HEALTHYASHLEY   20,877
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HEALTHYASHLEY's Recent Blog Entries

My first sparkfriend meet up!

Sunday, May 08, 2011

This past Saturday afternoon my fiancé and I met up with GODZYFAN and VEGANINSALEM for lunch. We like to get out of the city and they live a few towns away from where I grew up so we headed their direction to check out a local café that they recommended.
Here is a pic of us! Having 3 women take a photo and agree on it was surprisingly easy!

Lunch was delicious and the café was really cute and the kind of place we hope to own someday. Focusing on local foods, healthy, organic and several choices for my vegan friends which was nice. I am starting to understand what they go through and it is definitely something that I plan to incorporate in my own menu. They both are absolutely who they represent themselves to be on spark which is awesome and it felt strange to chat about each others lives and what we all had going on like we had known each other for years when we really had just met!
After lunch we headed out for a stroll and went into a few shops and health food stores that they frequent and I loved the health food store in particular. It excites me to see these kinds of placing becoming more mainstream. Unfortunately A and I had to leave after a few hours but it was a wonderful time and I look forward to see them both as we encourage each other through our first 5k next weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANNACHAN 5/11/2011 11:51AM

    Sounds like a great time! How cool that you got to meet some fellow Sparkers in person.

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GODZYFAN 5/11/2011 9:07AM

    It was so awesome to meet you and your sweetie!!! Thank you for your kind and sweet words. Are you getting excited for the 5K? Yeah me neither (jk lol). But it looks like it'll be a nice day and we'll be at the beach at least. But we definitely have to get together again, maybe we can come to your neck of the woods! See you soon!!!
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PELESJEWEL 5/11/2011 12:25AM

    You look awesome!

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MIRACLELOVE77 5/10/2011 12:37AM

    that's awesome! :) and that does sound weird to talk as if you've known each other forever even though you've just 'actually' met!

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HANNAH_CALM 5/9/2011 10:54PM

    Good for you! New friends!!! I used to love going to the health food store near my grandmother's house. They're fun to browse through.

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ROCKMAN6797 5/9/2011 5:56PM

    Very nice!

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BELLALUCIA 5/9/2011 3:08PM

    Wonderful, go girl!

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MADEMCHE 5/9/2011 1:22PM

    So happy for you love! Glad you had a great time!

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KAMAPERRY 5/9/2011 12:37PM

    Hw exciting!

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COOKWITHME65 5/9/2011 12:00PM

    Glad to hear you had a great time!

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ILOVEGRAY 5/9/2011 10:59AM

    sounds like a great meet-up!!


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RIGBY31 5/9/2011 9:32AM

    Beautiful! Good luck on your 5K.

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CBACH71 5/9/2011 4:40AM

    Lovely! You look great Ashley. That color is fabulous on you! Keep up the great work.

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DUSTYGIRL25 5/9/2011 4:28AM

    What a wonderful day. I hope to someday meet some of my SparkFriends.
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ALOFA0509 5/9/2011 12:13AM

   
What a great afternoon!!! You all look Fantastic- Cheers sista!

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BOBF15 5/8/2011 11:37PM

    Yes, it is wonderful to meet up with local people. As part of our OKC Team we have regular "Walk and Talks" where we post meetings at a local park, where a few will meet and walk and talk. It is great having company while working out, and all of us who do anything like a stationary exercise machine, i.e. treadmill, bike, or even walking, having some one to talk to makes the time fly.

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ECONLADY 5/8/2011 11:29PM

    I think it is great that you met up with your spark friends and had such a good time!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 5/8/2011 10:56PM

    It is so much fun making the face to face connections, isnt it! Have been a vegan, it is difficult to go out and find good meals that consist of something besides lettuce. i am fortunate that i am finally able to have some meats and dairy in my diet again. i went for over 4 years living on a vegan diet. and i got fat on it too! go figure!

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NUTS4NUTELLA 5/8/2011 10:55PM

    You guys look like you had a nice time meeting up! I hope I too can meet some of my Spark friends someday. Love the pic!
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IBSHAUN 5/8/2011 10:11PM

    What a great afternoon!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 5/8/2011 10:02PM

    What a wonderful day. I agree, the 3 of you look great!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 5/8/2011 9:59PM

    You look AWESOME!!!!!!! What fun to meet up with Spark friends!! emoticon emoticon

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MAMADWARF 5/8/2011 9:53PM

    Yea soo fun! Good for you, ash! and eveyrone looks aweome! Maybe one day that can be US!~!!

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 5/8/2011 8:57PM

    You all look great! And it looks like it was a lovely day for a meet up. Fun times!

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RONIREDD 5/8/2011 8:53PM

    So awesome!

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ANGIEN9 5/8/2011 8:38PM

    That is neat! Spark on!!

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ANGELOO29 5/8/2011 8:13PM

    Nice! Sounds like a wonderful afternoon.

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ERIN4771 5/8/2011 7:56PM

    very cool!! glad you had a fun time!!

