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Re-evaluating things

Sunday, March 27, 2011

This past week was pretty miserable on the work front. Constant stress and very little relief. Friday morning was supposed to be the big meeting which ended up getting rescheduled to Monday afternoon because my bosses were too busy on Friday. I have spent the weekend questioning if this was just a strategy to get me to book the huge event I have a meeting for on Monday morning and then let me go in the afternoon.
Luckily, an old friend of mine and I got to chat this afternoon and I really respect his opinion both personally and professionally. He confirmed what I have already known but just have not wanted to face. That I can not control my company and sometimes being let go or making a mutual decision to resign is the right decision. Jobs do run their course and we can not control when that happens necessarily. No matter what happens I will be able to find a new job, a better job, one that is more fulfilling and leaves me less stressed.
This past week I was not proud of how I handled the stress. Just because I didn't overeat doesn't mean I handled it in a good way. I basically hardly ate all week and I only worked out once. I was an anxiety ridden mess and if I was not overworking I was at home hiding and sleeping.
Why am I telling all of you this? Well because people keep telling me they admire me and I think part of my journey is being totally honest. Even when we get farther along in this journey we don't always make the right choices but that is ok. It is a constant learning experience and it is what we take away from each of these learning experiences that is the most important thing. I am strong, powerful, beautiful, and a survivor. Nobody is going to bring me back to the insecure miserable person I was a year ago. Whatever path I have to take to finding my bliss will be the right one and I will adapt. Regardless of the how I had to start out.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMIN2GENES 4/1/2011 8:59PM

    I've been there and appreciate your honesty. I hate to hear anyone having to deal with situations like this; but your attitude towards it is great.

I love this line: "I am strong, powerful, beautiful, and a survivor. Nobody is going to bring me back to the insecure miserable person I was a year ago. Whatever path I have to take to finding my bliss will be the right one and I will adapt." I am sure you will and you'll be better than ever!

Thinking of you and wishing you a successful resolution!
Chris
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SCAZARES39 3/30/2011 1:13PM

    emoticon it will all be ok! I hope the job thing works out for the best for YOU! Keep your head up, next week is a new week!

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DRJJ2004 3/29/2011 3:13PM

    You and your friend are right on!!! It's all gonna be OK girlfriend!! Hang in there!

Hugs!

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SPOOKYTHECAT 3/29/2011 2:32PM

    Wishing you wellness & resolution, Ashely.

I hate not knowing what is going to happen, it drives me nutso~ so I hope you have got your answer & know that you will rise to the top, no matter what!


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DIVADOLL73 3/29/2011 12:35PM

    Be encouraged Ashley you've come a longgg way we all hit bumps in the road. Your in my thoughts and prayers today....I know what it is to be in a stressful job enviroment, but it gets better pray about your decisions and do what is best for yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/29/2011 12:37:55 PM

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DIVADOLL73 3/29/2011 12:35PM

    Be encouraged Ashley you've come a longgg way we all hit bumps in the road. Your in my thoughts and prayers today....I know what it is to be in a stressful job enviroment, but it gets better pray about your decisions and do what is best for yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/29/2011 12:38:30 PM

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WORKINGSTIFF 3/29/2011 12:09PM

    A big part of going through life is to come to the realization that much of it is beyond our control.

Just that you are willing to look honestly at your situation and share that honesty with us is big in itself. A lot of people try to avoid such things at all costs.

Hopefully the situation will right itself. It's like that old saying about 10% of life is what happens to us and the other 90% is how we deal with that 10%.

Take care!


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DAISYTERRI 3/29/2011 8:27AM

    Thinking of you today!

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KATHLOW 3/29/2011 5:23AM

    Thanks for your honesty and good luck!

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ZANNACHAN 3/29/2011 12:47AM

    I'm sorry that everything is still so stressful for you. I hope something better comes your way--or at least that your current work situation will resolve itself happily!

"Just because I didn't overeat doesn't mean I handled it in a good way."

Honesty is a powerful thing. You could have done better, possibly, but think of it this way:

1) You could have done worse. In addition to the unhealthy things you did this way, you could have binged on food or drink or any number of things.

2) Maybe understanding what you did that was unhealthy this time (and why) will help you be better prepared to do better next time.

In any case, you are a strong woman who can and will bounce back from this stronger than ever.

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NANHBH 3/29/2011 12:11AM

    Ash,

Thanks for your honesty. It really helps to see your growth on all aspects of being healthy. Very profound statement - "Just because I didn't overeat doesn't mean I handled it in a good way." You ARE an amazingly beautiful, strong woman! Keep sharing your life examples with us. You are teaching us all about handling life!
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4EVERADONEGIRL 3/28/2011 6:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

You have much to be proud of because through all of this you have learned a valuable lesson - that you CAN handle whatever comes your way...maybe not the best way this time around, but now you've learned something from it! :-)

Good job!

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KAMAPERRY 3/28/2011 5:14PM

    I love your honesty, and I do believe when one door closes, another, better one opens!

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PATTILYNN224 3/28/2011 3:09PM

    I respect you not because you are perfect but because you are real. Trusting that when God decides that its time for you to move on, He will have something fabulous waiting for you.
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SHONNAATCH 3/28/2011 2:48PM

    Hope that all is well today, Ashley! So many people admire you, but that doesn't mean you have to perfect and I'm so glad you recognize that. You have made so many positive steps and you will get back to them. Thinking of you!

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CHANGINGELAINE 3/28/2011 2:33PM

    Like you I don't eat when I am stressed or too busy. This usually is just as bad as eating too much because my body goes into survival mode.
I keep thinking of weight loss as a journey, and reading your blogs always confirms that for me.
Thanks so much for sharing!

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JESSIEJUICE 3/28/2011 2:29PM

    Honesty is definitely the best policy! I'm so sorry from what I read it sounded like you really had a whale of a week, but whatever happens know that you deserve nothing but the best treatment. I'm thinking good thoughts for you that this week is better.

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GREENSCRAPCAT 3/28/2011 1:26PM

    Today is another day, good luck to you. When I am down and out, I blog hop on SP, this is one of those days. You are always a great motivator.

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MADEMCHE 3/28/2011 12:02PM

    Good for you Ash! I hope today is going well.

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PELESJEWEL 3/28/2011 11:39AM

    Yep! Let the cards fall where they will! You are magnificent and will find the right path at the right place & right time!

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CTTAGENT 3/28/2011 11:30AM

    Sorry to hear about your job plight. Hope everything goes well today at the meeting, and that you can relax and get back on track.

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NUTS4NUTELLA 3/28/2011 11:27AM

    As always, thank you for being so honest and open with us and yourself
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COOKWITHME65 3/28/2011 10:29AM

    Thinking of you Ashley. You probably haven't been able to relax much this weekend.Don't resign, it will make it difficult to collect benefits. they can't fire you as you have been performing and have not received warnings. They could lay you off though. Things will work out for the best.

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ALOFA0509 3/28/2011 2:04AM

   
I'm sorry your going thru this sista. I'll be thinking of you on Monday.. BREATH.. Were all here for you ;)

Hugs,
Alofa

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TISHA80 3/28/2011 1:07AM

    Thank you for your honesty. I'm sure you will find your bliss. Just hang in there in the mean time.

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HANNAH_CALM 3/27/2011 11:31PM

    I hope that your meeting goes well on Monday. Please don't resign, because you can get unemployment benefits if they fire you.

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SHIRLEY_BEE 3/27/2011 10:57PM

    Keep Faith dear Ashley. Faith and confidence in yourself is going to get you through this. You are growing and learning more about yourself and your strengths through this experience. You shall overcome. Your resilience in very inspiring, as is your writing. You are a WINNER. Congratulations on your awesome weight loss emoticon

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GINA180847 3/27/2011 10:54PM

    Good luck on Monday Ashley, I will be waiting to read about it on the blog. This waiting sucks doesn't it? Truly in my opinion you will not be fired but they do not make it easy for you.

