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My first big setback

Monday, August 01, 2011

When I started this I swore this wouldn't happen. I think we all do. I was not going to regain a pound and truthfully I had that intention. Then I got tired of the struggle and I stopped tracking, stopped weighing myself, stopped caring. Stress is not an excuse and I let it be one. I missed the comfort of coping with food. I missed my old life for a bit. It was easier. The decline was gradual. They can be sneaky like that. Then one day I decided to stop lying to myself and look at what I was doing. I knew I was eating like 320 lb Ashley (345 lb Ashley was a whole different story) and if I didn't knock it off I would be back there soon. I took a deep breath and got on the scale. It was worse than I imagined. 20 lbs gained in around 8 weeks. I didn't even think that was possible but I did it. Awesome. At first I was so ashamed I could hardly even function. I spent a few days really thinking about it and processing it. I did not want to allow myself to beat me up over it. I just needed to think about why and how to fix it.
Attitude was a huge part. Huge. I started SP with a really positive attitude and I let the negativity back in. Yes, it is hard but spending my life bitter and angry is not living. I talked to one of my spark beasties MAMADWARF and told her what was going on. It was her support that made me decide to write this blog. No she didn't tell me to apologize or confess because I hate those blogs. Nobody is perfect. There is not shame in a learning from mistakes. It is how we handle them that matters.
Last week I started tracking again and measuring my food. I went to the gym all the days I committed too. What I am doing differently is I am setting realistic goals for myself. Commitments I can sustain. 4 days a week at the gym. Cardio and strength training all 4 days. If I can get in walks or extra workouts on the office days I will but I am not going to make myself crazy over it. I packed my lunch every single day last week. My fiancÚ is helping me and being supportive with eating at home. Saturday I had fish instead of my usual steak on the grill and it was fabulous. Focusing on the little exchanges and portion control. My goal for August is to get back down below 265 again and my halfway point. I hope to hit 260 but that is my extreme goal and I will be ok with 260. When I get too crazy about weight goal numbers it messes with my head too much.
I am also going to pack my breakfast and lunch as much as possible.
Commit to my 4 days at the gym a week.
Cook meals at home as much as I can (6 days most weeks).
Track everything
Journal my emotions each day and work on trigger identification
Get back to finding the joy in being healthy because after just one week of working out my self esteem has already gotten a huge boost.
healthy=happy. Period

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GROOVER4 8/24/2011 7:20AM

    This is why I love reading your blogs and comments - your grounded self awareness. We all stumble but it is when we get up, brush ourselves off and push forward again that we get to be the star in our own personal parade. I'm here on the sidelines cheering you on while trying to find my own way forward as well.

Comment edited on: 8/24/2011 7:21:42 AM

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CALIKIKI 8/8/2011 7:29PM

    Right there with you all the way!

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COOKWITHME65 8/8/2011 11:33AM

    You can do it Ashley!

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CJANSEN40 8/5/2011 1:48PM

    (((hugs))) and welcome back success is getting up one more time than falling down.

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RAININGDOWN 8/4/2011 9:03PM

    Beautiful. Thank you for being real!

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BETHV10 8/3/2011 4:42PM

    I've gained about 15 pounds over many weeks this summer. I'm now back on track (mostly) but I'm not beating myself up either. Life happens. Mine involved stressful work issues and family health issues. Neither has gone away, but I now know that I deal with it better when I try to keep up with a healthy lifestyle.

Take Care!

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GIRANIMAL 8/3/2011 3:40PM

    Sorry about your little hiccup, but you're totally in control again already! You got this, girl. emoticon

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ME_FIRST 8/3/2011 7:42AM

    Everyone falters at some time (failure is not a word in our vocabulary). Your new determination will see you through these 20 pounds and beyond. I find that when I don't weigh in, I go off track, so weigh in for all the positive reinforcement those numbers will give you.

You can do this!!

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KATHLOW 8/3/2011 7:39AM

    gradual, that's how they get you. I am cheering for you, your plan sounds so levelheaded and doable!

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MADEMCHE 8/2/2011 11:10PM

    So freaking proud of you for writing this and getting back on track. I am right here with you, kicking my own a$$ for the same things. We can do this! Love. Hugs! Alot of hugs!

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BEYONDLIMITS 8/2/2011 8:56PM

    It took a lot of honesty to write this blog. I admire your courage in doing so. That alone will help you to keep to realistic goals. We are all on your side. We know you can do it! emoticon

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MOONBIRD 8/2/2011 8:51PM

    You can do it! I totally understand the feeling of wanting to go back to the comfort of food. I have days like that sometimes and it's hard. It's truly a battle, and I know will be a lifelong one for me.

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RAVENSONG37 8/2/2011 7:55PM

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

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CHRISTINA791 8/2/2011 5:54PM

    This blog is so great to see, because it's realistic and rational. I've always hated the idea that things in life need a big confession or an apology (I also really dislike 'off the wagon' as a concept because it's so... pass/fail) - in fact, I think those are the types of things that scare people away permanently when a setback does occur. It may be a trend in a direction you don't want to go, but it's one that can be reversed at any time.

You've got the tools at hand and you know what to do. You have great goals, and you know you can do this.

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TEXASKATEY 8/2/2011 10:21AM

    Good luck! I'm struggling, too, and grateful to your cautionary tale. Thanks!

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DEE0973 8/2/2011 8:48AM

    You are already back on this journey. Great self awareness and attainable goals. You can and will do this....

