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The power of stress

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My day started awesome because I landed a big party for a big higher up at big name university. He is leaving and becoming the CEO of some other big name place so they are throwing him a huge, lavish party and apparently he has very high standards. I had to turn around a proposal in a few hours and I managed to beat out 2 of the larger catering companies and landed the event! I am pretty excited because events like this are when I get to be super creative and do new things and that is what I enjoy. Both of my bosses were pretty excited about it as well.
All morning I worked on the 20 page self review I had to turn in in preparation of my formal review Friday morning. I wanted to be honest and objective. Imagine it is one of my blogs, yeah that is pretty much how open I was. I was not negative. Just direct and to the point. I asked my friend who is the HR manager to read it all over and tell me what to take out and how it all read. She told me she was really proud of how candid I was with my responses and actually suggested a few things that I should add that she felt they were doing wrong and a few good points about me that she felt they deserved attention be drawn too. I am proud of the answers I gave. I don't believe in lying to keep my position. She said she felt that if their intention was to fire me they already would have done it and not dragged it out this long.
I gave it to my boss and she was rude. Complete 180 from this morning. This morning she was nice and supportive the way she used to be. This afternoon back to rude. I really don't get it at all. One of the questions I had to answer was about my mood day to day. I snorted when I saw it. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
I am working on accepting that I can not control the outcome of this meeting and that I just have to do my best not to get upset. I know the truth about the situation and how they react is not anything I can change. I am hoping that they will approach this as positively and professionally as I have. We shall see.
The level of stress that I have felt this week is pretty close to what it felt like to get divorced. Can't sleep, can't eat, constant gnawing in my stomach, heart palpitations. I had to force myself to eat 800 calories so far today so far. Good thing I am having beef for dinner and can get my calories up into a reasonable range. I am just not hungry. Funny part is I am not losing any weight either. I thought with how little I have interest in eating this week that I would have the pounds just peeling off me. Nope, the scale mocks me each morning with the same number. I know it is all stress induced.
My mom sent me the sweet card today with a check for a new special outfit to celebrate 90 lbs lost! It means so much to me that she would do that. I have officially lost more than anyone else in the family not that I am happy that is an award that needed to be won. I will make it to my goal in the future and I will not be going down this road again. She asked me what would I do if could do anything. It hit me. I love to cook. Always have. I would love to own this great little coffee and lunch place with great quality food. The jobs that made me happiest in life were when I cooked in a kitchen during my teens. I need to follow my bliss or I will continue to toil in the corporate drone for the rest of my life. I am not going to look back and think "why did I waste my life?" If I lost this much weight I sure as heck can find career that I love. I am worth it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIVADOLL73 3/29/2011 12:43PM

    90LBS!!!!!!!!!!! Ashley you DA BOMB!!! Don't allow negativity to deter you, continue to do well and pray for those who are miserable, and full of hate within don't allow it to infilitrate you. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 90LBS.....!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACIE4ONE 3/26/2011 11:26AM

    Congrats on the 90, if i can stop whining about the 20 that I need to get rid of. But great blog on stress, and although you're not eating (this is the kind of weight loss some of us really pray for....LOL...the kind when you're so sick and so stressed, right....hahaha.....i'm never that lucky), but what i have learned in my studies is that when we're stressed, that cortisol thingie (i'm being funny here) releases more of it's stuffie (hence, why i can't get rid of my little belly pooch), because its all stress sitting in my middle. But KT, is right, pray for your boss, and honey, continue to FLY ABOVE ALL THE DRAMA! You rawk!

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KTTAYLOR21 3/26/2011 9:13AM

    YOUR BOSS SUCK!!!!!!! emoticon She is killing herself with all that negativity, stress and meanness. I would pray for her.

YOU ROCK with losing 90 lbs forever!!! That is ssooo emoticon!!! Your mom is a sweetie and I know that gesture just warmed your heart. emoticon

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JSPEED4 3/25/2011 7:36AM

    Mood switches, from boss could, be part of their evaluation--How do you handle that-- and such. And some people are just responding to their own problems; you just happen to be standing in her thought patterns at the moment. emoticon

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HANNAH_CALM 3/24/2011 5:20PM

    I'm glad you got the party! Congratulations!!!

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ZANNACHAN 3/24/2011 4:32PM

    emoticon

I'm so sorry that things are going so badly at work, and it's stuff you can't control. I hope that, whatever you decide to do, that it brings you happiness, satisfaction, and a feeling of fulfillment.

Yeah, stress can really be a killer when it comes to weight loss--not just in terms of stress-eating, either (I tend to NOT eat when stressed--I'm just not hungry. You would think I would lose weight when I'm in stressful periods, but no, it doesn't work out that way!). I don't know what you are doing to help alleviate that stress but writing about it is a great first step--I find that working out helps, so long as I don't find myself in the mental trap of going over and over what I'm stressed about while I walking or whatever!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 3/24/2011 2:52PM

    Hang in there... establish and keep your boundaries.. and remember YOU are not your job..
Annie

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IBSHAUN 3/24/2011 2:44PM

    I really don't like your boss at all. Just thought I'd tell you. emoticon

It really sucks when you can't control it but it does seem to me that this whole experience may be awakening something in you about what you really want. Sometimes these kinds of experiences are the catalyst for change that we need. Our experiences are the stepping stones as they say...

No matter how it goes on Friday, you can only accept what you are truly responsible for. She/They are responsible for the rest and won't have success until they truly recognize their own weaknesses.

You will continue to be successful. You ARE worth it and your boss will miss you the day you walk out of that door because she won't be able to replace you.



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JESSIEJUICE 3/24/2011 2:19PM

    You are worth it! It's so hard not to stress when you have no control over the outcome, but it sounds like you are very aware of your situation, which is great. Your mom is so sweet to do that for you!! I hope it brightened your day :). I hope you find something to do that makes you happy with people who treat you as well as you deserve.

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DIANA_IS_BACK 3/24/2011 2:08PM

    As always, thank you for sharing with us. I am sure things will go great on Friday.

I think a coffee and lunch place would be perfect for you. I know we have never met, but I can totally see you not only doing that, but making it a success.

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MARATHONBOUND 3/24/2011 1:57PM

    You ARE worth it! And how sweet was your mom sending you that check?! That is awesome that she is so supportive, seriously! Sorry about your douche boss..and you should totally start your own business or something..be in an environment where you can be happier and fuel your creativity! Anyway, you attitude is amazing..everything will all work out! emoticon

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SCAZARES39 3/24/2011 1:57PM

    Hang it there.. sounds like a tough week at work! Hope it turns out the best for you.. yeah the scale mocks me to this week.. stupid thing, I keep threating to take the batteries out of it! Anyways, congratulations on 90lbs that is a huge mile stone! Hopefully someday soo, you can own that little restaurant and cook your heart out!

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PELESJEWEL 3/24/2011 12:44PM

    You are so totally worth it and talented. In my book, losing 90 lbs speaks to your "CAN DO" ability. With that as your backdrop of success, I know you can do anything you put your mind to.

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/24/2011 12:40PM

    You are DEFINITELY worth it. I think your coffee/lunch place sounds amazing. Go after your dream. Your Mom sounds so sweet, I hope you got you an amazing outfit to go along with your 90 lb lost, which is AMAZING.

