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Life is too precious to spend it unhealthy

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Sometimes events in our lives bring perspective. They do not even have to directly concerning us to have a significant impact. To start one of my dear sparkfriend's was told her husband has terminal cancer when he had gone in originally for a backache. She is just 32 years old. I have followed her story wishing there was anything I could to help her, to ease her pain other than offer her my continual support. Then last night my father called to tell me that a close friend of our family since I was a child lost his eldest son to a heart attack. He was just 33 years old and had a small child. We were only 6 months apart in age. The only answer so far they have is that he must have had a congenital defect as he was not a drug user or overweight. Understandably his family is inconsolable. This made me think quite a bit about my own life.
Death is one of those moments that we all face in life and it can change us forever. These 2 men have made me think about how I have squandered the last 14 years in denial about my health. Heart disease is the number one killer of women in the US. NUMBER 1. I always told myself it wouldn't happen to me. That I was different. How foolish of me. To think I was invincible. Life is too short and precious to spend it a prisoner in your home and in your body. It is too short to scare the people that love you on a day to day basis because they fear for your health. It is selfish. To choose food over myself and the people who love me is selfish. I am going to live my life fully for the rest of my life and I urge all of you to do the same. Do not let an addiction control you and rob you of your life. It is done controlling mine.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNERGIRL60 3/16/2011 3:01AM

    You are so right!! I have wasted so much time on not going, not doing, not anything, being embarrassed hiding because....... We all do need to live each day to its fullest and embrace life!! We are all worth it!! Thanks for sharing emoticon emoticon

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FARFROMASAINT 3/15/2011 11:15PM

    emoticon

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JDAVIS1975 3/15/2011 11:03PM

  Well put!

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ELISACHAN 3/15/2011 9:35PM

  Amazing blog. I have gotten complacent in my weight loss journey. This has motivated me to think twice before I eat so mindlessly. emoticon

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IDOOHULA 3/15/2011 3:15PM

    I wrote a blog on 3/4/11 (Life Lesson...I can save my life) about my cousin who passed away from a terminal cancerous brain tumor. She was just 2 years older than me and didn't have a choice to live...I do.

Thank you for sharing. It is good to know others are thinking the same way I am too.

emoticon emoticon

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WEDDLEACE 3/15/2011 1:29PM

    "To choose food over myself and the people who love me is selfish."

Every time I read your blog I'm inspired! Thank you so much :-)

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CUPCAKE_PIRATE 3/15/2011 9:37AM

    Thank you!

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CIVIAV 3/14/2011 11:31PM

    I hate the thought of being called selfish but yes it is true!

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HIPPYMAMA22 3/14/2011 12:40PM

    5 WORDS- Thank you, I needed this!

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ELENA_DIEM 3/14/2011 12:25PM

    Great blog.... I often feel like a prisoner and I have to try every day to remember that I have the key.

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RUTHDEN1 3/13/2011 11:04PM

    Thank you for sharing, great blog. emoticon

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WEEZYB7881 3/13/2011 10:09PM

    me too - I wasted many years. but I have my life back and am claiming every second that's mine. None to be wasted. all to be savored. I intend to dance at my grandchildren's weddings. every single one of them.

go sparklies.

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GRAMMIEOFTWO 3/13/2011 8:48PM

  What an inspiring blog. Thanks

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CHANGINGHORSES 3/13/2011 8:30PM

    Life has a funny way of smacking us in the face sometimes doesn't it?

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KLS777 3/13/2011 8:24PM

    You are so right with this blog and I couldn't agree with you more! We need to love ourselves enough to put our health first and not let addictions to an unhealthy lifestyle control us!
emoticon

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SCECILIA 3/13/2011 7:54PM

    everything you stated is so true--we never think it will happen to us. thanks for sharing.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WANNABTHIN53 3/13/2011 7:45PM

    Very good blog, thank you for sharing.

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COUNTRYCRONE 3/13/2011 4:12PM

    emoticon Thank you for writing my thoughts down so well. I appreciate all you are feeling even in the face of adversity.

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MAE12131 3/13/2011 4:05PM

  Thanks for the wakeup call. Another affirmation, life is to short.

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NELLBELLA26 3/13/2011 2:24PM

    Don't waste the precious time you have here on earth being unhealthy and unhappy. I couldn't agree more. Wonderful blog.

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SLIMTHICK2 3/13/2011 12:24PM

    Great blog and very true that we choose food over our health and those who love us. emoticon

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SUNSHINEGB 3/13/2011 7:24AM

    Thank you for sharing. Yes, it is an eye opener when someone close to us, someone who is young, passes away.
I'm much older than you but I feel that I too have wasted many years of my life by not striving to be healthy!
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FARFROMASAINT 3/12/2011 11:52PM

    emoticon

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MSTINARENEE 3/12/2011 8:02PM

    Thank you so much for sharing. I had a similar experience with my mothers death two years ago, it is the one thing that woke me up and made me WANT to live in a healthy way.

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KLONG8 3/12/2011 5:30PM

    You're talking about the bottom line. Sometimes we need a wake up call. Thanks for sharing this wake up call with all of us.

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NEWMONIQUE 3/12/2011 5:20PM

    Thank you so much for this reminder. We're only here for awhile, let's live well!

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RUNSTRONG128 3/12/2011 2:25PM

    Great perspective - thanks for sharing

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FATOUNA424 3/12/2011 1:32PM

  amazing ! love it damn much ! go on !

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LOPEYP 3/12/2011 1:29PM

    How true. Glad to hear that you are taking control of your life!! emoticon

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RUSSELL_40 3/12/2011 12:28PM

    I thought i was gonna have to worry about my health when I turned 50.. but at 27 I found out I had congestive heart failure.. at 28 .. diabetes.. and at 31 i got my 1st pacemaker.. since then I have lost 99 lbs.. got off the diabetes meds.. but just got my newest pacemaker last year.. heart meds have been cut in half..

Every day you wake up is a gift.. enjoy it.. I see people complaining about how hard their day is.. and all I can think about is its better than not being here

great post

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ANDREALSCOTT 3/12/2011 11:05AM

    Wow, what a GREAT blog! Heart problems run in my husbands family, I think its time we get him to the doctor's. Thank you so much for the reminder that life is too short. I am sorry for yours loss!

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ANELAKANOA 3/12/2011 9:37AM

  I agree completely! Life is too short! Look at just happened in Japan. Those people didn't wake up thinking they were going to die that day. To think of all the people young and old that lost their lives. It really does make you appreciate life more!

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RESORTGIRL1 3/12/2011 8:35AM

    Thank you for sharing. Thinking about you during this hard time... It's always good to take a step back and reevaluate what you want in life and think about what not to take for granted.

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BRINDA01 3/12/2011 8:04AM

  Awesome, you are right

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MYSTICJOHN 3/12/2011 4:27AM

    You are right on in your observation. Sad isn't how it often takes seeing others mess up in order to wake up and live for what really matters most.

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BERTIEGERTIE 3/12/2011 2:38AM

  So true!

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DWILCZKO 3/12/2011 12:31AM

  thanks!

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DIANNEMT 3/11/2011 11:01PM

    I have realized this--now to get my dear husband to realize it too--his dad's death was the jolt I needed--now I fear that my hubby won't be here for the 30 years I want. So--I work out, I serve good meals and keep inviting him to join me. Don't take ANY days for granted.

