Friday, March 04, 2011
I think one of the hardest things about losing weight is admitting your own part in it. It is easy to blame the universe, advertisers, fast food companies, past trauma, addiction, etc. Then there has to be no blame, no pain, no personal growth. To come on SP and claim you don't know why you aren't losing and then post about how you bake every single day at home, well that is a lie. To look at my 345 pound self and say "Ashley you absolutely know why you got this way" was my big aha moment. It is a choice. Every single day what you put in your body is a choice.
I eat clean because it works for me. Yes, I know it isn't for everyone and there are times that I am exhausted and think it would be easier to just buy a meal I could heat up from the store but in my heart I know that isn't what makes me happy. If I have to eat things that to me are low quality and don't taste good for the sake of convenience I know I will not stick with it. I was never a person that hated veggies or truly didn't understand what I was eating was bad for me. I think anyone can admit that deep down they know why they got overweight. It is exceptionally painful to pull back the layers of protection and admit that it is your own self destructive behavior that got you there.
I am not a trusting person and to come on a public site and admit that I used to eat a half of a cake for dinner every night is frankly pretty terrifying but if I do not admit it to myself and to other people how I got to my darkest time than I will never be able to overcome it. All of us have within us the power to change the difference is when you are truly honest and you stop the false promises to yourself and the people around you. The desire to change has to come from this place deep inside that you have hidden for so long you have almost suffocated it. Is it overwhelming? Um yeah! Of course it is. Is it scary? Of course it is. The thing is you have to decide that being uncomfortable is worth giving yourself your life back. Period. The freedom I have now that I am just less than a pound from my halfway point is INDESCRIBABLE. I was a prisoner for so long. I would look at photos and dream of a life that I could participate in. The truth was I was the one all along keeping myself the prisoner. It was nobodies fault but my own and when I admitted that I was able to break free. Now maybe you are reading this and saying "Oh well I can never do that" or maybe what I am saying is making you angry and if so that means that you know what I am saying is honest. You have the power to change and I don't have any secret that you don't have. Now, go out and do this. Make it happen and if you need support I am here for you because I have been there and I will never forget how hard it was to get where I am now.