yourself, love who you are, love what YOU have accomplished and love your fiance'! To hell with ANYONE who don't like it!!! You deserve to be happy. And don't be afraid, nothing beats a failure but a try!! emoticon

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P.S. Did I tell you yesterday that I'm glad your back??? If not or if so, I'll say it again!! emoticon

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MTN_KITTEN 6/4/2014 9:00PM

    Fear can be very crippling! I am older and wiser now ... I don't have a weight problem ... I have an eating problem. I eat for all the wrong reasons. It's time to face facts ... we are smart, capable women. Let's start acting like it.

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How did I get back here?

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Haven't we all asked ourselves this question?

It doesn't just apply to health.

Bad relationships, bad job situations, bad mental states it goes on and on.

Three years ago I lost almost 100 lbs. I felt good, I looked good. I felt happy. Happy because I took charge and accomplished something. I was no longer in pain daily. Then I had a death in the family and I slowly lost my way. It wasn't a conscious decision. It happens slowly. One less day at the gym here. One extra serving there. One extra night of margaritas with coworkers quickly becomes a regular activity and then boom. We are back in shametown wearing the clothes we had almost given to Goodwill.

The spiral that can accompany this is painful and shocking. It is easy to hide and punish yourself. That is what I have been doing. Then one day the fog cleared and I was heavier than when I started SP before. I am in pain constantly. My self esteem is very low.

This isn't an issue of just being positive or not being hard on myself. I have to be honest and say I am back to comfort eating. To being lazy about cooking healthy meals. Solace is not at the bottom of a pint of Ben and Jerry's (my personal crack dealers). What I did find at the bottom of that pint was the realization that this is how I got fat last time and it doesn't make me feel happy. It makes me scared. It makes me angry. What I choose it to be grateful I still posses the tools to change. I am not a lost cause. I was angry I needed to do this again. That I felt I wasted all my hard work. The reality is that this is a lifelong process. I will always have to make hard choices and work at being healthy. Most every does.

So how I got back here was the decision to make myself a priority again. To stop worrying for everyone else. We teach people how to treat us and if I walk all over myself others will try and do the same. We are not victims of anyone or anything but ourselves. I have the power to change. Today is the day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALOFA0509 6/18/2014 12:24PM

    I've missed you sista!! Hugs emoticon

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CHANGESWITHIN 6/10/2014 2:59PM

  I am going through almost the same thing...we can do this!!!

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IGSBETH 6/8/2014 3:42PM

    I understand.

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HIPPICHICK1 6/4/2014 9:29AM

    Wasted all your hard work? I think not!
Re-read your blog. Look at the resolve. Look at how much you've learned. Look at where you are planning to go!
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I've had three big weight losses in my life because the first two times I lost a lot of weight I also lost my way and got fat again. It happens. Shame? Sure. Is it constructive having this shame? Nope. Drop it and move on.
The only way any one of us gets healthy and stays that way is by making conscious choices. It doesn't happen by accident.
You go girl!
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SHEILA1505 6/4/2014 3:15AM

    Glad to see you again, but not for the reason. Also struggling, and working on getting back to my realistic goal weight .. this year, if I can, but next if necessary!

Big hugs


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KIBAISREADY 6/4/2014 2:00AM

    Girl I could have written this blog myself. I know all too well what you are saying and going through. As you already know we are the only ones who can change things around so good for you for making the steps and taking control. I'm rooting for you girlie! emoticon

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MAMADWARF 6/3/2014 11:27PM

    Sigh. So relateabje! Start. Stop. Etc. I'm on vacation and my day if decking was a photo my friend took. Me, smiling, catching fish, fat. Again.

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/3/2014 11:08PM

    emoticon What matters is you're back and you have realized you need to put yourself first. It is not easy to be honest, with yourself, and especially to be so candid with others. I respect that a lot. Will happily support you!

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GINA180847 6/3/2014 11:02PM

    Welcome back Honey, you are human and the human condition is one of ups and downs. You did it before and you can do this again. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give yourself a chance.

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COSMOS 6/3/2014 10:28PM

  I lost 40 lbs at the same you lost weight, and I gained back 25-30! Yikes! I'm back and getting serious about changing my life and getting healthy forever.

I'm glad to see you're back, weight gain or no weight gain.