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DUSTYGIRL25 3/27/2011 10:30PM

    Good for You for taking this forward for everyone else to read.
We are all human and we all have different situations daily.
So if one persons actions can help someone else along the way then Great. Thats what we are supposed to be doing by helping, motivating and supporting each other.

Whatever happens, I'm sure you will come out on top! emoticon

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TRACEEAST 3/27/2011 10:20PM

    Ashley, I admire you for how well you are doing, but also because of your honesty and how REAL you are. I know that all is not going to be sunshine and roses in this journey, but when I see others go thru rough times and pick themselves up out of it, I know I will be able to also!
I pray that you'll be happy and content with whatever happens in this work situation.

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 3/27/2011 10:11PM

    I was going through a similiar situation with my job. Each day I went in ridden with anxiety because I wasn't sure if that was going to be the day that I got fired. Eventually things settled down and I kept the job. I was so worried about getting fired that I couldn't think of anything else. I've never been fired or let go from a job and I couldn't handle the thought of it. I'm thankful that I have a job, but I often wonder what other opportunities would've presented themselves to me had I left that job. That's one thing I'll never know. But for this moment I'm trying to listen to the cues in my life that make me uncomfortable and I know that it's time for a change. You're absolutely right, you can't change the outcome of things and please don't give yourself added anxiety trying to figure out why your boss does this or that. Sometimes there just isn't any rhyme or reason. But find comfort in knowing that you've put your best foot forward, you've always been professional and that you will land on your feet. Good luck tomorrow!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/27/2011 8:55PM

    Ahsley, you are a strong woman and you will succeed, no matter what happens at this meeting! Don't live in fear, it only makes things worse. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. {{HUGS}}

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ECONLADY 3/27/2011 8:47PM

    Honesty with yourself is wonderful. Go on and do your job. Stop living in fear of losing it. It just isn't a good way to live. Go ahead and start searching for a new job. You are a survivor!

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SDJOLLY 3/27/2011 8:45PM

    Your strength and attitude is amazing. Thank you for being honest. I know I still struggle with my emotions and how I handle them. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Whatever happens with your job, I know you're going to be fine!

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KIMBYUT 3/27/2011 8:41PM

    You have an amazing attitude and outlook. It's difficult in the midst of things to make the "right" decisions and to see the forest through the trees (or however that saying goes lol). Whatever happens on Monday, is outside your control. No matter what the outcome, you can be proud and hold your head high that you go in there and do your best and are a hard working and ethical employee. I know the economy is tough and all that, but no matter the outcome, you are too determined to get knocked down and stay down. They say necessity breeds creativity, maybe this job will be what pushes you to make a career change. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow!


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strange day

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I have always made myself get more stressed than necessary. It is a family thing. We all imagine the worst case scenarios so we can be prepared. I find it so annoying. Work started early for me as usual. Such a busy week and tomorrow I have the big meeting and have to go on a site visit with a client so I will have very little time in the office. My bosses came in early, rare for her but not him, and had a meeting about me. I know this because he called and asked me to email him another copy of my self evaluation. I put a lot of careful thought into my answers and I stand behind all of it.
It was interesting because I was fully expecting to get fired but I don't think so anymore. When I came in this morning she boss had left my password to my computer on a post it on my desk and it had upset me. I know it is her computer and she can do as she pleases but I don't like that kind of general distrust. I did not mention it to her or any of my coworkers because it would not be professional but it did upset me. One of my sparkfriends pointed out that if she has to look that hard for things to criticize me about than I am doing ok and I think that is a good way to look at it.
No I do not think she reads my blogs and I am not worried about it. I know she does not know about sparkpeople or my blog. Certainly not my screenname. I am going to continue to be open about my life without fear. Fear kept me trapped for so long and I am done living that way.
Back to my point. Well she was her typical strange self all day but my guy boss was all over me about my clients and asking me about events he wants to book for the summer and wanting me to call them etc. Not fishing for info. More so just trying to get business. If I was being terminated he would have just ignored me and had someone call my clients on Monday.
The HR lady was off today and we are buddies. She texted me and told me if I was being fired she would already have been told so I needed to settle down and get a good nights sleep tonight. She did not feel this meeting was any different than any other standard review. I am going to try and take it all at face value and relax. Relaxing is hard for me. REALLY HARD.
KARVY09 wrote a good blog today, I am too lazy to post the link, about dreaming big and fearing success etc. It hit home for me. I have always wanted a bigger life. Never happy to be ordinary. Ordinary scares me honestly. I have always wanted adventure and to live a life by my rules. This whole thing has made me realize I am not a corporate type. I need to get out. This is not about my bosses, they are not all bad, just can be very difficult. This is about my general misery with being chained to a desk and feeling unfulfilled. It is time to branch out.
I don't know how to become a paid writer and this would be my dream job. It is so many people's dream job. How do I stand out? How do I get paid to do it? I know how to open a restaurant, I just need to raise the capital. Many people start very small. My bosses now started as a tiny café with 3 employees. I will make these things my reality. Baby steps.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANHBH 3/27/2011 4:38PM

    You GO, Girlfriend!
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BETHV10 3/26/2011 6:50PM

    With the determination you have shown on losing weight, there is no doubt in my mind that you can become a writer as well. emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 3/26/2011 9:55AM

    Thats right baby steps Ashley. You will do it. Sitting here going crazy what happened Friday. Seems weird she went into your computer. How stupid she was to leave that posted note. Some of it reads like they are building a case to fire you, sorry I'm a worrier also, and have you call your client's to get a feel for any upcoming business than it would be easier for someone else to call as you already broke the ice or then it makes me think in a more positive way. Maybe they check everyones computers and you just didn't know, maybe they are considering giving you some bigger accounts and want to know how busy you already are this summer. Maybe have you take on an intern or head a new team?

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KTTAYLOR21 3/26/2011 9:19AM

    Sounds like you need a trip to the bood store and do some research on how to relax and meditate. Your too young to take your body through ssoo much stress and learning how to relax and clear your mind is so important. Then the issues that your bosses blow up will roll off your back. You are a valuable employee. They may be dumb but they aren't stupid or they wouldn't be where they are today. To lose you would be like losing a huge assest to their company. Grow confident in your abilities because I can tell from your blogs that you are completely and totally emoticon!!!! And that's no B.S.!!!!

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MADEMCHE 3/26/2011 9:18AM

    Ordinary scares me too! You can do anything love. Glad you are letting the stress go.

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 3/26/2011 8:38AM

    Baby steps indeed. Your weight loss happened thru incremental steps. But the thing is you stuck with it and kept your eyes on the overall prize. Now 90+ lbs later you're basking in the fruits of your hard labor. You have an idea and you can bring it to fruition. You're a dedicated person, as evidenced by losing 90 lbs, joining a gym and sticking with it. Go out there and claim your world!

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ECONLADY 3/26/2011 12:15AM

    I'm so sorry work is so rough. I wish I had some great advice about how to handle it, but if I knew I would do it myself. In trying to handle my own work stress I had to decide that I won't judge my success by management. Their priorities are messed up and I have also achieved things that they cannot. I'm proud of how I have handled some horrible parts of my life and grown as a person. I also have a wonderful husband and daughter. This is worth more than anything management may think is important. Good Luck!

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ILOVEGRAY 3/25/2011 6:04PM

    Ashley: get online with your local Small Business Administration Office and start a small business plan... there are also special loans available for 'minority and women owned businesses' if your plan is solid you should qualify for a start up loan. Everything is possible... and I am sure you would make some healthful and creative meals... we would all have to come to try!