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PHEFEY 3/24/2011 12:03PM

    You are absolutely worth it! I hope you do follow your bliss because you've seemed so down lately, I'd love to see you back to the healthy, happy you. Keep your chin up-it will get better!

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TEACHDIANN78 3/24/2011 11:00AM

    Sounds like a rough day-but a good ending!! That was super sweet of your mom!! You are totally worth it!

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KARENZIO 3/24/2011 10:49AM

    Yes, you are worth it! Landing that event proves how smart, creative, and capable you are. You can make your dreams come true!

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BRANDI.FEY 3/24/2011 10:22AM

    Yes, you are worth it! And, yes, you can do it!

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LESLIES537 3/24/2011 10:12AM

    YES, you are worth it! Without a doubt! emoticon

Congrats on landing your big event and enjoy your retail therapy! We want pics of the special outfit! emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 3/24/2011 9:46AM

    Go for that dream Ashley. I will stop by and have a nice healthy lunch with you!

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SALSACHIC 3/24/2011 9:44AM

    A great little coffee and lunch place with quality food sounds fabulous. I am rooting for you!

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MADEMCHE 3/24/2011 9:38AM

    You are worth it! Stress is a crazy thing. It does weird things to our bodies and our minds. Hang in there bud. I hope tomorrow goes and whatever the outcome it is over and done with and you can move on.

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CHICAT63 3/24/2011 9:25AM

    Congrats on landing that contract/event ! Not eating + stress = no loss, funny how our bodies react to everything. What a nice gesture for your Mom to do, enjoy shopping:).

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SML1122 3/24/2011 8:36AM

    havent read blogs in awhile...so based on jsut this one .. my initial thought is your boss' mood may have nothing to do with you at all?

maybe theres something going on in her personal life that is affecting her mood?

also get the impression i need to read previous blogs- that theres more to the story that im missing?



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CNIANE 3/24/2011 7:08AM

    Go do it! You know what your dream is now figure out how to make it happen.

Cathy

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SLIMTHICK2 3/24/2011 5:42AM

    Chase that dream of having your own business, go for it emoticon

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KATHLOW 3/24/2011 4:00AM

    I'm thinking of you! And when i'mm ever in boston again, i would love to eat at ashley's :-)

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GENINTHENOW 3/24/2011 12:06AM

    So true! You can do anything you put your mind to Ashley! You have proved it and I have no doubt you will create a work environment that you love soon enough. Keep up the fabulous work and congrats for all your accomplishments :)

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MAMADWARF 3/23/2011 11:33PM

    My responses are always the same but.... Im so proud of you!! You just keep impressing me. Congrats on the big job!!!!

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ROCKMAN6797 3/23/2011 11:31PM

    You are so worth it Ashley!
So sorry for all of the work crap you are having to deal with, gain strength from it and use it to push you in the direction that will lead you to happiness.
Thank you for sharing.

emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 3/23/2011 11:10PM

    She sounds like a very un happy person, you sure dont' deserve that! emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/23/2011 11:02PM

    You better believe YOU ARE WORTH IT! worth the investment of time, effort, and so much more!!

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FRUITYFUL 3/23/2011 10:58PM

    You ARE worth it! Good job on landing the big event! It sounds to me like your boss is bi-polar. I sure hope you find a better job. You deserve it!

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F1AMEDIVA 3/23/2011 10:33PM

    have you looked into what it would take to open your own restaurant or something of the equivalant? Or talk to some of the magazines/papers about food critic? you write very well. Just thoughts...

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OJIBWEEQUAY 3/23/2011 10:14PM

    You are worth it! xo emoticon

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PINK-PEONY 3/23/2011 10:11PM

    I love that you have set your own boundaries and are living withing them...hugs, smart beautiful lady!

Melissa

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LITTLEONEJLC 3/23/2011 9:59PM

    You ARE worth it! And don't forget it!

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/23/2011 9:54PM

    Best of luck finding a career that is fun and fulfilling! I'm on that mission too.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 3/23/2011 9:09PM

    You know it's weird. She actually told me once she admires me for being so dedicated to this and sticking with it. I think this is because I am a strong woman and that threatens her. She needs quiet none confrontational types around her.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/23/2011 9:06PM

    emoticon Good Job Ashley, too bad your boss hasnt learned how to acknowledge good work.

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ECONLADY 3/23/2011 8:54PM

    Could your boss be jealous of your weight loss success?

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/23/2011 8:41PM

    You deserve to be happy so follow your heart. I went to college for nursing and switched to social work. I tried again recently to go back to the medical field and got an amazing job... in social work. My heart isn't in nursing, I'll never be a nurse, I'm a social worker and couldn't be happier.

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HEALING_LORI 3/23/2011 8:35PM

    Good for you for being the true you, on your end of the review! Honesty will always win in the end... one way or another! Sounds like you have an amazing mom to help you on your journey - That is priceless! Never stop dreaming girl - Dreams really do come true! Good Luck on your review!
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SHERRYJVP 3/23/2011 8:32PM

    sheesh..I tried to send a very long response to this blog and I don't know what happened, but the basics were "you have conquered food..the very source of life" if you can do that you can reach your other dreams. I hope to one day eat in your establishment. I do hope it will be healthy fare. I dream of business people starting healthy fare restaurants.

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TRACEEAST 3/23/2011 8:21PM

    Awesome! Follow your dreams, and try to not let the stress get too big a hold on you!

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KIMBYUT 3/23/2011 8:17PM

    Oh I love your ambition, determination and drive! Here we are similar again, hating the "corporate drone". I hope you follow your passions!

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ALOFA0509 3/23/2011 8:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Congrats on landing this lucrative Act!! Awsum Job.. Follow your BLISS.. Love That! Hugs, Alofa



emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEESTARS 3/23/2011 8:09PM

    What and up and down day. I'm so glad you felt good about your end of the review process. Best of luck in the actual meeting. And I hope you follow your dreams some day. I'd eat at your coffee shop for sure!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/23/2011 8:06PM

    Best of luck with the employers. You have the right attitude going into all this and showing great professionalism. (If you haven't already, pat yourself on the back)
Congrats on the big account too!
Again, if you haven't already, find some time for self-care. With the stress you've been dealing with it is a must.



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TISHA80 3/23/2011 8:04PM

    Yes, you are worth it! Follow your bliss! :)

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I can't stop crying

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I hate feeling this way. I hate going to work and being miserable. I am tired of the only way I am spoken to is with condescention, accusations, and distrust. I am tired of nobody at work communicating and then playing the blame game to cover their own butts. I am tired of them gossiping and being negative and then trying to blame it on someone else. I am tired of my boss taking out her moods on me.
Today she attacked me over why I hadn't done some expense reports. The way she spoke to me was like I was mentally slow and she was so condescending. I asked the other woman in my department and she had not done a single report either but nothing had been said to her. I came in the morning to an email attacking me about another report that I had sent before I left. She hadn't bothered to check her email. All I got was a "disregard my other email". No sorry that I attacked you and flew off the handel. How is she can behave this way I am the one who is negative? Last night her husband called me and basically accused me of not caring about my clients because I didn't send out enough flower arrangements for our company promotion. Forget nobody told me about the promotion until the flowers had to be ordered right then and there. Why not just ask me what happened? Forget that after that he went to one of my events in which my client literally raved about me for more than 2 hours and she is going to book 100K+ christmas party next week. That I am the only person not given house accounts. That I have never been given a sales goal or any form of expectations except "sell more".
I am at a loss. I am at a loss how someone can actually stand there and blame me for all of these things and never step back and think. Hey maybe we should do some investigating before we attack and accuse her all this garbage.
I am not looking for anyone to fix this or even give me advice. I know I need a new job but they don't come easy or quickly. All I can do is send resumes and wait. Blogging is better than bingeing. You don't have to comment I just had to get it out. Thanks for listening.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 4/5/2011 11:07AM

    My ear is hear to bend whenever you need it.