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LUBAML 3/11/2011 10:04PM

    Sorry for your loss. Life is beautiful. Let us leave it to the fullest. emoticonLuba

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ACURVYLADY 3/11/2011 9:55PM

    This is so true and I was thinking prior to reading this while I was reading a blog about love your body old and new there were alot of things in that blog I do not agree with. Life IS too precious to spend unhealthy and that's just a fact. I have talked to so many obese and slightly obese women that admit they were miserable most if not all the time they were overweight and would never want to go back. My feeling is that you can't just settle because of your past life or even current life you have to always keep up the fight not only for you but for those who see the beauty in you even when you don't. emoticon

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DAWNFIRE72 3/11/2011 9:41PM

    I'm sorry for the loss of your family friend. It is scary to think about death but you have the right attitude in celebrating each day we have been given.

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ANDEENNATE 3/11/2011 7:45PM

    I am sorry for your losses. This is a great thing to keep in mind!

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KERRIJANE123 3/11/2011 7:29PM

    As a recovering alcoholic, I reflect often on 'the lost years' of my addiction and the devesation I've left behind for everyone to in my life to contend with. I'm truly grateful that I can now live a healthy life and never take that for granted. Thanks so much for putting into words how I often feel.

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CKC76701 3/11/2011 7:28PM

    emoticon

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RONALANA 3/11/2011 6:43PM

    It is tough to lose loved ones and tough to come face to face with our own mortality as well! It's a good thing to let these sad feelings become a motivator for living your own life to the fullest! God bless you!

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WADHA1973 3/11/2011 5:59PM

  thanks for this blog

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CHICAT63 3/11/2011 5:10PM

    Very sad for your family friend emoticon, I experienced the same thing as you after my ex-husband passed away suddendly 2 years ago at the age of 43. I said to myself, my girls have only me left so I made the decision I was going to be the healthy.

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VEHAMILTON1 3/11/2011 3:44PM

    emoticon
Sorry for your loss.

We all have at some time taken
the gift of life for granted.

Thank you for the reminder to
appreciate life as the gift that it is.

Love,
Vera
emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/11/2011 3:45:49 PM

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SWTHNY- 3/11/2011 3:19PM

    Sorry for the loss of those dear to you. Your words ring true life can change completely in one moment of time.

Comment edited on: 3/11/2011 3:19:45 PM

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65DAVIS 3/11/2011 2:57PM

    So sorry for your losses - thanks so much for sharing.

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My 5 lb maintenance promise to myself

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Last night I read a status update from a woman who had noticed that a good number of people who were spark motivators had regained a good portion of their weight and were starting over. This was something she couldn't understand how they could let it happen. One of the things about myself that I have been working on is trying to see both sides of an argument before I form an opinion. In the past a comment like that would have sent me flying off the handle in a rage about how dare she be so judgmental etc. I thought a lot about it and I do see her side. Why would you want to regain all the weight you had put in so much effort to lose? I understand how and why it happens. The more you lose the easier it is to get complacent. Burnout happens, life throws you a curve ball or something else of that nature and you stop working out as much, you let a few extra calories slip in here and there. Maybe you return to food rewards to make yourself feel better. It is a slippery slope and one very easy to go down.
As I reflected on my own weight loss and how far I have come and how far I have to go I realized that for me going back to the person I was isn't an option. When my grandmother passed away in November that would have been it for me in the past. I would have eaten my way through the whole thing and not stopped until January. Most likely I would have put on a good chunk of weight with all that binging. During that time I had made myself a promise and it is what I call my 5 lb promise. (This doesn't have to apply only at your goal weight but it can be applied throughout your journey). No matter how bad times get for me in the future I will not let myself regain more than 5 lbs. 5 lbs in a manageable number. 5 lbs can be lost in a month with a good amount of work and effort. 5 lbs is not so damaging to my psyche that I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Yes, it is not a fun number but it is not irreparable damage. I think as long as I keep mindful of those 5 lbs than I will be able to keep myself on track and accountable. It may seem daunting to think about having to worry about your weight for your lifetime but it is a lifetime process. The friends that I have who are naturally thin for the most part tell me that they always watch what they eat and practice portion control. The difference is that it seems to be something that they were always able to do versus people like a lot of us who have a harder time with it and need to be more conscious of it. I know I do not want to go back to the person I was. This morning when my alarm went off I jumped out of bed and headed to the bathroom. When my feet hit the floor it made me smile. I was a person who could barely roll over without a good amount of effort and now I literally hurl myself out of bed with vigor. (Like that word, vigor, I am using my big girl words to day lol). With each day of being healthier it is an amazing feeling. Someone said my theme is freedom and she was right. It is freedom. You can be whomever you want to be, but you have to make the effort to get there and it is possible. So join me in my 5 lb promise. We can all reach and maintain our goals.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAURYE 3/20/2011 8:31AM

    Love this plan, it holds you accountable for your food choices. I am surely going to make this part of my quest to keep from drowning in a sea unwanted calories from emotional eat.

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JULIA1154 3/18/2011 8:18PM

  I'd been thinking along the same lines only for me, because I'm short, it's 2 pounds; five pounds would be a red alert.

I know that if I wait for the change to show up in how my clothes fit the battle is too far along!

I think some of what's required is to shed the mindset that the scale is our enemy. It's not. Rather, it's a tool to help us keep the healthy bodies we've worked so hard to achieve.

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WINFIELD28 3/16/2011 8:50PM

    I really like your 5 Pound Promise.
It will work for those of us trying to lose weight, too.
If I would have had that tool in my toolbox years ago - the 5 pound gain maybe would not have gotten to be 50 pounds.
Thanks!

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CUPCAKE_PIRATE 3/15/2011 9:47AM

    It's easier than you think, especially if there's a health issue. I am one of those motivators that lost 100 lbs, only to gain back almost half of it this past year. It started with a knee injury, then hip issues, and now, even a year later, I'm still dealing with this and it makes everything harder..

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CINDYC9 3/14/2011 6:58PM

    What a great concept and I am going to incorporate that into my journey.
Thank you!

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KITKA82 3/14/2011 2:06PM

    I like this too. I've been down that road before, losing weight only to gain it back. The old cliche "lifestyle change" is annoying but true and vital if you want to keep the weight off. I'll take this pledge and raise you one-- we can never stop challenging ourselves. Whether it's to keep exercising or keep track of your weight (once a month is a reasonable time to weigh in), the reality is that maintaining weight takes just as much (if not more) effort than losing it.

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AVICAT 3/14/2011 11:44AM

  emoticon emoticon Fantastic blog entry. I love this idea, and totally agree with you - 5lbs is way easy to manage. Even for someone like me who has way more than 5 lbs to lose, I'm not going to beat myself up if I gain a few lbs in the process of losing - who knows, those extra lbs may be muscle!

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SPARKGIRL32 3/14/2011 2:32AM

    Great idea!

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GRAMMIEOFTWO 3/13/2011 8:53PM

  I have been wavering around a 2 pound weight gain and I am trying to stay on top of it. I never want to go back to the way I was. I am the only one that can make sure that doesn't happen. With the support of Spark friends I believe I can achieve this. Thanks for your excellent blog. I too get judgmental which isn't right. I wouldn't want anyone to feel that way about me.

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BLUEJAY1961 3/13/2011 11:37AM

  what a great idea

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MUSHROOMSTEW 3/13/2011 10:33AM

    What an awesome idea!!!

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BDENSMORE1 3/12/2011 8:56PM

  I join this 5 lb challenge! Create your team and I'll join too! 5 lbs is doable emoticon

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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 3/12/2011 8:19PM

  I've said this to myself before but never kept the promise. I shall join your challenge......with vigor! :)

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MADDUXCR 3/12/2011 8:07PM

  Great idea---very inspirational. A range is easier to maintain and not beat yourself up for gaining a pound.

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JOANNA202 3/12/2011 4:38PM

    This a fantastic idea. I was actually thinking about making a similar plan for my birthday weekend when I know I'll put weight on but want to keep it manageable. We set goals for everything else to help us achieve something, so why not the (probably) inevitable weight gain in the rough times?