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POSITIVEHOPE 6/3/2014 10:24PM

    Life sends us speed bumps and gets in our way. It happens to all of us. You are home. No one judges here. We all have to keep our eyes on our own plate and not pass judgment on our neighbors. You will be amazed at how quickly you feel right at home once again. You already know what to do and how to do it. Let it rip!

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MT-MOONCHASER 6/3/2014 9:35PM

    I've been subscribed to your blogs for a while. I think your story could be about the same as many of us. I, too, suffered a devastating loss when my younger son and I were involved in a car crash. He was dead at the scene, and I suffered some major injuries. I didn't have much appetite for several months and lost to a place where I felt good, but then I started on an upward spiral. Now I am trying to get my act together and start improving my health again. As you can see from mine and other comments, you have plenty of company on your new journey.

Welcome back and I hope to see you around. You know that we have the tools, we just have to relearn how to use them effectively.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 6/3/2014 9:32PM

    So many of your words resonate with me. emoticon

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ASHLEIGH1985 6/3/2014 9:17PM

    emoticon
~Ashleigh

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EDENFELL 6/3/2014 8:59PM

    Hi Ashley,

Glad to see you back on spark! I loved and followed your blogs before and definitely know that you got this.

We're all human so don't beat yourself up. Just do what you know how to do and take it a day at a time. emoticon

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MISSROCKABILLY 6/3/2014 8:46PM

    I've been trying to use personal difficulties, like the death of my mother recently, as motivation to get back to my healthy living, but it can be really hard. Taking it day by day and just trying to make each a little better than the one before is what I am currently striving for.

Today IS the day--make it yours!

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DSJB9999 6/3/2014 7:23PM

    emoticon emoticon

I got to my target twice before and stopped 'trying' and I am determined not to stop trying when I reach it this time.
You too Ashley can reach your 'target' again and will be more positive about life in general - remember YOU DESERVE YOUR SELF LOVE!
emoticon emoticon Donna x

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PURPLEPEONY 6/3/2014 5:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEENSTER1 6/3/2014 4:49PM

    emoticon You did it before and you can do it again. Like you said it's a lifestyle. This journey is for life. We fall down and get back up. Your emoticon'S are emoticon emoticon in your corner. Be Encouraged and take it emoticon at a time. emoticon emoticon

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MOMTO6CUTIES 6/3/2014 4:36PM

    Today is the day! YOU Can do it!!! Feel free to add me. I'd love to be here to help encourage you on your journey!

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-AIMIE- 6/3/2014 4:00PM

    emoticon

What I'd like to know is... how'd you get in my head? LOL

Thanks for this blog. It feels good to know I'm not alone in my journey.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/3/2014 3:54PM

    You're right! Today IS the day! emoticon

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UNRAVELED13 6/3/2014 3:52PM

    emoticon I faced something similar almost 3 years ago when my momma passed away. I had lost approximately 30 lbs prior to her passing and gained it all back in such a short period of time after. I finally realized that she wouldn't want this for me..she would want me to be the healthiest I could be for my children..for my grandchildren. So here I am..and slowly but surely losing the weight once again.

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WORTHEYMOM 6/3/2014 3:28PM

    Amen! I caught myself sliding after the death of my best friend's daughter in a horrific car accident. i remembered we can't help anyone else if we aren't helping ourselves. We have to be healthy - physically and mentally before we can do justice helping others. Happy to Have you back my dear! I can't wait to get caught up with you again!

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STEVENK87 6/3/2014 3:16PM

    emoticon

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Big promotion at work!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

My broker asked me to come in for a meeting today. I was hoping it wasn't something bad as she rarely asked me to come in for unidentified meetings. Well it was anything but bad. I was asked to a member of the governing board of our office. It is by invitation only and there are only 12. It is the elite of the company and there are a lot of perks and privileges that come with it. The best being that I can to spend a lot of time with the best of what I do. It is rare for such a new agent to be invited and I am honored, flattered and humbled all at once. I can't stop smiling. I have wanted to be on this board since I started with the company but I didn't even dream it would happen so quickly. I feel excited for my future. This is huge for my career. I really needed something positive like this to happen in my life.
Apparently there are a lot of required events, dinners with the bosses, and travel that accompanies the position as well as a lot of member only retreats and courses that the company provides only to this board. We make all the decisions for how the company is run and represent our peers. I am on cloud 9. It shows that in everything is truly use your heart your will be rewarded for your hard work.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PELESJEWEL 11/6/2013 6:34PM

    emoticon emoticon Fantastic! Congrats Ashley!