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JOURNEY2CHANGE 3/28/2011 10:59PM

    Sounds like you work the same place I do...hope its getting better!

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DARACOX 3/28/2011 4:09PM

    Blogging is definitely better than bingeing! Well said! Hope things get better for you!

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RUNNER12COM 3/28/2011 3:28PM

    This job is temporary. Your skills and competence are forever and will go with you to whatever next opportunity comes your way.

Hang in there!

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REJ7777 3/27/2011 2:57PM

    "Blogging is better than bingeing." It sure is! emoticon

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MICHELLE1083 3/27/2011 10:30AM

    wow, are we coworkers emoticon Almost the EXACT same thing is going on at our company. My resume's out as well! Good luck with interviews and don't let your ignorant bosses bring you down emoticon

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TENACIOUSTIGER 3/27/2011 9:09AM

    hey its awful to work in a toxic workplace, i hope they start to realise what an assest you are soon emoticon

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MIZZZMO 3/27/2011 12:35AM

    emoticon I'll keep you in my thoughts. I went through the job search last summer and I know how difficult and stressful that can be on top of everything else in life. Eventually something better will come along with people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

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GRACIE4ONE 3/26/2011 11:32AM

    I'm praying for you, really. I understand this situation, although you're a lot better composed under this stress than I would be, and that i ever was. People like your boss, are the reason that i haven't worked for anyone else in 20 years. THANK GOD!

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KTTAYLOR21 3/26/2011 9:04AM

    I think the most important thing here is to establish a strong connection with God and pray your way to your new job. Don't let them put all of that negative energy on you so that it alters you as a person. Thank God NOW for your new job and thank Him for the wonderful people you will be working for and who will appreciate and understand what an asset you are to their company. Thank Him in advance. He will make sure you alright. PRAY PRAY PRAY until your next fantastic job comes, because it's going to come.

Stay fantastic skinny girl!!!! emoticon

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STUBBORNBOOTS 3/25/2011 1:25PM

    There's nothing worse that a bad boss. Remember that it's really not about you - it's about her. Don't let the turkey's get you down!

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RBOYD3 3/24/2011 10:31PM

    PRAY,PRAY AND PRAY AGAIN....GOD WILL COME THROUGH......STAY POSITIVE AND SOON ENOUGH YOU'LL BE BLESSED WITH SOMETHING WONDERFUL......DON'T GIVE UP...WE ALL HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOME TYPE OF STRESS. CRY, WORKOUT,EAT HEALTHY AND DON'T FORGET THE SAYING " MISERY LOVES COMPANY" DON'T LET THEM GET YOU DOWN emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TERRYT55 3/24/2011 6:30PM

    Work stress sucks! That you have this much stress at work and are still able to stick to your new lifestyle of eating more healthfully & exercising says SO much about what a strong and determined woman you are. You amaze me!

emoticon

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SUNSHINE7352 3/24/2011 4:13PM

    I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I was in the exact same boat. I had been at my job 3 months shy of 10 years when I left. It became a horrible place to work. I was blamed for everything, especially other peoples mistakes and problems. It was at the point where I would break down and cry right in the middle of the store because I couldn't handle how I'd been treated.

It's a horrible situation to be in and I hope that you're able to find a better job soon. Good luck.

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KEL_CE 3/24/2011 3:37PM

    Some people are just miserable people. I know you weren't looking for advice but I do have a little to impart. I usually just respond with a "I'm sorry you feel that way" and a smile. You can't argue with them and you can't take their nonsense to heart . All you can do is continue to be you and continue to do your best. The reality is that with people like that your best will never be enough so don't look to them to validate what you've done at your job and don't let them dominate your mood. You're worth more than that.

I wish you all the best in finding a new job filled with people who respect you!


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DOGSHOETAT 3/24/2011 3:16PM

    emoticon

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PUPPETGIRLKY 3/24/2011 2:18PM

    BLESS YOUR HEART GIRL...GOD WILL OPEN ANOTHER DOOR FOR YOU. HANG IN THERE AND HANG TOUGH. YOU CAN DO IT IN JESUS NAME!!!!

HUGS CONNIE emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/24/2011 2:19:16 PM

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/24/2011 12:33PM

    I'm so sorry. I will pray something else comes along so you can get out of there. Hang in there.

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THEWEIGHTSOVER 3/24/2011 10:40AM

    Hey Ashley I really feel your pain. I recently had to quit a job that I really loved after 3 and half years there. It became so toxic I couldn't take it anymore. Unfortuneately after trying to resolve the issues with a new supervisor, former coworker, for 6 months, I ended up storming out one day in complete and utter surrender. It felt good at the moment but it was really unprofessional of me and now I don't have a reference from a place I gave me heart and soul to for over 3 years. You need to get out of there and soon. I used to work for 2 wonderful women, they have an events/marketing agency in your area, its called Aigner and Prensky Marketing Group, I think their offices are in Allston? maybe. Definitely look them up, they are great and have been in the business for over 25 years. I used to be the Aigner's nanny and worked for them in the business.lol. THey are also the women that do the Boomer Broads thing on the radio and online. ANyway, just a suggestion. Keep your chin up and good luck girl!!!


Comment edited on: 3/24/2011 2:26:24 PM

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MISSM66 3/24/2011 8:46AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SML1122 3/24/2011 8:41AM

    i cant imagine my boss's spouse calling me about the job i do. is it a family run business? thats crazy if its not!

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CNIANE 3/24/2011 7:04AM

    Sounds like your boss is taking her stress out on you and then in turn lying about it to her husband to get sympathy from him. Work stress sucks, but blogging is better than binging and you'll get through this and be better for it. You obviously now know the kind of boss you'll never be. If there is a positive from this situation it's that you will be a great boss because you can empathize. Just hang in there until someone gives you the great job you deserve and recognizes your talents.

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TRACYZABELLE 3/24/2011 4:02AM

    I hate work stress... usually I have none becuase I generally work alone but once in while there is carryover garbage from the shift before.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 11:23PM

    Dang... sorry, please delete my multiple posts... that's just wrong of me! My posting button seemed out of order but I guess it was me who was out of order... sorrrrrry!

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SHECHAM 3/23/2011 10:42PM

    Sending you positive thoughts and well wishes... you have made a few positive steps here... acknowledging the problem and not binging... so emoticon emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 3/23/2011 10:18PM

    emoticon

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HOPE2011 3/23/2011 9:47PM

    emoticon

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PLATSUZIE 3/23/2011 9:32PM

    Aren't we all tender spirited? I believe basically so.

I don't understand why so many "businesses" are rough, dishonest and abusive of other spirits. Ah that we could all treat one another with the gentleness required to thrive. Pipe dreams?

Nice of mkt-plan to binge for you :-)...compassion is a good thing and I too feel for those treated roughly. (You today.) No one deserves abuse and no growth happens in that mode. We need a safe environment to grow.