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SUSIEWHITE1109 8/2/2011 8:03AM

    I can so totally relate to your experience -- I'm glad you posted and I know you'll get to your goals -- one day at a time, my friend!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/2/2011 7:58AM

    Oh, how do I know the story? I'm sorry that you are struggling (or have been) too. MAMA is a great resource of strength and determination, but we all have to figure it out in our own time. I'm here, however you need me...whenever you need me.

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MICHELLESMILES_ 8/2/2011 6:49AM

    I love how honest you are. You know what you want and your going for it. Way to go on getting back on track! You can do it!

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LUVDOGZ 8/2/2011 6:41AM

    Sounds like a good plan! emoticon

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FAERY_FACE 8/2/2011 5:21AM

    emoticon

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PELESJEWEL 8/1/2011 9:40PM

    ....Yes....!

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MADDEELOU 8/1/2011 9:12PM

    You have a good, solid plan. I know you will be successful.

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IBSHAUN 8/1/2011 7:47PM

    In my opinion, you aren't as far off track as you think. Sure, the scale said 20 pounds but you are pulling yourself back. You recognized you needed to - you are looking at it all differently. I think it's all a part of the process for us. This new lifestyle we are taking on. You can do it. A friend of mine (who works in the weight loss industry) says the key is making changes you can stick to - making those changes one at a time that become habits so that we don't overwhelm ourselves. Sounds like you are on that path and plan... you will get to where you want to be -- a stronger and healthier person when you get there.

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CRESHA20 8/1/2011 7:06PM

    Congrats on making the decision to get back on track because you could have easily stayed on the other path. I wish you much success, and I know you can do it.

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SHERRYJVP 8/1/2011 5:55PM

    I, too, just get tired of tracking and ALWAYS thinking about what I am eating. But I remind myself and others that as you practice 'getting back on track' it gets easier and easier and that is what turns it into a lifetime livable journey.

Welcome back and let's get through all the upcoming holidays together. (yeah halloween, T-day, Christmas).

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/1/2011 5:22PM

    I'm so proud of you for posting this. She was right you DON'T need to confess or apologize, I hate those too. You are lucky having stopped yourself at that point, many people put on a lot more. You know how to do this, you've done it and it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Journal, figure out why those things crept back and above all, don't be afraid to ask for help. I'm an email away if you need to gab!

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ECONLADY 8/1/2011 3:48PM

    emoticon
I'm glad you blogged about it. It helps to stick with your goal.

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BECKYB73 8/1/2011 3:42PM

    Hey, at least you stopped and self corrected at 20 pounds! You could be like me and have re-gained 50 of 60...ugh...

While it may be a "Set Back" you are already to BOUNCE BACK!! So keep working your plan!

Comment edited on: 8/1/2011 3:46:51 PM

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MAMADWARF 8/1/2011 3:08PM

    Good for you Ash! I love seeing when you check in at your gym. It makes me so proud of you and I know every time you go, you feel stronger.

Please dont look back at slipping. You are moving forward. We know this is a process and we get off on the wrong roads sometimes but there is always another detour we can take to get back on the path we want to be on. You are there now and you will keep going because you WANT to and you know you will feel better if you do. You are the bomb and I love you lots...!

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BADASSBLONDIE 8/1/2011 1:56PM

    You can do this Ashley. *hugshard* It's good that you've recognized what you need to change and are working to do it. *hugs*

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HEYPINK 8/1/2011 1:40PM

    I feel your pain. I gained back 25lbs in like 3 months. :-/ never a happy feeling. But sounds like you are getting back into the swing of things. I like that you think it's just a setback instead of a failure. that's a great attitude to have!

you'll fix it and then you'll keep going. I know it!

Warrior On!
Sarah

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BELLALUCIA 8/1/2011 1:30PM

    August is a time for new beginnings, it's the first, got it, good, go ahead girl, do you!

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KAMAPERRY 8/1/2011 1:17PM

    emoticon

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CHICAT63 8/1/2011 1:12PM

    Ok, some blunders crept in, forget them. Today, tomorrow is a new day, you are making yourself accountable. You've listed great goals, you can do them all !!!!

" It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy." - Lucille Ball...SO bring out the healthy, the workouts, the sweat, etc.



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PHEFEY 8/1/2011 1:01PM

    these sort of things just mean you are human. I have been maintaining a 100 pound loss for 4 years and this summer I put on 10 pounds.
Good for you in recognizing the slippery slope. And you are already doing something about it-that is huge! sounds like an awsome plan you've got and I know you can do it!

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CARILOUIE 8/1/2011 12:55PM

    The self esteem thing is what I like about being healthy.

Your focus is spot-on! go go go go go!

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LITTLEONEJLC 8/1/2011 12:51PM

    Sounds like you have a great plan - nothing drastic and unrealistic, just back to some basics. I believe in you!

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FINALLYBEINGME 8/1/2011 12:49PM

    Hi! This is definitely a tough process and I'm learning to accept that there *will* be downs but then there will be *ups* as well. Its just a matter of making the *ups* longer. Glad you're back in gear! emoticon

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TREASURINGLIFE 8/1/2011 12:44PM

    You're right -- healthy does equal happy, at least for me it does. Good luck! Stay focused. Keep on keeping on.

- Michelle

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PGNBRI 8/1/2011 12:33PM

    Good for you for refocusing and making a manageable plan! You can do this!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/1/2011 12:29PM

    Thanks for sharing Ashley. It takes a lot to put all that out there, and I'm sure you're going to help someone that's struggling with the same issue. You have a plan, you've done it before, you can do it again. Hang in there.
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PAMLUVCHILE 8/1/2011 12:17PM

    Wow...that is so great. I'm so happy for you. I also want to start using the journal feature to track my emotions and when I'm triggered to eat. I think it will help a lot, and I wish you much success on this journey. emoticon

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MAKING140BY40 8/1/2011 12:17PM

    That's great that you are aware of what's going on with you and decided to get back on the wagon. I haven't tracked consistently for about a week now. I think for me it has more to do with the fat me being scared of the out going, confident me starting show and I'm just starting my weight loss lifestyle.You can do this! We can do this! It's hard work but we are worth it!

