Wednesday, July 06, 2011
I have discovered the secret of my struggles. Want to know what it is?
I have been dieting. Yup, I said it. Dieting. DIE with a T. I have been doing everything I "should" be doing and you know what? It sucks.
I HATE brown rice, there I said that too.
I despise whole wheat pitas, BLASPHEMY!
Don't get me wrong, I love a nice slice of whole grain bread but just not in pita form. I have been living with a list of good and bad foods. Good and bad behaviors. Good food day= loving myself and being correct. Bad food day=feeling like a big fat miserable failure. The more bad days I have had the more difficult this has become. I was living in a world of no treats allowed at all. Forcing down foods I hate because I should. That goes for you Stonyfield organic yogurt that has the gooey texture of wallpaper paste and makes me gag as I am writing this. I was so caught up in doing it the way I had forced myself to believe I should that I lost sight of doing this because I want too.
I packed my breakfast and lunch today all full of things that I love. Greek yogurt, Kashi go lean cereal (I swear, I really do like this ), summer melon, albacore tuna and chopped veggies from a crudite I had at my cookout this weekend. I was feeling good about myself. Then work put out lunch and it was this awesome falafel bar with our amazing hummus and a gorgeous salad, white pitas and fried falafels. I wanted a pita like nobody's business. I love me some pita. I stopped and looked at it wistfully and then thought "why am I doing this to myself?". Eat the flippin pita and enjoy it. Why are you letting some diet idea stop you from eating something that is perfect fine to enjoy. I stuffed that half of a pita full of veggies and the tuna and some of the yogurt dressing they had on the side. I did choose to not eat the falafel because it was fried and I did that because I wanted too. My lunch was around 350 calories and I felt great.
That was my aha moment. I was living in a land of deprivation and self loathing and had lost my spark because I was doing so. So there it is. Ate healthy all day because I wanted too and have not been hungry and not felt deprived. I have learned I need a small treat most days and when I do that I don't feel like I am dieting and it works for me. I am ok with that. So there it is. Do it your way and this will work for you. There is nothing wrong with that. I eat clean because I enjoy and don't judge anyone else for not doing the same. So tell me, what works for you?