Thanks for blogging and sharing that resumes are already out. You have comforted me knowing that you are being proactive.

Have you checked out "tapping" mantra's on the internet. They can be soothing...even for a beginner.

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DRJJ2004 3/23/2011 8:15PM

    Hugs sweetie!! Hang in there!! Blogging is better than binging!!

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GINA180847 3/23/2011 7:57PM

    The most abusive job I ever had was home care for an invalid who came into a huge insurance settlement and some relatives decided to cash in. The lady decided to head the problem off by talking to the bank but to no avail. Her brother came over and the checque for $75,000 she had made out to him and then had me take her to the bank to cancel was reissued and he took her to the bank to cash it. He hit out at me and was cursing and swearing saying that this was my fault. I left and pressed charges (the police threw it out) but the last laugh was that I had documented all actions and I went to her Dr. with the documentation. Her money was put in the hands of an agency who oversees monetary affairs of people who are in danger to themselves with their money. I can't remember the name of the govt. agency but that was the end of that. You need to document of course and other than that you are doing as well as you can. Poor dear, take care and hopefully it will all soon end.

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SEESTARS 3/23/2011 7:27PM

    Many many hugs to you. We really are going through a lot of the same things!!! This boss sounds borderline abusive. I'm more on the end of being underutilized, micro-managed, and given no information any of the time about where I should be going to make the boss happy and I certainly feel your pain when you say:

"That I have never been given a sales goal or any form of expectations except "sell more". "

because my boss hired me into an industry where I have no experience and has no clue how to manage or develop talent. Last year my review pretty much said... "I don't like you because you don't want to be my friend. You need to be better in the ways I think you need to be better. But I'm going to keep them secret and not give you any goals, guidance, or criteria... MUhahahahaha... sucker!!! "

Well, it wasn't exactly like that. But I have to keep myself laughing or I'll break down crying.

Anyway. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you in your search. And I hope you will keep your fingers crossed for me too.

Many Many more hugs. emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/23/2011 5:42PM

    emoticon
tough it out GirlFriend. document, document, document. wait for them to fire you, Smiling as Huge as you can all the while. it is gonna be tough, but don't quit! and DON"T fight back. record your conversations if you can.



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MSPRIS3 3/23/2011 4:47PM

    I had a boss that was the same way. Keep everything! Write down times and dates. Be prepared.

I put up with it for almost 7 years, going home stressed b/c I somehow pissed off my boss because of some really stupid non-work related thing.

When I finally went to HR and asked for a transfer to another department, the HR manager only asked my boss, who of course told all lies about me (not a team player, not a good employee) When this was said to me, I pointed out to them that I have 6 years of annual reviews raving about how good of an employee I am etc. I gave them a list of other employees (Managers to stock room people) to ask. I also told my manager and HR that I contacted a lawyer.... Well, 3 weeks later, I was given a formal apology and my boss was stripped of her Supervisor Status. (3 years later, still not a Supervisor!)

They actually thought I was gonna put up with that. I was also pointed out that my boss, had 3 other employees quit before me, because she was a head case!

Keep strong, keep good notes, and when you are ready to leave (I know finding a new job is tough!)you can slap them in the face, by taking those clients that reved about you with you to your new place of employment!

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SNOWANGELDIVA 3/23/2011 4:34PM

    emoticon
You're doin' awesome not taking your stress out on others or yourself. Good job not turning to binge eating. Very good job.


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SLIMTHICK2 3/23/2011 4:22PM

    Hang in there. emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 3/23/2011 2:31PM

    Right. Blogging is better than bingeing. And when you find that new great job, revenge will be sweet!

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PHEFEY 3/23/2011 1:55PM

    *hugs*

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MKT-PLAN 3/23/2011 1:45PM

    Hang in there! A new job will come at the right time, I just know it. And, I binged for you so you don't have to. I'm sending hugs!

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CO-CREATOR 3/23/2011 1:05PM

    Sorry for what you are going through, my heart goes out to you.

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HANNAH_CALM 3/23/2011 12:32PM

    I hope things get better !

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KEZRARAYNE 3/23/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon emoticon
Karma can be a real hobag. People who act like that and treat others like that usually get what's coming to them. Hold in there lady...and you are a real inspiration...I'm still working on the blogging instead of bingeing. :)

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 12:10PM

    We all are hating them in unison with you.... so unfair and you are handling it in a good manner... venting where it won't hurt your job ..... looking at what you are doing and analyzing whether you are doing well... just remember the positives the client said. Man, it must be hard to keep doing such a good job when your boss is such a .......uh....... worst word you can think of. It is so important for the folks in charge to set the proper tone for a workplace... no matter if it is so busy you are going crazy... the right tone pulls the team together and they move forward with great humor. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. I'm glad you haven't joined the ranks of the numbed who do the minimum. I'm glad you still feel and care. I'm only sorry I can't go to your job and kick them in the cannolis ....and I even looked up the plural of cannoli just to get that right! Now my only hope is that you have heard that expression before......

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 12:10PM

    We all are hating them in unison with you.... so unfair and you are handling it in a good manner... venting where it won't hurt your job ..... looking at what you are doing and analyzing whether you are doing well... just remember the positives the client said. Man, it must be hard to keep doing such a good job when your boss is such a .......uh....... worst word you can think of. It is so important for the folks in charge to set the proper tone for a workplace... no matter if it is so busy you are going crazy... the right tone pulls the team together and they move forward with great humor. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. I'm glad you haven't joined the ranks of the numbed who do the minimum. I'm glad you still feel and care. I'm only sorry I can't go to your job and kick them in the cannolis ....and I even looked up the plural of cannoli just to get that right! Now my only hope is that you have heard that expression before......

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ANNASBF 3/23/2011 12:10PM

    We all are hating them in unison with you.... so unfair and you are handling it in a good manner... venting where it won't hurt your job ..... looking at what you are doing and analyzing whether you are doing well... just remember the positives the client said. Man, it must be hard to keep doing such a good job when your boss is such a .......uh....... worst word you can think of. It is so important for the folks in charge to set the proper tone for a workplace... no matter if it is so busy you are going crazy... the right tone pulls the team together and they move forward with great humor. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. I'm glad you haven't joined the ranks of the numbed who do the minimum. I'm glad you still feel and care. I'm only sorry I can't go to your job and kick them in the cannolis ....and I even looked up the plural of cannoli just to get that right! Now my only hope is that you have heard that expression before......

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JSPIN74 3/23/2011 11:47AM

    emoticon

so sorry ur in such a toxic environment there :(

i've been there before...it's hard to weather at all...especially in this economy where you sometimes feel like there is no options

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LIVIN2LOVE1 3/23/2011 11:43AM

    Hang in there. Try not to fret and fume that way you'll win out in the end. Don't let them take the best of you.

