Thursday, July 15, 2010
So the evil that was July 14, 2010 started as soon as I got to work. Clients calling with problems, a strange millipede infestation that the exterminator told us "will take a few days to clear up" and a lot of other nonsense. Towards the end of the day my boss decided to send out an interoffice email making me the scapegoat for her own actions and making me look an incompetent moron. I feel completely betrayed and I do not know if I can recover the respect I once had for her. I feel so completely belittled and demeaned. I give my all to this company. I work much more than is required of me and certainly do not get compensated nearly enough for what i do . To then be slapped in the face like this is just devastating to me. I also managed to slam my own foot in the door (how is that even possible) and broke completely off 2 of my toenails. I know it is vain but I am upset I basically can't get a pedicure for months.
In the evening was a welcome party for my niece who just arrived her permanently from Colombia. Initially when I spoke to my brother in law he had said we would be going to a restaurant and I was not too worried about my food choices because I assumed there would be something I could find on the menu even if it was just a piece of chicken and a salad. When I arrived at their house I was told, no, we would be having appetizers only at their home. I knew at that moment I was doomed. If you know a lot about Colombian food it is delicious, however, they fry everything including pork belly aka Chicharron. I was presented with fried calamari, fried shrimp, a huge plate that they call Picata which is a huge pile of french fries covered in chicharron, fried hot dogs, fried chicken wings, cheese, and a tomato and cucumber garnish . The salads were a potato salad with cut up sausage (I despise this dish anyway, sausage does not belong in potato salad) and tuna salad in fried tortilla cups. I can picture you all laughing right now and it really was like a comedy sketch. I figured I could get away with just picking at the food and not really eating anything but nope. It was noticed I was not eating and I could tell it was really hurting their feelings. I never want make my new lifestyle something so selfish that it becomes an annoyance to my family and last night I really felt as though I was making a scene by not eating anything. This was by far the most difficult food situation I have been in in quite some time. How do you find balance for doing what is right for yourself when it is insulting to people you care about? I tried to explain I was eating better and losing weight but I really felt like it came off as "thanks for all the crappy food you are offering me, it isn't good enough for my standards".
I learned a good lesson last night. Sometimes you can be too zealous about a new lifestyle. I refused about 30 requests to have a beer but I did end up making a batch of margarita's for everyone and I had a small portion, around 8 ounces. It made me feel less like an outsider.
Last night was also new in that I was with my fiancé's family without him and I was the only none native Spanish speaker. Usually I feel pretty left out as they speak rapidly and his city uses a lot of unique slang so I tend to not understand most of it. Everyone was so sweet and accommodating helping me with words I didn't know. I even made a few jokes in Spanish got a lot of laughs. I never would have had the courage to do that before. For the first time I understood about 70 percent of what was being said. It was exciting to feel like it is starting to finally sink in. I love the language and it is useful to have be able to talk to each other privately while in a restaurant or other situation.
All in all I learned that when you fall on hard times it is family that is there for you and that doesn't always mean blood. After an awful morning and being presented with the meal of my nightmares I was able to eat a normal portion (and not beat myself up) and I left in a much better mood than before. I won't lie. I did jump on my scale this morning to reassure myself I did not blow up overnight and of course I had not. I did log all my food and was upset to see I was about 30 calories over my range but once in a while is not going to kill me. I packed a really healthy breakfast and lunch for today and I will be just fine. Ok that is the end of babbling rant.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I have never been a small woman. Being 5'10" and a D cup in the 5th grade I get a lot of questions about if I am from viking heritage. Random, I know, but I have heard it enough that it bears mentioning. So, anyway, as a little girl I always wished I was tiny, petite and dark. My version of the grass is always greener. It wasn't until my mid-20's that I began to appreciate my stature. People listen when I speak, at work I find I don't tend to have issues with people questioning my authority, and on more than one occasion I have rescue a little old lady at the store who can't reach the can of cat food she wants on the top shelf . In the last few days I have for the first time in my life started to notice I am visibly smaller. I usually turn my head when I walk past mirrors, you know you guys do it too, and today I got a glimpse of myself in only undies and a tank top and I looked for the first time in a long time not huge. You could see a long straight line, my thighs looked more toned, I had a curve at my hip I haven't seen in years. It was amazing. Earlier my fiancé pulled me over to snuggle and he could wrap both his arms all the way around me and touch my other side and he said "wow, you really are so much smaller, good job baby". I wanted to cry. Even when we hug I feel like we can really be close, that my stomach doesn't keep him at a distance. I really don't care what the numbers on the scale say but if I keep feeling like this it is all the motivation I need!
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