Friday, July 16, 2010
So today official marks my passage into the 200's. I am happy it is 298 so that I can officially say I am really here. It feels funny to so happy to be 298 lol. A little over a year ago I can remember going to the doctor and being weighed. I remember the shock and horror of being my highest weight ever. The enormity of how much weight I needed to lose was crushing. I remember thinking if I do not stop this now I will end up like my aunt, 600 lbs and almost bedridden. That day I started eating better. Not following a plan but making significantly better choices. Out went my morning mocha lattes replaced by iced coffee with skim milk, no more soda or juice. In fact unless it is alcohol, which I drink pretty limitedly, I don't consume caloric beverages at all. My mother is a trainer so I also started a strength training program and cross training for my cardio. Boredom is a huge obstacle of mine for exercising so splitting it into 10 minutes per machine helps me keep focused. I lost around 35 pounds that first year without much effort and I never felt deprived. The problem was I also was not giving it my all. Hence joining SP.
In just 2 and a half weeks on here I feel like my life has changed so much. I have lost 9.5 lbs and reached my first weight loss goal. I will have to take some pictures this weekend and post them on my page. I can really feel and see the differences.
I am not winded just walking around the mall.
I am not embarrassed to be at the gym. I feel strong and powerful and I can take on anybody.
I am so adept at reading the labels on food shopping for healthy stuff is a breeze.
I have dropped 2 sizes!
I am approaching my next goal of 50 lbs lost, just 3.6 more pounds to go!
I can accept compliments without brushing them off or not really believing them!
I can actually picture myself thin!
I am excited for the first time to shop for a wedding dress next summer!
I don't flinch when my fiancÚ tries to hug me around my waist. My weight is my self esteem issue not his!
I am learning to separate my emotions from food. Food is fuel, not a pacifier or a solution
I am excited about the friendships I am making on here and I hope that we continue to support each other throughout this process and through maintenance
There are probably so many more things that I will think of after I post this. I hope that I am motivating to others and I am even considering getting my master's in nutrition. Maybe this is the future for me? We will see.
Thank you to all of you for your support. You rock. I wouldn't be this far without all of you.
I knew I would think of something else!
I have learned to stop being so militant with myself. When I was being crazy and not eating enough calories I only lost .4 lbs. When I relaxed and ate within my caloric range, even having a night of being force fed fried food, I still lost 2 lbs. Balance is the key to this mentally and physically.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So the evil that was July 14, 2010 started as soon as I got to work. Clients calling with problems, a strange millipede infestation that the exterminator told us "will take a few days to clear up" and a lot of other nonsense. Towards the end of the day my boss decided to send out an interoffice email making me the scapegoat for her own actions and making me look an incompetent moron. I feel completely betrayed and I do not know if I can recover the respect I once had for her. I feel so completely belittled and demeaned. I give my all to this company. I work much more than is required of me and certainly do not get compensated nearly enough for what i do . To then be slapped in the face like this is just devastating to me. I also managed to slam my own foot in the door (how is that even possible) and broke completely off 2 of my toenails. I know it is vain but I am upset I basically can't get a pedicure for months.
In the evening was a welcome party for my niece who just arrived her permanently from Colombia. Initially when I spoke to my brother in law he had said we would be going to a restaurant and I was not too worried about my food choices because I assumed there would be something I could find on the menu even if it was just a piece of chicken and a salad. When I arrived at their house I was told, no, we would be having appetizers only at their home. I knew at that moment I was doomed. If you know a lot about Colombian food it is delicious, however, they fry everything including pork belly aka Chicharron. I was presented with fried calamari, fried shrimp, a huge plate that they call Picata which is a huge pile of french fries covered in chicharron, fried hot dogs, fried chicken wings, cheese, and a tomato and cucumber garnish . The salads were a potato salad with cut up sausage (I despise this dish anyway, sausage does not belong in potato salad) and tuna salad in fried tortilla cups. I can picture you all laughing right now and it really was like a comedy sketch. I figured I could get away with just picking at the food and not really eating anything but nope. It was noticed I was not eating and I could tell it was really hurting their feelings. I never want make my new lifestyle something so selfish that it becomes an annoyance to my family and last night I really felt as though I was making a scene by not eating anything. This was by far the most difficult food situation I have been in in quite some time. How do you find balance for doing what is right for yourself when it is insulting to people you care about? I tried to explain I was eating better and losing weight but I really felt like it came off as "thanks for all the crappy food you are offering me, it isn't good enough for my standards".
I learned a good lesson last night. Sometimes you can be too zealous about a new lifestyle. I refused about 30 requests to have a beer but I did end up making a batch of margarita's for everyone and I had a small portion, around 8 ounces. It made me feel less like an outsider.
Last night was also new in that I was with my fiancÚ's family without him and I was the only none native Spanish speaker. Usually I feel pretty left out as they speak rapidly and his city uses a lot of unique slang so I tend to not understand most of it. Everyone was so sweet and accommodating helping me with words I didn't know. I even made a few jokes in Spanish got a lot of laughs. I never would have had the courage to do that before. For the first time I understood about 70 percent of what was being said. It was exciting to feel like it is starting to finally sink in. I love the language and it is useful to have be able to talk to each other privately while in a restaurant or other situation.
All in all I learned that when you fall on hard times it is family that is there for you and that doesn't always mean blood. After an awful morning and being presented with the meal of my nightmares I was able to eat a normal portion (and not beat myself up) and I left in a much better mood than before. I won't lie. I did jump on my scale this morning to reassure myself I did not blow up overnight and of course I had not. I did log all my food and was upset to see I was about 30 calories over my range but once in a while is not going to kill me. I packed a really healthy breakfast and lunch for today and I will be just fine. Ok that is the end of babbling rant.
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