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ILUVTTV 3/23/2011 11:36AM

    Wow! Your boss sounds like a piece of work!
If you actually like your work and not the way your boss is treating you, you should confront her and ask her what is wrong? Why me? Is there something I can do to fix this? And so forth.
Praying for you both.
emoticon

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BETHIE_BOO 3/23/2011 10:26AM

    You are in my thoughts. Of all the problems I've had in my life, dealing with an unrewarding job and incompetent leadership was one of the most stressful. Hang in there, DON'T BINGE! (it's not worth it...you'll feel worse, you know this!). I'm sorry that you have such CRAPPY people to work with :(

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ANNE7X7 3/23/2011 10:22AM

    So frustrating... major hugs girl!!! emoticon

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MANDA_MICHELLE 3/23/2011 10:21AM

  emoticon sorry about your boss. do you have an HR you can talk to? anyway to maybe get a mediator in there to host a conversation between you and your boss? There must be something else going on with her. what about asking for a performance review and a sales goal? sorry you're dealing with this! keep sending out those resumes!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Sometimes I still feel like I am 300+ lbs but I am beating it

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My buddy HOLLYS-DOIN-It and I were chatting about this very topic earlier today. Both of us still have moments of insecurity that bring us right back to that place of feeling like we did when we started. The supermodel-look-a-like is the produce section. The size 000 in the fitting room. For me it is crowds of people. I always felt like I was a bull in a china shop and that I always knocking into things or people. Like my butt had a mind of its own. There was a deep sense of shame in it for me.
There was this particular takeout place that A and I used to frequent before we moved and it was literally a hallway with a few seats on each side. If you want to order and wait you have to just kind of squish in. Whenever we went there I was SUPER conscious of my size because people would have to squeeze around me. Forget that they also only speak spanish so they already were looking at me like I was lost until I started speaking to them and they realized I could communicate. I always felt like I extra stuck out in there. We went this past weekend and as we were waiting I squished in next to A while we waited and I realized I don't take up any more than a normal share of space and that he and I together actually only occupied one seat. I must have been smiling like a maniac because I realized that these moments of feeling normal are happening more and more and the moments of feeling insecure are happening less and less. When the insecurity does arise I am making an effort to face down that fear and make sure it doesn't come back. Being fat does not make me less of a human being than anyone else. By being afraid we are allowing people to treat us that way. Be proud of who you are "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2012BRIDE 3/29/2011 6:58PM

  This is very inspriring to me! My biggest difficutly right now...as well as TERESAP511...are booths...I hate them! too sit there and suck in the whole time...and the worst is if we are out with other smaller people and they go "oh do you have enough room on that side?" and attempt to move the table and then they notice they can't move it...worst feeling ever!

But thank you ASHLEY1997T - I get inspried reading that now after all your hard work you don't feel like your butt has it's own mind anymore...I can't wait until I start feeling that same way!

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2012BRIDE 3/29/2011 6:43PM

  This is very inspriring to me! My biggest difficutly right now...as well as TERESAP511...are booths...I hate them! too sit there and suck in the whole time...and the worst is if we are out with other smaller people and they go "oh do you have enough room on that side?" and attempt to move the table and then they notice they can't move it...worst feeling ever!

But thank you ASHLEY1997T - I get inspried reading that now after all your hard work you don't feel like your butt has it's own mind anymore...I can't wait until I start feeling that same way!

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TERESAP511 3/28/2011 12:37AM

  Booths are my problem. I don't fit and I feel like I am wedged in. I spend the whole time sucking in and wondering how long before I can leave.

I have learned to say No booths please, I prefer a table but I hate that I have too.

Why does the wait staff try and cram a fat person into the booth in the first place. Should I even have to ask.

Anyway I understand and am looking forward to the day when I can follow the waitress to the booth and not dread the next 45 mintues.

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WEEZYB7881 3/28/2011 12:28AM

    awesome

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YOUDONTOWNME 3/27/2011 10:28PM

    emoticon

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ZENSTEPH 3/27/2011 8:38PM

    Wow, good for you

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KARENIN1DERLAND 3/27/2011 2:18PM

    I have and do still feel that way as well,and it's true, if we respect ourselves, others can't put us down...great blog.
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JAKOTAMJ 3/27/2011 11:37AM

    You are such a inspiration! My butt has a mind of it's own too! LOL I guess I wouldn't mind so much if it were smaller! I pray that it will be some day soon!! :D

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ROJAKHAN 3/27/2011 10:44AM

    emoticon

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LAMARY9 3/27/2011 9:42AM

    You inspire me. I can't wait to wonder where the rest of me went. Great blog. emoticon

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DOTTIEJANE1 3/27/2011 8:59AM

    Nicely written there are tines i feel the same way , but these times are less .Keep on smiling . emoticon emoticon

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DWILCZKO 3/27/2011 12:19AM

  :)

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SUCCESS44 3/27/2011 12:02AM

    You are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! 90 lbs is just mind boggling and you did it, YOU!

Sorry to hear about your mean boss, I have one of those too, but she makes me a better boss because every time she is awful to me I vow that I am going to be the opposite of her with my staff and we have an awesome team!

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KLBUTLER 3/26/2011 3:08PM

    emoticon

Great blog!!

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POPPYPENN 3/26/2011 6:23AM

    Congrats. Sometimes your mind takes longer to change than your body.

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APIRLRAIN888 3/26/2011 4:17AM

    awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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NVPAPERGIRL 3/25/2011 9:59PM

    emoticon

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SOULOFADANCER 3/25/2011 6:59PM

    I know sometimes I wonder where the rest of me went

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CSMARTIE 3/25/2011 2:15PM

    Such an inspiration!!

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BRWNNTWN 3/25/2011 1:31PM

    I am in awe. Still battling that bull in the China shop - but you've given me hope. A very nicely written blog.

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 3/25/2011 8:24AM

    I can completely understand what you're saying. Even though I'm not where I want to be yet, there are moments in my mind that I feel smaller. Once I'm at at goal, which at the moment seems so far away, I hope to embrace it 100%! And, thanks for smiling like a maniac! ;)

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JSPEED4 3/25/2011 7:28AM

    Smiling like a maniac is good.. I'm planning on doing more and more more of it! emoticon

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TINYDANCER 3/25/2011 7:00AM

    I love your quote. Uplifting post.

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KRILEYFARM 3/25/2011 6:01AM

    What an amazing feeling! Thank you for sharing your success healthier lifestyle change.
Praise the Lord!
emoticon

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CHARMIAN2 3/25/2011 5:26AM

  way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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K-NANA 3/25/2011 1:48AM

    Thank you for your honesty.

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/24/2011 12:29PM

    This is amazing! I'm so glad that you are feeling more and more confident in yourself.

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PINK-PEONY 3/23/2011 9:57PM

    Woot-Woot! I have the same sense of wonder and satisfaction when I slide into a booth, at any restaurant.

Melissa


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HOPE2011 3/23/2011 9:41PM

    What a great feeling!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/23/2011 8:07PM

    Yay Ashley for being able to recognise those wonderful normal feelings and appreciate them!

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PIXIECN 3/23/2011 10:47AM

  emoticon What a wonderful NSV!!

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NUTMEG101 3/23/2011 10:42AM

    Love it!!

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NANHBH 3/23/2011 9:08AM

    I love that Eleanor Roosevelt quote. I did a short paper on her recently. She certainly had a lot to feel insecure about -- cheating husband and all. But, she stood tall and was an amazing woman who accomplished much for all mankind. Every human being has incredible value. You are an incredible human being, Ash. I love your blogs.
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NURSECLARA 3/23/2011 5:14AM

    At 5'0" and almost 300 lbs not too long ago, I can totally relate to this post. I remember when we had to buy 3 seats on a plane for the 2 of us! No way could someone fit in the row with us... Those "normal" things sure do feel good, don't they? ;-)



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KATHLOW 3/23/2011 5:12AM

    very good!