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SEESTARS 5/8/2011 7:51PM

    What a fun sounding afternoon. And the three of you look great!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Facing my fear

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

A bit of history about me. I met my first husband when I was 16 and we got married when I was 23. We had reached the point of either get married or break up. I had been with him for so long that I truthfully didn't know a life without him and I thought it was the right decision. I truly don't believe anyone goes into marriage thinking it will fail but there were clues from the beginning it would and I ignored them. For example I refused to allow forever to be said during the ceremony because I did not believe in forever. All good things can end, I guess it comes from a child of seeing her parents own abusive marriage. We bought a house, got 3 dogs and 2 cars and life got suffocating. By the end of the second year I was miserable. He never could hold down a job and I worked 60 hours a week at a miserable job to support us. I remember some of the defining moments of when I realized I had to leave.
One of my dreams since I was a kid was to get my Master's. I had supported him through his undergrad as he whined and refused to study. It almost cost me my own degree as I had to take the final semester off to pay bills and you know how that goes. I did end up forcing him to work so I could complete my degree. I started looking up Master's programs that would allow me to work full time and study at night or weekends because we couldn't support ourselves without 2 incomes. The next day he came home and told me he had signed up for a Master's program that was 2 years and he could not work during any of it because it was so intense and his parents had already signed the loan. Yes, it happened in 1 day. Oh and he had gone out and purchased a motorcycle that he road twice, ever. I remember sitting there thinking "this is a person who will never be able to help me live out any of my dreams, it is always about him".
It was never a conscious decision to leave. I had a house, tons of responsibilities and had never been alone. In my heart I knew I didn't love him anymore and in fact resented him. I never wanted him to touch me. That isn't normal in your early 20's. He revolted me. With each passing day I spent more time out of the house until one night a guy said to me "If you are so miserable why don't you get divorced?". (No, I never cheated and never considered it) It was like being hit by a ton of bricks. I had never considered it as an option before but I knew it was what I wanted. When I finally told him he cried and made a sound like I punched him in the stomach. I carried tremendous guilt over that for years.
I knew I would have to give up some things when I left but I didn't realize how bad it would get. I had put the down payment on the house so I kept it but we had a lot of mutual debt. He used our credit cards the whole time he was in school and managed to max out all of them. When we got divorced he agreed to pay me a set sum until they were paid off. He never made one payment and I felt so guilty for leaving I never took him to court. I felt like I deserved to be miserable for hurting him. A year later I was forced to sell my home. It was a mixed blessing. It had ghosts of so much pain and sadness. I couldn't be there and constantly be reminded of the pain and broken dreams. It was in a city I despised and only had agreed to purchase the home there because it was what he wanted.
One day I got online, found an apartment and moved into the city alone. All of our friends cut me out because I was a bad person for leaving him. Forget that a relationship ends because of both people's actions. It was my fault and I deserved to pay. It was one of the most pivotal moments in my life. Alone, friendless, in a big city. I had to get a roommate which you all know is a big barrel of problems in and of itself. I remember many nights huddled alone on my bed with my 2 dogs thinking what had I done to deserve this. However, I never wished I not left or thought of trying to go back to him.
Why am I telling this to all of you? Because I want you to see that yes, life is scary and unfair and difficult. The right decision is not always the easy or happy one to make. 5 years later I am the thinnest, happiest, most successful and healthy I have ever been. I met the love of my life almost 4 years ago. Being alone was hard, not going to lie, but it allowed me to find myself. Now as I look at my future and the big application for the non-profit that will allow me to start my business I am scared. I am scared to fail. I am scared no one will want to give me any funding after the problems as I had in my early 20's. As I read it over I had so many negative thoughts that I can't do this or that I am not ready. Really it is scary to take those risks again. To possibly not be successful and lose everything another time.
Life is scary but if we do not take risks we will never reach our dreams. Apply it how you wish but you can make your dreams happen too. It took almost being ruined for me but I got to find a place that makes me happy. Maybe I will never open a business but at least I am going to try.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLYD1958 5/11/2011 8:22PM

    Thank you for sharing your back-story. It sounds as though you are doing great. I am certain you will do fine in the future!

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JANIELYNN7 5/11/2011 8:00PM

    Wow what a great accomplishment for you and keep up the good work. I do not believe that what happened years ago will be held against you for the loan and if it is keep working, paying bills and build your credit up and try again.
My sister married a guy she should not have in high school. Ended up on welfare with two children. Had a opportunity to go to school the state foot the bill. Got a job and had to go back for her bachelor's for two years companies would give her a hard time because she was on welfare. She persisted and now has a great job with a good company and excellent credit.
Believe that you will get the loan and let us know how things go. emoticon

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PAWSINAZ 5/10/2011 10:44AM

    emoticon

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BELLE0308 5/9/2011 10:50PM

    This is a great story! It is not great in the fact that you had to live it and I am sure it was very difficult and there were times you felt like giving up, but good in the resolution. Life is such a series of choices and there are so many possibilities as to how it will all go. You did a brave thing, you made a brave choice and it was the correct choice. Sometimes our greatest tests are in sticking with what we believe is right even when everyone else around says it is wrong.
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Thank you for the inspiration!

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KRISTI2661 5/9/2011 10:11PM

    Thanks for sharing this

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CRISM18 5/9/2011 9:23PM

  Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. WOW! Way to take your life back into your control and live out your dreams. Never settle...and always get what you want!

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EARTHTONED84 5/9/2011 1:19PM

    Thank you for sharing your story! So inspirational! emoticon

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PATTILYNN224 5/9/2011 8:25AM

    Cheers Bella. All the best!

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CBACH71 5/9/2011 5:04AM

    You know, it doesn't matter what happens as long as you try. Of course we hope for success, but whether we realize it or not, failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. It's how we cope with the situation that allows us to use the failed situation to grow in the future. Go for it and don't ever regret your actions. You know what is best for you and I know you'll use every situation to learn and grow.

Thanks for sharing this. It helps us all know that we're not alone in our struggles. You're awesome and you prove it everyday.

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ME_FIRST 5/8/2011 8:05PM

    You are NOT going to fail. You are smart, determined and have the strength to accomplish this goal. Yvonne

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FITMAY 5/8/2011 10:04AM

    emoticonJust go for it!
Stop the why if I fail... and ingrain in yourself: WHAT IF I SUCCEED? You will succeed! You deserve it!
I send you love and prayers of determination!
May

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BLUELEO26 5/8/2011 8:24AM

    You learned how to be true to yourself and that you can survive almost anything. We always carry those lessons with us. I think it will serve you well in your buisness venture. Thank you for sharing, you reminded me to reflect on my own life's progress.