Keep your chin up, I find I get down about my job/everything in the spring and fall, in the summer i tend to put-up and shut-up more!

Everything will work out for you..... emoticon it just takes time!!

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HANNAH_CALM 3/25/2011 10:43AM

    I get very tense too. Whenever I have a doctor's appointment, or if someone's told me bad news, I'm up all night. I hope your bosses lose interest in harassing you, and move onto other things soon. Good luck with everything!

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AEBROWNSON 3/25/2011 9:10AM

    Ashley, your comment at the very end of your blog caught me...you want to open a restaurant but just need to raise the capital. You have done SO well with your weight loss...YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! I recently started using some of the tools in the Sparkpeople Financial Fitness Center...the budget form includes a line for SAVINGS! (I'm saving for a tummy tuck emoticon). Interestingly enough, writing down everything you spend helps you be aware of what you spend and so you spend less, just like writing down everything you eat makes you aware of what you eat and so you eat less.

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WORTHEYMOM 3/25/2011 8:41AM

    Baby steps is something my hubby has always told me too! It may be hard right now not to take that leap, but in the end it pays off more. You are great and brave woman who I am inspired by everyday. Ash Thank you for being you! Have a great Friday and super awesome weekend!

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ANGELOO29 3/25/2011 7:53AM

    Just like with everything else in life - small steps lead to huge adventures. I am sure you can accomplish your DREAMS! I hope today goes well and you enjoy your weekend!

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FRUITYFUL 3/25/2011 12:10AM

    If your guy boss is talking about stuff coming up in the summer, he is not thinking of firing you. Why discuss future plans if that's the case?

I too am a worrier. I have been making a a concentrated effort to try and relax a bit.

Good luck with branching out. Being a writer would be fabulous! You can make your own hours, work where you like, and have no boss!

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PEWTERBUNNY 3/25/2011 12:09AM

    It's good to have friends in HR. Trust me.

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/24/2011 10:30PM

    Interesting about the bosses. Even more interesting that you have desires to be a writer. For starters, You can write some articles and submit them to some different magazines, papers, etc. My sister-in-law got her break that way, and has done well.
Go For It!

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/24/2011 9:59PM

    I'm right there with you on the dream of being a paid writer! I'm not being paid (yet) but I'm getting the chance to try it out and it's being received very well so far. Stepping out on faith and chasing dreams is scary, but to me worth the risk.

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BEACHTWINS63 3/24/2011 8:58PM

    Ashley, I'm glad that your day was better than you expected it to be and I admire your determination to do better for yourself and keep pursuing your dream. Best of luck!
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LINDAGRAVEL 3/24/2011 8:12PM

    Good Luck stay Positive

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LORETTA24 3/24/2011 8:08PM

    emoticon Stress is always an interference in every day life. Greatness and joy is never the destination but the road along the way. This is not meant to belittle your stress but encourage you in the outcome. There are a lot of Spark people who are there for you to offer comfort no matter what. You are truly blessed. My prayers are there for you. Keep smiling sunshine. emoticon

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/24/2011 7:42PM

    I admire you brave heart Ashley!

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ROCKMAN6797 3/24/2011 7:37PM

    Sounds like you did alot of deep thinking today, that is good. I love how you ended your blog, the baby steps ideas applied to all of life. Set a goal, have a plan, and work toward accomplishing that goal, no matter how long it takes. It will be there waiting for you. I hope you meeting tomorrow is a productive meeting. I will keep my fingers crossed!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 3/24/2011 7:32PM

    I learned that I believed one should keep a "good" job and because of this belief I would take little things and blow them out of proportion so that others around me (like my folks) would understand when I quit that "good" job. I finally realized that I don't need anyone's permission to change jobs.. there is no perfect reason.. if I don't like it? I can quit.. HA.. take that! It really freed me up... weird eh? The beliefs we hold that are just so silly in hindsight. (I am not saying that you're doing any of this but for some reason your blog just made me think about that period in my life.)

I LOVE your dreams and totally think it's awesome to pursue them.. if you want something bad enough... and are willing to work hard for it.. you can achieve it.. YOU can achieve it!! A cafe owner.. a writer.. whatever.. you can do it!!
Annie

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SEESTARS 3/24/2011 7:30PM

    Bravo! Keep your dreams alive and baby step your way to success.

I know just how you feel about being chained to a desk. It is one of the major reasons I started getting fit. I'd tell co-workers. "this job is killing me!" when they asked why I decided to commit to losing weight.

I can only imagine the same is possible with starting your own company. but it is a lot scarier to me. Fail at a diet and you just stay fat. Fail at your business and you might not have money to put food on the table. Ouch! Just gotta take that leap of faith I guess. And I should take my own advise and start working on my own side business. Professional Organization Services.

Many hugs!

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ZANNACHAN 3/24/2011 7:28PM

    What your HR friend says makes sense.

I agree, focus on what you enjoy about your job, at least for now--you have a lot to offer so even in corporate America you aren't ordinary. You might even surprise yourself.

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AARONSGIRL420 3/24/2011 7:22PM

    I don't always comment on your blogs, but I read them often (if not all of them).

I agree with what the HR lady said and with your observation. If you were getting let go she would have known and you would not be given more tasks to complete.

Try to let go of other people's views and shine as you know you can. In your prior blog you were so excited about landing the big event. Focus on that and let your creativity shine.

I am sure it will be spectacular.

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DUSTYGIRL25 3/24/2011 7:18PM

    Good for you Ashley,

Good for you for staying positive during these trying times. It just sounds like it's time to move and and you definitely know it.
I hope you are able to write (which you are very good at) and start a restaurant business. It's time now to seize all of your dreams and make them come true.

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KAZ814 3/24/2011 7:14PM

    Being scared and worrying can be two of the most encumbering things, I think. I've spent a great deal of time being scared and worrying, too, and I know that I'm a much happier person when I don't allow my worry/fear to hold me back.

If you want to be a paid writer, try googling about it. I googled a few years ago and there were some freelance jobs here and there available. You could try looking for something like that to start with. If you're more into fiction, write a story and submit it an online 'zine or a specific competition. And you're right - baby steps are the way to start out. That way you build on a good foundation! (Just like here at Spark!)

GOOD LUCK!

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4EVERADONEGIRL 3/24/2011 7:12PM

    Just as with your health journey, these other challenges in life take a lot of the same mindset. Set goals, establish a timeline, research, and then - as you said - take baby steps towards your goal! Sometimes you may need to pause and re-evaluate (plateau) or you may need to tweak your plan to fight boredom, or you might find that you like certain things, more than others and so you work to find ways to incorporate the good stuff more often. :-)

You've done this all so far, so in my eyes - there's nothin' stopping you! Good luck tomorrow!!!!