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PAMGYM 3/12/2011 10:41AM

    I love this idea and will take the pledge

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DIANNEMT 3/11/2011 10:59PM

    Well--I'm there--need to lose the 5 pounds. But I will--thank you.

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SHERRILLGRAFF 3/11/2011 10:58PM

    May everything you do from here on out be done with vigor!!!!
YOU ROCK!

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TRISHP1961 3/11/2011 8:37PM

    I agree. You should start a new team. I would definitely join! What a great idea!! You could call it the 5 Pound Promise....

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WADHA1973 3/11/2011 6:00PM

  great idea

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GOLIGHTLY344 3/11/2011 4:39PM

    We all have that fear of ignoring the first 5 pounds that are gained. Glad to be there with you and decide that as I'm on this journey, nothing will stop me. If my weight does go up, I know how to handle it. I'll re-read my SP blogs and do what they say. They, with my journal entries, are the way to take baby steps to weight loss again!
emoticon

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AML05030 3/11/2011 1:59PM

    WOOT! AGREED! I think ranges are more attainable in general. I think It's natural to "fall off the wagon" every once and a while-- so long as we vow to get back on :)

THanks for writing!
~AB

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PURPLELABRADOR 3/11/2011 1:31PM

    This is a great idea, especially for those of us who struggle to maintain which is probably most of us). Thanks for writing.

This could be an idea for a new team.

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LJCANNON 3/11/2011 11:06AM

    I like the idea of a 5 Pound Promise Team. Although I am already trying to figure out how many is "Too Many" Teams, LOL!!

Thanks for posting this. I have stayed within 5 pounds of my Goal Weight since October 2009, but I fear getting obsessed with the scale. It is comforting to know that others have the same Goal that I do.
emoticonI am so sorry about your Grandmother. I will always miss mine, and she passed away almost 6 years ago.

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LESSOFCATHERINE 3/11/2011 9:40AM

  Over five years I lost 92 pounds. Then some trouble began...
I injured my hip October 2009 doing butterfly drills with fins at my Masters Swimming group. I found I had a deteriorating right hip. I continued some exercise i.e. two pilates per week and some walking - I take transit.
Out of that I gained 11 lbs.I continued to track and watch my food intake.
I had hip replacement surgery December 15, 2010 and have gained another 6 lbs. And I continue to track my food. And yes I have had some Pity Parties.
So now I will get back on track! And I will!
Thanks to blogs such as yours. emoticon

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GREENCAT1 3/11/2011 9:05AM

    Love this idea!

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DEESUZ 3/11/2011 7:46AM

    I love this philosophy and will include it in my Warrior Philosophy (you haven't copyrighted it yet, have you?)! Maybe you could start a Spark Team called "The 5 Pound Promise" for those in the maintenance phase to keep us motivated. What a wonderful and inspiring post!

emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/11/2011 7:47:46 AM

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LAURIE-RN 3/11/2011 7:33AM

    Awesome idea! I'm committed to the 5lb promise!

Laurie

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 3/11/2011 6:37AM

    Fabulous blog Ashley! I agree, and I accept. Rock on! :)

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AZURELITE 3/11/2011 6:36AM

    Great advice! Thanks!

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J0ANNAJ 3/11/2011 4:22AM

    Thanks for that - I have just regained 4 lbs and was feeling really low about it despite having gone through some really hard stuff. This reminded me to say - stop and realise that the time is now to do something not next week, next month or next year.

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SPARKY 3/11/2011 2:42AM

  you go girl! emoticon

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MOTIVATED-ME 3/11/2011 1:22AM

    Thanks for this - I've actually put on about 5lbs, and promise will help me get in the right mindset to deal with it

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FERGSGIRL2 3/10/2011 11:52PM

    Thanks for this motivator! "Right now, I am about 5 lbs over my goal that I made last July, and before it gets to be 25 lbs--I am taking charge right now to get the 5 lbs off!!!!!!!!!

I tell myself I have come too far to turn around and head "back" now--thanks for saying it even better than I could say it!

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LORIENABANANA 3/10/2011 11:17PM

    Thank you so much for this post!! I am having some trouble staying on course right now....a 5 lb promise is much more realistic for me than the unrealistic expectation that I will be perfect, although I need to turn my attention to some other areas of my life right now. This was JUST what I needed to hear. I shall pursue my 5 lb promise with VIGOR!!

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RITZIBROWN 3/10/2011 11:11PM

    emoticonGood advice; well put. GREAT blog.

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CIERAPOET 3/10/2011 9:46PM

    Great idea! I know sometimes people fall back into old habits. Im keeping it slow and steady so I will keep it all off. Thanks.

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ERLYWA 3/10/2011 9:21PM

    I LOVE the idea of the 5lb promise! I am joining you in this! :)

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SUSAN09131 3/10/2011 9:14PM

    I agree with your philosophy. Sadly I am one of thosse who did the dieting and got to "the number" but didn't really know what to do with myself once I got there. Sad, I know.

I believe in the book "French Women Don't Get Fat" the concept of the "danger" weight was mentioned - that may not be the exact term, but the concept is the same. It is a weight that once you see it on the scale, you automatically shift to weight loss mode until you are "back to safety." I plan to adopt that once I reach my goal.

Thanks for the blog !
Susan

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BOOSHMAH 3/10/2011 9:09PM

    Really inspiring. I especially appreciate "not a fun number but it is not irreparable damage." I gained my holiday five and it's truly made me "want to curl up in a ball and cry." Which is why I'm back at SP. Thanks for reminding me that with will-power and hard work I can get back to my comfortable weight and continue working toward my goal.

Comment edited on: 3/10/2011 9:10:45 PM

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DESTINY075 3/10/2011 9:03PM

  This was an awesome blog thanks so much for sharing. Being new here this was just the motovation I needed to stay here. Its only been a week for me and I have lost 2 lbs, but seeing how everyone talks about that lull where they don't loose anything and for months at a time was a scary thought to me and I was almost ready to call it quits now before I work so hard to not loose anything or gain what I do loose back. You just showed me that with patience, time, and faith in yourself this can be done! Thank you again!! emoticon

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BOMBCHELL23 3/10/2011 8:58PM

    I must admit you have given me something to seriously think about and I am on board with your 5 lb. promise. I realize life may get in the way but then it's time for me to get in the way of life too. This was inspiring and has really made me think about my journey. Why thank you Ashley!

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DOGSHOETAT 3/10/2011 7:51PM

    What a great idea because you're so right--we all slip up. But if we're mindful of it we're far more likely to stay in control. Thanks for the great blog!

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CAHULLIAN 3/10/2011 6:53PM

    Great blog, Just one question! Do you reward yourself when you re-lose the 5 pounds?

We seem to beat ourselves up a bit when things don't go to plan and then forget to reward ourselves when we get back on track.

I'm sending you a virtual present for being such a great motivator...

Gazz

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BRINDA01 3/10/2011 6:07PM

  Great blog

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KLONG8 3/10/2011 4:56PM

    Gosh, I really liked this. So many of us have lost weight in the past and sworn that they wouldn't ever let it inch back on. But speaking for myself, it's happened to me. I do think this time is "different". This time my weight loss efforts have not been so severe and painful. It's a life process. And if I take your lead and watch with that 5 pound rule...well, that's your safety net (and I love safety nets).

I read once that people who successfully work with weight loss and keep it off weighed maybe once a week while working on taking off the weight but once they hit their goal weight they jumped on the scale every day. They didn't want to ever turn that blind eye to what was happening to their bodies. Your idea ties into that nicely.

Thanks for sharing!