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CTUPTON 5/7/2011 6:10PM

    emoticon emoticonYou will find plenty of upbeat , supportive people here on sparkpeople. I can see you are going places! Good luck! Chris

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POLSKARENIA 5/7/2011 3:59PM

    Sharing is a big deal - so THANK YOU!!!!!

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REDDIRTRUNNER 5/7/2011 2:44PM

    THanks for sharing Ashley! I can SOOO relate to this! WOW! I've been down this road once and looks like I am headed down it again, but with different scenery...I do not plan on losing my dreams over a selfish person or allowing my children's futures to suffer...
You are an a amazing, strong women and your are an inspiration! THe next time I am in Boston I promise to look up your cafe and come for a meal and a great cup of coffee! emoticon

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REDDIRTRUNNER 5/7/2011 2:44PM

    THanks for sharing Ashley! I can SOOO relate to this! WOW! I've been down this road once and looks like I am headed down it again, but with different scenery...I do not plan on losing my dreams over a selfish person or allowing my children's futures to suffer...
You are an a amazing, strong women and your are an inspiration! THe next time I am in Boston I promise to look up your cafe and come for a meal and a great cup of coffee! emoticon

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RAINBOWCHOC 5/7/2011 2:11PM

    glad you are passed the bad bits, looking forward to reading about all the successes

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CORINNAW71 5/6/2011 11:01AM

    You are a strong, brave person and it's great that you could share this. I hope all of your dreams come true!! emoticon

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MCHILSTR 5/6/2011 10:17AM

  Good for you for having the courage to turn your dreams into goals, and working on turning the goals into realities! You are stronger now, and deserve to win!

There are lots of resources you can tap to support you in your business - SCORE and ABLE are two. Both are made up of retired executives who provide free consulting serices for small businesses. There are probably others in your area too - emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 5/6/2011 10:07AM

    Love the blog! I thought that you could use my favourite quote while starting your new business:

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.
Katherine Mansfield

You are such a strong, capable woman. Put yourself out there and let it happen.

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THEIS58 5/6/2011 6:08AM

    Your perseverance is inspiring! emoticon

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ILOVEGRAY 5/5/2011 6:17PM

    Don't give up! But we know you won't!


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LAURIE-RN 5/5/2011 9:45AM

    Thank you for sharing your story. I tell my kids and my friends that we are defined by our experiences. That we come out stronger for the challenges that we face. You are proof of that. Congratulations on your accomplishments.

Laurie

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SHELLEY81 5/5/2011 9:28AM

    Thanks for sharing this story. Best wishes for your future!

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ANEPANALIPTI 5/5/2011 9:16AM

    Amazing blog

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STORMYVAWN 5/4/2011 11:50AM

    You have been through so much. I pray you continue to get all the happiness your heart can handle.

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KLPEFFERS 5/4/2011 9:46AM

    Go get it girl! Yes it's scary, I've been there too, but nothing ever worth having comes easy. Just remember that when times get hard, and you want to give up or give in. Stop, reflect, cry if you need to, yell if you need to be angry be scared, be sad, but BE. You can do this!

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APMAC_D 5/4/2011 8:57AM

    I went through something so similar. I also never regretted leaving him. I was miserable. I did feel depressed and upset about how things went down but I am SO much better off. I also saw signs before the wedding but thought it was the right thing to do. Our stories are so similar. I could hardly look at him near the end.

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LITTLEONEJLC 5/4/2011 8:16AM

    There is no guarantee of success in a business, but you are guaranteed to fail if you never even try. You are certainly smarter now than you were 10 years ago. Life teaches you. If this is something you want Ashley, I believe you can make it happen!

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ALOFA0509 5/4/2011 2:47AM

   
I'm soo happy that your going 4 it.. Perhaps you've come to a point that just knowing you "Deserve It", trumps the self doubts, the fears... Your moving forward sista, keep going!!

Hugs,
Alofa

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LUCKYDOGFARM 5/4/2011 1:47AM

    sometimes we wonder why we have to go through something, but it is just lifes lessons preparing us for the next bigger better steps. You have it in the bag Ashley!

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ECONLADY 5/4/2011 12:15AM

    Wow! What a great story! I see why you have to go for it. Good Luck!

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LEONALIONESS 5/3/2011 10:33PM

    I lost a lot of friends when I left my (emotionally abusive) ex-husband too. This resonated with me. I'm also my thinnest, happiest and found someone who is SO RIGHT for me.

I'm glad you also found happiness.
I also remember sitting (in my case, sobbing on the floor in my kitchen with the cat) and thinking "I have ruined my life. I blew my life to pieces..."

It was worth it.

Thanks for this post. It's nice to see others having similar experiences - even thought I'd never wish that sort of thing on any other person, ever. :(

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LOSIN4MYSELF 5/3/2011 10:28PM

    Ashley, you can do it!!! Follow your dreams. I truly believe that with enough passion, all things are possible. If you are half as passionate about this business, as you have been about losing the weight, you will be great!!

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CANNIE50 5/3/2011 10:23PM

    Sometimes I see people reject themselves on behalf of someone else - they anticipate being turned down so they don't take the risk because they don't want the rejection. I am betting you won't do this. Let the money lenders worry about their criteria - they will let you know what you need to do, and if one says no, you visit another, and another, until you find the right fit. You already know you are stronger than your fears - some people, sadly, never realize this. emoticon

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KRISKECK 5/3/2011 9:50PM

    Ashley, go for it and follow your dreams! I have been where you are except I was older with 2 kids. Like you I never regretted that I left and I have been blessed with a strong spirit and much luck and have been successful so far in achieving many of my dreams. I wish the same for you! You clearly have a very strong spirit and I believe you can do it! emoticon

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LJOHN44 5/3/2011 9:47PM

    I'm glad you got the dogs. Anything life throws at you can be dealt with if you have a wet nose and furry ears by your side. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now!