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SHIRLEY_BEE 3/22/2011 8:52PM

    Keep thinking this way girl. You are a winner! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/22/2011 8:53:19 PM

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SASSYDREAMER 3/22/2011 7:10PM

    This is so beyond awesome. You are just too cool.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/22/2011 7:08PM

    emoticon Good for you!

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IBSHAUN 3/22/2011 5:57PM

    emoticon Good for you! So glad you are having these moments more often. Will help keep your momentum going. And, you are right. Be proud of WHO you are, no matter your size.

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ALICE2003 3/22/2011 5:15PM

    emoticon blog!

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MOONBIRD 3/22/2011 5:12PM

    What a great feeling! I have noticed this myself. Every time we go out to eat I worry I won't fit in the booth, but it's not a problem at all anymore. It's amazing the difference that things like this make in your happiness.

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SLIMTHICK2 3/22/2011 5:08PM

    Good for you I enjoyed your blog tremendously. All the best. emoticon

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4EVERADONEGIRL 3/22/2011 4:56PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

loved this!!!

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ECONLADY 3/22/2011 3:49PM

    Your blogs always make me feel good.

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MARLARELLA 3/22/2011 3:10PM

    That is so excellent- I can't wait to experience that!

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TISHA80 3/22/2011 2:58PM

    That is wonderful! I know exactly how you felt about knocking into things or people. I am somewhat clumsy, anyway, but when you add my size to that, I'm really good at creating embarrassing moments for myself. I am also, always conscious of how much room I am taking up. I think it's awesome that you are starting to feel normal. I hope that I feel that way soon. You are right that we shouldn't let others make us feel inferior. I used to be very confident and I can feel that coming back to me slowly. Thanks for the encouragement. That is a great quote!

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ROCKMAN6797 3/22/2011 1:38PM

    Aren't those feelings just wonderful?! I love that I can sit in a movie theater seat and not have to get up when somebody wants to pass by. Also, being able to squeeze through any two cars in a parking lot. Gone are the days of having to look for two vehicles that are parked far apart! All of these are victories that we need to keep in mind in order to keep the "spark" alive!
Congratulations on your moment and may you have many more!

emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 3/22/2011 1:34PM

    Amen!! I think we all do this.

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DOODIE59 3/22/2011 1:34PM

    I love that Roosevelt quote!

What a miraculous change -- to feel normal in public situations. That's wonderful, and I'm glad you're feeling it.

Have a great week --
Deirdre

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OJIBWEEQUAY 3/22/2011 1:20PM

    I have those same very feelings!! Being 1/2 inch of 6ft I always felt like the sasquatch in the room!! Being lean and tall people oooh and awe and call you statuesque. Being Tall and over weight people just call you big! Yeah I still have those feelings! But Then I look, and my stomach really isnt sticking out as far as I think it is!!!! The pictures tell it all! You are doing great!!!! emoticon

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Amazing Doctor Visit and Good Day!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Saturday's are always busy for me and my honey. It is our only day off together and there is so much to do! This morning started with a visit to the doctor who hadn't seen me in a year. When she saw how much weight I had lost she was very excited for me and noted that when she had seen me last she had recommended weight loss and was thrilled to see I had kept at it and we chatted about sparkpeople. Last year at that time my blood pressure was 140/90 and borderline hypertension. This year it was 110/64!!!! No more blood pressure risk! She was thrilled but I was ecstatic! This is just one of the amazing non-scale I have experienced along the way. I have to admit, when my blood pressure was so high back then it scared me. It scared me a lot and it was enough to really motivate me. I was 32 and was close to needing medication. I felt like I was old and out of shape and I knew that I was at a serious risk. There was no way I could have a baby in that state. I was at risk for strokes and blood clots and I was DOING TO MYSELF. I alone was to blame. Every time I get affirmations of why I am doing this like seeing my vitals go back to normal it makes that fire inside bigger. You can have these kinds of moments too. Just keep plugging away, even when it gets hard. Those are the moments that matter the most!
After getting the great news we went healthy food shopping. Yeah baked miso salmon and homemade vietnamese spring rolls for dinner (like a salad all rolled up). Walked around Target for a bit and then went to the gym to workout. I love when he goes with me. The best part is I kicked his butt on the elliptical. I didn't point it out to him because I didn't want to make it about competition but I was still proud of myself. He is in much better shape than me. Then we both did our own strength training and now we are waiting for the salmon to cook and then have a nice dinner and my 1 glass of wine a week! MMM healthy food and wine. Have a great weekend friends.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUTS4NUTELLA 3/23/2011 10:06AM

    That is such great news!!! emoticon The description of your dinner is making me salivate by the way.

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4EVERADONEGIRL 3/21/2011 7:06PM

    Absolutely emoticon!!!!

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AGENTNER 3/21/2011 4:43PM

    THAT is AMAZING NEWS!!!! way to go on lowering the BP! It is also one of my own personal goals! I had it checked when I went to the lady doc 2 weeks ago and mine was also in the normal range!!!!! IT IS a GREAT FEELING to know you are taking care of your body and treating it right! ESPECIALLY when you start seeing results! I haven't seen many physical results yet, but my butt does look perkier!!! I just can't wait for my gut to go away :) KEEP IT UP! you are doing fabulous!

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COOKWITHME65 3/21/2011 12:29PM

    Sounds like you had a great day.

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KATHLOW 3/21/2011 9:58AM

    That is such good news. You really have changed your life and you are doing this yourself too!

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JESSIEJUICE 3/21/2011 12:33AM

    emoticon Sounds like a red letter day!

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REMEMBER2BME 3/20/2011 5:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Outstanding job! You took control over your health and the Doc showed you just how great you are doing. Congrats!!!

Great job with the work out too. Sounds like a wonderful Saturday!

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GINA180847 3/20/2011 4:50PM

    I know this should be about you but you made my day. I am just so happy for you. The BP issue is huge and how nice to have a Dr. give you compliments like that. Yahoo!!!

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KAZ814 3/20/2011 4:35PM

    Congratulations! That is awesome about the BP! I'm 31 and had to go ON medicine for my bp. It was really a wake-up call, so good for you coming to that conclusion BEFORE you went on the meds!

And your dinner sounds yummy!

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SLIMTHICK2 3/20/2011 3:34PM

    Congrats on the blood pressure reading, do enjoy the weekend.

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DUSTYGIRL25 3/20/2011 2:55PM

    Wonderful Ashley! Having your Dr. confirm your healthy is the best! And the ultimate best is that you did it yourself!
emoticon

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MARLARELLA 3/20/2011 2:32PM

    That is so fantastic!!!! You are such an inspiration to me!

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PELESJEWEL 3/20/2011 10:26AM

    Fantastic news from the MD!!! What an awesome day! Miso salmon rocks - was my mom's favorite!! She also loved Ahi Nitsuke, very homey, comforting dish using tuna. I am so thrilled with your positivity & fire. Next milestone: 100 lbs!

Have a chart topping Sunday!

Comment edited on: 3/20/2011 10:27:58 AM

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LISAINMS 3/20/2011 10:10AM

    emoticon
Healthy living will do that to you! Your BP is a testament to your efforts. WTG!!

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RIGBY31 3/20/2011 9:30AM

    It's totally working... happy for you!