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NURSNANA 3/10/2011 4:53PM

    Great blog!! Thanks for sharing your 5# pound promise! It sounds like a great idea for those who are on the yo yo, up and down merry-go-round! I have lost and regained a ton of weight in my life. I think for me I just get sick and tired of all the work it takes to lose weight and to keep it off. It is not over when you reach goal weight!! You still need to watch what you eat, make healthy choices and exercise. I really like the 5# promise idea! Thanks again for sharing it with all of us!

~hugs~
Nancy
emoticon

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CAZ5346 3/10/2011 3:53PM

    Great blog. Gives me something to think about.

Carol emoticon

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CATHM26 3/10/2011 3:27PM

    Hi, I did the same thing. I went from 163-145 with Spark and then I gained it all back plus some. I think for me it was that I was never overweight and I did it in two months and was like, "ok, that was easy" then I just stopped. It wasn't a lifestyle change is was a "let's see how much weight I can drop by this date". So... now I am more accountable and have people who are sharing in my goals and I'm losing the weight a lot slower. I'm focusing on consistency rather than a mad dash to the finish line. I focus on each week and each two pounds and... this time I will actually have a maintenance range instead of a magical number. (also, more fitness related goals so I have something to work towards after the 'number')

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REDBIRD7933 3/10/2011 3:15PM

  excellent
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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

When portion sizes look...correct!

Monday, March 07, 2011

Saturday was a fun day for us. We went shopping for my fiancés birthday during the day. We both pretty much get the things we need on a day to day basis so for birthday's we just go shopping together and pick out something special. His pick was designer sunglasses. We disagree about designer brands but for his birthday he gets to pick what he wants within reason and I keep my mouth shut. I personally prefer the Target $20 specials so when I break them I don't care but he wanted these specific shades. He sat all day holding them and admiring them so they are worth it. Very cute. He also got some designer jeans on super clearance sale so that made us both happy. I found a pair of shoes for work and a pair for spring that made me happy. The shoe monster has been reborn. Shoes and bags are the only things I don't feel guilty buying because they will still fit as I shrink!

We went and picked up healthy food at a new grocery store. I had been driving back to the one I liked that we used before we moved because it is so affordable but with gas prices rising I decided to check out somewhere much closer. Well, I was pissy the whole time because I hate change and I had to read the label on everything so it was taking way too long. The meat prices were outrageous. I can get organic chicken at my old place for literally half the price of regular chicken at this new one. The veggies were ridiculously overpriced. Organic anything was hard to find. They only had one brand of organic tomatoes in cans for my healthy marinara. Uggh. We decided after all this it was still worth it to drive to our old place. We spent around 90 dollars and it was like 5 little bags. Not good.
I decided to make chicken parm for dinner and I have this great recipe I perfected over the years that you bake. No frying involved and I use whole wheat bread crumbs and no egg dip. Add my healthy sauce and it is a great meal. I am not a pasta or bread person (I know, weird right) and I have probably eaten pasta 3 times since I started Sp. It just isn't worth the calories to me considering the nutritional value. I had tried whole grain pasta before and did not like the texture. I decided to try it again and I knew the portion was going to look really small to me. When I took it out of the box and measured it out I laughed. I thought there was no way I would be full. I banged out the chicken into thin cutlets and baked them in the oven and when everything was ready I was surprised that the piece of chicken looked like enough for 2 people so I took half and the pasta serving looked more than generous to me. I couldn't even finish it!

As I pushed my plate away I was really proud of myself. Proud that I am starting to have a normal perception of portion size. That I am starting to be able to see what I need to eat for my body. I am very guilty of piling up my plate because I overcook and knowing it is too much but not wanting to throw it away. Now that I am cooking normal quantities to begin with I don't have to throw anything away and I am very happy about that. I am proud that feeling stuffed makes me uncomfortable now and that I am able to recognize what full feels like and stop eating. To stop associating food with emotion. I don't need to feel badly for not finishing something. If I cooked the proper amount to begin with there wouldn't be too much. Some days I plan to take the rest for lunch so I do overcook intentionally and I just package it right away and put it in my lunch tote. When I pack my lunch an ounce of cheese looks normal and I don't feel a need to throw in an extra piece. When I put the oatmeal or Kashi cereal in my tuperware I can eyeball it now and I am really close to being on the mark. When we would eat out I would ALWAYS over order and now I know that I can not eat both an appetizer and my dinner so if I want an appetizer I just get a side salad and make it my meal.

As my fiancé and I are talking about kids for the future I admitted to him that it scared me to think that my poor eating habits could have made our kids obese and that was my worst nightmare. I see shows like "Too fat for 15" or "I used to be fat" and it scares me because I would have nobody to blame but myself for doing that to them. I am excited for the future because I know that with the eating plan I have in place now that will not be my future. I get to look forward to family bike trips and camping and all kinds of active days with them instead of being on the sidelines watching.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESS63085 3/26/2011 11:00PM

    Good for you! I am still struggling with portion sizes of certain food, especially pasta. It doesn't ever look like enough. Hopefully my mindset will change with time like yours has! emoticon

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THEQUEENBEE333 3/25/2011 9:16AM

    Great job! I have a food scale to weight my meats I eat and I am pretty dead on when I pick a chunck of ground turkey and stuff now. Also - one trick I learned in a class I took - use tall thin glasses and smaller bowls and plates. It tricks your brain even though you know you are trying to and you feel full w/less because it looks like more on a smaller plate to your brain. It feels good when I am out to eat and I realize I have hit the point I am no longer hungry and stop eating and everyone else eats until they have cleared their plates. You are doing it! GREAT JOB! Keep up the good work!

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SHORTSGIRL 3/24/2011 12:21PM

    I have identified that i do the same thing. I fill my plate because I have overcooked....not wanting to waste. Its funny how making the simple adjustment of cooking normal quantities can help us with our portion control!
Great blog, thanks for sharing. emoticon

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ANNABANANA652 3/23/2011 11:12PM

  funnily enough- since losing 50 pounds (so far) my feet are now a size smaller!!!



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RAINBOWCHOC 3/22/2011 5:12AM

    You have every right to be feeling good. You have learned so much in your journey and will make a great wife and mother when the time comes. Enjoy the new shoes!

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IMSMILEY88 3/15/2011 9:16AM

    You have learned so much. That's wonderful! Thanks for sharing, too.

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GOLIGHTLY344 3/11/2011 4:49PM

    Your blog touched my heart and eyes!
I'm also able to 'eyeball' an ounce or half ounce of cheese, 3 oz portion of chicken, etc. I had the same problem at dinner. I was really hungry and would fill up my plate. Then, I'd realize it was way too much, etc etc.
I've now developed the Trust that the correct portion will satisfy me. This is the true internalization of what SparkPeople offers us.
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GINA180847 3/11/2011 10:22AM

    You sure write well and from the heart. No one can blame me for any of my kids having bad eating habits, even they say that. In those days I was thin and taught them to eat healthily. But their father had some sabotaging ways. If planning a family watch out for a parent who sabotages by sneaking the kids candy, chocolate and soda. I got rid of him but not till a lot of damage was done. It was not me who paid the price but my darling children who developed soda addictions etc.

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NUTS4NUTELLA 3/10/2011 9:57AM

    How are you not a pasta and bread person?!?! That's simply preposterous.
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CTUPTON 3/10/2011 8:57AM

    emoticon

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NANHBH 3/8/2011 5:04PM

    emoticon
Can't wait to see those healthy family camping/biking photos! You have an amazing future ahead of you!

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WMMCCRORY 3/8/2011 11:44AM

    I am right along side you with the parenting issue. DH and I would like to start a family in the next couple years and one of the biggest reasons for my doing what I am doing is so that I can be healthy throughout pregnancy and while raising my children, so that I can teach them healthy habits and constantly be active with them. I thank my parents for enrolling me in sports and teaching me to like fruits and veggies at a young age. After high school, it was my own laziness that put the weight back on.