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ANGIEN9 5/3/2011 7:10PM

    Go for it!! You can do it! Thanks for sharing and being an inspiration to me!!
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HANNAH_CALM 5/3/2011 6:59PM

    Here's a song that your blog reminds me of, enjoy! Bring me a higher love!

http://youtu.be/oqlauw
X_ums

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ROCKMAN6797 5/3/2011 5:02PM

    Good for you Ashley, as my mom always told me when I was young, "all they can say is no." Push forward, if it was meant to be then it will be; otherwise, other doors will open up!
Thank you for sharing.

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TISHA80 5/3/2011 5:02PM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing this. It's scary to take chances, but thanks for reminding me that they can be so worth it! :)
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MARATHONBOUND 5/3/2011 4:09PM

    You can do this Ashley! We all believe in you! Thank you for sharing your story with us, you have come so far! I know that this will happen for you! ((((((((HUGS))))))))

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DUSTYGIRL25 5/3/2011 2:23PM

    Thank you for sharing your very important story. Yes, we all have gone through some bad times, but our accomplishments now are what really matters. Good luck with your new dreams! I know you can accomplish what ever you put your heart into.
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MIZZZMO 5/3/2011 1:53PM

    I agree with all the previous comments. Your story is a great illustration of how important it is to take risks when you don't yet know the outcome. Keep chasing those dreams, girl!

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NUTS4NUTELLA 5/3/2011 1:45PM

    This blog reminded me of a quote my former therapist told me once.
“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
While I'm not sure who said it, I have always loved it. Thank you once again for being so open and honest with us Ashley.

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DOODIE59 5/3/2011 1:30PM

    Ashley, so many people here have said wonderful things to you. I agree with them, and will only remind you of the adage: You miss 100% of the shots you don't take:) Shoot for the sky, girl:)
Deirdre

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 5/3/2011 1:09PM

    Thank you Ashley for sharing! I truly think that you have to take a risk to have a gain. You are putting yourself out there to start your business, I am so proud of you for doing that! Keep up the good work!

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KAMAPERRY 5/3/2011 12:28PM

    Thanks for sharing, I wish I had been that brave way earlier. You are amazing.

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MOONBIRD 5/3/2011 11:56AM

    I am so happy that your life is so great now! I think it's great that you did what you knew was best for you, even though it wasn't easy. No one should settle for less than they deserve. emoticon

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MAGGIE805 5/3/2011 11:55AM

    I'm glad I stopped by and read this today. It gave me some strength to deal with some of my own fears I that have in my life right now. Thanks for sharing your story.

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New Blog

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Today I took 2 steps in starting my business. First I sent in the mini-application for getting into a program that helps people start culinary businesses. Second I published my new healthy eating website. Check it out!
simplytastefuleats.blogspot.com/2011
/04/today-is-first-day.html

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POLLKAT 5/6/2011 3:02PM

    I am so happy for you. I want to have my own business in the worst way. I hope to have it someday. The best to you. I wish you much happiness & success!!

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ERIN4771 5/2/2011 8:39PM

    you totally got this my friend!!! emoticon emoticon

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DBFBILLY 5/1/2011 8:53AM

    Look at you..WAY TO GO!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEESTARS 4/30/2011 7:05PM

    way cool!

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HEALTHYONE2008 4/30/2011 4:59PM

    Great going Ashley!

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WORKINGSTIFF 4/29/2011 11:10PM

    Hurray for you!

You are so right-life is too short not to be lived as best as possible.

I'm sure your business will be great.

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 4/29/2011 4:23PM

    Way to go! I know you can do this.

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WILLIAMV3 4/29/2011 2:24PM

    I am so proud of you. You can totally do this!

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ZANNACHAN 4/29/2011 12:02PM

    Awesome!

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TRENTDREAMER 4/29/2011 7:24AM

    Checked it out. Absolute best of fortune to you on the new business. Congrats on your progress.

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POLSKARENIA 4/29/2011 6:34AM

    Brilliant - I'll check it out!!

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KATHLOW 4/29/2011 3:53AM

    good luck!

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OVERHAULING-ME 4/29/2011 12:56AM

    Very exciting. Best wishes and.... emoticon

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COLD_GOLD 4/28/2011 10:43PM

    good job!

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LKEITHO 4/28/2011 10:34PM

    Congrats on getting started!

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LOVEOFENOCH 4/28/2011 7:31PM

    So fantastic and so brave. Nothing but the greatest of luck in your ventures.

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LUCKYDOGFARM 4/28/2011 7:10PM

    emoticon
Congratulations Ashley!!

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HANNAH_CALM 4/28/2011 6:58PM

    Oh, wow, how exciting!

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TKADEEPBREATH 4/28/2011 6:00PM

    Wow! !! Good for you dear .. . . go for it!!!

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GRACEISENUF 4/28/2011 5:37PM

    Great new site Ashley...I hope every dream you have will be fulfilled as you step out in faith.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 4/28/2011 5:31PM

    What an exciting adventure you are on. Enjoy every moment.

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ROCKMAN6797 4/28/2011 4:54PM

    Congratulations Ashley!

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ALOFA0509 4/28/2011 4:48PM

    emoticon

Yippeee!!!! Your on your way girl... soo awesome emoticon

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HAPPYSOUL91 4/28/2011 4:27PM

    Excellent, one foot in front of the other! emoticon

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REMEMBER2BME 4/28/2011 4:20PM

    Outstanding!!!