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The power of stress

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My day started awesome because I landed a big party for a big higher up at big name university. He is leaving and becoming the CEO of some other big name place so they are throwing him a huge, lavish party and apparently he has very high standards. I had to turn around a proposal in a few hours and I managed to beat out 2 of the larger catering companies and landed the event! I am pretty excited because events like this are when I get to be super creative and do new things and that is what I enjoy. Both of my bosses were pretty excited about it as well.
All morning I worked on the 20 page self review I had to turn in in preparation of my formal review Friday morning. I wanted to be honest and objective. Imagine it is one of my blogs, yeah that is pretty much how open I was. I was not negative. Just direct and to the point. I asked my friend who is the HR manager to read it all over and tell me what to take out and how it all read. She told me she was really proud of how candid I was with my responses and actually suggested a few things that I should add that she felt they were doing wrong and a few good points about me that she felt they deserved attention be drawn too. I am proud of the answers I gave. I don't believe in lying to keep my position. She said she felt that if their intention was to fire me they already would have done it and not dragged it out this long.
I gave it to my boss and she was rude. Complete 180 from this morning. This morning she was nice and supportive the way she used to be. This afternoon back to rude. I really don't get it at all. One of the questions I had to answer was about my mood day to day. I snorted when I saw it. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
I am working on accepting that I can not control the outcome of this meeting and that I just have to do my best not to get upset. I know the truth about the situation and how they react is not anything I can change. I am hoping that they will approach this as positively and professionally as I have. We shall see.
The level of stress that I have felt this week is pretty close to what it felt like to get divorced. Can't sleep, can't eat, constant gnawing in my stomach, heart palpitations. I had to force myself to eat 800 calories so far today so far. Good thing I am having beef for dinner and can get my calories up into a reasonable range. I am just not hungry. Funny part is I am not losing any weight either. I thought with how little I have interest in eating this week that I would have the pounds just peeling off me. Nope, the scale mocks me each morning with the same number. I know it is all stress induced.
My mom sent me the sweet card today with a check for a new special outfit to celebrate 90 lbs lost! It means so much to me that she would do that. I have officially lost more than anyone else in the family not that I am happy that is an award that needed to be won. I will make it to my goal in the future and I will not be going down this road again. She asked me what would I do if could do anything. It hit me. I love to cook. Always have. I would love to own this great little coffee and lunch place with great quality food. The jobs that made me happiest in life were when I cooked in a kitchen during my teens. I need to follow my bliss or I will continue to toil in the corporate drone for the rest of my life. I am not going to look back and think "why did I waste my life?" If I lost this much weight I sure as heck can find career that I love. I am worth it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIVADOLL73 3/29/2011 12:43PM

    90LBS!!!!!!!!!!! Ashley you DA BOMB!!! Don't allow negativity to deter you, continue to do well and pray for those who are miserable, and full of hate within don't allow it to infilitrate you. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 90LBS.....!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACIE4ONE 3/26/2011 11:26AM

    Congrats on the 90, if i can stop whining about the 20 that I need to get rid of. But great blog on stress, and although you're not eating (this is the kind of weight loss some of us really pray for....LOL...the kind when you're so sick and so stressed, right....hahaha.....i'm never that lucky), but what i have learned in my studies is that when we're stressed, that cortisol thingie (i'm being funny here) releases more of it's stuffie (hence, why i can't get rid of my little belly pooch), because its all stress sitting in my middle. But KT, is right, pray for your boss, and honey, continue to FLY ABOVE ALL THE DRAMA! You rawk!

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KTTAYLOR21 3/26/2011 9:13AM

    YOUR BOSS SUCK!!!!!!! emoticon She is killing herself with all that negativity, stress and meanness. I would pray for her.

YOU ROCK with losing 90 lbs forever!!! That is ssooo emoticon!!! Your mom is a sweetie and I know that gesture just warmed your heart. emoticon

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JSPEED4 3/25/2011 7:36AM

    Mood switches, from boss could, be part of their evaluation--How do you handle that-- and such. And some people are just responding to their own problems; you just happen to be standing in her thought patterns at the moment. emoticon

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HANNAH_CALM 3/24/2011 5:20PM

    I'm glad you got the party! Congratulations!!!

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ZANNACHAN 3/24/2011 4:32PM

    emoticon

I'm so sorry that things are going so badly at work, and it's stuff you can't control. I hope that, whatever you decide to do, that it brings you happiness, satisfaction, and a feeling of fulfillment.

Yeah, stress can really be a killer when it comes to weight loss--not just in terms of stress-eating, either (I tend to NOT eat when stressed--I'm just not hungry. You would think I would lose weight when I'm in stressful periods, but no, it doesn't work out that way!). I don't know what you are doing to help alleviate that stress but writing about it is a great first step--I find that working out helps, so long as I don't find myself in the mental trap of going over and over what I'm stressed about while I walking or whatever!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 3/24/2011 2:52PM

    Hang in there... establish and keep your boundaries.. and remember YOU are not your job..
Annie

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IBSHAUN 3/24/2011 2:44PM

    I really don't like your boss at all. Just thought I'd tell you. emoticon

It really sucks when you can't control it but it does seem to me that this whole experience may be awakening something in you about what you really want. Sometimes these kinds of experiences are the catalyst for change that we need. Our experiences are the stepping stones as they say...

No matter how it goes on Friday, you can only accept what you are truly responsible for. She/They are responsible for the rest and won't have success until they truly recognize their own weaknesses.

You will continue to be successful. You ARE worth it and your boss will miss you the day you walk out of that door because she won't be able to replace you.



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JESSIEJUICE 3/24/2011 2:19PM

    You are worth it! It's so hard not to stress when you have no control over the outcome, but it sounds like you are very aware of your situation, which is great. Your mom is so sweet to do that for you!! I hope it brightened your day :). I hope you find something to do that makes you happy with people who treat you as well as you deserve.

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DIANA_IS_BACK 3/24/2011 2:08PM

    As always, thank you for sharing with us. I am sure things will go great on Friday.

I think a coffee and lunch place would be perfect for you. I know we have never met, but I can totally see you not only doing that, but making it a success.

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MARATHONBOUND 3/24/2011 1:57PM

    You ARE worth it! And how sweet was your mom sending you that check?! That is awesome that she is so supportive, seriously! Sorry about your douche boss..and you should totally start your own business or something..be in an environment where you can be happier and fuel your creativity! Anyway, you attitude is amazing..everything will all work out! emoticon

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SCAZARES39 3/24/2011 1:57PM

    Hang it there.. sounds like a tough week at work! Hope it turns out the best for you.. yeah the scale mocks me to this week.. stupid thing, I keep threating to take the batteries out of it! Anyways, congratulations on 90lbs that is a huge mile stone! Hopefully someday soo, you can own that little restaurant and cook your heart out!

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PELESJEWEL 3/24/2011 12:44PM

    You are so totally worth it and talented. In my book, losing 90 lbs speaks to your "CAN DO" ability. With that as your backdrop of success, I know you can do anything you put your mind to.

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/24/2011 12:40PM

    You are DEFINITELY worth it. I think your coffee/lunch place sounds amazing. Go after your dream. Your Mom sounds so sweet, I hope you got you an amazing outfit to go along with your 90 lb lost, which is AMAZING.

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PHEFEY 3/24/2011 12:03PM

    You are absolutely worth it! I hope you do follow your bliss because you've seemed so down lately, I'd love to see you back to the healthy, happy you. Keep your chin up-it will get better!

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TEACHDIANN78 3/24/2011 11:00AM

    Sounds like a rough day-but a good ending!! That was super sweet of your mom!! You are totally worth it!

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KARENZIO 3/24/2011 10:49AM

    Yes, you are worth it! Landing that event proves how smart, creative, and capable you are. You can make your dreams come true!

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BRANDI.FEY 3/24/2011 10:22AM

    Yes, you are worth it! And, yes, you can do it!

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LESLIES537 3/24/2011 10:12AM

    YES, you are worth it! Without a doubt! emoticon

Congrats on landing your big event and enjoy your retail therapy! We want pics of the special outfit! emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 3/24/2011 9:46AM

    Go for that dream Ashley. I will stop by and have a nice healthy lunch with you!

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SALSACHIC 3/24/2011 9:44AM

    A great little coffee and lunch place with quality food sounds fabulous. I am rooting for you!

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MADEMCHE 3/24/2011 9:38AM

    You are worth it! Stress is a crazy thing. It does weird things to our bodies and our minds. Hang in there bud. I hope tomorrow goes and whatever the outcome it is over and done with and you can move on.