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KATHLOW 3/8/2011 4:42AM

    I love whole wheat pasta now! I was very suspicious of it before.
Good for you for getting to know your portions.
And btw, your kids would so totally rock.

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TERRYT55 3/8/2011 12:35AM

    Sounds like a great day........I'd like the recipe too. Good job being able to recognize proper portions and pushing your plate away.

Happy birthday to your fiancée too!

You mentioned future kids and guilt if your poor eating habits made them overweight. I spent the day with an acquaintance who has lost over 130 pounds and her two kids yesterday......I was surprised and saddened to see four cartons of Capri Suns in the kitchen. When the kids were thirsty that is the only thing they drank or were offered. They were constantly asking for food and while mom offered fruit the kids held out for the plates full of goldfish crackers and other snacks. One of her kids is well on his way to being overweight and I can see the younger one following. It was a frustrating experience. I'm happy you are already planning to raise your kids with nutritious foods and lots of activity.

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KAMAPERRY 3/7/2011 9:46PM

    Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a recipe?

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MIRACLELOVE77 3/7/2011 7:47PM

    what a victory! :)

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KERSTIN814 3/7/2011 6:42PM

    So happy for you! I am doing a little bit of that. I know how much 6 oz of broccoli is because it fills up this tupperware perfectly. I know in the future I will be where you are. Right now, I measure and weigh and am loving it.

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LADYAMAR33 3/7/2011 6:18PM

    sounds like you had a great day! Its good to hear you have your portion controls down, I still have to weigh/measure everything..great job,wonderful blog emoticon

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HANNAH_CALM 3/7/2011 5:50PM

    Glad you had a great birthday shopping trip with your fiance. Too bad about the local store being so expensive! I should try whole grain pasta as well. I was looking at some at the store, but I didn't pick any up. I should have. Congratulations for learning the right portion sizes for you! I love how efficient you are, leftovers go in the lunch tote! Way cool! And I think you'll be a great mom. =)

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ROCKMAN6797 3/7/2011 5:06PM

    Very nice blog. It sounds like you have truly mastered the art of portion control. It is rather amazing when you learn that if you chew slowly and savor every bite you truly do get full with less!
Thank you for sharing.

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HOPE2011 3/7/2011 5:06PM

    What an eye-opener about the pasta, eh? I hope to be at that point soon.

I am so proud that you know yourself well enough that you know you can't finish the portions you used to have - what an accomplishment! Another wonderful sign of progress!!

Thank you for sharing your journey with us! emoticon

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DUSTYGIRL25 3/7/2011 3:22PM

    Sounds like a fun day and so glad you had a nice time shopping. Great job on getting the portion thing under control. I still measure a lot of my food out, but I am getting much better at eye balling it.
Yah, the grocery store thing is hard. I deal with the same thing with gas getting so high, do I want to drive further to a better store or go close by and save on gas money. What I choose mostly depends on time restraints of that day.

Your doing fantastic, and definitely feeling the rewards!
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JESSIEJUICE 3/7/2011 3:16PM

    Congrats on your powers of portion control! That's something I always struggle with- I think we're so trained now to expect a completely covered plate! I am going to get a food scale to help me out, but I hope you reach your advanced level of eye-balling skill in the near future. Sounds like a lovely birthday for your fiance!

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R0SYJ3WL 3/7/2011 1:53PM

    Kudos on having your portions under control! emoticon I am good with portioning out my snacks during the day, but once dinner rolls around, it's the one meal that I have never measured out. I've decided I need to start though. I have a feeling I am going to be shocked at the outcome. I'm afraid I have been consuming WAY too much at dinnertime. But I am ALWAYS so uncomfortably full after dinner, so I'm looking forward to changing that bad habit! So, wish me good luck. emoticon
I have a fullsize refrigerator AND a separate fullsize freezer (I don't think I would have been able to do as well as I have been without them), so I almost ALWAYS purposely overcook when it comes to dinner. I just portion the leftovers into single serving containers for lunches and dinners throughout the week. It REALLY saves us from grabbing takeout and my husband gets to have a junk-free lunch to take with him for work (besides always having sandwiches, that is). SO thankful for my full-size freezer. emoticon
I was very suprised to discover my husband and I can hardly tell the difference between whole grain pasta and white pasta. Now, at least I know we're getting some kind of nutritional benefits when we have pasta (which we rarely do).
I totally agree with you about your feelings about starting a family. I use to worry ALOT about how we were setting ourselves up for passing along our horrible eating and fitness habits to our kids. I don't want my kids eating junk and laying around watching TV all day. And that use to be a typical weekend for us. SO glad he shares my views. I still have some worries about a few changes we still need to implement before I would be comfortable being examples for our kids to follow. But I must say, we are doing MUCH better than when we started. emoticon Not as good as you are, but you are setting an AMAZING example for me though. emoticon
Have a good day, Ashley! emoticon

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BROOKDOESLIFE 3/7/2011 1:45PM

    You are doing so good. AND I say drive the distance to get the best prices and best food for your lifestyle. It's not worth the stress of going to the other place and not being happy with it.
Look at you with your portion control, that is AWESOME!

You are doing so great, and I'm so proud of you! Keep it up girl!

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DEEDEE1102 3/7/2011 1:37PM

    It sounds like the perfect day! I am happy to know that you really can portion control without the kitchen counter full of the scale, measuring cups and spoons. As you know, that's where I am at. A future like yours sounds great.

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RUNWITHMICHELE 3/7/2011 1:35PM

    Your blog made me smile. Every time I read your blogs they do because it is like something in my own head except written much better! (And I already have the kiddos but still trying to get healthy for them!!)

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ME40ME 3/7/2011 1:34PM

    Good job! You are already endings to being a wonderful mom. It starts with the worries you described. We all want the best for our kids and that's what it takes to be a good parent. Being perfect is NOT part of the requirements.continue to enjoy celebrations. Thanks for sharing.

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SDERCOLE 3/7/2011 1:30PM

    Congrats Ashley. You are doing great and it sounds like you have a great support system in your man. It's great that you are thinking about the effect of what you eat has on your children. My son is 1 and he is eating normal food now. It has been so much fun thinking up and finding healthy kid friendly meals for the whole family. emoticon

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REMEMBER2BME 3/7/2011 1:28PM

    Great job. What a nice positive blog. You are definitely growing. It can be a hard task though. I especially have difficulty knowing what a tablespoon is or a teaspoon of something. Isn't that odd. Well, great job on the cooking and portions AND on top of everything sounds like your man had a great B-day!

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A painful reminder of my past

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Yesterday my fiancé and I decided to do some spring cleaning and batch cooking. I was making my healthy marinara sauce and he came into our kitchen and I could tell by the look on his face that he was upset. Out from behind his back came a pizza box. I had totally forgotten I had hidden it many months ago because I didn't want him to see it.
The thing about our relationship is we do not lie to each other. Ever. I felt like I was going to throw up and I told him the truth. I had lied about it and I hid it because I was embarrassed. Yes it was very old but that isn't an excuse. He looked at me so disappointed and I am in tears right now thinking about that look on his face. That was person I never wanted to be again. That person who lied to hide my addiction. I had forgotten what that felt like and it sucks. I am so not going back there. Ever. At first I was really angry with myself but now I feel like I needed that reminder of the past. As we get thinner it is easy to forget and start slipping back into old habits and that is how regaining happens. Lying, deceiving and disappointing myself and the people that love me is not the person I want to be and I am proud of myself for changing and becoming the person I am now. Sometimes the universe kicks us in the butt and reminds us why we are doing this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN4771 3/14/2011 8:12PM

    i can so relate to this my friend!! i remember the hubby going out of town for hunting, and actually eating an entire lemon cake...then candy bars galore...i think of where i was emotionally during that time, which was not a good place, and realize how far i have come, as you have as well!! keep positive, and know that you will never be that girl again....