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COOKWITHME65 4/28/2011 3:50PM

    That's awesome Ashley! I'm going to check it out right know!

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KAMAPERRY 4/28/2011 3:49PM

    Exciting!! Love your website!

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RONALANA 4/28/2011 3:47PM

    That's great! Good luck on your new venture! I checked out your website - and will go back to see what you have added from time to time!

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ELENA_DIEM 4/28/2011 3:46PM

    woohoo congratulations!

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ECONLADY 4/28/2011 3:42PM

    emoticon emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 4/28/2011 3:42PM

    Congratulations! I'm going to go check out your website now!
Chris

Love the opening words on your healthy eating site. They are inspiring! With your enthusiasm, I can't imagine you won't succeed.

Comment edited on: 4/28/2011 3:46:27 PM

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TSKAGGS96 4/28/2011 3:41PM

    Thats great! Hope everything goes well for you! emoticon

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IBSHAUN 4/28/2011 3:41PM

    Way to go Ashley! On my way there now.....

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Horrible tragic day

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

This evening my boss was taking her dogs home and one darted away from her. He was struck and killed while she watched and the person did not even stop. They hit him and kept driving. She game stumpling back in holding him and I drove her to the hospital. These dogs are their children and one of them is gone. I feel numb. Witnessing such tragedy and pain. Her husband took her home and I could see on his face the same numbness. They do not have human children, these dogs are their children. My heart breaks for them. I feel tremendous guilt for feeling such anger towards her over stupid things when I saw her as a real person today. Stupid things are not important or worth dwelling on like personality conflicts.
When I got home my mother called and told me they reduced her hours at work. Told her she makes too much money and said a bunch of horrible things to her. Told her she doesn't matter and her boss lied about her performance. They told her without saying so many words that they want her to quit. She is beyond upset and hurt. I don't know how to help her. This was a very very bad day for some of the central people in my life and it made me see once again that life is too short. It is too short to spend it sad, miserable, angry and fat. Follow your dreams and make yourself happy because you never know how long you have. Please pray for my bosses, they are good people and are religious. I don't care what religion you are or even if you are not these are people in pain and they need it. Thanks.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESLIES537 5/11/2011 11:54AM

    emoticon Yes, life IS too short. Just hate how life has to remind us of this sometimes, you know? Sorry I'm a little late on this but I will start praying!

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 5/3/2011 7:52AM

    I'm terribly sorry for the terrible day you have witnessed. You have my sincerest sympathies, and I will keep these important people in my thoughts.


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DBFBILLY 5/1/2011 8:52AM

    I'm praying right now... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FABANDFITAT40 4/29/2011 7:33AM

    Sending prayers

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UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 4/28/2011 11:24PM

    emoticon for you and emoticon for your mom and emoticon for your bosses... I'm so sorry...
You're all in my prayers.

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TKADEEPBREATH 4/28/2011 5:59PM

    Your boss is blessed to have someone that cares so much . .. good for you girl.


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JATHUENER 4/28/2011 3:39PM

    well for your friends i do understand the pain the are having for right now my husband and i are grieving over the loss of our dog (daughter) from loss due to we think a heart attach 2 days ago. We also have no 2 legged children and each of us are trying to keep things going ourselves so just be there for them is the best advice i can think of at the moment.
It is bad that in today's world that the hours are constantly being drained away at workdue to one thing or another. Sorry no solutions for your mother's problem it is bad to get getting several jobs just to have one full time job between all of them.
It seems you work 3 to 4 times longer now adays with less pay just to slide by.



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TISHA80 4/28/2011 3:13PM

    I teared up just thinking about someone running over my "baby". I don't know what I would do. I haven't been blessed with children, and my dog really is like my child. I don't understand how people can be so cruel. Even if you don't like animals, how can you just run over someone's pet and not even stop? I try to watch closely for animals, but if I did run over one, I'd immediately stop and offer to take them to the vet. I'd probably be so upset that I wouldn't be able to see to drive, though.

I'm sorry that those close to you had such a bad day. I've said prayers and you will all continue to be in my thoughts. emoticon

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CRESHA20 4/28/2011 1:45PM

    Prayers all around.

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PHEFEY 4/28/2011 1:27PM

    they are in my prayers emoticon

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PEWTERBUNNY 4/28/2011 1:24PM

    How awful. I had a childhood pet dog that died the exact same way.

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AMAS92568 4/28/2011 12:24PM

    I'm so sorry.

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TIGGERJEAN 4/28/2011 12:04PM

    emoticon

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CHICKENCHASER78 4/28/2011 11:54AM

    emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 4/28/2011 11:20AM

    emoticon

How awful for your boss! Pets are family; it's hard enough to lose them when they get old and sick; I can't imagine witnessing something like that.

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation your mom is in, too. That's just ugly and stressful and horrible as well.

Prayers for them both.

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WILLIAMV3 4/28/2011 10:24AM

    emoticon

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REBECCAMA 4/28/2011 10:04AM

  Sorry for your losses Ashley.

My father is losing his job at the end of June. He's known this for a while. It is really hard to see it coming and be powerless to help.

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RUNWITHMICHELE 4/28/2011 9:54AM

    Wow, that is devastating. I don't understand how the driver could have just drove off. That is illegal to do.

I cannot believe how heartless people can be. My thoughts are with you and your mom, and your boss and their loss.

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SEARCHING4ME11 4/28/2011 9:19AM

    Praying for your bosses and your mother. I love how you are staying positive and focused in these difficult times!

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ANGELOO29 4/28/2011 8:20AM

    Positive thoughts going out to your bosses during this and to your mom.