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CHICAT63 3/24/2011 9:25AM

    Congrats on landing that contract/event ! Not eating + stress = no loss, funny how our bodies react to everything. What a nice gesture for your Mom to do, enjoy shopping:).

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SML1122 3/24/2011 8:36AM

    havent read blogs in awhile...so based on jsut this one .. my initial thought is your boss' mood may have nothing to do with you at all?

maybe theres something going on in her personal life that is affecting her mood?

also get the impression i need to read previous blogs- that theres more to the story that im missing?



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CNIANE 3/24/2011 7:08AM

    Go do it! You know what your dream is now figure out how to make it happen.

Cathy

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SLIMTHICK2 3/24/2011 5:42AM

    Chase that dream of having your own business, go for it emoticon

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KATHLOW 3/24/2011 4:00AM

    I'm thinking of you! And when i'mm ever in boston again, i would love to eat at ashley's :-)

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GENINTHENOW 3/24/2011 12:06AM

    So true! You can do anything you put your mind to Ashley! You have proved it and I have no doubt you will create a work environment that you love soon enough. Keep up the fabulous work and congrats for all your accomplishments :)

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MAMADWARF 3/23/2011 11:33PM

    My responses are always the same but.... Im so proud of you!! You just keep impressing me. Congrats on the big job!!!!

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ROCKMAN6797 3/23/2011 11:31PM

    You are so worth it Ashley!
So sorry for all of the work crap you are having to deal with, gain strength from it and use it to push you in the direction that will lead you to happiness.
Thank you for sharing.

emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 3/23/2011 11:10PM

    She sounds like a very un happy person, you sure dont' deserve that! emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/23/2011 11:02PM

    You better believe YOU ARE WORTH IT! worth the investment of time, effort, and so much more!!

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FRUITYFUL 3/23/2011 10:58PM

    You ARE worth it! Good job on landing the big event! It sounds to me like your boss is bi-polar. I sure hope you find a better job. You deserve it!

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F1AMEDIVA 3/23/2011 10:33PM

    have you looked into what it would take to open your own restaurant or something of the equivalant? Or talk to some of the magazines/papers about food critic? you write very well. Just thoughts...

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OJIBWEEQUAY 3/23/2011 10:14PM

    You are worth it! xo emoticon

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PINK-PEONY 3/23/2011 10:11PM

    I love that you have set your own boundaries and are living withing them...hugs, smart beautiful lady!

Melissa

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LITTLEONEJLC 3/23/2011 9:59PM

    You ARE worth it! And don't forget it!

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/23/2011 9:54PM

    Best of luck finding a career that is fun and fulfilling! I'm on that mission too.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 3/23/2011 9:09PM

    You know it's weird. She actually told me once she admires me for being so dedicated to this and sticking with it. I think this is because I am a strong woman and that threatens her. She needs quiet none confrontational types around her.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/23/2011 9:06PM

    emoticon Good Job Ashley, too bad your boss hasnt learned how to acknowledge good work.

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ECONLADY 3/23/2011 8:54PM

    Could your boss be jealous of your weight loss success?

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/23/2011 8:41PM

    You deserve to be happy so follow your heart. I went to college for nursing and switched to social work. I tried again recently to go back to the medical field and got an amazing job... in social work. My heart isn't in nursing, I'll never be a nurse, I'm a social worker and couldn't be happier.

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HEALING_LORI 3/23/2011 8:35PM

    Good for you for being the true you, on your end of the review! Honesty will always win in the end... one way or another! Sounds like you have an amazing mom to help you on your journey - That is priceless! Never stop dreaming girl - Dreams really do come true! Good Luck on your review!
emoticon

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SHERRYJVP 3/23/2011 8:32PM

    sheesh..I tried to send a very long response to this blog and I don't know what happened, but the basics were "you have conquered food..the very source of life" if you can do that you can reach your other dreams. I hope to one day eat in your establishment. I do hope it will be healthy fare. I dream of business people starting healthy fare restaurants.

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TRACEEAST 3/23/2011 8:21PM

    Awesome! Follow your dreams, and try to not let the stress get too big a hold on you!

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KIMBYUT 3/23/2011 8:17PM

    Oh I love your ambition, determination and drive! Here we are similar again, hating the "corporate drone". I hope you follow your passions!

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ALOFA0509 3/23/2011 8:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Congrats on landing this lucrative Act!! Awsum Job.. Follow your BLISS.. Love That! Hugs, Alofa



emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEESTARS 3/23/2011 8:09PM

    What and up and down day. I'm so glad you felt good about your end of the review process. Best of luck in the actual meeting. And I hope you follow your dreams some day. I'd eat at your coffee shop for sure!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/23/2011 8:06PM

    Best of luck with the employers. You have the right attitude going into all this and showing great professionalism. (If you haven't already, pat yourself on the back)
Congrats on the big account too!
Again, if you haven't already, find some time for self-care. With the stress you've been dealing with it is a must.



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TISHA80 3/23/2011 8:04PM

    Yes, you are worth it! Follow your bliss! :)

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I can't stop crying

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I hate feeling this way. I hate going to work and being miserable. I am tired of the only way I am spoken to is with condescention, accusations, and distrust. I am tired of nobody at work communicating and then playing the blame game to cover their own butts. I am tired of them gossiping and being negative and then trying to blame it on someone else. I am tired of my boss taking out her moods on me.
Today she attacked me over why I hadn't done some expense reports. The way she spoke to me was like I was mentally slow and she was so condescending. I asked the other woman in my department and she had not done a single report either but nothing had been said to her. I came in the morning to an email attacking me about another report that I had sent before I left. She hadn't bothered to check her email. All I got was a "disregard my other email". No sorry that I attacked you and flew off the handel. How is she can behave this way I am the one who is negative? Last night her husband called me and basically accused me of not caring about my clients because I didn't send out enough flower arrangements for our company promotion. Forget nobody told me about the promotion until the flowers had to be ordered right then and there. Why not just ask me what happened? Forget that after that he went to one of my events in which my client literally raved about me for more than 2 hours and she is going to book 100K+ christmas party next week. That I am the only person not given house accounts. That I have never been given a sales goal or any form of expectations except "sell more".
I am at a loss. I am at a loss how someone can actually stand there and blame me for all of these things and never step back and think. Hey maybe we should do some investigating before we attack and accuse her all this garbage.
I am not looking for anyone to fix this or even give me advice. I know I need a new job but they don't come easy or quickly. All I can do is send resumes and wait. Blogging is better than bingeing. You don't have to comment I just had to get it out. Thanks for listening.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 4/5/2011 11:07AM

    My ear is hear to bend whenever you need it.

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JOURNEY2CHANGE 3/28/2011 10:59PM

    Sounds like you work the same place I do...hope its getting better!

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DARACOX 3/28/2011 4:09PM

    Blogging is definitely better than bingeing! Well said! Hope things get better for you!

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RUNNER12COM 3/28/2011 3:28PM

    This job is temporary. Your skills and competence are forever and will go with you to whatever next opportunity comes your way.

Hang in there!

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REJ7777 3/27/2011 2:57PM

    "Blogging is better than bingeing." It sure is! emoticon

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MICHELLE1083 3/27/2011 10:30AM

    wow, are we coworkers emoticon Almost the EXACT same thing is going on at our company. My resume's out as well! Good luck with interviews and don't let your ignorant bosses bring you down emoticon

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TENACIOUSTIGER 3/27/2011 9:09AM

    hey its awful to work in a toxic workplace, i hope they start to realise what an assest you are soon emoticon

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MIZZZMO 3/27/2011 12:35AM

    emoticon I'll keep you in my thoughts. I went through the job search last summer and I know how difficult and stressful that can be on top of everything else in life. Eventually something better will come along with people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

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GRACIE4ONE 3/26/2011 11:32AM

    I'm praying for you, really. I understand this situation, although you're a lot better composed under this stress than I would be, and that i ever was. People like your boss, are the reason that i haven't worked for anyone else in 20 years. THANK GOD!