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ELENA_DIEM 3/9/2011 2:48PM

    "Sometimes the universe kicks us in the butt and reminds us why we are doing this."

I just love your blogs! You are right, reminders, painful as they may be sometimes, can be USEFUL to us and show us how far we have come.


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EMMANYC 3/9/2011 12:16PM

    One of the reasons you were so upset might be that you're NOT the person anymore who hid that pizza box - so to face it now is a shock. Good for you for dealing with it now with your fiance, who sounds as though he wants what you want - which is what is best for you.

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 3/9/2011 12:03PM

    I used to hide food and food bags/boxes from DH. Now I hide all the new smaller clothes I am constantly buying--LOL!! I count this as a change for the BETTER!

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SM-ARTGIRL 3/9/2011 9:09AM

    OMG! This is a wake up call for me too, I have been pretending that the snacks I sometimes eat in my car, somehow don't count! emoticon
The car is some kind of no calorie zone, that if I eat a delicious high fat something, when I leave the car the event did not happen, no ingestion occurred. Denial.
Thanks Andrea, don't cry, you choose not to hide food now. I can too.

Love what Yogini says too!


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NRLARA 3/9/2011 9:08AM

    Been there - sorry it had to kick you in the butt though. That's just why this journey is so important.

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SINGAGAIN 3/8/2011 2:51PM

    Thanks for sharing this. I applaud your courage in baring your soul. It's such a help and an encouragement. You really are an inspiration!

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PAMATX 3/8/2011 11:24AM

    "As we get thinner it is easy to forget and start slipping back into old habits and that is how regaining happens." I can relate to that, Ashley. I've done some forgetting and slipping lately. Maybe your blog will be my pizza box.

As for you, even though it's painful to think about where you were, what a great feeling to know you're not there any more. You're doing a terrific job leaving those hidden pizza boxes behind you!



Pam
xxoxx emoticon

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WILLIAMV3 3/8/2011 10:15AM

    You've come a long way baby! emoticon

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FLBEACHBUM14 3/7/2011 10:47PM

    Like CRESHA20 said, good for you for renewing your determination when this could have been an excuse for a setback. After being married 42 years to my soulmate, I can say that not lying to each other is probably one of the most important secrets to a lasting relationship (tied with never ever any physical violence and never ever calling names). As you said, seeing the look of hurt on your mate's face is one of the worst experiences. But we are all human, and we all make mistakes and you are a different person now! I hope he understood that it was in the past, and you were weak then and are stronger now. Learning to recognize that we all make mistakes and forgiveness of those mistakes is another secret. Sharing your failings helps you as well as keeping your relationship ... (couldn't think of the right word here, I am having a "senior moment" LOL).

Anyway, you ARE a new person and you ARE doing great working on your new lifestyle and you WILL get to exactly where you want to be! You are worth it!
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KAMAPERRY 3/7/2011 10:11PM

    But you chose different, see how far you have come?

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APIRLRAIN888 3/7/2011 12:40PM

    hey it's still there untouched! so it's a good thing!

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FLUTTERBY_76 3/7/2011 12:34PM

    I have totally been there myself - I totally felt your pain and frustration with yourself as you were sharing this. What a HUGE accomplishment to be able to face this and come clean with your fiance and what a great person he is for loving you enough to confront you about it. Being able to be open and honest with the ones you love is always the hardest part and the fact that he came to you for answers shows how very much he loves you and supports you. Being able to share your life with someone like that is a gift... Congrats to you for your amazing progress and strength to look at this type of situation in the face and show it that YOU are the one in control now of your addictions AND your destiny!

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APMAC_D 3/7/2011 11:48AM

    I have been in a similar situation so I can sympathize. I am glad it worked as a great reminder :)

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SEESTARS 3/7/2011 11:17AM

    You are a strong person to take that as a learning experience and I hope everything worked out OK between the two of you. I'm sure it did since your fiancé sounds so supportive and cares so deeply for you. Many hugs.

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YOGINI18 3/7/2011 10:56AM

    It could also be that the universe was trying to remind you to recognize how far you've travelled from who you were to who you want to be. Finding the box was a way of clearing out the remnants of a person you no longer are and to free you from the past so that you can soar into an amazing future.

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BILLIEK17 3/7/2011 10:40AM

    Reading this made me cry...because I KNOW that whole hiding food boxes/wrapper thing. It’s shameful, embarrassing to be caught (which I have been also) and so where I don’t want to be either! Doesn’t it feel GREAT to feel PROUD of yourself instead of guilty? I’m proud of you too and reading this is helping me with my resolve to not go back to that sad, lonely place either! Thanks for the reminder.

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ANGELOO29 3/7/2011 8:06AM

    Very tough to see and be reminded of. Look how far you've come :)

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REMEMBER2BME 3/7/2011 7:58AM

    Sorry but I have to SHOUT emoticon for you and the changes you have already made. Also a HUGE emoticon for your relationship with your man. It sounds like he cares so very much and is like my man in that he knows how strong you are an wants so much for you to stand up and demonstrate that strength... which you are now.

Tough day, no doubt about it but I see it as a wonderful display of the progress you have made.

YOU GOT THIS.

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CRESHA20 3/7/2011 7:48AM

    I am glad that this was a motivator to continue with accountability. It could have pushed some of us back into those eating habits. Way to see the positive in the situation instead of turning it into a negative, and congrats on how far you've come.

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BTRTHANEVA 3/7/2011 7:08AM

    You owned this, past failures, reminders, the disappointment in yourself. But look at where you are now! It's so encouraging to read that you have grown so much from that time. You were hiding more than just empty pizza boxes back then.

It can be very therapeutic to remember the past when you've come so far. It fuels the fire to the possibilities that still await you. Everyone makes mistakes. Very few people learn from them and grow.

YOU are one of those very few! Now that you're past the past (and hopefully the awful feelings from yesterday) you can concentrate on what joys this moment holds.

Carpe diem!!!

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KATHLOW 3/7/2011 5:13AM

    tough, but a good reminder of how far you've come.

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RAINBOWCHOC 3/7/2011 3:54AM

    hope you will enjoy a pizza together someday soon,


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SARAHNICOLE__17 3/7/2011 2:10AM

    Thank you for sharing. I really love your blogs lately.

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ABB698 3/7/2011 12:53AM

    This was obviously meant to be a teaching lesson and that is exactly what you took from it, which I think is awesome! Your self honesty has made you the person you are today, and that person is AMAZING!! emoticon

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 3/6/2011 11:04PM

    Forgive yourself and just remember you're not that person anymore and keep working towards the person you want to be. emoticon

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ECONLADY 3/6/2011 11:02PM

    That story touched me. It is so easy to hide addiction. I also forget that, and I appreciate you reminding me.

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SPOOKYTHECAT 3/6/2011 10:46PM

    We live in an open floor plan house (more like a shot-gun shack!) but there is a blind spot in the kitchen that you can't see from the living room~ & I caught myself a few months ago "subconsciously" sneaking over there to eat an extra something here & there.
Being conscious, accountable & honest with yourself is a brave thing to do, glad you have a partner who helps you be your best.
It helps a lot to have that love & support!

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LORETTA24 3/6/2011 10:40PM

    emoticon I personally have discovered that I gain the most to better me by the mistakes I make and acknowledge. You strike me as someone who does the same (but much sooner than I). It is the difficult trials that strengthen us. You have some one who loves you and is there to help you be that better you. Keep smiling sunshine. emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 3/6/2011 10:38PM

    Thanks for sharing this. You are so honest. Now you got me thinking if I got anything hidden anywhere????????

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SAVITA99 3/6/2011 10:38PM

    Love the blog as I can relate to your story. Reminders are always good. Helps keeps us on track.

