Sunday, July 18, 2010
I have been thinking a lot about why did I chose now to make this change in my life? Certainly over the 14 years I have had innumerable opportunities to get on the right track to good health but I always chose not too. What is going on now that I have really decided that this is what I want and why did it take me so long? I remember when I was a kid I assumed that magically at the age of 18 I would have it all figured out. I certainly did. Go to college, become a veterinarian, make a lot of money, have 2 cars (one sporty for fun and one practical for winter) get married, raise kids, travel the world and be fabulously successful and important. It was quite a shock to find myself 26, having just left my husband, trying to attend to the demands of owning a home alone, decided not to be a veterinarian because I didn't to be 200K in the hole with student loans, and not a clue what I wanted to be. Even now at 32 I look at my peers who are finishing medical school and I think "how can they be so sure that what they want?"
What I am learning is life is a process and it will never be perfect. I will have an amazing husband but we may end up living our days in his homeland not mine. My first language will always be English but I may end speaking Spanish as my primary form of communication. I most certainly will not be a medical doctor but maybe after all of this I will still end up in medicine but as a dietician. We are in the process of looking for a home but it is not the US. Once thing I am sure of is that I will spend the rest of my days on the track to better health. I will not have fat sedentary kids because I made the decision not to take care of myself. To be the kind of mother I want to be I need to live this way. I remember summers of hiking in the white mountains. The discoveries of hidden waterfalls and wild life. It is something I want my kids to have as well.
Where does all this rambling bring me? It makes me realize I don't have to be perfect or even close. I will spend my life constantly searching for who I am and who I want to be, and that is ok. If I am lucky enough to wake up everyday healthy and happy with the love of my life than I know I am on the right path. We are blessed to have good jobs, a beautiful apartment, and not have to worry about struggling daily and I am grateful for everyday. I look forward to the changes my new path brings for me and I am SO excited to see how far I have come a year from now. I hope you are all still on this journey with me. We can all do this together.