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NINNY165 8/1/2011 12:12PM

    It sounds like you have a plan ...now work it Ashley... emoticon You own no one an apology...This is your journey..you decide how long ,how far, & why emoticon

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TARANITUP 8/1/2011 12:10PM

    You have good, manageable plans. It takes such courage to do what you did - face the music and start fresh! I know you can do it!

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Getting a hobby (other than eating)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

As a child I loved art projects. My mother could never keep enough of those books that you just paint with water and they make paint on the page in our house. Finger painting was my ultimate joy, much to my parents dismay emoticon. As I got older I found refuge in the art studio from the difficulties of being a teenager. My senior year I chose to pursue medicine instead of art school, even though the counselor from an art school told me I would regret it, because I thought medicine was a more stable and better paying field. I didn't imagine that art would completely fade out of my life but it did.
Now I fuel my creativity through my events and cooking and I am able to use it for healthy food as well but my sole focus cannot be food no matter how healthy it is. I had been looking for a crafting hobby for awhile. One that could hold my interest, did not require a huge initial investment in case I didn't enjoy it, and I could find everything locally. Etsy is one of my new favorite websites and I love anything to do with animals so I decided to browse and see what interested me. I came across needle felting. Basically you take strands of raw wool, roll it up and stab at it with the mildly barbed needle thing that you use to weave it all together and shape it into whatever you want. I am obsessed with Martha Stewart and I had seen some animals in her Christmas magazine that were made using the technique and they were SO adorable.
Last night I set out after work to a local bead and fiber store that I had read carried everything and was happy to find the needles and a couple of sacks of wool for very little money. After dinner I made my first round ball. I have to say it is a damn good looking ball hehe and I am trying to decide this morning what little animal it shall become. I think this is good for me. What is better for stress than stabbing something over and over with a sharp object? emoticon
The point of all of this is that there is life outside of our addictions, we just have to look for them. The world has opened up so much more now that I am not spending all my time hunting down my next binge or plotting how to hide it. Our weekends are so much active and it makes me relationship better because we are always exploring together. Find a hobby, whatever it is that gives you joy and you will have less time to spend it obsessing and eating.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYF3506 8/4/2011 6:34PM

    Excellent post!

I need to pay more attention to my hobbies, and less attention to the refrigerator, too.

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CJANSEN40 8/1/2011 3:45PM

    good luck, I haven't tried needle felting, but then I don't need another hobby!

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MSANITAL 7/30/2011 8:54PM

    Truly inspiring, I agree that a hobby is so important, it really does help keep your mind off of food and other things that could be harmful, congrats on your new hobby you will be great at it


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MADEMCHE 7/30/2011 10:09AM

    So agree with you! I need a hobby. Need to do something other and work and eat! I need to get going on my knitting again and do more reading. I would really like to take dance lessons as well!

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SALSACHIC 7/29/2011 8:22PM

    Needle felting sounds cool emoticon!

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BELLALUCIA 7/29/2011 3:17PM

    Good for u!

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CINDERELLA_MAN 7/29/2011 12:21AM

    Great point! I was just thinking about that today--how to successfully replace the "hobby" of overeating. I'm glad you are finding that and it's great when you have someone in your life to spend time with because that also involves you in other activities together. I'm working on searching for a new hobby like you mention where investment is minimal and interest will be big! emoticon

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GIRANIMAL 7/28/2011 3:11PM

    Good reminder! For someone who's never felt particularly creative, I have about a half-dozen projects besides my once-beloved baking that I keep meaning to get back to or start: jewelry, candles, soap...I need to find a way to make them a priority in my life! As it stands, they mostly sorta just hang out together on my perpetual to-do list.

You should get some of those water-color books for yourself. emoticon Among the various kids' coloring-book pages and drawings on our fridge are some coloring-book pages of my own -- from like 6 months ago! LOL It's good therapy! And as a good friend of mine said to me recently, if you're feeling like a real rebel, you can even go outside the lines. emoticon

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ROCKINMOM77 7/28/2011 2:25PM

    ohhhhh I love needle felting!! I love to make all kinds of "prim" crafts from needle felting to sewing old looking dolls and Annies!! Good Luck and have fun with your new hobby!!! emoticon

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 7/28/2011 1:57PM

    This "voodoo" art sounds very theraputic. I might have to look into it myself, even if I never make an animal. emoticon

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PGNBRI 7/28/2011 12:19PM

    Zumba has sort of become my hobby lately! Although I'd like to get back into cross-stiching too...

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NINNY165 7/28/2011 12:04PM

    I understand. I have picked up doing word searches and reading. Both of these cost little or not money and I don't others to do it. emoticon

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BADASSBLONDIE 7/28/2011 11:53AM

    I love this!!!! I picked up knitting a few months back and it really helps distract my hands while I watch tv. Much better than the chips I'd have there. :D

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AARONSGIRL420 7/28/2011 11:42AM

    This made me think of getting back to knitting. :)

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/28/2011 11:16AM

    Yeah I collect cookbooks too. Hence why I need a new hobby lol.