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TRANSFORMWE 4/28/2011 7:59AM

    emoticon
It's hard when people we are close to are experiencing such pain. Bless you for caring so much.

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CARLA0716 4/28/2011 6:44AM

    I would feel the same as your bossess are feeling right now - my dog(s) are my 'children'. When we get them, we know that we will outlive them, yet we give them all of our love for the time that we have them. My thoughts are with your bosses.

I hope your mother's job does work itself out, and that she doesn't stress herself out of her job. My thoughts are with her as well.

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COOKWITHME65 4/28/2011 6:05AM

    So sad. I had a difficult time trying to finish reading this through my tears. Prayers being sent.

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CHICAT63 4/28/2011 5:27AM

    Very sad and sorry to hear for your boss's dog it is tragic indeed. Also in regards to your Mom, sending positives thoughts and strength to continue through this ordeal.

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HOPE2011 4/28/2011 5:22AM

    How awful! I cannot imagine how I would feel if that had happened to one of my dogs. I also feel for your mother; what a nasty thing to have her employers do to her. It is hard to deal with that: knowing you are not wanted, but not really being able to quit.

I will keep your bosses and your mother in my prayers.

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KATHLOW 4/28/2011 3:09AM

    Oh, losing a pet is horrible. I'm so sorryfor them. And for your mom too.

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IBSHAUN 4/28/2011 1:04AM

    Wow Ashley, that's really devastating for your boss! I will keep her and her husband in my prayers this week. Inside, we are all human with feelings and emotions. Again, she's lucky to have someone like you to work for her. So sad for your mom, too. Keeping her in my prayers this weekend, as well. Hugs to you all.

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KAMAPERRY 4/28/2011 12:46AM

    Hugs to all of you, wow.

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RAVENSONG37 4/28/2011 12:20AM

    Wow. Hugs woman. For you and those around you who are hurting. Take really good care of you. Let go of the guilt because that's just being mean to you. Let love and empathy flow through you. Dang. So sad.

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MADEMCHE 4/28/2011 12:13AM

    I am so sorry for your bosses loss. That is just horrible. And I understand your mom's pain, going through something similar right now. They are all in my thoughts, and hugs to you love.

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BOBF15 4/27/2011 11:57PM

    Tragedy has a way of refocusing us and bringing life into true perspective.

One statement you made really resonated, life is too short to be angry, upset and "fat" somehow that does not seem to match ... but oh, yes it does. Fat is a state of mind, and I don't want to be in that state of mind.

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ANNETTEBROWN1 4/27/2011 11:19PM

    (hugs)

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LADYANDREA2012 4/27/2011 10:52PM

    Oh Ashley, you did have a terrible day! How sad about your boss dog, that is horrible. I hope they feel better soon. Very sorry about your mom. I can understand what she is been though cause I had a lot of trouble at work and finally they won; I quit. I hope she will be stronger than I and stay strong!

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LKEITHO 4/27/2011 10:34PM

    So sorry to hear about your boss' dog, and your mother's misfortune. I hope life returns to something more normal for you soon.

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LORETTA24 4/27/2011 10:34PM

    emoticon emoticon Prayers going up for all of you!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 4/27/2011 10:24PM

    What a sad day Ashley. I will keep you all in my prayers.

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CRE8URHAPPY 4/27/2011 10:00PM

    All are in my thoughts and prayers.

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PRIMAVERA_81 4/27/2011 9:38PM

    They will be in my thoughts, and as for you, you are a very uplifting person, positive and compassionate, I hope that your mom stays strong. It is so sad how people treat each other. Thats why my dog is my best friend. I am so sorry to hear that your bosses lost their baby, I wouldnt know what to do if something ever happened to my Bella Picollini. She is my life. I will pray for you, your bosses, and your moms strength!!!!

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RICKEY45 4/27/2011 9:14PM

    I will pray for your bosses (and your mom).
I can only imagine that their hearts are just broken.
Thank you for being a supportive friend/employee (and daughter),
and for reminding us that this life is fleeting and that we should go for it! ...we need to appreciate today and everybody that we love today, even if it's a little dog.
I still miss my little dog, Misty.
We will be praying for y'all.

Comment edited on: 4/27/2011 9:19:33 PM

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WMMCCRORY 4/27/2011 8:43PM

    I can relate to your bosses, my DH and I do not have children but we have three dogs and I know eventually they will go on but I hope it is of old age because I cannot imagine losing one of them right now. Your bosses are in my thoughts as well as your mom and you. I totally agree that life is too short. Keep your head up and go strong!

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IMIN2GENES 4/27/2011 8:39PM

    What a terrible tragedy! I'll keep them in my prayers as well as you and your mom. Nobody deserves to be treated like that!
Chris

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NEENSTER1 4/27/2011 8:24PM

    emoticon for your boss and her family also for your mom and the people she is working for. It hurts me to my heart about how people could be so inconsiderate towards people. God will repay sayeth the Lord. Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord!
emoticon You are right Life is too Short. We should enjoy every second. Be Encouraged. emoticon

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CANNIE50 4/27/2011 8:03PM

    I am so sorry to read about all this tragedy and difficulty. They are fortunate to have people as compassionate as you in their lives.

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THINBUCKEYE 4/27/2011 8:02PM

    What a terrible tragedy. They are in my prayers.

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BIGMAMAT 4/27/2011 7:41PM

    so sorry to hear your story honey. I will be praying for them. emoticon

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ROCKMAN6797 4/27/2011 7:38PM

    Such tragic events, I will keep both in my thoughts.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 4/27/2011 7:37PM

    Thank you everyone!