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ROCKMAN6797 9/5/2013 9:57AM

    emoticon

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ALOFA0509 9/2/2013 2:22AM

    Congrats Sista!!!!! You deserve this emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 9/1/2013 8:27PM

    This is fantastic news Ashley! You should be very proud of yourself. All your hard work is paying off. In due time everything will fall in to place just as you have always dreamed!

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SMILINGTREE 8/31/2013 1:48PM

    Congratulations! I'm so happy to have come across this post :) Your hard work is paying off.

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MADEMCHE 8/31/2013 1:45PM

    So proud of you! Congratulations again!

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KTTAYLOR21 8/31/2013 1:26PM

    What a great accomplishment!! What a reward for all your hard work!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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TRENTDREAMER 8/31/2013 11:39AM

    Major congrats!!! Best of fortune to you on the new role.

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JANETRIS 8/31/2013 9:57AM

    Wonderful news.....congrats! emoticon

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KRISKECK 8/30/2013 11:38AM

    Congratulations! I am so happy and excited for you - and it is truly a sign that you are in the right place!

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HIPPICHICK1 8/30/2013 11:02AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ME_FIRST 8/30/2013 10:33AM

    Congratulations! Obviously the powers that be know real talent when they see it.



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WORTHEYMOM 8/30/2013 9:47AM

    Congrats Ash! That's so awesome!

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LITTLEONEJLC 8/30/2013 8:00AM

    emoticon

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HOPERISING 8/30/2013 6:46AM

    Awesome! So happy for you!

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GINA180847 8/29/2013 11:23PM

    What a great thing to have happen. I sure hope you will continue to enjoy the position.

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COLUMBINE2 8/29/2013 11:15PM

    Congratulations! What a great day & tremendous verification of your hard work!!!

And exciting, stimulating new chapter in your life!!! Yahoooooo!

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GHK1962 8/29/2013 10:02PM

    Nice!!!

It is great to hear good news. Yahhh You!

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PAMATX 8/29/2013 9:48PM

    Wow you really did great with the career switch. Fantastic! Love your new pic. Pretty!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/29/2013 9:05PM

    That's so great! Congratulations!

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MAMADWARF 8/29/2013 9:00PM

    About time things went your way!!!!

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CALVIND 8/29/2013 8:49PM

    Congrats Ashley! What a great accomplishment in a short space of time. Wishing you all the best emoticon emoticon

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MELLYBEANS0919 8/29/2013 8:30PM

    Congrats Ashley!!! emoticon

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CAROL494 8/29/2013 8:06PM

  emoticon emoticon

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PURPLEVALENTINE 8/29/2013 8:01PM

    Congrats!! What an honor and something you should be super proud of! emoticon emoticon

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Dyed my hair red today (pic)

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I needed a change and as a natural blonde my options were platinum or go darker. Thank goodness for my amazing hairdresser who gave me the perfect color ! It feels like this me was always hiding in there. New hair, new life, new start. Rather symbolic. Go out and do something for yourself that makes you feel good. Do it only for you because you are what matters.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYCUPCAKE 4/24/2014 8:56AM

    I love it! It really complements your skin, too!

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KATHLOW 2/20/2014 4:31AM

    Beautiful! Suits you very well!

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_UMAMI_ 8/24/2013 8:51PM

    Looks great! I've been wanting to go red for YEARS (I'm a natural blonde, albeit ashy as I've gotten older). Maybe I'll take the jump myself----Fall is the perfect time to go red.

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BUNNYCATS 8/24/2013 11:16AM

    Wowza! It look great on you! emoticon

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HIPPICHICK1 8/24/2013 11:07AM

    You go grrl!

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HDHAWK 8/23/2013 7:54PM

    Pretty color!

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CRESHA20 8/23/2013 7:58AM

    Gorgeous!

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COMPUCATHY 8/22/2013 9:52PM

    What a great dramatic change! You look terrific! Good choice! I'm so glad to see TGIF on the horizon! Hope you have a great weekend planned! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

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KTTAYLOR21 8/22/2013 1:14PM

    That's definitely YOUR color!!! ((hi five))

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JTAMSYN 8/22/2013 12:49PM

    Stunning! I also feel so much better as a redhead!
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DIVADOLL73 8/22/2013 11:30AM

    I luv that color on you, way 2 go!!!! emoticon

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ROCKMAN6797 8/22/2013 10:10AM

    Love it!