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COOKWITHME65 7/28/2011 11:12AM

    I do have a hobby. I love to collect and read cookbooks. Only there is two problems with that. I have run out of bookcases and I hate throwing away any leftovers of what I've made. So I eat it. emoticon

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/28/2011 11:00AM

    I am trying to decide between an owl or a penguin. Both are pretty basic. When it is finished I will post it even if it comes out badly :).

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/28/2011 10:57AM

    That does sound cool! Did you take a picture of it?

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ECONLADY 7/28/2011 10:55AM

    Thank you for the reminder.

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KAMAPERRY 7/28/2011 10:43AM

    Very true. I need to get back into my beading.

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MAMADWARF 7/28/2011 10:20AM

    sounds awesome and positive! Yeah for you! My oldest daughter, Kelly, is super artistic. As a kid, she would draw for hours. As a teen, she painted and used clay and any other type of artistic medium. I truly beleive it helped her get through those stressful years. She has begun painting again in the last few months and while she is THE messiest person in the world, I have always supported her talent. She paints outside on our patio and it has cups with paint brushes, paints and canvas's all over it but you know what? I love it. I will post some pix of some of her stuff. Its really good and it is good for her.

I have ZERO artistic talent. Zip. (I guess writing counts but I cant make or draw anything). Kady draws and paints as well as the baking situation but I do think it really good for people to create and express what is inside and releasing it in such a way. Great blog. Great advice. WE want pictures!!!!

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MADDEELOU 7/28/2011 10:03AM

    Very cool. I know I eat a lot less when I am involved in a knitting project.

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IBSHAUN 7/28/2011 9:47AM

    I agree! Can't wait to see what this little ball will become. :)

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KRAWRS 7/28/2011 9:45AM

    That sounds interesting! I'll have to look it up. I agree, everyone needs a hobby... something to turn to in times of stress. I, personally, LOVE to read. But I want to get back to my creative side as well. I have some scrapbooks I've been wanting to put together and just... haven't. Gotta work on that!

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BIRKIE528 7/28/2011 9:16AM

    Hobbies are great!!! Glad you found one you like. You will have to post a picture of your animal when completed!!!



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LORETTA24 7/28/2011 8:05AM

    Yeah for you! emoticon I am so glad you found that something you needed. I have been searching for that something also but haven't found one to hold my interest. I had done some cross stitching which I loved but between my fading eyesight and my arthritic fingers it has become a thing of the past. Hmmm ... I have tried being more adventurous in some physical activities and even though I enjoyed the experience none of them have given me the "spark" I am looking for .... yet. Keep us posted on your woolly critters and your interest in them. Perhaps you'll spark one us. Keep smiling sunshine. emoticon

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ANGELOO29 7/28/2011 7:57AM

    I hear you on the hobby...my love has always been in literature. I love to read and I write poetry as well. I am investigating a creative writing class right now as something new and exciting to add to my life. It can be a major outlet as well.

(I so have to agree on the stress relieving capabilities of stabbing a needle through fabric.)



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COUCHDIVA333 7/28/2011 7:49AM

    very nice. i think when i cools down and the yard work comes to an end i will start making jewelry again. thanks for reminder!


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A change in attitude and consistency

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My biggest battle with my weight? Consistency.

I am all or nothing all the time. If I start the day off making poor nutritional choices I let it carry throughout the day. If I skip a day at the gym it snowballs into weeks. Self sabotage comes to mind. A sparkpeep told me as I approached 100 lbs lost this would happen. It would be a total mind meltdown and it would be easy to get off track. Well it was a rather prophetic statement because I did. I stopped tracking, working out, caring and here I sit. Angry, resentful and lonely. Not wanting to admit to the people who continually tell me I am an "inspiration" that I screwed up. I blame no one but myself. I am not in denial. I know why this happened. I got lazy, I made excuses and went back to old destructive habits to cope. I stopped weighing myself. Yup. For some that is good. For me, it is not. I need the threat of the scale. It keeps me in line.
This past few days I have been meditating on my decline and what I need to do to fix it. I think a bit of cocky arrogance has kept me from admitting I needed to get back to basics. That I need to adjust my attitude and go back to tracking everything and measuring everything. I need a reality check. I remember not too long ago being excited to go to gym. Now it feels like something I am forcing myself to do begrudgingly. Why do I feel that way? I like going to the gym. It is fun and stress relieving. I don't get enough sleep and I am not sure how I can get more. The hours are what they are but being tired is a big part of this.
The conclusion I came to after all this exorbitant thinking was that it is my attitude that has suffered. I am behaving like a petulant child who is doing something I don't want to do.
The reality is I DO want this. I like healthy food, I like being active, I LOVE having muscles. I feel better about myself when I do these things and my life is all around better. I decided to start from today and just get back to step 1 and do this because I want too. It is all about how you look at this and it is about making a choice. I am not going to be another obesity statistic who died too young from not taking care of myself. No sir.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACIE4ONE 8/1/2011 12:19PM

    Quote: "Dieting is hard. Being FAT is hard. Choose YOUR hard." You can CONTINUE to do this. Remember, FINISH WHAT YOU START!!!!!

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CJANSEN40 7/31/2011 9:24PM

    (((hugs))). Welcome back. Do not beat yourself up it really does only need to be 80%. But you can't let that 20% spoil the other 80

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GIRANIMAL 7/28/2011 3:16PM

    Stumbles are what make this journey a part of life. We experience them to learn from them. You'll get back there - you've identified your "slip-ups" and that's where it begins!

Please do try to address your lacking sleep. I KNOW how hard it is -- I let mine suffer for far too long and now am really paying for it -- but if there's any possible way, honor that part of your health sooner rather than later, trust me.