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RIGBY31 4/27/2011 7:28PM

    A very heartbreaking day. I'm so sorry for all of this happening. My prayers are with them, and you too Ashley.
emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/27/2011 7:27PM

    I'm sorry to hear about the horible day you had. My thoughts are with you, your mom and your bosses.

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SEESTARS 4/27/2011 7:23PM

    So sorry to hear such sad news for your bosses and your mom. Keep being that amazing person we see you being her in spark-land and support them in this hard time. My heart is with you.

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Making positives from negative experiences

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Today was my first willful binge since I started SP. I went out, hunted down, acquired and devoured my prey. I thought about it a lot and I could have stopped it. I didn't and I willfully chose not too. This is a big step. Now sure, some can read this in judgement and if you choose to that is your path but I would appreciate if you take your judgement elsewhere. I find people who judge generally have a lot to hide and can't face their own issues so they project them on others and feel better by belittling and feeling superior. I don't have time for it and I don't respect it. That being said I also am not looking for you to tell me it is ok and tomorrow is another day filled with a bunch of hug emoticons. It is not ok in any way, shape or form.

What I did learn today was that I will always be addicted to food. It isn't going to magically go away because I want it to and my trigger is being unhappy. My big aha moment. This is my pattern. Get happy in a new relationship, job, house etc and lose weight, then when the going gets tough, the job starts to be stressful, the relationship has problems etc I start to gain weight back. I gained the last 40 lbs at a job I hated so much that I literally used to fantasize about falling down and hurting myself so I could take time off. When I left that job I lost 35 lbs with little effort. The pattern stops here and now.
From this minute forward I am no longer allowing the excuses and lies creep back into my life and I am going to keep going down the healthy path.

Yes, that 1 piece of cake will hurt me.
Yes, I do need to pack my lunch even if it is more work.
No, skipping the gym just this once isn't acceptable.
No, calories on the weekends aren't free.
No, I don't enjoy running at this weight, it is painful, and it is ok to admit that and find other forms of cardio until it is less physically stressing on my joints.
Yes, it is ok to come on SP and talk about this instead of hiding because I don't want to make other people listen to my negativity. Negativity is a normal and healthy part of this process.
Yes, I do enjoy eating clean and have better self esteem when I stick to it.

Before SP I would have sat and cried feeling hopeless for days. I would have beaten myself up and told myself I would never be thin. Now, it is different. I know I can do this and I know I have solutions. There is a way out of the misery. I can do this. I have already lost more weight than some people could even imagine. How could anyone, including myself, see that as failure? It isn't possible.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TISHA80 4/28/2011 3:03PM

    Thanks again for being so honest!

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CHICKENCHASER78 4/28/2011 12:06PM

    I love the honestly in your blog. We live and learn and hope to progress from it, its the best thing anyone can do in a situation. emoticon

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 4/28/2011 11:58AM

    Sounds like you gave yourself the talk you needed. We know what we need to do in order to lose weight and change our lifestyles and when we make poor choices we have to ACKNOWLEDGE them and learn from them. Great blog Ash, honesty with ourselves and others is really important in this journey and that is something you always portray! :)

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SUMMERGIRLTASHA 4/28/2011 12:48AM

    Love your honesty and impressed with your taking responsibility for your behavior. It is a strange thing... there are always people around that will help you make excuses and when you take responsibility it makes them feel uncomfortable. Bravo for standing strong. You are rare. and you inspire me by your weight loss. And you are beautiful and smart. You Go Girl!
emoticonTasha

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NEENSTER1 4/27/2011 8:37PM

    Amen for saying it is not ok!! You worked too hard to go backwards. emoticon

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JENSUMILLER 4/27/2011 6:59PM

    I love this post! It felt just like me saying all of this. No amount of hugs or love are going to stop the fact that I have a huge problem with food. Telling me I am ok for skipping workouts or eating all that food isn't going to help me get to my goals. It is wonderful to have the support and motivation offered here, but only I can do this for me! Thanks for showing me I am not alone in this lonely world of addictions.

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F1AMEDIVA 4/27/2011 6:56PM

    Exactly.Humans make mistakes. You have to live and learn and know yourself. As you learn your triggers and typical responses you can work on changing your responses. Also understanding you are human and forgiving yourself for mistakes.

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WILLIAMV3 4/27/2011 3:57PM

    Go girl! Learn and move on is all we can do.

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POLSKARENIA 4/27/2011 3:48PM

    Great blog! Super upturn of attitude! Woo hoo you!!!

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PHEFEY 4/27/2011 11:21AM

    awesome attitude
that's the attitude that loses weight

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NUTS4NUTELLA 4/27/2011 11:02AM

    The attitude change from post SP to now is the most important thing. Great job on that girl!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 4/27/2011 10:13AM

    I hear you, in my case ham emoticon emoticon

we got this!!!

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RUNWITHMICHELE 4/27/2011 9:00AM

    People make mistakes, it happens.

You HAVE lost so much weight and should be proud of it.

The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and keep going.

So go go go!

emoticon

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JBMT08 4/27/2011 8:19AM

    As always, truthful and to the point. Love that you share your thoughts about this process!

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RONOSOF 4/27/2011 8:13AM

    Here for you... emoticon emoticon Mary

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KRISKECK 4/27/2011 8:06AM

    What a great takeaway and how great that you are able to look at yourself so honestly and use it to make positive changes. Way to go, chica!

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COOKWITHME65 4/27/2011 7:51AM

    Just love your blogs Ashley. So honest!

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LUVDOGZ 4/27/2011 6:30AM

    It sounds like you really learned something about yourself! Way to go! Food is my comfort, and being unhappy is my trigger as well. You have helped me with this blog. I can't wait to be happy to lose weight, or expect I will be happy when I DO lose weight, it is a vicious circle, and I expect why I haven't been successful. This blog has been very timely, thank you!