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KTTAYLOR21 3/26/2011 9:04AM

    I think the most important thing here is to establish a strong connection with God and pray your way to your new job. Don't let them put all of that negative energy on you so that it alters you as a person. Thank God NOW for your new job and thank Him for the wonderful people you will be working for and who will appreciate and understand what an asset you are to their company. Thank Him in advance. He will make sure you alright. PRAY PRAY PRAY until your next fantastic job comes, because it's going to come.

Stay fantastic skinny girl!!!! emoticon

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STUBBORNBOOTS 3/25/2011 1:25PM

    There's nothing worse that a bad boss. Remember that it's really not about you - it's about her. Don't let the turkey's get you down!

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RBOYD3 3/24/2011 10:31PM

    PRAY,PRAY AND PRAY AGAIN....GOD WILL COME THROUGH......STAY POSITIVE AND SOON ENOUGH YOU'LL BE BLESSED WITH SOMETHING WONDERFUL......DON'T GIVE UP...WE ALL HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOME TYPE OF STRESS. CRY, WORKOUT,EAT HEALTHY AND DON'T FORGET THE SAYING " MISERY LOVES COMPANY" DON'T LET THEM GET YOU DOWN emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TERRYT55 3/24/2011 6:30PM

    Work stress sucks! That you have this much stress at work and are still able to stick to your new lifestyle of eating more healthfully & exercising says SO much about what a strong and determined woman you are. You amaze me!

emoticon

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SUNSHINE7352 3/24/2011 4:13PM

    I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I was in the exact same boat. I had been at my job 3 months shy of 10 years when I left. It became a horrible place to work. I was blamed for everything, especially other peoples mistakes and problems. It was at the point where I would break down and cry right in the middle of the store because I couldn't handle how I'd been treated.

It's a horrible situation to be in and I hope that you're able to find a better job soon. Good luck.

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KEL_CE 3/24/2011 3:37PM

    Some people are just miserable people. I know you weren't looking for advice but I do have a little to impart. I usually just respond with a "I'm sorry you feel that way" and a smile. You can't argue with them and you can't take their nonsense to heart . All you can do is continue to be you and continue to do your best. The reality is that with people like that your best will never be enough so don't look to them to validate what you've done at your job and don't let them dominate your mood. You're worth more than that.

I wish you all the best in finding a new job filled with people who respect you!


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DOGSHOETAT 3/24/2011 3:16PM

    emoticon

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PUPPETGIRLKY 3/24/2011 2:18PM

    BLESS YOUR HEART GIRL...GOD WILL OPEN ANOTHER DOOR FOR YOU. HANG IN THERE AND HANG TOUGH. YOU CAN DO IT IN JESUS NAME!!!!

HUGS CONNIE emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/24/2011 2:19:16 PM

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/24/2011 12:33PM

    I'm so sorry. I will pray something else comes along so you can get out of there. Hang in there.

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THEWEIGHTSOVER 3/24/2011 10:40AM

    Hey Ashley I really feel your pain. I recently had to quit a job that I really loved after 3 and half years there. It became so toxic I couldn't take it anymore. Unfortuneately after trying to resolve the issues with a new supervisor, former coworker, for 6 months, I ended up storming out one day in complete and utter surrender. It felt good at the moment but it was really unprofessional of me and now I don't have a reference from a place I gave me heart and soul to for over 3 years. You need to get out of there and soon. I used to work for 2 wonderful women, they have an events/marketing agency in your area, its called Aigner and Prensky Marketing Group, I think their offices are in Allston? maybe. Definitely look them up, they are great and have been in the business for over 25 years. I used to be the Aigner's nanny and worked for them in the business.lol. THey are also the women that do the Boomer Broads thing on the radio and online. ANyway, just a suggestion. Keep your chin up and good luck girl!!!


Comment edited on: 3/24/2011 2:26:24 PM

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MISSM66 3/24/2011 8:46AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SML1122 3/24/2011 8:41AM

    i cant imagine my boss's spouse calling me about the job i do. is it a family run business? thats crazy if its not!

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CNIANE 3/24/2011 7:04AM

    Sounds like your boss is taking her stress out on you and then in turn lying about it to her husband to get sympathy from him. Work stress sucks, but blogging is better than binging and you'll get through this and be better for it. You obviously now know the kind of boss you'll never be. If there is a positive from this situation it's that you will be a great boss because you can empathize. Just hang in there until someone gives you the great job you deserve and recognizes your talents.

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TRACYZABELLE 3/24/2011 4:02AM

    I hate work stress... usually I have none becuase I generally work alone but once in while there is carryover garbage from the shift before.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 11:23PM

    Dang... sorry, please delete my multiple posts... that's just wrong of me! My posting button seemed out of order but I guess it was me who was out of order... sorrrrrry!

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SHECHAM 3/23/2011 10:42PM

    Sending you positive thoughts and well wishes... you have made a few positive steps here... acknowledging the problem and not binging... so emoticon emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 3/23/2011 10:18PM

    emoticon

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HOPE2011 3/23/2011 9:47PM

    emoticon

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PLATSUZIE 3/23/2011 9:32PM

    Aren't we all tender spirited? I believe basically so.

I don't understand why so many "businesses" are rough, dishonest and abusive of other spirits. Ah that we could all treat one another with the gentleness required to thrive. Pipe dreams?

Nice of mkt-plan to binge for you :-)...compassion is a good thing and I too feel for those treated roughly. (You today.) No one deserves abuse and no growth happens in that mode. We need a safe environment to grow.

Thanks for blogging and sharing that resumes are already out. You have comforted me knowing that you are being proactive.

Have you checked out "tapping" mantra's on the internet. They can be soothing...even for a beginner.

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DRJJ2004 3/23/2011 8:15PM

    Hugs sweetie!! Hang in there!! Blogging is better than binging!!

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GINA180847 3/23/2011 7:57PM

    The most abusive job I ever had was home care for an invalid who came into a huge insurance settlement and some relatives decided to cash in. The lady decided to head the problem off by talking to the bank but to no avail. Her brother came over and the checque for $75,000 she had made out to him and then had me take her to the bank to cancel was reissued and he took her to the bank to cash it. He hit out at me and was cursing and swearing saying that this was my fault. I left and pressed charges (the police threw it out) but the last laugh was that I had documented all actions and I went to her Dr. with the documentation. Her money was put in the hands of an agency who oversees monetary affairs of people who are in danger to themselves with their money. I can't remember the name of the govt. agency but that was the end of that. You need to document of course and other than that you are doing as well as you can. Poor dear, take care and hopefully it will all soon end.

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SEESTARS 3/23/2011 7:27PM

    Many many hugs to you. We really are going through a lot of the same things!!! This boss sounds borderline abusive. I'm more on the end of being underutilized, micro-managed, and given no information any of the time about where I should be going to make the boss happy and I certainly feel your pain when you say:

"That I have never been given a sales goal or any form of expectations except "sell more". "

because my boss hired me into an industry where I have no experience and has no clue how to manage or develop talent. Last year my review pretty much said... "I don't like you because you don't want to be my friend. You need to be better in the ways I think you need to be better. But I'm going to keep them secret and not give you any goals, guidance, or criteria... MUhahahahaha... sucker!!! "

Well, it wasn't exactly like that. But I have to keep myself laughing or I'll break down crying.

Anyway. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you in your search. And I hope you will keep your fingers crossed for me too.

Many Many more hugs. emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/23/2011 5:42PM

    emoticon
tough it out GirlFriend. document, document, document. wait for them to fire you, Smiling as Huge as you can all the while. it is gonna be tough, but don't quit! and DON"T fight back. record your conversations if you can.