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MADDEELOU 7/27/2011 9:12PM

    Think of this blog as a contract you made with yourself. You can do it!!

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ALOFA0509 7/27/2011 5:53PM

   
I soo needed this. It's been a struggle to maintain the crazy I've created with the work outs, logging, this that.. Fkkkk--
I soo hear you abt going bk to BASICS!!! That's where its gonna be at for me right now.. Thank You sista for the reminder.. Hugs, Alofa

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PELESJEWEL 7/27/2011 3:09PM

    Last year when "Sparking was a religion" for me, the weight was coming off steadily and I was in complete control of exercise, nutrition, tracking...to the point where it was RELIGION and overly structured. (outdoing 10k + steps a day, working out 2x a day + walking the dogs at night, living for the results on my body bugg, etc) How realistic is that? (not very) I knew at some point things would change because I realized that what I was doing would not be easy to sustain over the long haul. I was right. Finally my "being" had enough of the regimen and revolted. Luckily I didn't go off the deep end - I've been able to maintain the majority of my loss. Now that I have 7 months under my belt at my new job, I am able to get things done faster which frees up my schedule. I should be able to get back to the gym at lunch so it's time for me to start working at dropping the next 40 lbs. I'm planning to start out with the BASICS, again, so let's do this! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/27/2011 3:11:48 PM

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SEESTARS 7/27/2011 2:26PM

    I'm back to basics this week too! Such timing. Dusted off the food scale. Pulled out the measuring cups. And track track track all that food, and it ain't pretty somedays.

It also helps that my husband is finally back on the wagon with me. I was getting so worried about his out of control eating. Just like in school, I've found that by teaching someone else I end up learning even more. Do you have someone at they gym or a family member to take under your wing?

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ROCKMAN6797 7/27/2011 1:20PM

    You hit the nail on the head Ashley, this is for you! This thought has to be kept in the forefront of your thinking. I, too, sometimes don't want to go workout but I remember who I am doing this for and go. 10 times out of 10 I am so happy that I did so as the workout invigorates me to no ends!

Keep being honest with yourself Ashley, and thank you for sharing!

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KAMAPERRY 7/27/2011 1:16PM

    Awesome blog as always. We have all been where you are. I know you will take charge of this too, you are a strong woman.

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MELLYBEANS0919 7/27/2011 12:12PM

    Going back to basics is nothing to be ashamed of at all. You can do this.

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BADASSBLONDIE 7/27/2011 11:55AM

    I went back to the basics earlier this month and it's helped TREMENDOUSLY with my success here. *hugS*

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ECONLADY 7/27/2011 11:10AM

    Okay you are human. I didn't lose a 100 pounds, but I did the same thing. Good for catching it early (before you gained the 100 back). Getting back into the workout/tracking mode will be tough, but your spark friends are behind you to cheer you on!

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PGNBRI 7/27/2011 11:06AM

    You can do this! My biggest issue has always been the belief that I didn't deserve to succeed. When I believe I deserve it, consistency is much easier!! Good Luck!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/27/2011 10:53AM

    I kept thinking about the 100 pound mark while reading your blog. I wonder if you got to that point and self sabotaged yourself. I don't know you, but I know myself and in the past when I was trying to quit smoking I would do little things to sabotage myself. In looking back I think it was because I didn't think I deserved it. Nor did I think I was capable of quitting.

Remember, you can do this. You are one of the strongest people you know.

emoticon

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HEALTHYONE2008 7/27/2011 10:43AM

    What a emoticonblog. You said everthing that I have said to myself lately. "It is all about attitude and what we are willing to do."

Consistency IS the key to it all! Let's do this together. emoticon

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NEENSTER1 7/27/2011 10:27AM

    What a emoticonblog. I am so inspired and motivated by this confession. I too am like well I can take a break now. I've been going strong literally for 9 months coming up in August 1st to present. I was thinking just this morning about taking a break beginning August 1. Your blog gave me the motivation that I needed to continue to push on emoticon at a time. emoticon Whatever made you do this blog is going to help all who is thinking and feeling the exact same way. I know it helped me. Be Encouraged and lets do this, girl!!! emoticon emoticon

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MAMADWARF 7/27/2011 10:27AM

    One of the things I love about you is your honesty, Ashley. You know what you gotta do. Back to basics is a great way to re-start. Oh yea, and spank that little brat and banish her! She is GROUNDED!!! You can do this, you WILL do this. You know how it is, after a few days you will be back on track doing what you love, feeling better and building momentum! You are my hero and you inspire me every day (not to pressure you or anything!) with your honesty and determination. HUGGIES!

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ERIN4771 7/27/2011 10:02AM

    all or nothing? sounds familiar...consistency can be a challenge, but i know you have the tools you need to get back on track....

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BTRTHANEVA 7/27/2011 9:40AM

    Be kind with yourself. You've taking accountability for your slip-up. Don't beat yourself over up over it! Congratulate yourself for acknowledging what works and what doesn't and get yourself back into doing what works! Everything in your life will be better for it. And who knows, you might just sleep a little be better too!!!

Everyone falls down. Not everyone gets back up. I know you will!

{{{hugs}}}
Christel
le

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PALMTREEFL 7/27/2011 9:40AM

  This has totally been my life for the last three months - no tracking, no exercising just a steady weight GAIN. Yesterday I convinced my ten year old that she needs to start working with me and pushing me. Last night she was ready to workout and I gave her an excuse - need to finish reading the library book that is due. Today I got on the scale and I have gained another pound (blaming it on the chinese food). So I can totally understand what you are going through. I keep coming back here to SP because I know it works for me and you. You have had several life changes this year Ashley so I am sure its the stress of work, and starting your own business.