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MIZCATHI 3/20/2011 8:28AM

    Great going at your Dr's visit, that is very exciting and I bet a huge relief. Don't you just love busy days now where you can keep up and do everything you want to do?

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 3/20/2011 8:20AM

    congrats on the non-scale victory!

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MADEMCHE 3/20/2011 8:16AM

    Sounds wonderful Ash, so happy for you!

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CHICAT63 3/20/2011 7:00AM

    Woohoo, for an another non-scale victory. This one is AWESOME, so very happy for you. Miso salmon dinner sounds delish....have a great day today.

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TISHA80 3/20/2011 5:25AM

    emoticon That's really great! Congrats on such a big drop in your blood pressure! emoticon on your workout and healthy eating! Spring rolls sound really good. I've never made them at home. I'll have to try that sometime.

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RAINBOWCHOC 3/20/2011 4:50AM

    well done! glad that you have a supportive doctor.
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KAMAPERRY 3/20/2011 1:57AM

    Way to go, soooooooooo happy for you! emoticon

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GENINTHENOW 3/20/2011 1:45AM

    Congrats lady! You deserve it! Sounds like you had a wonderful day emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Hope the rest of your weekend is just as great!

G. :)

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ECONLADY 3/20/2011 1:11AM

    emoticon

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TADTURC 3/19/2011 11:43PM

    How exciting. Im waiting for my BP to be normal and be off of BP med's. Ive been on for 2.5yrs. WAY to young. Ill get there though.

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HOPE2011 3/19/2011 11:28PM

    emoticon

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CMULL328 3/19/2011 11:05PM

    That is awesome!!!! I hope my dr has just as good news for me when I see her this week. 4 months ago I was on the verge of diabetes and am testing daily. I've lost nearly 30lb since then but she still wanted to see me after having a follow up round of blood work done!

So very happy for you! Keep it up!

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RUNNERGIRL60 3/19/2011 10:28PM

    Congrats Ashley!!!! Those non scale moments are worth so much and mean so much!!! Hope you two had a great dinner and eve. You need to celebrate! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Michelle

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TERRYT55 3/19/2011 10:04PM

    What great news, Ashley.......for everything from the doctor's visit to your yummy dinner!

15 months ago my blood sugar was entering diabetic range, my cholesterol was over 200 and my BP was getting high. Six months later everything is normal, especially my sugar. My a1c is now in the normal range. There is nothing like a non scale victory or two!

Congrats!

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FRUITYFUL 3/19/2011 9:27PM

    Wow, you've had a GREAT day! Congrats on getting the blood pressure down. Seeing the true health benefits of your healthy lifestyle is wonderful and gives you even more motivation. Sounds like the perfect spark day to me! Keep up the great work!

emoticon

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1KKATT 3/19/2011 9:25PM

    How very wonderful to come away from the drs office feeling so good about yourself and your accomplishments! :) Way to go!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 3/19/2011 9:04PM

    yum wine!

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MKT-PLAN 3/19/2011 8:57PM

    Awesome and congrats on the blood pressure and impressing your doctor with your weight loss. You are rocking it! Have a great week!

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IBSHAUN 3/19/2011 8:42PM

    What a great day and a great doc's appointment! WAY TO GO on your success this year. Feels good doesn't it? It must have felt great to have your doc's approval, too. You are doing this and it's great! Enjoy that glass of wine. emoticon

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ROCKMAN6797 3/19/2011 8:40PM

    Awesome news!
Congratulations!
I, too, experienced an "amazing non-scale" event a few weeks ago. My doctor released me from my last diabetes medicine. My last two a1c readings were normal. I literally floated out of the office that day!
Once again, I am so happy for you! Keep on doing what you are doing because obviously it is working!

emoticon

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REDHEADMOM2U 3/19/2011 8:34PM

    Great day!

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DIVA14K 3/19/2011 8:30PM

    I'm glad you got your blood pressure under control. Sounds like you had a great day. You must feel very pleased with yourself. Keep up the great work.

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RUNWITHMICHELE 3/19/2011 8:29PM

    Amazing as always! It is so nice to see those healthy changes are taking effect on other aspects of your life- and nice job exercising on a Saturday- sheesh, I have trouble moving on the weekend.

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AARONSGIRL420 3/19/2011 8:26PM

    Sounds like a perfect day with your huni and awesome job on the doc visit. Isn't it great to have lovely days like these?

:)

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Score: Gym 1 Laziness/Bad Day 0

Thursday, March 17, 2011

This week has been pretty soul sucking and since I don't eat my stress away anymore it tends to make me tired. As in I want to go home directly from work and sleep until tomorrow kind of tired. Today I decided how to handle the ugliness of my work situation by A. actively looking for a new job and B. realizing that my boss is miserable and there is nothing I can do to change that situation so I am going to continue to be the person that I am until I find said new job. That person is polite, does her work, and behaves in the professional manner that I always do. Yes, I can get outraged and I often do but the reality is I am not going to sink to her miserable level. People who have also been abused in the past understand that we tend to try and people please to try to make anyone in our lives who reminds us of that person stop. FYI it doesn't work. My girl MADEMACHE helped me see that today. Making excuses for my work situation and working harder is only enabling a person who is abusing her employees. Removing myself from this situation is the only option. That being said I have to cope until that happens.
When I left work today I just wanted to go home and lay down. Seriously. I had every intention of skipping the gym. Like I did yesterday. As I was driving home I hit that fork in the road where I either turn towards the gym or continue a few feet to my house. I just couldn't let myself go home. Letting myself get out of shape is not going to solve my problems and I know that if I start to lose muscle it will really affect my self esteem in a bad way. So I went. I stopped making excuses and I went and I worked out hard and I am SO happy I did. The elliptical today was like therapy. Usually I listen to music and get a bit bored but today I was so caught up in my own thoughts about everything and the global crisis on the news that before I knew it I had torn up 5K in around 32 minutes. Go Ashley, It's your birthday. (no not really and if you don't get the pop culture reference ask me lol but don't send me any birthday goodies emoticon). It was exactly what I needed to get out of my own head and just get back in touch with that primal feeling you get from physical exertion. So if you making excuses this week to not eat right or not workout because you are stressed think of me and STOP IT. No problem is worth sliding back into old habits.
I have to address the not stress eating thing here too. It is weird. It feels weird to not have this desire anymore. I wish I could tell you what specifically it was that caused it and if I ever figure it out I will enlighten you. It just isn't there anymore. The desire to binge isn't there anymore. There is something inside me that whenever I think I want to eat it just talks me down. Something to the effect of "Ashley, you aren't even hungry and you know that will make you feel gross. So stop it." The desire to get healthier overrides the desire to eat. You can to this point too. The more you are able to cope in other ways the more it will become habit. You can do this too. Make it happen my friends.

Oh yeah and even though I hate St. Patty's Day since all of you showed me so much love today. Happy St. Patty's Day! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORDIA72 3/22/2011 8:07PM

    Amen! Thanks for the talking to, Ashley. We all are stressed in some way but I'm right there with saying that I've lost the desire to binge to take care of my problems or stress. I agree it's just not there anymore and I think that it comes from taking the long way to weight loss and learning about what our bodies actually need as opposed to what we've been feeding them over the years. I swear that I every time I look at a box of doughnuts, a bag of cheetos, or a coke I shake my head and wonder why I used to punish my body by eating large amounts of all of the above until I was so stupid with gorging that I couldn't do anything else except go to sleep. No more, no way, no how. Down with bingeing!!!