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MSPRIS3 3/23/2011 4:47PM

    I had a boss that was the same way. Keep everything! Write down times and dates. Be prepared.

I put up with it for almost 7 years, going home stressed b/c I somehow pissed off my boss because of some really stupid non-work related thing.

When I finally went to HR and asked for a transfer to another department, the HR manager only asked my boss, who of course told all lies about me (not a team player, not a good employee) When this was said to me, I pointed out to them that I have 6 years of annual reviews raving about how good of an employee I am etc. I gave them a list of other employees (Managers to stock room people) to ask. I also told my manager and HR that I contacted a lawyer.... Well, 3 weeks later, I was given a formal apology and my boss was stripped of her Supervisor Status. (3 years later, still not a Supervisor!)

They actually thought I was gonna put up with that. I was also pointed out that my boss, had 3 other employees quit before me, because she was a head case!

Keep strong, keep good notes, and when you are ready to leave (I know finding a new job is tough!)you can slap them in the face, by taking those clients that reved about you with you to your new place of employment!

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SNOWANGELDIVA 3/23/2011 4:34PM

    emoticon
You're doin' awesome not taking your stress out on others or yourself. Good job not turning to binge eating. Very good job.


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SLIMTHICK2 3/23/2011 4:22PM

    Hang in there. emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 3/23/2011 2:31PM

    Right. Blogging is better than bingeing. And when you find that new great job, revenge will be sweet!

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PHEFEY 3/23/2011 1:55PM

    *hugs*

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MKT-PLAN 3/23/2011 1:45PM

    Hang in there! A new job will come at the right time, I just know it. And, I binged for you so you don't have to. I'm sending hugs!

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CO-CREATOR 3/23/2011 1:05PM

    Sorry for what you are going through, my heart goes out to you.

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HANNAH_CALM 3/23/2011 12:32PM

    I hope things get better !

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KEZRARAYNE 3/23/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon emoticon
Karma can be a real hobag. People who act like that and treat others like that usually get what's coming to them. Hold in there lady...and you are a real inspiration...I'm still working on the blogging instead of bingeing. :)

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 12:10PM

    We all are hating them in unison with you.... so unfair and you are handling it in a good manner... venting where it won't hurt your job ..... looking at what you are doing and analyzing whether you are doing well... just remember the positives the client said. Man, it must be hard to keep doing such a good job when your boss is such a .......uh....... worst word you can think of. It is so important for the folks in charge to set the proper tone for a workplace... no matter if it is so busy you are going crazy... the right tone pulls the team together and they move forward with great humor. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. I'm glad you haven't joined the ranks of the numbed who do the minimum. I'm glad you still feel and care. I'm only sorry I can't go to your job and kick them in the cannolis ....and I even looked up the plural of cannoli just to get that right! Now my only hope is that you have heard that expression before......

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 12:10PM

    We all are hating them in unison with you.... so unfair and you are handling it in a good manner... venting where it won't hurt your job ..... looking at what you are doing and analyzing whether you are doing well... just remember the positives the client said. Man, it must be hard to keep doing such a good job when your boss is such a .......uh....... worst word you can think of. It is so important for the folks in charge to set the proper tone for a workplace... no matter if it is so busy you are going crazy... the right tone pulls the team together and they move forward with great humor. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. I'm glad you haven't joined the ranks of the numbed who do the minimum. I'm glad you still feel and care. I'm only sorry I can't go to your job and kick them in the cannolis ....and I even looked up the plural of cannoli just to get that right! Now my only hope is that you have heard that expression before......

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 12:10PM

    We all are hating them in unison with you.... so unfair and you are handling it in a good manner... venting where it won't hurt your job ..... looking at what you are doing and analyzing whether you are doing well... just remember the positives the client said. Man, it must be hard to keep doing such a good job when your boss is such a .......uh....... worst word you can think of. It is so important for the folks in charge to set the proper tone for a workplace... no matter if it is so busy you are going crazy... the right tone pulls the team together and they move forward with great humor. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. I'm glad you haven't joined the ranks of the numbed who do the minimum. I'm glad you still feel and care. I'm only sorry I can't go to your job and kick them in the cannolis ....and I even looked up the plural of cannoli just to get that right! Now my only hope is that you have heard that expression before......

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JSPIN74 3/23/2011 11:47AM

    emoticon

so sorry ur in such a toxic environment there :(

i've been there before...it's hard to weather at all...especially in this economy where you sometimes feel like there is no options

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LIVIN2LOVE1 3/23/2011 11:43AM

    Hang in there. Try not to fret and fume that way you'll win out in the end. Don't let them take the best of you.

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ILUVTTV 3/23/2011 11:36AM

    Wow! Your boss sounds like a piece of work!
If you actually like your work and not the way your boss is treating you, you should confront her and ask her what is wrong? Why me? Is there something I can do to fix this? And so forth.
Praying for you both.
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BETHIE_BOO 3/23/2011 10:26AM

    You are in my thoughts. Of all the problems I've had in my life, dealing with an unrewarding job and incompetent leadership was one of the most stressful. Hang in there, DON'T BINGE! (it's not worth it...you'll feel worse, you know this!). I'm sorry that you have such CRAPPY people to work with :(

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ANNE7X7 3/23/2011 10:22AM

    So frustrating... major hugs girl!!! emoticon

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MANDA_MICHELLE 3/23/2011 10:21AM

  emoticon sorry about your boss. do you have an HR you can talk to? anyway to maybe get a mediator in there to host a conversation between you and your boss? There must be something else going on with her. what about asking for a performance review and a sales goal? sorry you're dealing with this! keep sending out those resumes!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Sometimes I still feel like I am 300+ lbs but I am beating it

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My buddy HOLLYS-DOIN-It and I were chatting about this very topic earlier today. Both of us still have moments of insecurity that bring us right back to that place of feeling like we did when we started. The supermodel-look-a-like is the produce section. The size 000 in the fitting room. For me it is crowds of people. I always felt like I was a bull in a china shop and that I always knocking into things or people. Like my butt had a mind of its own. There was a deep sense of shame in it for me.
There was this particular takeout place that A and I used to frequent before we moved and it was literally a hallway with a few seats on each side. If you want to order and wait you have to just kind of squish in. Whenever we went there I was SUPER conscious of my size because people would have to squeeze around me. Forget that they also only speak spanish so they already were looking at me like I was lost until I started speaking to them and they realized I could communicate. I always felt like I extra stuck out in there. We went this past weekend and as we were waiting I squished in next to A while we waited and I realized I don't take up any more than a normal share of space and that he and I together actually only occupied one seat. I must have been smiling like a maniac because I realized that these moments of feeling normal are happening more and more and the moments of feeling insecure are happening less and less. When the insecurity does arise I am making an effort to face down that fear and make sure it doesn't come back. Being fat does not make me less of a human being than anyone else. By being afraid we are allowing people to treat us that way. Be proud of who you are "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2012BRIDE 3/29/2011 6:58PM

  This is very inspriring to me! My biggest difficutly right now...as well as TERESAP511...are booths...I hate them! too sit there and suck in the whole time...and the worst is if we are out with other smaller people and they go "oh do you have enough room on that side?" and attempt to move the table and then they notice they can't move it...worst feeling ever!

But thank you ASHLEY1997T - I get inspried reading that now after all your hard work you don't feel like your butt has it's own mind anymore...I can't wait until I start feeling that same way!

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2012BRIDE 3/29/2011 6:43PM

  This is very inspriring to me! My biggest difficutly right now...as well as TERESAP511...are booths...I hate them! too sit there and suck in the whole time...and the worst is if we are out with other smaller people and they go "oh do you have enough room on that side?" and attempt to move the table and then they notice they can't move it...worst feeling ever!