But stay focus with me and we both can get back on track.

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SLFRISBEY 7/27/2011 9:38AM

    Thanks for sharing. I am a serious self saboteur in all things and it's hard for me to not get in my own way. Maybe the attitude adjustment is just what I need to help drop the lbs.

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TONYAWC1976 7/27/2011 9:38AM

  I sabatoge myself ALL the time! I had 3 months to lose 14 pounds, set by my doctor, and I lost like 5! I really enjoyed reading this and the comments left, it helped me! Thank you.

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RONIREDD 7/27/2011 9:02AM

    I am kinda going thru the same thing! I need to go back to basics too, but I am fighting it right now. I know though, that's truly what I need.

Good luck and you still are an inspiration!

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DEBBIE19580 7/27/2011 9:00AM

    when i lost 101 pounds 6 years ago on my own, no pills, nothing, good old fashioned way, , i was so hung up the whole time about reaching the 100 pd mark, i finally did, plus 1 more pound. i went from 324 pds to 223 pds, then i started self sabatouge. i gained 50 pds back so fast, it was unreal. i had felt like i made it when i hit the 100 pounds, people were complimenting me all the time, but i was still 223 pds. i gave up, i was tired of it, but when i was loosing that weight, i looked at it like a diet, i kept telling myself that when i loose my weight, i get to get off of this dam diet, well, i def. had the wrong mind set. now i finally, finally realize after gaining 50 pds back and going up to 273 pds, this is something i am going to have to control for life, even when i get to my goal, there is NO going off of anything, this is my new lifestyle till death. thats it. i have finally accepted that. i am a food addict and always will be. your doing great ashley, a positive attitude is total key to this, and a true beleif in yourself. emoticon emoticon

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AMYMOHIO 7/27/2011 9:00AM

    This was an amazing read!

I am the same way, and I actually relate it back to Sunday when I met a long-time idol of mine. I looked at my friend and said "This is what happens to my friends, not me!"

Well, why NOT me?



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SEPPIESUSAN 7/27/2011 8:56AM

    I went through several cycles of wildly fluctuating motivation (and weight) before I finally was able to reach a happy medium. I am more proud of my consistency (tracking and exercising consistently for the past 7 months) than of any number the scale may reach! Part of it was just practice, but also a HUGE part was sort of compromising with myself - learning where to be strict (must strength train 3x/wk! must track my calories no matter how high!) and where I HAD to loosen up or I'd eventually rebel against myself (no preset calorie intake maximum). So I'm not at my thinnest ever, but I am a good ten percent lower than I used to be, and I'm a LOT fitter, and that is good enough for me!

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SAFIYAH9 7/27/2011 8:49AM

    Kudos for getting back on track, that makes the difference between this being a setback (either minor or major) and it being a complete derailment. I also have a tendency to let one poor food choice cloud my whole day, but something I read in The Spark (book) really helped me to ask myself if I wanted that one poor choice to be just that (one minor setback) or if I wanted it to derail me completely. That made it much easier for me to make better choices the next time I went looking for food, because it forced me to be accountable for my own actions. So yeah, I kind of know what you mean. And the fact that you were willing to be honest about it here to me STILL makes you an inspiration. Accountability is a hurdle MANY struggle with...

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To do list

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I have lost my way and getting it all back together is about returning to what works for me.

Packing my breakfast and lunch everyday. When I control what I eat and how it is prepared I lose weight, period. No more excuses

Finishing the painful to write summary of why I got divorced for the priest. He told me it would be very difficult and he was right. Bringing up all those memories has been harder on me than I ever imagined. So I need to finish it and move on.

Working out, especially strength training, 4 days a week. I am going to buy some resistance bands for the house so I can sneak in some workout time at home as well. When I strength train I lose more weight and I look overall much better. Period. No more excuses.

Working on my business plan. I haven't touched it since May. After hearing how much capital it would take start a restaurant I got discouraged but there have to be other avenue's to work from to get this started. Food trucks are starting to get big in Boston. Maybe I should look into one of those. Regardless, moving forward because that is what I want to be doing.

Finding balance. Stress= feeling like crap and overeating. Period. No more excuses. Find a way to deal. See working out paragraph.

Connecting with friends more and letting go of friendships that don't nurture me or stressing over situations I can not change. My aunt is getting divorced again and it is ugly. She has pretty much shut me out entirely during the process because she told me he is being so horrible to her she doesn't want me to get involved. It upsets me that she is isolating herself but I realized that I have to let her do it her way and as long as she is not in physical danger I need to respect her wishes. Letting go of things beyond my control is necessary for my own health.

Forgot this one. Get back to my writing. It helps me sort through all of my thoughts and helps me settle my brain. I miss it a lot.

I know I can do this. When I am focused and taking care of myself I am the most successful and happy. I deserve it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CJANSEN40 7/26/2011 11:50AM

    good plan, keep us aprised of how you are doing and how we can help

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INSHAPE2011 7/26/2011 9:16AM

    This is a great motivator! I also love writing down my thoughts, helps me unscramble them and is my own cheap therapy session. I also need work on my business plan (start it, I haven't). Believe you can do it and you will!

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COOKWITHME65 7/24/2011 2:02PM

    That's a great list Ashley. I like the resistance band idea. I saw some at target and might get them for my birthday. With your business there are many different avenues. Catered showers etc... Set your self up with small hall rental places with a kitchen, Farmer's markets, Renascence fairs etc... You can rent space and then cook out of a licence kitchen and transport it. Food truck is also good. Don't give up.