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LEANNROCKS 8/22/2013 9:07AM

    You Are Gorgeous! Perfect Choice!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 8/22/2013 8:42AM

    LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes red heads are the ones who have more fun!!!!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/22/2013 8:43:11 AM

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PURPLEVALENTINE 8/22/2013 8:34AM

    Love the red!!! Looks great! emoticon

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GIANTMICROBE 8/22/2013 7:19AM

    Whoa, you look like a totally different person! I love it though! I am getting my hair done this weekend- had to wait for my stylist to come back from vacation and I'm DYYYYYYYYYYING for a change!!!!! It was soooooooooooo hard to wait!

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ADVENTURESEEKER 8/22/2013 2:57AM

    Oh wow, I love it!

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MISSROCKABILLY 8/22/2013 12:02AM

    Love it! Now I really miss having my hair red!

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MELLYBEANS0919 8/21/2013 11:15PM

    Gorgeous!

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BAYBELIEVER 8/21/2013 10:35PM

    Looks great!

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WEEPINGANGEL74 8/21/2013 10:20PM

    From one redhead to another.... looks great!!

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GINA180847 8/21/2013 9:47PM

    It looks great on you!

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MOMMA-MOOSE 8/21/2013 9:28PM

    That is gorgeous! That color really suits you. Omg it's really stunning!

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COOKWITHME65 8/21/2013 9:25PM

    It is stunning Ashley!!! I love it.

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MT-MOONCHASER 8/21/2013 9:15PM

    Very flattering color.

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SMILINGTREE 8/21/2013 8:59PM

    I love your natural blonde, but that red is...wow! It looks really good.

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GRACEISENUF 8/21/2013 7:37PM

    Sassy and sexy!

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WORTHEYMOM 8/21/2013 7:12PM

    woot woot! what a hottie!

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ARNETTELEE 8/21/2013 6:51PM

  New look!!

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TIGER_LILY_613 8/21/2013 6:47PM

    Wolf Whistles !!! You look fantastic ! :)

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NANHBH 8/21/2013 6:45PM

    Beautiful!
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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/21/2013 6:40PM

    You look AMAZING! That color is definitely YOU!

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ME_FIRST 8/21/2013 6:38PM

    Very nice. It looks great on you. Very serious hair.

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FRUITYFUL 8/21/2013 6:27PM

    Cute! I like that color on you!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/21/2013 6:26PM

    Absolutely LOVE the color & positive attitude.

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Start Stop Start Stop....Start

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

This is the last 2 years of my life with SP after the lose of 94 lbs and regain of close 60. The great baby convo coincided with my first week back to tracking. I have decided to let go and move on from the pain of the regain. Enough punishing myself. Enough hiding from it. Enough coming on SP and making false promises and then disappearing in shame. Start stop start stop. I am determined to just track honestly and stop punishing myself. I am not perfect but I am honest. So that is what I will be. Honest with myself completely.

What I learned in the last week. I was WAY underestimating my caloric intake and my mindless eating. Which shockingly was how I got over 300 lbs the last time. I had returned to drinking a lot of calories and sugar. Still not back to soda but chocolatey coffee drinks are a weakness. To the tune of a few a day.

Each day has been a struggle. To make better choices or to eat enough. I tend to go to the opposite extreme and restrict when I am tracking. It feels good to be taking responsibility again. Time to make this my last start and never stop.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MADEMCHE 8/31/2013 1:46PM

    Proud of you. I will be right here tracking and doing it with you, we can do this!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 8/22/2013 10:41PM

    Come On Ashley! Youve been there, don't that and don't need to go back! Just keep plugging along forward! GoGirl!
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ADVENTURESEEKER 8/22/2013 11:17AM

    Big hugs to you! BTDT. It sucks, but the best thing is that you are not giving up! You can be back to where you were before you know it!

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PURPLEVALENTINE 8/22/2013 8:32AM

    We have all done it. Been all in it then run away. We just have to keep coming back and moving forward. I am also guilty of those yummy coffee drinks - they are addicting!