But thank you ASHLEY1997T - I get inspried reading that now after all your hard work you don't feel like your butt has it's own mind anymore...I can't wait until I start feeling that same way!

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TERESAP511 3/28/2011 12:37AM

  Booths are my problem. I don't fit and I feel like I am wedged in. I spend the whole time sucking in and wondering how long before I can leave.

I have learned to say No booths please, I prefer a table but I hate that I have too.

Why does the wait staff try and cram a fat person into the booth in the first place. Should I even have to ask.

Anyway I understand and am looking forward to the day when I can follow the waitress to the booth and not dread the next 45 mintues.

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WEEZYB7881 3/28/2011 12:28AM

    awesome

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YOUDONTOWNME 3/27/2011 10:28PM

    emoticon

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ZENSTEPH 3/27/2011 8:38PM

    Wow, good for you

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KARENIN1DERLAND 3/27/2011 2:18PM

    I have and do still feel that way as well,and it's true, if we respect ourselves, others can't put us down...great blog.
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JAKOTAMJ 3/27/2011 11:37AM

    You are such a inspiration! My butt has a mind of it's own too! LOL I guess I wouldn't mind so much if it were smaller! I pray that it will be some day soon!! :D

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ROJAKHAN 3/27/2011 10:44AM

    emoticon

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LAMARY9 3/27/2011 9:42AM

    You inspire me. I can't wait to wonder where the rest of me went. Great blog. emoticon

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DOTTIEJANE1 3/27/2011 8:59AM

    Nicely written there are tines i feel the same way , but these times are less .Keep on smiling . emoticon emoticon

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DWILCZKO 3/27/2011 12:19AM

  :)

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SUCCESS44 3/27/2011 12:02AM

    You are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! 90 lbs is just mind boggling and you did it, YOU!

Sorry to hear about your mean boss, I have one of those too, but she makes me a better boss because every time she is awful to me I vow that I am going to be the opposite of her with my staff and we have an awesome team!

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KLBUTLER 3/26/2011 3:08PM

    emoticon

Great blog!!

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POPPYPENN 3/26/2011 6:23AM

    Congrats. Sometimes your mind takes longer to change than your body.

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APIRLRAIN888 3/26/2011 4:17AM

    awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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NVPAPERGIRL 3/25/2011 9:59PM

    emoticon

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SOULOFADANCER 3/25/2011 6:59PM

    I know sometimes I wonder where the rest of me went

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CSMARTIE 3/25/2011 2:15PM

    Such an inspiration!!

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BRWNNTWN 3/25/2011 1:31PM

    I am in awe. Still battling that bull in the China shop - but you've given me hope. A very nicely written blog.

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 3/25/2011 8:24AM

    I can completely understand what you're saying. Even though I'm not where I want to be yet, there are moments in my mind that I feel smaller. Once I'm at at goal, which at the moment seems so far away, I hope to embrace it 100%! And, thanks for smiling like a maniac! ;)

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JSPEED4 3/25/2011 7:28AM

    Smiling like a maniac is good.. I'm planning on doing more and more more of it! emoticon

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TINYDANCER 3/25/2011 7:00AM

    I love your quote. Uplifting post.

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KRILEYFARM 3/25/2011 6:01AM

    What an amazing feeling! Thank you for sharing your success healthier lifestyle change.
Praise the Lord!
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CHARMIAN2 3/25/2011 5:26AM

  way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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K-NANA 3/25/2011 1:48AM

    Thank you for your honesty.

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/24/2011 12:29PM

    This is amazing! I'm so glad that you are feeling more and more confident in yourself.

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PINK-PEONY 3/23/2011 9:57PM

    Woot-Woot! I have the same sense of wonder and satisfaction when I slide into a booth, at any restaurant.

Melissa


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HOPE2011 3/23/2011 9:41PM

    What a great feeling!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/23/2011 8:07PM

    Yay Ashley for being able to recognise those wonderful normal feelings and appreciate them!

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PIXIECN 3/23/2011 10:47AM

  emoticon What a wonderful NSV!!

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NUTMEG101 3/23/2011 10:42AM

    Love it!!

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NANHBH 3/23/2011 9:08AM

    I love that Eleanor Roosevelt quote. I did a short paper on her recently. She certainly had a lot to feel insecure about -- cheating husband and all. But, she stood tall and was an amazing woman who accomplished much for all mankind. Every human being has incredible value. You are an incredible human being, Ash. I love your blogs.
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NURSECLARA 3/23/2011 5:14AM

    At 5'0" and almost 300 lbs not too long ago, I can totally relate to this post. I remember when we had to buy 3 seats on a plane for the 2 of us! No way could someone fit in the row with us... Those "normal" things sure do feel good, don't they? ;-)



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KATHLOW 3/23/2011 5:12AM

    very good!

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SHIRLEY_BEE 3/22/2011 8:52PM

    Keep thinking this way girl. You are a winner! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/22/2011 8:53:19 PM

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CHANGINGMORGAN 3/22/2011 7:10PM

    This is so beyond awesome. You are just too cool.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/22/2011 7:08PM

    emoticon Good for you!

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IBSHAUN 3/22/2011 5:57PM

    emoticon Good for you! So glad you are having these moments more often. Will help keep your momentum going. And, you are right. Be proud of WHO you are, no matter your size.

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ALICE2003 3/22/2011 5:15PM

    emoticon blog!

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MOONBIRD 3/22/2011 5:12PM

    What a great feeling! I have noticed this myself. Every time we go out to eat I worry I won't fit in the booth, but it's not a problem at all anymore. It's amazing the difference that things like this make in your happiness.

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SLIMTHICK2 3/22/2011 5:08PM

    Good for you I enjoyed your blog tremendously. All the best. emoticon

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4EVERADONEGIRL 3/22/2011 4:56PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

loved this!!!

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ECONLADY 3/22/2011 3:49PM

    Your blogs always make me feel good.

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MARLARELLA 3/22/2011 3:10PM

    That is so excellent- I can't wait to experience that!

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TISHA80 3/22/2011 2:58PM

    That is wonderful! I know exactly how you felt about knocking into things or people. I am somewhat clumsy, anyway, but when you add my size to that, I'm really good at creating embarrassing moments for myself. I am also, always conscious of how much room I am taking up. I think it's awesome that you are starting to feel normal. I hope that I feel that way soon. You are right that we shouldn't let others make us feel inferior. I used to be very confident and I can feel that coming back to me slowly. Thanks for the encouragement. That is a great quote!

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ROCKMAN6797 3/22/2011 1:38PM

    Aren't those feelings just wonderful?! I love that I can sit in a movie theater seat and not have to get up when somebody wants to pass by. Also, being able to squeeze through any two cars in a parking lot. Gone are the days of having to look for two vehicles that are parked far apart! All of these are victories that we need to keep in mind in order to keep the "spark" alive!
Congratulations on your moment and may you have many more!

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KAMAPERRY 3/22/2011 1:34PM

    Amen!! I think we all do this.

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DOODIE59 3/22/2011 1:34PM

    I love that Roosevelt quote!

What a miraculous change -- to feel normal in public situations. That's wonderful, and I'm glad you're feeling it.

Have a great week --
Deirdre

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OJIBWEEQUAY 3/22/2011 1:20PM

    I have those same very feelings!! Being 1/2 inch of 6ft I always felt like the sasquatch in the room!! Being lean and tall people oooh and awe and call you statuesque. Being Tall and over weight people just call you big! Yeah I still have those feelings! But Then I look, and my stomach really isnt sticking out as far as I think it is!!!! The pictures tell it all! You are doing great!!!! emoticon

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