Michelle


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KATHLOW 4/27/2011 3:50AM

    I needed to hear this, and your way of telling it like it is makes me sit up and notice. Thanks for that!

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KAMAPERRY 4/27/2011 1:07AM

    Thank you, I binged over Easter, and have been having trouble since. But this is only temporary, and I will get on with it.

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IBSHAUN 4/27/2011 12:45AM

    Okay, no hug emoticons but I'm not sure if there is a kick in the pants emoticon. Just kidding. You are right though. If we keep forgiving the slips over and over and over again, we really are slipping back into bad habits. I had that this weekend and it was quite frightening how quickly 4 days snowballed into one blur and I hid from my accountability. Keep sharing with us, lay it all out and work through it. You can and will do it.

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 4/26/2011 11:46PM

    I agree with you about being able to come to SP and just lay it all out. Glad that you also found your big aha moment! That is such a wonderful feeling!

Hope you have a wonderful night.

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LEAHLEGS 4/26/2011 11:18PM

    It's funny that you mentioned "the hunt". That's such a huge part of our connection with food, that 30 or so minutes between the decision to overeat, and the act of going out and doing it. At least with me, the binges are always planned and plotted, never spur of the moment. I'm addicted to food too.

Good luck with all you do, and I hope things start looking up :)

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CANNIE50 4/26/2011 9:25PM

    Okay, I am standing back, with my huggy arms planted firmly behind my back. I JUST today blogged about my Easter binge. You should read it - you may or may not relate. I could relate to so much of what you said and I LOVED the way you described the hunting of the prey. In my case, the caveman I live with drug the big-arse thing home and well, you know the rest. I have had two binges in 6 weeks - I could see my binges as failures and predictors of more failure but I see them as amazing progress - only two in six weeks instead of 42 in six weeks! We strive for progress, not perfection - some very smart people taught me that a very long time ago and it remains true. Goodbye for now. I have to end this because my emoticon finger is getting real itchy.

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MRS.CARLY 4/26/2011 9:19PM

    Tell it like it is girlie!

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MAMADWARF 4/26/2011 8:53PM

    was it at least GOOD CAKE? I mean, at least if it tasted good, I can understand. I hate when I do that over something that wasnt even good! Good for you for changing patterns...

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ECONLADY 4/26/2011 8:45PM

    You said beautifully how I am feeling.

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MARTELLA3 4/26/2011 8:13PM

    Success is getting up, brushing yourself off and moving forward from where you are.
Sounds like you are a success to me!

Marty

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BETHV10 4/26/2011 8:06PM

    I had a binge over Easter for no apparent reason that I could think of except that I wanted more of the goodies that I had available than I should have. I am back on my healthy plan but I know that one bad day doesn't define me.
I am not giving up. It is merely a bump in the road of life.

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BETHV10 4/26/2011 8:06PM

    I had a binge over Easter for no apparent reason that I could think of except that I wanted more of the goodies that I had available than I should have. I am back on my healthy plan but I know that one bad day doesn't define me.
I am not giving up. It is merely a bump in the road of life.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/26/2011 7:56PM

    You are totally in my head right now. Check out my food log from yesterday. I got in the car, went directly to the pizza place and bought it. Completely pre-meditated. It sucks today because I'm miserable. I did it and now I have to work my ass off to undo it. Life goes on and so do my choices. Moving on...

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THISYEARSMODEL 4/26/2011 7:54PM

    Congrats on your awareness, and for knowing what you need to do! That's a victory in itself. emoticon

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RIGBY31 4/26/2011 7:41PM

    Nothing worse than having an Aha! moment stuffed and bloated. Been there (less than 72 hours ago). You're a smart cookie (oops!), get back in the groove because any other lifestyle will kill us. (no hugs for you!)

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REBEKAHJOHNSON 4/26/2011 7:26PM

    Psh, I like emoticons! emoticon

You're human; I'm glad you finally got over that and you're ready to press on. Welcome to my world.

emoticon

woot woot!

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ROCKMAN6797 4/26/2011 7:24PM

    It is not a race but a way of life filled with peaks and valleys. Good for you for recognizing this fact.

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IMIN2GENES 4/26/2011 7:23PM

    I really do love your blogs. Thank you for being so open and honest!

Growing, learning, venting. It's all part of the process. Good for you! It sounds like you're figuring it out.
Chris

Comment edited on: 4/26/2011 7:27:31 PM

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RUNNER12COM 4/26/2011 7:12PM

    You've identified trouble points, accepted your weaknesses, and planned out a way to maximize your strengths.

Pfft, what's to judge? Good on ya!

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SEESTARS 4/26/2011 7:05PM

    Thanks for sharing this.

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CHRISTINA791 4/26/2011 6:59PM

    I think you've done a great job here. You're using the experience to learn more about why it happened rather than beating yourself up or pretending it didn't happen. I know you don't want meaningless hug icons, but I think it takes a lot of strength and personal accountability to use something like this. Sometimes, I think the best thing we can do is study ourselves from the outside to figure out what makes us tick. Looking at both the bad and the good objectively is the best way to do that. Human beings are always a work in progress.

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MIZCATHI 4/26/2011 6:58PM

    I like your honest blogs. No, it's not ok, but you accept that you are human, and that is ok. No, it's not ok to purposely seek out a binge, but beating yourself up over it and abusing yourself is not productive. There is a balance, and there is no sense talking about a problem if you don't have a solution. You're consciously figuring that out, and that is a level of maturity that will find you the balance you seek.

"Forgiving" yourself is walking a fine line. There IS always "tomorrow", or the next meal, but that can become it's own trap. Working out your negative feelings equips you with a healthy emotional tool box. Good for you!



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