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REJ7777 3/6/2011 10:34PM

    What a reminder of all the progress you've made and the personal growth you've experienced as a person! You just are NOT the same person you were back then.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 3/6/2011 10:27PM

    Lol I shoved it under my dresser in my bedroom. The best part is Alberto never makes me feel bad. He was disappointed and he brought it up but that was that. He doesn't shame me. He challenges me to be the best person I can be.

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LESLIES537 3/6/2011 10:27PM

    Not only are you learning from your past mistakes, but you are growing from them too! AND...you are putting it all out there for us to learn with you! I'm proud of you and your honesty. Good job on owning up and making a promise to yourself to never go back to that again. You, my friend, are amazing!

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MAMADWARF 3/6/2011 10:20PM

    I love that you took that lesson in and reminded yourself who you are NOW. We all snuck-ate. I dont think my husband ever really knew how much I ate and how when he would go in the shower at night, I would go eat something or drive to the "store" after dinner to get something and eat a candy bar on the way home.

That is not who we are now. That is what matters. (where did you hide a pizza box by the way??Those are pretty big! lol).

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 3/6/2011 10:13PM

    Although it was a painful reminder, you should still be proud of how far you've come in your journey!

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NETTIEDEE 3/6/2011 10:03PM

    emoticon

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IBSHAUN 3/6/2011 10:00PM

    Your blog is (usually are) so raw and direct. So sorry that your reminder and "kick in the butt" had to be so painful for you. You don't have to EVER go back but I also believe that our life experiences make us who we are. Your memories of "back then" and your learning and accomplishments to get you to where you are now -- are part of who you are. Sometimes it helps to keep those things in front of us as we keep walking the other way if that makes any sense. Honesty is so important - even with ourselves.

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HANNAH_CALM 3/6/2011 9:15PM

    I'm sorry that happened, because it sounds pretty upsetting. But just keep in mind all of your accomplishments, you're doing a great job! Not just with the food and exercise, but in your relationship too. So remind him of that too, everything has changed!

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NEWJEWELS4LIFE 3/6/2011 8:14PM

    Great blog!! Thank you, it reminds me that I need to start being honest with everyone around me and myself. Friday I found a tootsie roll bank that my kids forgot they had from Christmas. I devoured the entire thing in one sitting & tossed the evidence deep in the garbage. I don't know why I felt the need to hide it, but I did. Keep up the great work!

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TADTURC 3/6/2011 8:07PM

    So glad you're able to be honest with us as well. Its in these blogs that I can relate to certain things/situations that I may not otherwise look at. Thank you once again for being who you are.

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TRACEEAST 3/6/2011 8:04PM

    Thank you for being so open and honest. It's awesome how you can open up to us, and even more awesome to be totally honest with your fiance. ALSO, awesome for him to bring it up to you and keep you accountable. My hubby would've probably just ignored it. Heck he probably would've asked where HIS was!

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DYA177 3/6/2011 7:55PM

    In our journey, we all need reminders of our past so as not to go back. EVER. I applaud you and your honesty.

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AMOHAME2 3/6/2011 7:50PM

    I think it's wonderful that you have so much honesty in your relationship. Having that type of relationship with your fiance, and eventually your husband, will help so much in keeping you on track so you never go back to your old ways again!!

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RUN2BEFREE 3/6/2011 7:50PM

    Congrats on being honest with yourself and your fiance about your pizza box and your addiction issues. You had the courage to face up to this in an honest way - not everyone will or can do that.

You got this!

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STLSUE01 3/6/2011 7:25PM

  The relationship each of us has with Food is stronger and potentially more debilitating than the relationships we have with family, lovers or friends; we can choose not to see toxic people, but we can't do away with food.

Honesty and courage are lifelong partners: To have one, you must have the other, and now this is over and done with -- have a ceremonial burning of the pizza box, and move forward.

Thanks for having the strength to share this with us.



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RONIREDD 3/6/2011 7:14PM

    I like that you made a negative into a positive! We can all use reminders!

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KIMBERLEY60 3/6/2011 7:11PM

    It's in the past and there is no reason for you to dwell on it. The best thing to do is live every day in a mindful way of who you want to be and what steps you take each day to create that person. You are doing really great. Be kind to yourself. emoticon

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 3/6/2011 7:03PM

    ironic that it occurred right after the honesty award winning post, eh? dern universe... sux.. seriously though.. my (now ex) husband found a stash of oreos that I had completely forgotten about.. and it was a similar experience.. shame.. the good news is NO MORE.. i like living in the light.. and your light shines bright sister!
Annie

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MADEMCHE 3/6/2011 7:01PM

    I am so happy for you and Alberto and how honest you are with each other! And how that honesty keeps you both accountable. I totally have done the hide the evidence thing, but I agree with you it is the honesty that keeps me accountable and knowing that he is there supporting you and cheering for me motivates me to do better. I am so very proud of you for realizing that the person before is not someone whom you will ever be again. You are newer and healthier every day. Heck you were just id'd the other day! It is so good to be reminded how far you have come, and why you will never go back there. Love you!!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Be honest with yourself

Friday, March 04, 2011

I think one of the hardest things about losing weight is admitting your own part in it. It is easy to blame the universe, advertisers, fast food companies, past trauma, addiction, etc. Then there has to be no blame, no pain, no personal growth. To come on SP and claim you don't know why you aren't losing and then post about how you bake every single day at home, well that is a lie. To look at my 345 pound self and say "Ashley you absolutely know why you got this way" was my big aha moment. It is a choice. Every single day what you put in your body is a choice.
I eat clean because it works for me. Yes, I know it isn't for everyone and there are times that I am exhausted and think it would be easier to just buy a meal I could heat up from the store but in my heart I know that isn't what makes me happy. If I have to eat things that to me are low quality and don't taste good for the sake of convenience I know I will not stick with it. I was never a person that hated veggies or truly didn't understand what I was eating was bad for me. I think anyone can admit that deep down they know why they got overweight. It is exceptionally painful to pull back the layers of protection and admit that it is your own self destructive behavior that got you there.
I am not a trusting person and to come on a public site and admit that I used to eat a half of a cake for dinner every night is frankly pretty terrifying but if I do not admit it to myself and to other people how I got to my darkest time than I will never be able to overcome it. All of us have within us the power to change the difference is when you are truly honest and you stop the false promises to yourself and the people around you. The desire to change has to come from this place deep inside that you have hidden for so long you have almost suffocated it. Is it overwhelming? Um yeah! Of course it is. Is it scary? Of course it is. The thing is you have to decide that being uncomfortable is worth giving yourself your life back. Period. The freedom I have now that I am just less than a pound from my halfway point is INDESCRIBABLE. I was a prisoner for so long. I would look at photos and dream of a life that I could participate in. The truth was I was the one all along keeping myself the prisoner. It was nobodies fault but my own and when I admitted that I was able to break free. Now maybe you are reading this and saying "Oh well I can never do that" or maybe what I am saying is making you angry and if so that means that you know what I am saying is honest. You have the power to change and I don't have any secret that you don't have. Now, go out and do this. Make it happen and if you need support I am here for you because I have been there and I will never forget how hard it was to get where I am now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KSINCC 3/17/2011 5:00PM

    wow.

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VIRGO_QUEEN 3/12/2011 8:34PM

    Love this blog! I can totally relate. It hasn't been easy, but i know I need to change. Thanks for posting this!

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BPYOUNG641 3/11/2011 1:58PM

    Thank you for sharing. I am super new to this and have a long way to go! I can really relate to what you are saying. emoticon

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LULU3561 3/10/2011 6:57PM

    Great Blog - I know exactly what you are saying hits home. emoticon

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LAIUSKY85 3/10/2011 11:51AM

    Great blog and great input!