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MICKEYMAX 7/24/2011 8:18AM

    Glad you have it mapped out for yourself. Good job!

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NINNY165 7/22/2011 8:03AM

    emoticon You have a plan...have faith and follow it.... emoticon

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MEZZZMO 7/21/2011 10:09PM

    emoticon You have a good list here and I know you can do it!

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LITTLEONEJLC 7/21/2011 8:56PM

    Hang in there, Ash. Remember that the list won't get done in a day, but keep working at it and checking things off. You're awesome, you're goona make it happen! emoticon emoticon

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FIZZYBALL 7/21/2011 8:19PM

    I gave feel your determination as I read your blog. I have missed your reading too :)

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NETTIEDEE 7/21/2011 7:44PM

    Yep. Keep at it. No more excuses.

I will remember this for you...and for myself. :-)

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DIVA14K 7/21/2011 4:09PM

    Great list and Food trucks do good in Boston. Especially the ones that get out in the eraly morning for the construction workers and workers who have early hours. Good Luck, I know you'll master your list.

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GIRANIMAL 7/21/2011 2:25PM

    You've got it together, baby!

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GAGEJ11 7/21/2011 1:56PM

    Good luck girl. I have been looking back and realized that although I have been doing okay I am not doing it the way that I want. I am not being as healthy as I want to be and that is the whole point of this!! It is great you have realized where you are held up right now and from the looks of above comments you have a whole crowd of sparkers cheering for ya!! :) you got this!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 7/21/2011 1:55PM

    What a great plan!! YES working out will combat most of your issues! I still eat like a beast but at least I am pumping iron! MMMMM dumplings!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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SUPERSMILE37 7/21/2011 1:28PM

    Great idea on the food truck. Good luck in the annulment process... I went through it and it is 100 times more difficult than I thought it would be.

hang in there!!!

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GREENEYES2020 7/21/2011 12:52PM

    Sounds like you've been going through a lot, but you seem to have figured out where to go. Keep up the hard work!

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PGNBRI 7/21/2011 12:08PM

    Good List!

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RIGBY31 7/21/2011 11:58AM

    Resistance bands are awesome. They're painful but really help gain strength. Thanks for reminding me. (btw... continue the fight... you're worth it!).

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DUSTYGIRL25 7/21/2011 11:58AM

    It all sounds so great! You've got the first step done which is getting it all down in black & white. You have a lot on you plate right now, but sounds like you know how much you can handle. As long as you have a good support system all around you, you can accomplish anything!
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ERIN4771 7/21/2011 11:18AM

    i like your list emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 7/21/2011 10:58AM

    Yes you can do it. You are a strong lady.

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ECONLADY 7/21/2011 10:52AM

    The food truck is as popular idea and a good one. Good Luck!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/21/2011 10:17AM

    We are thinking Colombian street food or maybe dumplings. Dumplings are my all time favorite and there isn't one here yet.

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TWINSMOMMY607 7/21/2011 10:03AM

    It sounds like a great plan!! It was funny as I was reading your blog I was thinking that a food truck would be a great way for you to start and that was the next thing I read!! I've eaten at some food trucks that are better then restaurants!! Good luck!!

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SEESTARS 7/21/2011 9:54AM

    The food truck idea is a great! I love street food. Would you take the winter off? Or take the truck to a warmer city when the snow banks get rediculous?

And I love my emoticon. they rock for at home ST!

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KRAWRS 7/21/2011 9:50AM

    Your to do list sounds a lot like mine. Especially the parts on finding balance and letting your aunt do it her way. One of my BFFs was having issues before and chose to stay with the guy. Not happy about it. But as hard as it has been for me to stand by and watch, it is her life, not mine. You have to let it go. Sorry for your aunt, and I hope she gets it sorted out soon. And lets both work on BALANCE!!!!

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BTRTHANEVA 7/21/2011 9:26AM

    All of this while planning your dream wedding! You are amazing!!!



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PINKHIGHLITES 7/21/2011 8:56AM

    What kinda food are you looking into doing? Food trucks sounds like so much fun. It sounds like there is a lot of stress going on right now. When you get really stressed out and want to scream then do something about it. Either scream in a pillow (it does help), go for a walk or hike, or do some yoga. Or if you like to dance put the head phones on and dance like no one is watching. Keep staying positive!!!

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ANGELOO29 7/21/2011 8:51AM

    You can do it and lists help! Sounds like you're on the right path :-)

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TREASURINGLIFE 7/21/2011 8:24AM

    The food-truck thing might just be your perfect option. They are gaining popularity all over the place. Good luck - with that and everything else.

By the way, you're not the only one who needs to let go of things beyond your control for the sake of your own health and well-being. We all do. Stress wreaks havoc on us and the best thing we can do for our health is to find ways to deal.

Have a GREAT day.

- Michelle



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LRK4CHRIST 7/21/2011 8:20AM

    WOW! U have a lot of things to do, but don't we all. I guess like u, i'm going to take it one day at a time and live a balance life as best as I can. I always said that God has a plan for us to live a balance life. So let try to get there with His help. Hope to speak (type) to u again soon. Be blessed!

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NUTRON3 7/21/2011 8:16AM

    Have a wonderful day!