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JAMJOJAM 8/21/2013 10:34PM

    Thank you for your wonderful honest post. I am walking in your same shoes. I had lost 65 pounds and have now regained 45. I just told myself I was tired of counting everything I eat but I am even more tired of being fat again. You have given me back my motivation and I am gonna start trackin. emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 8/21/2013 9:32PM

    So glad to have you back Ashley!!!! I have missed you.

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GIRANIMAL 8/21/2013 9:28PM

    I really need to get back to tracking myself, because I know I am way underestimating my overeating, and frankly I am damn lucky I've gained back only roughly 10 pounds.

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BLYNN710 8/21/2013 7:49PM

    Ashley,

You can do this! I myself have been somewhat lacking around here and am working toward fixing that. Know that there are people here who support you and will not judge your slips (we all have them). Hang in there and see all the positive around you.

Welcome Back!

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GRACEISENUF 8/21/2013 7:41PM

    emoticon , YES WE CAN!

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TONYATIME 8/21/2013 7:30PM

    Welcome back! You can do this, we are all in this together!!!!

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ME_FIRST 8/21/2013 6:39PM

    Love it. Very serious hair.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 8/21/2013 1:34PM

    I agree! I gained almost 20 back ! I lost 5 and on to the next 15! i ALWAYS eat so much! blah! damn mochcas anyway! emoticon

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MELLYBEANS0919 8/21/2013 11:42AM

    I will happily support you Ashley. I always have admired your honesty. I understand how sweet drinks can add up in calories and be oh so tempting and tasty. Here for you!

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HIPPICHICK1 8/21/2013 10:00AM

    I have to say that if I don't track I also lose track of what I've eaten in a day. I didn't track while on vacation, thought I ate modestly, had two treats and came home with 5 extra pounds! I lost four of them in a week. Weigh in is tomorrow to see if the last pound (or more!) is gone.
I have been on Spark 5 years now and I really think that the best tool is the Nutrition Tracker.
Congrats on thinking about a baby and making that happen by starting and never stopping.
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ROCKMAN6797 8/21/2013 8:57AM

    emoticon

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LEANNROCKS 8/21/2013 8:38AM

    Ashley, a real friend encourages, a real friend does not judge. Keep coming back - especially on those days when you feel you need to be carried. We love you!

A positive note, think about the money saved by giving up those caffeine drinks - money put to great use for your dream!

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Lynne

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NANHBH 8/21/2013 2:02AM

    Ash,

I read a poster today --

Losing weight is hard.
Being overweight is hard.
Choose your hard.

You are so worth being healthy. Keep the baby goal vivid in your mind! You won't want to be drinking a lot of sugary coffee drinks while pregnant, so no better time to give them up than the present! Keep up the good work. I know you can do it.
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Nancy

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EDDYMEESE 8/20/2013 11:29PM

    The "leaving in shame" is easy to do. Just remember there is no judgement here and if someone does judge you, you can just ignore them :) Sometimes I feel like my blogs get so down and negative - I want to be a happy, positive, weight-losing person and when I'm not...I feel like a burden to fellow SPs so I just stay away. But you know, I'm not here for anyone but myself. So maybe I complain a lot on my blogs. Maybe I'm not losing 20 pounds a month. Sure, I've been here 7 years and have never gotten to my goal weight...start stop start stop, right?

Just stay here and it'll all fall into place with enough hard work. I believe it!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/20/2013 10:35PM

    Good for you Ashley, I know you can do it! *HUGS*

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PATJOONWW 8/20/2013 9:53PM

    Welcome back! I too have done the start stop thing and I am darned tired of it. This time I am doing it forever, good bad ugly days I too will still log in my food. This way I will disgust myself into really seeing the damage I am doing to myself.

Congrats on starting, we can do this.

emoticon Pat

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GIANTMICROBE 8/20/2013 8:51PM

    I have to track because I ALWAYS eat more than I think I am eating, and I always *think* I need more food than I actually do.

When I lost weight in 2011 I was SHOCKED at how much I needed to eat versus how much I wanted to eat.

You can do this!

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FRUITYFUL 8/20/2013 8:51PM

    What matters most is that you're still trying. I've been there, done that, and I've left Spark out of shame too. But, there is not one person on this site who has not done the same thing and this is the best place for support. Welcome back!

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