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THEIS58 3/10/2011 4:33AM

    emoticon

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LUBAML 3/9/2011 10:50PM

    great blog! Love reading your blogs! Thanks for sharing! emoticonLuba

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BDENSMORE1 3/9/2011 12:25AM

  AMEN! Thanks and keep it up

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ANISSE 3/8/2011 11:20PM

  emoticon

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CHOICEZ 3/8/2011 9:51PM

    Oh my goodness this is so true thanks so much for sharing

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SALSOOL1 3/8/2011 9:40PM

    thank you, I 've been feeling bad all day because of my lack of progress, and your blog helped..best wishes

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SHORTLY 3/8/2011 3:17PM

    Easier said then done. Wish I could, know I should, what if I would?

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BARBSIDDIQUI 3/8/2011 2:20PM

    Thank you, Ashley, especially for that, "I don't have any secret that you don't have." I'm going to carry that one with me for a long, long time. Thanks for your honest posting.

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CLAIREINPARIS 3/8/2011 1:37PM

    So true... thank you. emoticon

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HEALTHRAY1 3/8/2011 12:58PM

  this is soooo true and i'm glad i read it today (i'm having a horrible day) and just want to eat everything in site....because of this blog i won't......THANK YOU!!!!!! emoticon

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PAMLUVCHILE 3/8/2011 12:58PM

    Very inspirational emoticon

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BAILEYAN 3/8/2011 9:28AM

    This is so true. It's so easy to make excuses and place the blame anywhere but with ourselves. Great blog!

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WEDDLEACE 3/8/2011 9:20AM

    "pull back the layers of protection and admit that it is your own self destructive behavior that got you there."

"I was a prisoner for so long. I would look at photos and dream of a life that I could participate in. The truth was I was the one all along keeping myself the prisoner."

Wow, Ashley! Really powerful statements. Thank you so much for your courage. When I read this blog, it was like I had written it. Thanks for being a great support and a great inspiration to the SP community. Keep it up!

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SKINNY_LOLA 3/8/2011 7:43AM

    thank you, you´re talking about me, thank you very much

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JACKIEOA 3/7/2011 11:48PM

  Thanks. This appeared just in time for me. emoticon emoticon

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EMERY121 3/7/2011 10:28PM

  Thanks for the great blog, reading it made me realize that the one thing I haven't done is be honest with myself. Thanks for sharing, it gave me an aha moment. emoticon emoticon

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ANISSE 3/7/2011 7:26PM

  It's hard to truly look in the mirror. emoticon

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TERESA102371 3/7/2011 7:06PM

  Wow, your blog really hit home. Thanks!

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DOGSHOETAT 3/7/2011 6:10PM

    So true! It's amazing how powerful a little bit of honesty can be.

Congratulations on being so close to your halfway point!

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CRJA30 3/7/2011 4:59PM

    This really hit hard. I will blog about it myself.
Thanks for the post.

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RAINEYONE9 3/7/2011 3:54PM

    Agee 100%! Well said. I have come to realize the truth in how easy it is to make excuses and get caught up in all of the conveniences life has to offer. I have had alot of health issues in the last five years and added weight. Things are changing in my house which includes a husband, a soon to be 16 year old daughter and a 13 year old daughter. It is harder for them since I quit buying convenience foods and processed foods. I love cooking and what I decide, my family has to roll with it. The hardest part for them is not having things they can just grab and eat. They are learning to go for the fresh fruits and veggies and meals are made from scratch and healthier too. emoticon

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JORDANADDO 3/7/2011 3:51PM

    So very true!

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FITBARB2 3/7/2011 2:22PM

    Thanks for such a great post!!!

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ROBYNHUNTER 3/7/2011 2:11PM

  I really enjoyed your post. I am trying to eat intentionally and not mindlessly and to make sure that the foods I eat are whole foods where ever possible. Good kpb

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DRADISCH 3/7/2011 1:29PM

    Thank you for the kick in the backside & giving me the reality shock I needed to face. You are truly an inspiration.
Heart Hugs
Donna

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SALSA_DIVA_44 3/7/2011 12:39PM

    Just had a similar convo with myself. We all have to come to grips with the things that have made us unhappy, and knowing what they are is always the first step. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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MJ7DM33 3/7/2011 12:26PM

  Thanks for your truth and honesty and your inspiration.

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NRLARA 3/7/2011 12:19PM

    :) You write so well. I love reading your blogs - they resinate with me. Thank you for writing

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NEWJEWELS4LIFE 3/7/2011 11:47AM

    Amazing blog! You hit the nail on the head. I need to be honest with myself that I am the one hindering my own efforts. Nobody else is in charge of what I put in my body. I haven't been putting in the effort I once was and that is why I am stuck in the 190s. I guess I'm really not stuck since I haven't tried hard enough to get out of them. I am keeping myself in the 190s and it's time to get myself out. I need to take total control and do this for me. Thank you. emoticon

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KANDKFAM1 3/7/2011 11:41AM

    Thank-you for your truth, honesty, and enlightenment. All of us here benefit from your presence and sharing.

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FMCDANIEL 3/7/2011 11:38AM

  Great post. This is why I like spearkpeople you get posts, blogs, and articles that keep you aware and mindful of what you do.And at the end of the day the scale will tell if you are honest.This really struck a cord with me as I reverted back to eating pizzas this weekend by myself but I have to be honest with how I got to where I was and to make changes not to stay here at this weight. That's for this inspirational message for me to be honest and to continue on my journey.

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OHBEJOYOUS 3/7/2011 11:38AM

    Fantastic! The reality of eating clean is so GOOD! Keep on keeping on, Girl!

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RUNNER419 3/7/2011 11:35AM

    emoticon

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ANOUK62 3/7/2011 11:31AM

  Thank you Ashley... I just loved your Post :) I'm new here but your words are truly inspiring and do describe what I feel inside. Well done for your weight loss - keep it up !! emoticon

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JPRICE217 3/7/2011 10:00AM

    What you said is so true It is so easy to blam for our weight. Thank you for the aha moment

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NUTS4NUTELLA 3/7/2011 9:30AM

    Ashley, you are truly an amazing person. You inspire me so much! I love following you on your journey and reading your blogs. Thanks for being you.
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PURSUITOFJOY 3/7/2011 8:35AM

    One of the big reasons why I write super confessional blogs is because it scares me and it is uncomfortable. It keeps me accountable to myself. It's easy to post about everything you're doing right and then complain about not losing weight. But why are you gaining weight? There's not a drop of honesty in how you are presenting yourself to the world and,more importantly, how you are talking to yourself!

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MRE1956 3/7/2011 8:32AM

    Spot on!

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BECCAM3 3/7/2011 12:20AM

    Thank you

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FAITH2BWELL 3/6/2011 11:42PM

    You know what, you are so right, As I read your blog I could only say true true, I think we allowed ourselves to blame so many thing and come up with so many reasons why we just can't do what we need to do to get healthy/loose weight. Yes I for one know how I got here,Now I'm determined to change all of the reasoning,ect..... I'm just going to do what I need to do. Thank you so much for this blogg.

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RDY2GETMOVN 3/6/2011 9:59PM

  I just joined SP and you have hit the nail on the head. This blog has literally brought me to tears because it describes how i have been living my life. You have truly inspired me. Congratulations on your weight loss!


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MSRIRINALLE 3/6/2011 9:56PM

    You hit it right on the nose!

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SWINKIE57 3/6/2011 9:22PM

    Very well said!

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ZENSTEPH 3/6/2011 9:11PM

    Awesome, awesome, awesome

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DANISTET 3/6/2011 8:31PM

  so true, Good job on being so brutally honest. I love that about this site. I have such struggles with the daily food sea saw and it's nice to know i'm not alone

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