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EMSJOURNEY 3/22/2011 11:56AM

    5k in 32 minutes!!! holy hell woman! you rock! =)

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DGFOWLER 3/19/2011 9:37AM

    You have been one of the most motivating people I have run across here on SP. You go get that new job, You continue to go to the left instead of right to home and more than that, continue to believe in yourself. emoticon Donna

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MADZOE 3/19/2011 1:38AM

    Way to go! I know exactly what you mean. Today was the day from hell and then a co-worker brought in 310 calorie donuts that looked fantastic, but I avoided them all day and stuck to my plan. Whew.

Hope you find a job you can be happy at soon.


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NUTS4NUTELLA 3/18/2011 11:52PM

    emoticon Once again, your awesomeness prevails!

Comment edited on: 3/18/2011 11:52:01 PM

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CHICKENCHASER78 3/18/2011 9:05PM

    Good for you heading to the gym. I almost didn't work out today due to stress and it took me a few minutes to get into it but once I did I felt so much better for it. Someone once told me the days you don't feel like working out are the days you need it the most. So true!

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GINA180847 3/18/2011 7:49PM

    Good for you Ashley, what a very grown up way to think and handle your situation. I am 63 and can sometimes act about 5, but usually sanity prevails and I get right with the program. These are one of those times I think of the book " I never promised you a rose garden". Yes even though you and I always deserve flowers and good things that doesn't mean we get them. I am just glad for you that your boyfriend is such a great guy so that your home life doesn't suck. How cool that you invested in your health instead of nonhealth when the crap hit the wall!!

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BROCCO5 3/18/2011 3:46PM

    This blog really resonated with me.

"Letting myself get out of shape is not going to solve my problems"

I wish I understood this.... realllly understood this years ago. All those years of trying to eat away my problems (because that's essentially what I was doing!) didn't solve any of them. It made them worse.

Thank you Ashley, for a well-thought-out, excellent blog.

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ROCKMAN6797 3/18/2011 2:25PM

    This is one of your better blogs Ashley. It is quite evident that you have had epiphanies with regards to your work situation AND the role of exercise in your new healthy way of living. I am so happy for you! I am so excited to see what the future holds for you and look forward to reading about it.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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F1AMEDIVA 3/18/2011 1:32PM

    Awesome Ashley! I do the same thing and I think it just becomes an automatic habit that you don't look to food for comfort because you know it's temporary and that exercise can make you feel better short term and also feel better about yourself. I have faith that you will find the best job for you and will be able to chalk this job up to a learning experience soon. emoticon

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MARLARELLA 3/18/2011 1:22PM

    I hope you find a new job really quickly!!!

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RIGBY31 3/18/2011 11:57AM

    Loved your blog, and when you got to the part talking yourself down from emotional eating, I totally have the same conversation... " you know how yucky you'll feel afterwards". I don't know when it happened for me, but wow, what a miracle!

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SLFRISBEY 3/18/2011 9:36AM

    that's my plan for tonight also, to bust through this stress and sleep blissfully and hopefully late! :)

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REMEMBER2BME 3/18/2011 7:40AM

    I agree 100%. I was getting quite stressed and crabby yesterday and just had to jump on the treadmill in order to feel better. Even an easy short run can do wonders for me.

Keep up the positive attitude. You took control by going to the gym rather than bed to sleep.
emoticon

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THEWEIGHTSOVER 3/18/2011 7:34AM

    what a wonderful attitude. I think its amazing that you have conquered the emotional eating. "They" say that everytime you don't give in to an urge to eat, it gets easier the next time. You must have just not given in so many times that your brain has actually changed and no longer uses those old neural pathways to trigger a binge. You give me hope!!! Thanks for sharing as always. emoticon

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CHICAT63 3/18/2011 6:54AM

    Ashley, I know very well the situation at work. I have been going through the same motions for almost 3 years, I did let the stress get to me; hence me regaining over 50 pounds that I had previously lost. You have so many other things in life than work, a fiance, your wellness journey, family & friends detach yourself from this person. Like you, I decided enough is enough, it's hard to detach yourself but you gotta do what you gotta do to remain sane *lol* and yeah, way to go Shorty, it's your birthday - so you GO Sista !

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KATHLOW 3/18/2011 5:51AM

    great! I am SO proud of you buddy!

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 3/18/2011 2:01AM

    Thanks for reminding me that everyone has stress and that there are other ways to cope with it. I have never been good at that and have to find ways like you have to deal with it all. I am sorry about your boss, but you have it right..get out ASAP! I had one like that and gained 150 pounds. I was a mess daily and now when I look back it I see I should have left the minute she started her abuse towards me. Crazy was she...and so was I for staying. Good luck to you!

Kristin

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ALOFA0509 3/18/2011 1:21AM

   
Way 2GO sista!! 32mins.. Hoot-Hoot.. It's your birthday fo sure!!! ;)

Stay strong, your gonna get out of this toxic work place soon.

Hugs,
Alofa

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COOKWITHME65 3/18/2011 1:21AM

    Good for you for going to the gym. You are a strong determined woman. Hope you find a new job soon.

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TISHA80 3/18/2011 12:23AM

    emoticon Thanks for the motivation to get off my butt and get my strength exercises done! :)

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ECONLADY 3/17/2011 11:54PM

    You're doing great!

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KAMAPERRY 3/17/2011 11:49PM

    Way to go, I need your drive!

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FRUITYFUL 3/17/2011 10:28PM

    I love the way you're approaching your work situation and how you're handling your stress. Way to go! It's such a healthy way of looking at things and at your boss.

emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/17/2011 9:40PM

    Don't ya just love that new mind set! I celebrate every day like it's my birthday!

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PRIMAVERA_81 3/17/2011 9:18PM

    Go Ashley "its you birthday, we are gonna party like its your birthday" LOL

Nice motivation, especially for me, this week was really tough for me and I really had to get kicked by my boyfriend in the butt to go for my walk earlier and it worked (I worked 18hrs late night), But done and pretty proud.

Comment edited on: 3/17/2011 9:19:28 PM

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ILUVTOTAT 3/17/2011 9:02PM

    Exactly what I did today! I knew exercise would make me feel better, and I worked hard. It helps so much, and it's so worth the kick in the pants I give myself to do it.

Great job!

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CARILOUIE 3/17/2011 8:28PM

    Nice job on getting to the gym!

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PELESJEWEL 3/17/2011 8:19PM

    I wish I no longer ate when I stress out. I'm not there yet, I totally still crave chocolate or chips. Good plan - do your work, but actively look for something new. Cash flow is important, can't jeopardize that.

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MADEMCHE 3/17/2011 8:18PM

    I am so freaking proud of you!!!! Way to go. What an amazing end to a crappy day. You did it bud, you beat it. The crappy boss and the old you that would have just went home and ate. You changed all of that! Wohoo!!! Love you!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/17/2011 8:13PM

    Good for you for being proactive.

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IBSHAUN 3/17/2011 8:11PM

    emoticon Yeah - Glad you took that fork in the road and went to the gym! Sorry to hear that your work situation is so miserable - that's hard but you really sound like you have a good mindset now about it all. Don't be like her - at all! You don't want to become her. You will find a new job and they will appreciate you!

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