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What I learned on vacation

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I learned that all the ups and downs of the last year were worth getting to this point. The fighting, the tears, the highs and the lows. I am able to live a normal life now and I am no longer afraid and stuck on the sidelines. I learned that stress is my biggest obstacle to a healthy life and learning to find balance is my number 1 focus for the next several months.
My first day back to work and not one craving or desire to eat unhealthy. Nothing. It was easy. Yesterday, it was still easy but had a few craving and a little too large of portion of chicken for dinner but still good. This morning started with several calls from clients with problems and almost culminated in me eating a slice of cake. I threw it in the trash after 1 bite but I had barely even been aware I was eating it. That seems to be the thing with me. Mindless eating to cope. So at this point one year in I am very much aware that this will be a life long struggle for me but I am not going back. I will continue to struggle. Giving up is never an option. I will never go back to existing instead of living because it is easier and hating myself for it. One of the most valuable things I gained this year was learning to love myself and finding my self esteem. What is better than that?
Now onto stress management. Maybe I will like yoga.... emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELLALUCIA 7/22/2011 3:31PM

    Keep going girlfriend! I'm proud of you!

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CJANSEN40 7/21/2011 12:04PM

    Stress management at work is a huge downfall. I know it was mine. I changed jobs last year, and the decrease in stress has been the reason I have been able to drop the pounds I have. Still working on controling stress at home. it was the cause of a chocolate milkshake purchase!!!

Keep up the good work.

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SPEEDY143 7/21/2011 4:43AM

    emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 7/20/2011 11:12PM

    Awesome, girl!

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PGNBRI 7/20/2011 6:53PM

    Good For You!!

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ROCKMAN6797 7/20/2011 5:25PM

    The self awareness that you have gained in the last year is amazing! I love reading about each of the road bumps in your life and how you learn to deal with them! Keep on learning Ashley!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 7/20/2011 5:01PM

    Good for you! Do you journal? I look back at some journaling I did back in 2006/2007 and thought "dang, no wonder I was miserable!" Might do some good to help manage stress!

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RIGBY31 7/20/2011 4:55PM

    Some days are more of a struggle than others. Keeping focussed is so hard, but absolutely doable. I spit out 1/2 a cookie yesterday that I grabbed mindlessly.

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NUTS4NUTELLA 7/20/2011 3:25PM

    You are amazing! You've achieved so much and have gone so far. Your determination is inspiring.
P.S. You will loveeee yoga!
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DUSTYGIRL25 7/20/2011 3:22PM

    Yay! Good for You!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CALVIND 7/20/2011 1:45PM

    I hear ya. I just came back from vacation also and it was hard being away for a week. We came back on Sat. and i weighed myself on Sun. and gained 1.5lbs. but that is ok as of today i lost the weight i gained. Our friends that we stayed at ate a lot of carbs but we did a lot of walking for about 4days of the week we were away. It was nice to get back into my routine with exercise and keeping track of my calories again.
Keep up the good work. i enjoy reading your blogs.

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WORTHEYMOM 7/20/2011 12:45PM

    love your blogs! Yoga is the best and blasting away stress for me! I'm not the greatest at it or anything like that but the moves and flow totally relax me as the sweat pours from me. LOL

Living instead of existing! Awesome!

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KRISKECK 7/20/2011 12:16PM

    You have done so much hard work, you should be very proud of yourself! And I have to say, yoga has changed my life! I highly recommend it for reducing stress and being happy! emoticon

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MOMMYROCKS2 7/20/2011 11:50AM

    Being aware is 75% of the fight. Keep at it - you're doing great!! Maybe try Guided Imagery -- it worked wonders for my stress levels....zones me out in a blink. Google Belleruth Naparstek - she's awesome!

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ECONLADY 7/20/2011 11:25AM

    You are doing great! I always found checking on the number of calories I think about what else I could eat with the same number of calories. It stops me from eating certain foods. The trick is to stop and think!

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 7/20/2011 11:11AM

    You get stronger everytime you make these kinda of decision , good for you !! Keep it up !!
Stayc

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WALKWITME 7/20/2011 11:10AM

    emoticon emoticon just emoticon



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MSILVER94 7/20/2011 10:50AM

    Yay! for you!! And great self awareness!

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MAMADWARF 7/20/2011 10:25AM

    awareness is half the battle! (the other thing you found in the last year was ME! SO that outta help with your stress! lol) Love ya, Ashley!

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IBSHAUN 7/20/2011 10:07AM

    Ahh... vacation. It is nice isn't it? We seem to have more control of our environment on vacation. Good lessons learned. There is not much else better than learning to love yourself and finding your self esteem. Nope, not much at all. Good for you.

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DEBBIE19580 7/20/2011 10:00AM

    good for you ashley!!!! nope, im not gonna go back either, your so rite,...i don't want to go back to literally just existing anymore, i am starting to become part of life itself, moving around more, not waiting for no-one to be looking and get up and go to the bathroom!!! ill never forget that, cause i didnt want anyone to see me get up and walk!!! crazy!!! like they didnt know what the @@@@ i looked like!!! im happy you had a awesome vaca!!!! emoticon emoticon

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TREASURINGLIFE 7/20/2011 9:53AM

    Hmmm...I'd say there pretty much isn't anything better than loving one's self and finding one's self-esteem. Nope. Nothin' better! :)

Here's to living and learning...so we can live instead of exist!

Have a GREAT day! :)

- Michelle

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WEDDLEACE 7/20/2011 9:44AM

    What a great blog. Thanks for sharing! So glad you were able to reflect and come to some really great conclusions about your journey and yourself so far! Keep up the great work emoticon

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SUPERSMILE37 7/20/2011 9:24AM

    WOW what a revelation. I know about mindless eating but usually realize it too late. Congrats!!! on your revalation!!!

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MADDEELOU 7/20/2011 9:16AM

    You have come so far. Congratulations.

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