Friday, August 19, 2011
We leave on vacation first thing tomorrow morning. Because I am from this area vacation planning etc is always left up to me as my fiancÚ doesn't know where everything is and I have always let it be that way. I like to make plans and itineraries so it hasn't bothered me. What bothers me is that I will spend days before running around gathering items we need to pack, buying healthy snacks to take etc and in general stressing myself out. I never ask him to help me I just do it and them seethe with resentment. My mother used to do this and it always bothered me. She would rant about how she was so burdened with laundry but we weren't allowed to touch the washer because "we would break it". I realized she created theses situations as an excuse to play the martyr and then punish us for it. That is not a person I want to be. The cottage we are going to is very isolated. No internet, no phones, no TV. I think we need to unplug from life and we are both very much looking forward to it. I got a mani and pedi last night in funky colors because I am away from work and was going to go snack shopping after but I was exhausted so I went home. Today is my last gym workout until we come back Wednesday and I was standing in my underwear debating skipping it so I can run errands and do laundry so I can pack tonight. You know what I am talking about "Oh I really need to put myself first" then "Ashley stop being selfish and do the chores you need to do" then "but I really want to get that workout in and stay consistent". Then I just stopped myself. The dishes will not explode if I don't get them done. The laundry will still be there when I get back and if he doesn't like the shorts he has available to him than he can wash them himself. I am done putting what makes me happy last to please other people because you know what it isn't pleasing me. We have to make ourselves happy. Not our kids, pets, spouses, friends, church people etc. It is our own responsibility. Feel unappreciated? Look at what you are doing to allow it to happen by not choosing your own needs sometimes. No I am not saying neglect your kids but they won't die if they have to miss a cartoon so you can put them in a stroller and go for a walk. In fact you may find it is a good bonding time for you both. Some of my fondest memories of my grandmother was hiking trails in the mountains with her after I whined that I didn't want to go. Your husband won't die if he has to eat the same thing you do. My fiancÚ eats whatever I put in front of him. Period. Yes, I made things we both like but he has taken to eating healthy just as quickly as I have because I told him our health is my biggest priority. I am proud of myself today. Today I made the best decision for me and I will not feel guilty about it. Life is too short to spend it unhealthy and resentful.
I also packed my granola bar and vitatop snacks in a bright pink victoria secret bag. It makes me smile. I am going to be healthy enough to wear their clothes soon!!! Do me a favor and pick yourself this weekend too. Hugs and love sparkpeeps